Monday, 31 December 2007

Happy New Year 2008



HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY FRIENDS


FOR 2008


LETS HOPE IT'S A GOOD YEAR FOR ALL OF US


I'M NOT ASKING MUCH FOR MYSELF JUST ONE OF THESE




TO GIVE ME LOTS OF THIS AND THESE





TO PUT THESE ON MY FACE




WHAT ARE ALL OF YOU WISHING FOR IN 2008 ?


Shower

Finally the bathroom is free

I’m having MY shower now if that is ok with everyone!

No answer

Mmmm the room is quickly full of hot steam as the water cascades into the bath, I still have not got used to the sound this new shower head makes. It’s more of a heavy dripping of water compared to the finer spray of the previous one that finally gave up the ghost a week ago.

Stepping into the stream of hot water, closing my eyes as the rivulets course over my head and down over my body. I love the refreshing feeling of a hot shower to start my day. Shampoo massaged into my hair, suds creeping over my wet flesh I lean against the cold ceramic tiles. It has been ages since I had the time to take such a leisurely shower as this. The contrast of the cold tiles against my skin and the hot water make my body quiver with excitement.

But what is this? A soft finger presses against my lips, entreating me to stay silent. I know who this is. We have shared so many showers in the last few days. I feel the tender caress of your fingers as they trace the lines of my ample curves, searching each crevice. I feel my own wetness mingle with the water as my excitement increases with each tender touch. In my minds eye I see all those showers, first the wild water, next the milk shower that is so good for your body, the beer shower that is very erm …. Fragrant! I have yet to try the hot Jacuzzi and several others.

Damn that face book it really is taking over!!

I open my eyes and you are gone

Was it my imagination or were you really here with me?

Naughty Lady

Oh dear I have been a bad Lady
I have been neglecting my blog
Is it because I have been playing happy families ........... No not really
Is it because I have been busy with my love life..............No although Oxo rang me last night
It is because I have become addicted
I have found something that has taken me by suprise and taken me over
Oh I did write a post on here on friday but ET decided that he was going to use the computer and logged me off while I was getting a drink
I have not been completely out of communication in the last week
I have chatted to several bloggers by text or msn
I have also chatted to Harvey, Fireman Sam and Oxo not forgetting Neptune
but what has taken me over
Facebook!!
I got sucked into it a few months ago just dipping in every now and again not really figuring it out
But over the last few days I got chatting to some guys on an application called Flirty
yes I was doing what I know how to do flirting
One guy (Hector) has chatted so much that on friday night we chatted and chatted until at 4.30am I figured there was no point in going to bed
we were still chatting at 9.45am when I had to go out
But we didn't chat again until sunday because I was so tired the rest of saturday that I was sleeping until I started being sick (same bug my baby had xmas day and OJ on friday)
today sunday it has taken me all day to catch up with all the invites I have been gettig from my new friends.
So I apologise for neglecting my friends on here but I have been having fun

Wednesday, 26 December 2007

A good Christmas




I hope all my friends had a good Christmas

I think ours was the best I have had for a long time, until late afternoon when my baby became ill. He slept in my bed so we didn't get much sleep until about 5am so I am shattered now but otherwise it was good.

Mum came over at about 9.30 just as I was making bacon rolls for breakfast. Unbelievably the boys were late up. I let them open a couple of presents. First they all got the phones I had given them. (that was a really good deal I got last week, went in to buy one phone and came out with 5 new phones total cost £80).

Then mum and I went to see grandad in the nursing home to give him his presents. It was very busy there with all the families visiting. He was very pleased with his presents especially his new watch with the big numbers so he can see the time now. Whilst we were there DC went to see his g/f and give her and her family presents.

Back home I cooked the dinner (first time I have cooked Chrstmas dinner entirely on my own) the only disaster was that I mistimed the stuffing which resembled charcoal........well they wouldn't believe I had cooked if there was no charcoal involved! While the dinner was cooking we opened the rest of the presents. amongst my gifts I received a limited edition glass necklace from Venice (mother) perfume x2 (DC & ET) new HD dvd player (mother) only prblem is that I don't have an HD ready TV. Thats something to save up for now!

In the afternoon after the delicious dinner (they all ate it and said it was good) we watched Casino Royale I fell asleep (I only had a few hours sleep the night before), but the bits I did watch I found quite disturbing. I hadn't seen it before and Craig Daniel is a new face to me even though I know the name from all the hype. But as I watched my mind kept playing tricks on me. Instead of watching Daniel Craig as James Bond in my mind I was watching Swinger as James Bond.

The rest of my evening and night was punctuated with 'mum I'm gonna be ****'.

Monday, 24 December 2007

bit of peace

I have not written a fantasy for a while but tonight I felt impelled to do so partly inspired by Pixie and her stories.



Fiona stood at the bar, her trainers slipped slightly and the hems of her black jeans dragged in the mud.

One tea and a hot dog with onions please

She was taking a break from the manic masses that were everywhere. Her Christmas shopping was done. The presents for her children were wrapped and the food bought. Now all she needed to do was get the house straight. She had let things go for ages now and the kids did nothing to help. School books still lay on the table amongst the clean laundry that she had neatly folded, but was now a muddle of garments tumbling onto the floor. Fiona had come up here to get a breath of fresh air and take in her favourite view.

Make that two hot dogs, one tea and one coffee please mate

Said a voice from behind her right shoulder. As she turned to look at the owner of the voice she found herself looking at a man she had never seen before. He wore an orange rain jacket and jeans with walking boots. His face was kind, his eyes a soft green that twinkled at her as he smiled.

As Fiona opened her mouth to protest this man held his finger to his lips to indicate that she shouldn’t say anything.

‘I came up here to get away from the Christmas Eve crowds, I take it you are doing the same. Please accept these as a Christmas gift from one stranger to another to celebrate the peace we have both found.’

His smile as he spoke captivated Fiona, she was speechless, nothing like this happens to her. It’s the sort of thing you might read about in those soppy novels by the likes of Barbara Cartland. Nora Luft’s her ex husband had always called them.

The steaming mugs sat on the bar now as the man inside the van placed the two hot dogs on to the stainless steel holder where they could sit whilst sauce was added. That was a good idea meant you still had both hands free. Fiona picked up her hot dog complete with brown sauce and her mug of steaming tea she turned to the stranger to thank him and began walking towards her car. The man followed her to her car.

‘I come up here fairly often when I can. I love looking out over the city picking out the land marks then looking out over the harbour counting the ships.’

Smiling Fiona looks up into his face.

‘Yes I do that too……sometimes in the day like this but also at night when the city is all lit up. I like trying to pick out the places I know. It’s getting cold now; I am going to get into my car, thank you for these.’

‘No worries, it was a pleasure to put a smile on a beautiful face, why don’t you come sit in my car we can show each other the places we know’.

Seeing Fiona looking around puzzled.
‘Sorry my name’s Ben, my car is over there the other side of the white van.’

‘Hi Ben, Fiona, do you do this often? Buy drinks for stranger women and invite them into your car?’

‘Actually no, I am quite shy, but it must be something about the day and seeing you there alone, you looked so much at peace with yourself. You are very sexy did you know that?’

‘Thank you Ben.’

‘No thank you for allowing me to chat with you. Look I can see you are getting colder as you are shivering now, please come to my car with me, I promise I won’t abduct you. I will even give you my car keys to hold if that makes you feel safer’

The two people, complete strangers just a few short minutes ago, walked towards his blue Mondeo. Once inside with their mugs resting on the shelf making circular patches of steam develop on the windscreen. Fiona and Ben continue chatting about the view, and their reasons for being there on this damp Christmas Eve.

‘Everything is so hectic at this time of year it’s nice to just spend a little while away from the crowds.’

‘I hate crowds, I love getting out into the countryside on my bike, but on days like this there are so many things that need to be done to make sure that tomorrow is as good as possible, but I still need to get a little bit of peace so that I can face the rest of it. Here let me take that for you, oh don’t you have small delicate hands, may I?’

Ben takes hold of Fiona’s hand and turning it palm up he lightly kisses her fingertips. Fiona giggles, she looks into Ben’s eyes for a fraction longer than she needs to, their eyes lock as he leans across and plants a kiss on her cheek. As he draws back their eyes meet again before he leans in for a kiss on Fiona’s waiting lips.

‘ Mmmm you taste nice can I kiss you again?’

Fiona puts her hands on his shoulders drawing Ben towards her as they lose themselves in their kiss. Hands stroking and rubbing each other as their desire for each other builds rapidly now. Ben slips a hand between Fiona’s legs which she parts slightly without even thinking about what she is doing. All she knows and cares about in this moment is that this lovely man is kissing her and she doesn’t want him to stop. Taking her hands off his shoulders Fiona places her left hand on Ben’s thigh whilst her right hand delves inside his jacket and under his sweater. She only knows that it is almost Christmas. She has been dreading a lonely Christmas with no kisses under the mistletoe for her this year and here she was in the arms of this kind sexy man.

As his hand inches up between her thighs Fiona begins to squirm about in her seat, trying to make it easier for Ben to find the place she wants him to find. She knows that once his fingers reach the top of her thighs he will notice how wet she has become, surely some of her wetness has seeped through the material of her jeans. She feels the little tugs in her clitoris as their kisses become more urgent. Half pulling away Fiona fumbles with the button fly on her jeans, she takes hold of Ben’s hand guiding him into her jeans so that his fingers just nudge her engorged button.

Fiona almost jumps off the seat as her body convulses with the shock as his fingers find just the right place to trigger an immediate orgasm.

‘Fuck! Oh god! Fuck! fuck! Don’t stop, hey please don’t ……..that felt so good, I don’t remember the last time I felt that good.’

Fiona can’t believe how quickly Ben brought her to orgasm then withdrew his fingers, but she relaxed when she saw him place his fingers against his lips drawing one finger between his lips, his left hand drawing her head back close to his, he slips the other wet finger between her lips so that they are both tasting her juice simultaneously.

Fiona kisses Ben whilst his fingers are still in both their mouths, her own fingers busy working on his belt and zip, she wants his cock released from the confines of his jeans. Ben tilts his seat back a little as Fiona lowers her head, she can already see the pre cum glistening an the head of his stiff waiting penis. It seems to be calling to her. Fiona can taste the sweet stickiness before her tongue makes contact with his rock hard shaft. Now they are both moaning as she draws his length slowly into her mouth.
She feels the swelling increase as his sperm begins to spurt into her hot mouth.

‘sorry’

‘what are you sorry for?’

‘I came so quickly, it’s been a while since I last had my cock in a woman’ mouth, it was just too much for me to contain myself, sorry.’

‘no need to be sorry’

‘Any way I must apologise as you didn’t come here for this, I should never have kissed you.’

‘yes you should, I know I came here for a bit of peace, well I got a piece of you and that was an unexpected bonus. I expected to spend Christmas without a kiss. Now I have been kissed by you.’

Fiona smiles wickedly at Ben as he blushes

‘There must be a fairy Godmother after all.’

Fiona clambers out of the car adjusting her jeans and strides back to her own car, switches on the engine and drives away to join her family with the Christmas preparations.

Saturday, 22 December 2007

Dilemma and decisions

After weeks of not being able to get online I now find that I have so much to say that I don't know where to start.

I really should tell you what happened with Skipper. This you can read about here. It also tells most of the story about Harvey. Harvey was an unexpected diversion that lasted a few days only.

Yesterday I arrived home from work to find that the house was empty. DC was in London with his G/F. ET was in the city with his mates whilst JA and OJ had gone into town with their dad. (He had promised them lunch, what they got was cheesy chips at one of the town centre pubs). Anyway I took the opportunity to go online. I noticed that a man I had not chatted to for a while was online. I sent him a xmas wish, not really expecting a response. But to my surprise he started chatting, we had met in summer 2006 but only chatted a few times since. To my surprise he has not forgotten much about our encounter. By the end of the conversation we had agreed to meet up next friday morning. I am in two minds about this, yes it would be nice to see him again he was lovely. but he is married! I am not sure that I want to go down that road again. He has said he will IM me in the next few days, I am half hoping that he doesn't, but he is gorgeous.

I was surprised this morning to get a text out of the blue from Sammy. He had gone very quiet for a while. He apologised for not being in touch saying that he has been very busy.A few days ago I mentioned that out of boredom I had joined a text talk line, I have not got around to cancelling it so every now and then I get a cluster of text messages from different men. At the start of the week I got a message from Dave, his message included his mobile number. I was at work at the time but did reply in the early evening from my reserve phone (not sure why I used that phone). He didn't reply, but later I got a text from an unknown number.

Who is that?

more to the point who is this? very few people have this number

mate in the pub gave me the number and told me to text it

who is your mate?

hes not a mate just a man I know in the pub. He calls himself Larry.

Ok what town/city are you in?

to cut a long story short the man who had text me originally had given my number to this guy who I call LOL because he was bored. We have continued to text each other for the last 4 evenings.

Some of you might remember back in the spring when I wrote this well now I am having a similar problem. Why do there have to be so many married men amongst my friends?

Friday, 21 December 2007

work

Just a little something I threw together for the guys at work

For more than ten years I have considered her to be my friend

Now I am not so sure

What is she doing to me?

First she calls me and tells me she needs me to work for her

What she didn’t tell me until it was too late

I would be working with these two

On my first day he shows me what to do

Now he throws work at me to do

On my first day hardly a word he uttered

Now he tells me that

My arrival has corrupted him

Can he please have more

On my first day she was not there

She is a presence that cannot be missed

To her birthday bash I got an invite

Making a fool of myself getting pissed

Then there are the women in accounts

Most every day I hear

The same words spoken in my ear

I am ready for invoicing when you are clear

My orders are to pass over

Any order that is on credit stop

She will check it

And pass back on the hop

I cannot easily see her

From where I sit

But I am always glad

When she offers a cup of hot tea

Now things are changing and like a fool

I have allowed myself to become

Part of the furniture.

You realise that here is where I shall stay

After months of observation

I decided to take the plunge

I have signed the contract

It is all agreed

No more part time hours

I shall have to learn

Early to bed

Early to rise

It has been good for me

No longer spending days alone

Joining in conversations

Showing my knowledge

Laughing at their idiocies

Being laughed at too

Realising I am worth more

Than I had achieved

My confidence has grown

So very much

For the first time

I know who I am

But now I know too

The real reason

She wanted me there

So she can ask me to feed her cat!!

Wednesday, 19 December 2007

one I made earlier but wasn't sure if I would publish

It’s 8.30am on Wednesday 12/12/07 and I have two days off work. I am feeling good about things. I can hear the workmen outside digging up the footpath. It looks awful out there but I don’t mind because I know it won’t stay like that. I am hoping that I shall hear from BT today to arrange for them to install the new telephone line. It would be good if they could do that either today or tomorrow while I am at home. Then hopefully I can get back online. I have managed to sneak a look at my blog and a couple of others in the last few days. Work has finally begun to slow down a bit in the run up to xmas and the Boss has been away on business for a couple of days. So I have seen the messages you have all been leaving for me. Most of them I did access from my mobile but there were a few I hadn’t seen. I did giggle at most of them and it didn’t take me more than a few messages before I realised what Vi had done. Thanx for that Vi I hope you are enjoying your trip home.

I can’t spend too long writing this as I have to tidy my bedroom. I have a visitor coming this morning. Ha ha that got you thinking. JJ is coming round to see if he can fix my ‘infamous window’ as he referred to it last night. I know he is hoping for more than a coffee as thanx but we will have to see. It seems an absolute age since we met back in April/May. I don’t mention him all that often as we have not been lovers but we are friends and we chat very often either on msn or by text when he isn’t away with his g/f or off enjoying himself wearing stockings and being tied up by his Mistress.

I am hoping to hear in the next couple of days whether I have succeeded in getting the job I have applied for. At the moment I work in a Sales office putting their orders onto the system and taking them down to the warehouse manager to be picked. I work 5hrs 5 days a week. I started this in June as a 3 month temporary job to cover maternity leave, I was then asked to stay for a further 3 months until xmas. Then I was asked a month or so ago if I would continue until March when they would like me to cover maternity leave for the woman who does Credit Control, that would be until the end of 2008.

However there is going to be a change around in the Sales Office after Christmas and my boss has advertised for another full time Sales person. After much contemplation I decided that having worked alongside the two guys who currently do the job I could do that and probably do a better job of it. My youngest child is now at senior school and no longer requires being taken to and from school. So when I was called into the conference room to be told I would be getting a pay rise in January I mentioned that I could be interested in going full time. My boss was really pleased and told me to put in a CV and I would get an interview. Apparently I was having a working interview all last week. (Do they think I am stupid, I knew the questions about how much I know about spread sheets and so on were deliberate). I made sure I took more phone calls than usual so that my boss could see how I get on with the customers. I know that only three of us are having interviews and I have the advantage of already working with the team, I have picked up a lot of things about the job in the last few months and am not afraid of telling the guys when they have made mistakes. I know how the boss works and what she wants from her team. All in all I am pretty confident that I will get the job.

My baby boy (yeah I know he is not a baby at the age of 12 but he will always be my baby) has been having a few problems. He keeps being off school sick. Half the time I don’t know if he is ill or not. I try to get him to school, he either comes back before he gets there or he is ill at school and I have to drive back from work to fetch him. Yesterday was the first day in a week that he had stayed at school for a whole day. I have spoken to one of the pastoral workers in the school about my concerns. It worries me that he is being ill. But I do think it is more an emotional problem than a physical one. On Monday night I got a text on my phone at about 10.45 ‘I want mum’. He should have been asleep but had locked himself in the bathroom. He says he couldn’t stop crying but didn’t know what for. We had a cuddle and a chat. It appears he is missing his dad. He speaks to his dad fairly often on the phone (2 or 3 times a week). He sees him on the doorstep when he brings bags of end of date cakes etc. I think the run up to xmas has made it worse for my son. He has begun saying things like it isn’t fair on daddy that he hasn’t got any of us living with him. I have spoken to SF about seeing them over the xmas period. He said he might be able to have them over for dinner on boxing day. I think that would be good for all of them but the boys are not keen. It isn’t that they don’t want to see him but they don’t like the family he lives with. I have considered inviting him here for tea on either xmas day or boxing day as a good will gesture but he would be breaking the injunction if he came here.

It saddens me that he doesn’t make more effort to see the boys for more than 5 minutes at a time. The older boys are not bothered but my baby obviously is and there is nothing I can do to take away this hurt for him. I hadn’t been looking forward to Christmas but yesterday I made the decision that we are going to have a good time even if we are broke. We put the tree up on Sunday and I am going to buy some new decorations to put up to make the place a bit brighter for my boy. We are going to be happy, we are going to have fun. It doesn’t matter that I shall be spending another year alone. I have my boys and that is what matters.

On the man front it has all gone pear shaped. Skipper is history. He couldn’t show me the respect I deserve. He wanted me to jump into bed with him after he had boasted about having sex elsewhere when he was too busy to see me. I told him I have given up being a doormat. I am not his personal tart for when he can’t get a shag elsewhere. I don’t quite know how he felt about that statement but suffice to say that the relationship ended within minutes. Harvey I will fill you in another time about that story but I have not heard from him since last Tuesday and I really don’t care.

Swinger has promised to buy me a cuppa next time he’s in the country. I have been exchanging text with a couple of new men. (I was bored with no internet). One of them I shall call Owl as he is in Sheffield. He wants me to go to Sheffield this weekend and stay in a hotel with him then if we get on he will come down here and spend Christmas with me and the boys. As if that’s going to happen!!! He seems to have got things the wrong way around. I told him he should make the trip here first. I won’t sleep with him to see if we get on. It should be see if we get on then sleep together the prat. He keeps texting me asking if I am coming up at the weekend. Why am I not answering his text, he still fancies the pants off me. Then there is Airport. Airport is more local but still a fair distance. He seems much nicer and is taking things slowly. He hasn’t talked dirty at all which makes a nice change. However having text all day Saturday until I said I was playing a board game with the boys he said he would text later when we had finished. I didn’t hear from him again until Monday morning. At which time he told me he had left his phone charger at work. But he was having a lie as it was his day off but had nipped into work to get his charger!!!!!!!! Very odd. Anyway he was texting me again after I finished work then nothing until Tues morning. He apologised for not texting the night before but he had fallen asleep on the settee until midnight. Yeah right, he’s had a day off doing nothing but sleeps from 5pm to midnight. I replied……. I was beginning to think you might be one of those single men who are not really single………..strange that I didn’t get a reply until hours later when it was just a thank you. (me thinks I hit the nail on the head).

Men!!! Who needs them?

I have been feeling a new confidence in recent weeks and realise I don’t need a man to make me happy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well that was a bit different. It is now 1.40pm and JJ has just left after a 2 ½ hr visit. He measured up my window as I made him a coffee. Then we chatted and looked at my pictures on my computer. We talked about our broken marriages and his new relationship. The men in my life, JJ has been hearing about my men for over a year now. Then he showed me that he had done just as he had said in a text last week when I had asked if he would be free to look at my window for me. Under his jeans he was wearing stockings and panties. This is the first time I have seen a man in stockings. The elastic was starting to itch so he stripped off in front of me which he later told me was quite nerve wracking for him. (the first naked man in my bedroom since Forest back in June). We were discussing stockings when I showed him the pack of white stockings I had bought from ebay way back at the end of April, still in their pack. I have not had any reason to wear them since I got them.

He suggested that I try them on so I took my jeans off and marvelling at how soft these stockings were pulled them on. I also put on my red sparkly stilettos. He took a couple of photos of me in my stockings and heels with red knickers as I leaned against the wall with my back to him. Next he told me that his girlfriend loves to be fingered so he has had plenty of practice, when I laughed he asked if I would like him to do it to me. I am soon spread eagled across my bed as he got to work. Mmmmm that was nice. But we had to be quick as I believe ET will be home from school soon. JJ has now gone off with the measurements of my window promising to let me know if he can get hold of the right hinges for me. Although I had said that JJ would be hoping for more than a coffee neither of us had thought we would end up naked on my bed. If you are wondering no we did not shag or even have oral. It just was not on the agenda although I do know that in the right circumstances he would not say no.

I told JJ about how I came to finally meet Neptune (he always refers to him as ‘Paper man’). I met Neptune on my way home from Pixie’s party. I had sent him a champagne fuelled text informing him that I would be passing his way on my way home on Sunday would he like to meet. To my amazement he said yes. So I spent Sunday afternoon wandering from one pub to another as the pubs in his town close early on a Sunday. 2 hours and 2 drinks later we parted company with a quick kiss followed later in the evening by texts saying we must meet again. I now know why he doesn’t text very often. Very little credit (£10 per month with no free text like I get).

So who have I missed out? Oh yes my lovely passionate man. A year ago we were managing to see each other virtually every week. This year has been very different. We don’t get to see each other much but when we do, we make up for the times in between. I had hoped I might see him tomorrow while I am home. But as he said, it’s sod’s law that it wasn’t to be. But he has said he wants to book a hotel room for a night so that we can spend some quality time together instead of the usual couple of hours we have managed before. I was very surprised that he was willing to do this. However it seems he wants to spend more time with me to see which of us would run out of steam first. He is the only one of my fuck buddies that I have not been able to bring myself to finish with. We have never talked on IM but do sometimes exchange emails. Every few weeks I will text him at work and we have a steamy text exchange. I just looked at my phones and found that in the last two evenings I have received 40 text from him. Some guys would take months to text that many times.

Tuesday, 18 December 2007

Pixie's Party

right so I am back and I need to catch up with everyone
I know you are dying to know whats been going on with me
where do I start?

right I've just checked the bullet post Vi wrote ...good thnking Vi

my weekend with Pixie, Queen Vixen and Trousers
my plan was to set off at about 1.30pm (I was going to give Vi a lift but that plan changed)
As I was getting ready to set off the BT engineer arrived so I had to stick around while he did his checks on the phone line which was dead as a dodo.
eventually I set off in bright sunlight only to find that 40 minutes up the road I was driving through torrential rain. by the time I reached the motorway it was sunny again but the light was fading fast. I got all the way to the small town where Pixie lives before I got lost having missed the first turning off the main road. Having driven around for a few minutes I found the local Co - op and called Pixie who then told me how to get to hers from where I was. Quite easy really, as I reached her house I saw this mad woman on the doorstep waving madly.

Having parked and hugged I was shown to my room. Then it was back to meet Trousers. I had seen comments of his on Pixie's and a few other blogs, I had even lurked on his blog a few times as he had on mine but we were not in contact so I was unsure how we would get on. he is lovely and even now several weeks later I can't help thinking that he reminds me of someone only I don't know who.

Pixie is just lovely. She is exactly how I imagined her to be. warm, charming, generous, witty and just lovely, her enthusiasm is infectious. Her home is wonderful, everywhere you look there are little collections. I couldn't begin to now tell you what they were as they were many and varied. Suffice to say that you could never get bored just looking around there is always something new to see.

QV arrived shortly after me. Again I had only lurked on her blog a few times and after my first ever comment she then announced that she would not be blogging anymore. I could be paranoid and think that had something to do with me but I know it wasn't. A very bubbly blonde, she swept into the room in a glorious black lace gown showing a very generous bosom (not that I have any need to be jealous).

We had a scrumptious meal all home cooked lovingly by Pixie, I know it wasn't all on the diet but I don't often get to go out and eat like this. The food was washed down by a number of bottles of bubbly (we got through almost 6 bottles between the four of us). Considering I had never met any of these people before I felt very comfortable with all of them. Pixie had rung me on friday night wondering if she should cancel as so many people had dropped out and it would now be just the four of us. having negotiated the night out and looking forward to it for 3 months I was more than happy to still go. Small gatherings are better for me anyway, being slightly deaf I find larger groups overwhelming as I can't hear everything that is going on, so I tend to sit back and watch rather than take part.

After much chatting and laughing the tarot cards came out, as did the phones. I text Neptune (with much encouragement from the others) to tell him that on my way to my weekend out I had passed the town where he lives. I asked if he wanted to meet up when I came back the next day. To my suprise he said yes. we arranged to meet in the tesco car park. while this was going on Pixie began blogging about our drunken evening, I added my bit,as did both QV and Trousers. I can't now remember who ws sat on the chair when it fell apart. But it was hilarious watching a pissed Pixie trying to put it back together again, eventually she gave up. For some reason both QV ans Trousers' parts of the blog ended up somewhere in the ether. I do remember we had some fun teasing Innocent on the blog, he text me that he could see we were having fun.

We finally fell into our beds at around 3am or at least most of us did. In the morning (was it only 5 hrs later) we were all in the kitchen drinking tea or in Pixie's case hot water, when she told us that not only had she gone for a walk after we went to bed but she also did another blog.
after a cooked breakfast QV set off home and I left not long after just as Pixie and trousers were about to embark on a late morning stroll. I would have joined them if I hadn't arranged to meet up with Neptune.

Monday, 17 December 2007

Back on line

finally I am back.

I had just got out of the shower this morning when there was an insistent knocking on my front door. It was the BT engineer wanting to drill a hole through my lounge wall, that done he was stood in my "flower bed" more shrubs than flowers these days trying not to get caught up on the 3' aloe vera that was in his way. I ran back upstairs trying to rouse OJ from his lie in (college finished on friday for the hols) then into my room to get dressed. I had been about to get ready for work.
When I got to work I got a call from OJ to check that the telephone line was working and didnt have any of the usual crackles. Oh what it is to be crackle less after years of varying degrees of crackles. All those years we kept buying new phones because we thought it was a problem with the phones now we know it was the cable.

When I got home from work (half day today to use up my hols) I spent the next 2 hrs or so getting the internet on both computers.

I have to go to the gym now so will catch up with everyone later

Friday, 14 December 2007

Happy

I GOT THE JOB :-)

Start 02 January 08 as full time Sales Office Administrator

double my current salary


Still waiting for my new phone line but they have laid the pipes

so hopefully will have internet back soon.

Monday, 10 December 2007

Still alive

I am still waiting for my telephone line to be repaired.

thanx Vi for your post

as Vi said I can still read your comments via my mobile phone

te comments on vi's post were hilarious thanx guys.

Wednesday, 5 December 2007

Vi takes over the world!!!!

Ahhhh, it's time for me to take over another blog!

*MWHAHAHAHAHA*

Yep, it's Vi. I had Emma asking on my blog if I'd heard from Lady, so some of you are a bit worried because you haven't heard from her in over a week, so I got the lowdown from her this morning.

Apparently her BT line is broken, and the cables are buried in her garden, and they have to dig it up, and Lady is hoping she will be back online by the end of the week. But we all know BT and how crap they are, so lets hoping they don't leave her till after Christmas, the swines!!!!!

Lady has been extremely busy and has lots to tell you when she's back with us. Here's a bullet point (which will help remind her as well!)

  • Her weekend with Pixie, Queen Vixen and Trousers.
  • Finally meeting Neptune!
  • Dumping Skipper! (Yay!!!! She told him she is sick of being treated like a doormat - you go girl!!!)
  • Thinking of dumping Harvey (something to do with her ex, 'N', she'll fill you in)

Plus she has an interview next week for a full time sales assistant where she works, which she's really excited about (wish her luck!)

Lady still gets her comments emailed to her phone, so she can read what you say.

Now hear comes the fun bit....

Leave BIZARRE comments! She doesn't know what I've posted. I don't know, maybe I've posted about a massive S & M she went to, or she ended up in an orgy with the gang on the weekend, or how I've totally changed her blog (black and white, full of whips?).

Let your imagination go wild!!!!

*evil laughter*

Monday, 26 November 2007

no internet

just a quick post to let you know that I have no internet at the moment so I am using Harvey's computer while he has a quick shower.

Hope fully I will get my connection sorted very soon.

It appears to be a fault on the telephone line.

Sunday, 25 November 2007

driving around

not heard from Skipper since friday eve

spoke to Harvey sat morning we decided to go ten pin bowling in the aftenoon. He has never been before so the first thing he did was fall over, while I was falling about laughing. We had two games and won one each so had to have a decider which he won. then it was down the road for a walk along the beach (that lasted all of 5 minutes as someone was a wimp and thought it was too cold). A cuppa in a local cafe to warm up then he hands me the keys to his new car (he had only had it 24 hrs) and we head off up the hill its dark by now and the view over the city is great. He has only ever been there during daylight before. After an age he leans in for his first kiss, wow he knocks the wind out of my sails. snogging must have been about half an hour, before we set off again so I can go feed my youngest. Once I have fed JA , made myself an omelete had a shower and got back outside to where he is waiting hes been asleep in his car. I drive us to his loft conversion bedsit to watch a dvd. not sure if we had watched half of the movie before we got distracted. It is now 8.25am and I am using hi computer before I go home.

Saturday, 24 November 2007

swings, roundabouts and slides

I hope you can keep up because I am not sure I can!


I have been getting on very well with Skipper this week, we have exchanged a lot of text even during our working day. We have chatted on msn and had some very nice conversations on the phone. I really do enjoy hearing his voice (He says he likes to hear mine too).


He has asked me if we could swing together. I told him that I prefer slides as swings make me nauseous.


Last night when I should have been posting my food diary for the day I was in my bed, door shut, radio on to disguise my conversation as I chatted to Skipper. We chatted about things like work. How our days had been. Then we got down to some very hot mmmmmmmm phone sex. He had told me to make sure I had a towel ready before he phoned. During our chat he made me come 4 times before he felt sleepy. But I didn't mind as it was well past his usual hibernation time. I then had a few more orgasms after he had gone.


Today we have been discussing what we each want/don't want from this. We have both been in long unhappy marriages. Neither of us want a serious relationship. But we need to define what we do want.


Tonight he has been out for a drink with the same friend he stayed with one night last week. Tonight I went out for a drink with a different man (Harvey). I began chatting to Harvey online last week. He lives in the next town to me but doesn't know the area too well as he only moved there a few months ago. This afternoon Harvey came online chatting. He was asking me of all people about the local night life. Then he asked me where I was taking him tonight.


huh cheeky


who me lol


are you asking me to meet you tonight?


in a long about way yeah


lol







ok


o ok shock


so we arranged to meet 3.5hrs later. He picked me up from the next road, so that I didn't have to drive. we had a nice time drinking (me on smirnoff ice hom on J2O) and chatting and agruing. I mentioned saggitarius he swore that it was capricorn. We argued over it for ages. He was trying to convince me that as his birthday is 1st dec he is capricorn. but I was dead certain it was Saggi. eventually to check this out I decided to text a friend. (50/50 was no good) I didn't fancy asking the audience. I thought of sending a text to Vi but I figured she would be out having fun so I text pixie (thanx for backing me up). He still tried to convince me that both Pixie and I had it wrong. It was 12.30am by the time we got kicked out of the pub and his new car (only got it today) was already frosted over. He drove me home and we chatted for a bit longer. He has asked to see me again. I thought he was going to try to kiss me but he didn't. I needed the loo again!! so had to rush off so I don't know if he would have kissed me or not. He has just been online asking if he can phone me tomorrow.


After spending an evening with me giggling like mad he now thinks I am one very crazy woman. He kept saying ........what are you like eh?

He was very easy to spend an evening with but I didn't feel sexually drawn to him.

Thursday, 22 November 2007

How quickly things change

I started this week really miserable, but now I am happy.
I started this week not knowing where I stood with Skipper.
I started this week flat broke.
I started this week in floods of tears.

I went to the gym on monday with the idea of working hard at getting rid of my frustrations.
While I was there I discovered that my hard work has started to pay off I had lost 2.5lb in a week.
I text Skipper to find out where I stand. He made it clear that he does want to be with me. He has some important things to sort out first.
I managed to find enough money to get some electricity.
I managed to make DC realise that he must pay me back the money he has borrowed.

As the days have passed Skipper has been texting me allowing my confidence in him to grow.
Today my boss called me into the conference room to tell me that I shall be getting a pay rise in January. I am also getting a bonus in my November pay. You have to be there for a year to get the bonus but they decided to give me a bonus anyway. My boss also said that I am worth more than the job I am doing. (I knew that, which is why I had said I would only do it short term). This gave me the courage to say that I am now ready to work full time if she wanted to consider me for the sales job. I said I think I could do it, she said she knows I could. I have to hand in my CV, but she said the other applicants just have admin background not sales. My advantage being that I have been working for the sales team and picked up quite a lot as I have gone along.

While I was feeling pleased with myself I got an unexpected phone call from a man with a lovely gentle voice. which reminds me I must get offline as I ahve a date with that voice and my bed.
goodnight xx

Wednesday, 21 November 2007

saucy problem

Good home wanted for unused sauce mixes


My friend Vi has as I already mentioned a week or so go done the impossible


she has got me back to doing more home cooking


I am back to cooking dishes from scratch just as I used to do


in the days when I was a stay at home mum


so now we are eating a healthier diet and


I am left with a stack of unused sauce packets.


chilli con carne, shepherds pie, sausage casserole, and several others


not sure what to do with these now


does anyone want them ?

Tuesday, 20 November 2007

At least I tried

I think I gave Neptune a chance to show me that he could be the one

He hasn't taken it.

Since his computer broke he has been quite slow to take things any further.

He text me on sat 10th nov I replied twice but got no response.

He text me on 15th nov I replied but got no further response.

He text me on late on sat 17th Nov. I replied I told him I wished I had someone to snuggle up to. No response.

Monday 19th Nov I emailed him. No reply.

What is the matter with the man??

Either he wants to meet me or he doesn't.

I give up!!

Monday, 19 November 2007

every cloud has a silver lining

I was miserable before but I was even more miserable today.

I woke up with a bad neck/shoulder pain. I figured that after I eventually fell asleep sometime after 2.30am I must have lain badly. But as the day wore on and I could feel exactly where the pain was coming from it occurred to me that I may have strained a muscle as I tried to intervene in a fight between two strapping boys late last night. I don't normally interfere in their scraps but this one was bad is was like a fight to the death type of battle. They have not done this for a very long time, probably a couple of years. But of course this time they are so much bigger OJ is more than 14 stone and JA is no light weight himself.

so I spent the day having to turn my whole body every time someone behind me was saying anything. It also hurt to move my arm too much in front of me as I keyed in my work.

My biggest headache though has been money as per usual. DC finally got the money he was waiting for at the weekend. He hasn't told me that he has got his money, he told his father who then told OJ as he thought I should know. DC has avoided me for 99% of the time. However he did come in and cook himself some dinner on saturday evening before going to see his girlfriend. I asked him to take the gas meter card to put some money on it, I also asked him to collect ET from the station for me at 9.30pm. He agreed to both. ET walked home oblivious to the idea his brother should have given him a lift. when DC came in he hadn't got the gas card topped up he had left it too late......he promised to do it on sunday morning before his band practice. He went out very early.........by 11.30 I was livid that he was off out for the day with the gas card so that even if I managed to get some money I couldn't do anything without the card. I couldn't phone him as he hasn't paid his phone bill again!! So I found his mate J's home number and rang his mother, she gave me J's mobile number. I rang J who told me they had just parked at the back of the house and DC had been to the garage to top up the card he was bringing it in. By the time I got downstairs he had been and gone. I have not seen or heard from him since!

He did not come home last night. I knew he was going to be in Brighton all day today giving performances at a music college in preperation for their tour which begins tomorrow and ends on friday 30th nov. They are touring around the country with two other bands. this morning I text J to tell DC to bring money here that he owes me and OJ as the electricity would have run out before I got home from work and I will need money for fuel by tomorrow let alone milk etc.
I have not heard from him. No money has been either left in the house or transferred into my bank account. If he comes home tonight he had better have the money or he won't be going on tour even if it means I put him in hospital ( I don't mean that but I am that angry. when I got home from work the electricity meter was down to the last 7p. I had been worrying all day about not having any electricity tonight. we could light candles to give us some light but I couldn't cook anything and I couldn't even go out for chips. as it happened I had left some money in my pocket the other day and the coins had collected in the rubber of the washing machine door. I got some electricity :-)

I have spoken to Skipper and feel much better about that situation now too. I won't go into details but he does want to see me. I told him that I have been to the gym and when I weighed myself after my work out I had lost 2.5lb since last monday.......so I shall heed Skipper's words

'Don't worry ...be happy' which is one of my mantras

I am begiining to feel more cheerful again

Sunday, 18 November 2007

miserable

I don't feel much like saying anything today.

It is cold and hasn't stopped raining

I feel miserable

I was stood up

he was too tired!!







update : not feeling so miserable now having had a very flirtatious evening both online and by text with several men I know. I have also been having some fun playing with facebook which I am just starting to get into.

Saturday, 17 November 2007

Owning my cancer part one

Recently Pixie wrote about her Cancer , how it felt hearing that she had cancer, living through her treatment and how her nearest and dearest coped with it. This got me thinking about my experience. I have written several times about, being a survivor and how I feel about that but I have never put into words my actual experience. I have not owned my experience the way pixie has. So today I am going to try to write out my experience. I don’t know how difficult this will be as I am not sure what will come out by doing this.

Since my cancer was treated I have encouraged other women to have pap tests (smear tests) and mammograms, to keep themselves healthy for the sake of their families. I have never said anything that would lead anyone to realise how I found out that I had cancer. I am sure the majority of people will think that it was through a routine smear test. This was not the case, I was one of those unlucky few who slipped through the net.

When my youngest child was 6 weeks old I had my routine post natal checks that included a smear test. The test came back with a request for a further test as there were insufficient cells to test. Apparently this is not uncommon after a birth, it takes a while for the cells to grow back. I had a further test which was normal. I was due to have my next test when my son had just turned 5. (In the UK we have routine tests every 5 years although in some places it’s every 3 yrs, I gather in the US it is every year). The reason given for the longer time period here is the lack of resources to examine the tests that are taken.

So this is my story of how I found out I had cancer and what happened next. It was over the Easter period in 2000, I began to notice that I was waking up wet, get your mind out of the gutter, not that kind of wet! I was beginning to leak for no apparent reason. I felt so embarrassed; I figured it must be due to my age and weight. I was 38 and very over weight, I had seen the adverts for Tena Lady, so I thought it must be something natural. I put up with it for a few months, wearing panty liners all the time hoping that no one at work would notice the smell. They didn’t. Eventually after months I was chatting to my mum she was also having problems and on comparing symptoms she convinced me that I might have a prolapsed womb. So I made an appointment to see a lady Dr at our surgery. She referred me to the local hospital to see an Urologist. My appointment came through for early January 2001. By this time I was in a lot of pain and my periods were becoming heavier and closer together. I was put on pain killers for this. By the time I saw the Urologist I was taking double the dose I should have been on.

The day of my appointment arrived and I was called in to see the specialist, we talked whilst I outlined my problems, he then asked me to lie on the couch while he examined me. He told me that he couldn’t do a thorough examination as there was a blockage, he would like me to be seen by a Gynaecologist to get his opinion. A week later I was back at the hospital being seen by a registrar, he tried to examine me but I bled so much that he was unable to examine me properly; he went off to seek advice from the consultant. It was decided that I should have a colposcopy to examine me under general anaesthetic. I was very nervous about this as I had only ever had operations when I had my children. On the day of my day surgery I was all ready to go down to theatre, I had my pre med when the fire alarms went off. We were assured that we would not be affected by this. Time ticked by, until eventually I was advised that I would be going home without my operation as they had run out of theatre time.

A week later I was back again; there were more of us than there were beds, so we all had to wait until a bed was found for us before we could be operated on. Luckily I was one of the first to be found a bed. This time I wasn’t given the pre med whilst still on the ward and when my time came I was walked down to theatre (that walk seemed to take for ever and my legs were feeling quite weak.) when I came round again after the operation I was very sick. My consultant (DJ calls him god) came to see me, he told me that they had found a tumour. I threw up and he scuttled off to find a nurse promising to come back. (He didn’t). Because I didn’t stop vomiting I was kept in hospital for a couple of days. During this time I was wheeled about to have various tests and chest x-rays. It is not easy keeping still for an x-ray when the vomiting won’t let up. Not surprisingly they got me seen and out of the way pretty quickly. Eventually I was well enough to go home. I think I had been there for 3 days by then.

A couple of weeks later I received a letter telling me to go to the Oncology clinic on Friday 9th March 2001. I had spent two weeks wondering about the biopsy results. But I wasn’t worried as I swear that one of the junior doctors had told me I would have a hysterectomy to remove the tumour. So even if the tumour turned out to be cancerous I would be ok as they were going to remove it. On the appointed day my mother drove me to the hospital. We sat in the waiting room with all the older women in various states of ill health. Many in wheelchairs others wearing scarves to disguise the lack of hair. After a time my name was called and I was shown into a side room with instructions to slip my clothes off from the waist down, lie on the bed with the sheet covering me. After about 10 minutes a very smart older lady entered the room introducing her self to me. I have never forgotten her name (same Christian name as mine). She asked me how I was feeling, I told her that I was in a lot of pain. She dismissed this as being normal as I had just had a very major operation. It very quickly became obvious that she had the wrong notes and thought I was someone else. She went off to find someone. I was left there for an absolute age. Finally a lady called Margaret came to see me.

I can’t at this time remember what she said only that I got dressed and we went into the office next door, my mother was invited to join us. God was there, he began talking about radiotherapy and chemotherapy. I asked if I was going to have a hysterectomy but he replied that my tumour was too big to be operated on. Margaret then took me and my mother upstairs to the Macmillan suite where we were shown into a very nice room, given tea and biscuits. Here Margaret explained about my tumour and the treatment they were proposing. I was to have chemo every Tuesday for a month plus radiotherapy every day for a month. I am glad that I had my mum with me as all that was going around in my mind was….oh no that means I have to take time off work!!
I wasn’t worried about my health or my family…..just that I needed to have a month off work.

On the drive home I rang my husband at work to tell him that I had cancer. He kept repeating ‘is it terminal?’ over and over again. He left work early to meet me at my mum’s house. The first thing he said when he saw me ‘is it terminal’ I wanted to hit him. But I told him that it would only be terminal if he continued to say that as I would be forced to get a knife and stab him. Over the next few weeks there were many tests to be done on my kidneys, chest etc. a template was created using three tiny marks tattooed on to my backside so that the radiotherapy machine could be aligned for each of my treatments. I had to have an MRI scan which was the first time I have ever had a panic attack. I felt rather ill after this. Then came the call from Margaret to arrange a hearing test. They needed to know what my hearing was like so that it could be measured as chemotherapy can cause hearing loss. I explained that I have a hearing loss already and had been wearing a hearing aid for a couple of years. It was then decided that to prevent further hearing loss I would not have chemo, but my radiotherapy would be increased to six weeks. I would also have a dose of internal radiotherapy.

I am going to take a break now as this is becoming very long I shall continue possibly tomorrow.

my stars

I just pinched this from Wyld Cat

Lets101 - Free Online Dating

Thursday, 15 November 2007

gotcha

after being out last night I didn't chat to Skipper. In a stupid kind of way I missed that even though it had only been 5 days since we even found out that each other existed.



this morning he text me early saying he was sorry he had missed me last night, he had gone to see a friend and ended up staying overnight. (male friend he even gave me the name).



later I text him



so did you miss me then?



yes. I was reading your account of how you suck slowly teasing and licking whereas other girls go at it like woodpeckers (his description not mine).................well guess what I love it slow.



maybe other girls watch too much bad porn



you might be right. I'm quite good at cunnilingus. I've been told. X



This is when I decide to have a bit of fun at his expense



what is that? I have asked the lads at work and they just laughed but won't tell me.



Cunnilingus is where the man licks the lady. We should do it together. X



Good this lady likes to have the back of her neck licked x



I'll lick more than that. I so want you to suck my cock slowly, God that would be good. do you fancy doing swinging with me?



I won't say it hasn't crossed my mind but we should take it one step at a time.



Well, I'm free all the time. You say and I'll be there. as for us I think I should book a hotel for a night. Then we can enjoy some quality time.

(I think I like this man already)



Cunnilingus is where the man licks the lady. Did you really think I didn't know this?



Ok you got me. X x x



Did it not suprise you that I didn't know. x



Yes, I should have realised. silly me.



What more can I ask for in a man. He is on the same wave length as me sexually, he has a sense of humour, he belongs to a creative writing club, we can talk books, reading, boats and lots more. He is not afraid to communicate regularly through out the day every day. He goes to the gym 5 days a week. He is very gentle and well mannered.

Wednesday, 14 November 2007

getting it together

well I managed to stock up with food. It cost more than usual because I am on a fat free diet. The food I need costs a little more than I had been buying, but hopefully it will not only help me to lose weight but get the boys into better eating habits too. I even bought a pack of cous cous which I have never previously wanted to try. I don't know if I will like it but unless I try it I won't know.



This afternoon I had an appointment to see my GP about the gall stones that were found when I had my ultra sound scan a few months ago. My GP says that 15% of people have gall stones with no ill effects so unless they become inflamed and cause me pain they are not worried. He also confirmed that my last set of blood tests had been much better but as one of my kidneys was slightly inflamed when I had the scan I need to have yet another blood test in the next couple of weeks. We discussed my migraines, he was concerned that my HRT might be making them worse but I assured him that if anything they have improved in the last few years (less frequent).



Tonight I am off to watch my boy get his GCSE certificates at a special presentation night. While we are there ET has gone with friends to another college open evening. Obviously I couldn't go with him this time. It is times like this when being a single parent becomes so difficult, not being able to be in two places at once.



Since I saw Skipper on Sunday we have been texting each other intermittently every day even whilst at work. We have also chatted on msn and phone mmmm that gets very hot. Today he text me asking



'when are we going to get together and where'



Now I know he has said that he is looking for a long term relationship but I want to be sure that he isn't just after one thing. I have made it clear more than once that I am not looking for casual sex. so I am not going to just hand it to him on a plate.



'If you are lucky I might allow you to take me out at the weekend'



'if you are lucky I might be free'



' :-{ I am never lucky'



lets see if he misses me this evening whilst I am out. I shall text him to say that I am going out and turning my phone off.










update : OJ got an award for coming top in the whole school for his maths GCSE. After the presentations the head of the maths dept stopped OJ, he said that OJ got 400/400 in his final maths exam which is something he has never seen anyone do before.

Now I feel such a bad mother. I turned my phone off for the presentation and forgot to turn it back on again. ET was phoning me for a lift home, he had been walking for hours from one campus to another and back again. He collapsed on my bed saying his legs ache so much he cant walk any more. He had hoped I would give him a lift back from the station about 1 1/2miles uphill.

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

getting money

Today I had to borrow money from Posh Bird for petrol so I could get home from work and get back again tomorrow. Today I had to ask OJ to use his money to buy some basics like milk and potatos so that I could feed my family. I hate that I have to do this. DC still owes me more than half of his keep for this month plus petrol money and last weeks loan installment, £170 in total not including all the food hes eaten etc. He made the stupid mistake of thinking he could buy a new guitar for £500 with the money he was selling his Guitar amp on ebay for (£400). Silly idiot did it the wrong way around. He bought the guitar before he got the money for the amp (2 weeks before). so hes been short of money for two weeks. He now has the £400 but its in his paypal account and takes a few ays before he can access it from his bank account. Next week he is going on a 10 day tour with his and two other bands. I just hope he gives me the money he owes me by friday.


SF came round earlier to hand over a suit he is lending to OJ for his GCSE Presentation tomorrow night. He also gave them some end of date cakes. He told me he would give me some money on thursday. I asked him if this would be in the morning or evening. So he says when do I want it. Now I just have to tell him I have nothing now and had to borrow money for fuel and food. So hes walked to cash point with OJ and JA to get my money......yet again its only £100!!! thats equal to £25 per child for a month!!!!!!!!!!!


no wonder he can buy them things for birthdays and christmas.


so now I am going to Asda to buy some food!!

Monday, 12 November 2007

Bananas

My mentor suggested that I try eating bananas for snacks as they are filling but not full of calories.


Bananas, Bananas to that I can only say ewww bananas.


I don't eat bananas


for several years the very mention of bananas would send me into fits of giggles.


when I was a shy and innocent 18 year old I had just begun to date an older man of .......20, we both belonged to a social club. One night not long after we started dating we were at a social event, there were various party games. we were volunteered to take part in one of the games as a couple. there were 4 couples, the men were stood on chairs with a peeled banana between their thighs.......yes I am sure you have guessed it. this game was a race to see which female could eat her partner's banana with her hands behind her back. I don't think I came last which is amazing in itself.


Afterwards our friends all said they bet that had put me off bananas. Not at all, I hated bananas always had done. most foods that I don't like, I find it is because I don't like the texture. With bananas I can't abide the smell. I can eat slices of dried bananas no problem but fresh ones no way. so of course for a long time everytime anyone said bananas I just fell about in a heap of giggles. My family of course knew this so my brothers took great delight in saying bananas at every possible opportunity.

my date

He called me just as I was leaving home to ask what I was drinking. As I walked into the bar there he was stood with my smirnoff Ice beside him so I didn't have to wonder if it was him. He is shorter than I expected but still tall compared to my mere 5'0". He had already decided we would grab the table in the far corner. I had taken some of my writing with me to show him. We talked about my writing and what it needs to make it better. All the time he was holding and stroking my hands. At one point he asked for a kiss which was very nice. After a few hours of chatting and holding hands we walked back to my car. He helped me on with my coat and carried my folder while holding my hand as we walked.


As soon as we were in my car he was kissing me passionately. We drove off and found somewhere a little more private to kiss than under a street lamp in the middle of a public car park overlooked by the local police station. Soon I had got him back to the station to catch his train, we kissed goodnight. Later we were texting again, then he went quiet. It seems he last text got delayed as I didnt receive it until 2.30am.


He has been texting me all day.


some how I think I will be seeing him again. (for the moment I am going to refer to him as Skipper)

Sunday, 11 November 2007

on top of my world

Today I am feeling on top of my world

after yesterday clearing up lose ends I feel so much better.

Relief and liberated are two words to describe how I felt after my exchange with Swinger.

Before he contacted me last night I had been online during the day and gone onto a dating site I had not used for perhaps 18 months. I have updated my profile and did a search sent messages to about 8 men. I have had several replies which are now ongoing. But the very first one picked up on the fact that I write. we must have exchanged about a dozen messages on the site then moved onto msn in the evening finally chatting on the phone until 4am this morning.

We are meeting up for a drink tonight.

cards have already been put on the table so there will be no misunderstandings, we both want the same thing.

he text me this morning

'I can't stop thinking about you!'

swinger update

I have been in contact with Swinger and tied up the lose ends. Basically he says that he went quiet because he didn't want to hurt me and he could tell that my feelings for him were growing. He isn't very good at goodbyes so he cut me off so I could get on with my life without him.


'the reason I went quiet on you is because, in my opinion, it would have been the best way for you to maybe not forget me but at least let go of the feelings that you were getting'.


I kind of figured that this was part of it. but even when we were seeing each other I always got the impression he was in deeper than he wanted to be. He didn't behave like someone who didn't have feelings. I certainly didn't have to initiate contact or persue him in any way it was always him. I was trying to be cool and nonchalant, obviously not very well. He was always protesting that he didn't want to get involved as he had recently been hurt. but his actions were much louder than his words, which I teased him about numerous times. I think this says it all.


'I, like you, have been hurt too much in the past and I am not prepared to put myself through it again.' (thats the difference between us .....he isn't prepared to run the risk of a woman hurting him again,whereas I am prepared to accept hurt as part of living).


we have now cleared the air as it were and now we can be friends without pressure, he says he is not in this country and won't be coming back here to live but would still like to see me when he comes over to england. I told him he still owes me a game of ten pin bowling.

Saturday, 10 November 2007

100 posts

I have been tagged by pixie to do this it also happens to be post 100 on this blog


8 passions in my life


my four boys
my music
my writing
my reading
fresh air
my computer
my friends
compassion


8 things to do before I die


ride in a hot air balloon
ride in a helicopter
learn to ride a horse (I have a fear of horses)
finish at least one book
see my boys grown up and settled
find a man who is worthy of my love
finish my IT course
travel widely


8 things I often say


I suppose you can’t get home any other way
What homework have you not done ?
Use headphones we don’t all want to hear it!!
Hugs as always
You know where I am if you want anything
How much do you need?
I’m not playing the field anymore
I may not have any money but I am happier than I have ever been

8 Books I read recently


The Beachcomber - Josephne Cox
Trust Nobody - June Hampson (my writing tutor)
London – Edward Rutherfurd
The Quest - Wilbur Smith
Tease Me – Dawn Atkins
Sinners – Jackie Collins
Triumph of the sun – Wilbur Smith
Sex, lies and online dating – Rachel Gibson



8 songs that mean something to me


I’m not in love – 10CC
Lady in Red – Chris de Burgh
I just called to say – Stevie Wonder
Cherry Cola – Savage Garden
I will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
Whole Again – Atomic Kitten
All Woman – Lisa Stansfield
All your Attention – Daniel Bedingfield

8 Qualities I look for in a friend


compassion
humour
honesty
warmth
trust
intelligence
spirit
courage

8 people who I'm passing this on to


Dj Kirkby
Chopski
Emma
Her Indoors
Complex Girl
Wyld Cat
George
Cheekyfaces

Friday, 9 November 2007

why?

why do I only discover that I have a nick in my thumb nail as I am putting on my stockings for work ??

Parents evening

Tonight I have been at parent's evening at the college OJ attends. He has only been there since september so this was the first time I met any of his teachers. Apparently he was too late to get an appointment with his Law tutor. The first tutor I saw was his ICT tutor............... I wanna go to college please...........he was rather scrummy. very pleasant man and very mmmmmmm

yes I could like his classes. He told me that if OJ has any problems or if I want to ask anything I can email him OJ can give me the address. We laughed as we chatted it was really nice and no pressure to move along. He was a really nice man. As I was leaving I joked that I might email him if I get stuck with my homework. he laughed but he didn't say no.


On the way home I stopped to take this picture.

I love this view but I much prefer to have company whilst I am looking at it.

Wednesday, 7 November 2007

Full circle

today I feel as though my life has gone full circle in the last year.

In september 2006 I said goodbye to Swinger as he was about to set off for his new life abroad. He had a few more days left in the UK but was busy tying up lose ends and saying goodbye to family. On the last day before he handed back his work phone we were texting each other as I was driving 38 miles to help my mother move my grandad from his bungalow to the rest home where he would be living from that day on. On my way there I had a puncture and had to pull over at the earliest opportunity. I text swinger what had happened and that as I was a lone woman RAC said they would have one of their vans with me within 90 mins. I clearly remember swinger thinking this was incredible.

By the time the RAC man had finally arrived decided that my wheel was beyond repair, driven me to the nearest town (where grandad was moving to)to buy a new wheel which had to be ordered from another town. We waited for the new wheel to be delivered then driven down one side of the dual carriage way to the end so we could turn around and come back down the other side. (my car being just one mile short of the end). I drove to the bungalow to meet my mum who had already moved grandad into the home without me. By now as grandad had been moved there was nothing left to do but have a late pub lunch. this was when I got my last text from swinger who was taking the piss out of me.

In October 2006 Swinger came back to the UK for a couple of weeks, he had told me not to miss him too much as he would see me soon. I prayed that he would arrive the week I had to go to court to be a witness against my ex husband in the case against him for harrassment and intimidating a witness (me). Yes he would be back that friday 3 days after the court case, this gave me something to look forward to. On the friday I was having a pub lunch with mother and grandad (he had to sign all the estate agents and solicitors forms) I was getting a series of very hot text from Swinger. We spent that night together. Then he was gone.

In the last week I have had emails from Swinger, today I heard that my grandad is ill again. He has never been in hospital until this year. He has now been in hospital twice and may need to go in again as he has a chest infection and has been confined to bed. The home have told my mother that he cannot stay there any more, he is now too frail, they cannot give him the care he needs. ( we have been expecting this, at 93 he has been declining in the last few months). We now need to find him a nursing home, preferrably one nearer to us.

This afternoon I had the dubious pleasure of my ex talking to me on the phone yada yada yada it went on and on. But one of the things he did tell me was that today his probation ended. He had to go into the probation office to be signed off. They have made it clear to him that he isn't to come near my home as I could have him jailed. As things stand at the moment I wont do that as we are currently on civil terms. but if he were to become a nuisance then I would.

The day my grandad moved into the home I had taken a day off work (I had only started the previous day on a temp contract).
The week before I had to go to court I was turned down for a permanent job because they wanted me to start on the Monday which I couldn't do as I knew I needed to be in court for two days of that week but would only find out the day before which days. Bad timing!!!
The day I first heard from Swinger again was the same day my current employer told me they would like me to stay on for another year. I only joined the company for 3 months in June.

Maybe I am reading too much into all this, maybe its all coincidences, perhaps not. I just know it all seems very odd to me.

Monday, 5 November 2007

Monday's desire

fairly quiet Monday today

Ok so I said I wouldn't text Neptune, but I did. I sent him a text just before I set off for work.

are you ok?

short simple and just that.
As I was driving he replied telling me that he was having a lie in as he has a day off work today. (I knew that).He was going to make some tea and go back to bed. For once I arrived at work with a couple of minutes to spare so I replied telling him mine is with skimmed milk no sugar.

While I was beavering away at my work my mind was wandering all over the place as it does. (I really need a job that will make me use my brain). I was thinking about Swinger. More to the point I was trying not to think about him. How dare he do this to me. Just when I was beginning to get my life straight. I am trying so hard not to let his return get to me. I remind myself that I should be thinking about Neptune. I have not met Neptune yet and at this rate it isn't going to happen this year if at all, even if we do meet will we still like each other. I have gone from worrying that I won't be good enough for him to wondering if he will be good enough for me. (thats got to be good hasn't it?).
Swinger had his chance, but he left me with no word of explanation. I tell myself he doesn't want to stay in contact with me and I mustn't think otherwise. But then I argue that he sent me that email. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't want me to know he is back. so the question is why does he want me to know that. He promised me answers but none have been forth coming so far.
Amongst my jumble of thoughts I was also thinking about my writing. I have been asked to write more of 'Granny's Tree'. I need to write more of my book and I have two days to think of something to do for my homework. The subject of this week's homework is to write about something that we try to forget about but it just keeps growing. Suddenly I knew what I would do. Not a short story this time.
I have decided that I don't want to post all my writing her on this blog. AS I still have kindred Perverts open I am going to use that as a place to keep my creative writing. I have changed the name of it to Lady in Red writes......it still has the same address as before but I don't need to keep the name anymore. this weeks home work has been posted over there already. Next will be the updated and extended version of Granny's Tree.

After work I text Neptune again to ask if he was still enjoying his lie in. Then I headed for the gym. An hour I worked out, treadmill, bike and cross trainer with a bit of resistence work in the middle. I weighed myself afterwards to discover that even though I have been working out and dieting for the last week my weight is exactly the same as last monday.

I had just got back to my car when I got a text from Neptune telling me about his day. apparently all the computers he looked at (to replace his current defunct one) had vista on them. But he was now stretched out on his sofa watching a film. ...............Its a hard life isn't it?

After cooking spaghetti for the boys and chilli for me and DC, I had a long IM chat with a married local man. the subject got around to fantasies. He told me what one of his was so I sent him what I had written months ago about a situation that was close ish to his fantasy. we then talked about being tied up. He isn't the slightest bit interested in anything that isnt very vanilla. Not that I am saying there is anything wrong with that. He asked if I had had any of my writing published as he thought it was good. I also showed him the pissoem that chopski wrote for me. If you have not seen it you should go and find it here.

after he had gone I set about writing my homework.

I think I shall have an early night now.

Sunday, 4 November 2007

memories



After the high I was on the other day I feel a bit flat now.
My weekend has been fine, there have been no disasters. Just a normal weekend really, not much happening.
I went to the murder mystery evening on friday. It was fish and chip supper whilst the various cast members moved from table to table so we could ask them questions. I went with OJ and JA also my mum and her friend, Bananas. Mother had brought some non alcoholic wine for the two of us to drink and cola for the boys. Bananas had a bottle of red wine. My boys had their first taste of red, OJ who never touches alcohol at all thought it was ok but didn't want much just a 1/4 of a glass. JA didn't like it much thank heavens. I have never taken to red, much preferring white but I agreed to try the red and it was better than I remember but I still only had 1/2 glass as by the time I was ready for more Bananas had not only finished the bottle but was scrounging from the next table. At the end of the evening we all had to stand by the person we thought had committed the murder. JA myself and Bananas all thought it was the dodgy junior solicitor, mother thought it was the smarmy 'Uncle' Tom and OJ thought it was the widow (Lady Muck). As it turned out the senior solicitor who was about to read the deceased (Lord Muck)'s will when he died. Had been killed by blows to the head. These blows were administered by both the junior partner and the honerary Uncle. It wasn't certain which had struck the fatal blow. So we were all right except for clever cloggs OJ who for once in his life got something wrong.

saturday was very quiet, I had a nice lie in then exchanged a few emails with various friends. Posh Bird asked if I would feed her cat as she was going to be away until sunday afternoon. Then I went shopping again to get more of the things I need in order to do this new eating regime properly. I have now stocked up on more of the items I didn't have before. I can't remember when I last bought pesto or mixed herbs to go in my home cooking. My mentor in this diet is managing to do something that neither my mother or SF ever managed to do.......shes turning me into a housewife aarrgggg. I even made home made potato and leek soup today. I have remembered though that there are three reasons why I ahve not done this before. I am too lazy to stand preparing fresh food every day. It cost more to stock my cupboards up. I need more space to store everything I need for all these recipes.
I exchanged a few text with Sammy on Saturday.....he says hes been very buy but life will get back to normal after tuesday. He said he would try to get online on sunday night. No sign of him yet and its 11.22pm.
I have heard nothing at all from Neptune since his text on thursday night even though I replied on friday morning. He had said that he would not be able to use computer until he gets back to work on tuesday but he didn't say he wouldnt be able to use his phone either. I know I could text him again but why should I put in more effort if he isn't doing the same. I had thought that he might want to meet over the weekend as he hadn't said he would be busy.....oh well its his loss.
I text swinger on saturday while I was shopping......I don't know why I often get the urge to text while I am food shopping. I was just testing to see if he is still using the same mobile number as before. he replied that he is but he was suprised I still have the number. Thats when I told him I only delete the numbers of people I have forgotten and he is not forgotten. I have not heard from him since.

Its funny all this time since he did his vanishing act at first I hurt, then I just worried about him. I didn't think about him too often as the months passed. It was as though he was a favourite possession that has been put on a shelf not forgotten but not often looked at. When I first got that first email, I was shocked and had to read the name of the sender several times before it sank in that it was him. My first thought ........Omg its Swinger......hes still alive then which made me happy. then I emailed him and we exchanged 4 or 5 very brief emails over about an hour. It was later that the feelings I had had for him began to flood back. I still have a photo of him by my bed. I hadn't looked at that photo for months, but I held it to me before I fell asleep. In the morning as I gazed at it again it was as though my body remembered him. He was the first person to tell me about the alternative use of an electric toothbrush. oon I found myself in need of mine but that was soon discarded in favour of fingers. fingers which had not been put to use in this way for a while.

Over the past couple of days so many things have come into my mind, things I had completely forgotten about until now. When I was removing the black nail varnish from ET's fingers (halloween party last night) I remembered that swinger likes the smell of nail varnish. I remembered too that he likes motor sports. I remember the car he drives, the fact that he goes commando. He prefers to drive the back roads to using the motorway. I remember what he said when I told him I had a puncture when I was driving at 80mph. He loves DIY( he was going to fix my mum's plumbing until he got sent away). Mostly its the little insignificant things I am remembering, things that I had forgotten I knew.

today I took OJ to get his new rail ticket as finally his EMA went into his account this weekend. then we went shopping again!! He needed to buy a birthday present for SF (54 yesterday). He had told me what he wanted them to buy him. Ha ha OJ is the only one with any money so that means I have to stump up the rest. He also decided to buy himself a new dinner plate and bowl that none of the others are allowed to use. He's fed up that its always me and him that do the washing up and the others just leave theirs in the sink. So hes bought his own set. then after the shopping I went up onto the hill to take some photos. I had been saying that I want to get a decent digital camera so tht I can take better pictures especially of the views that I see every day. This morning out of the blue DC asked me if I wanted the camera he had won at work a couple of months ago. at the time I had said he could give me the camera as he hadn't paid me even half his rent money. But he had said he was going to sell it on ebay. He had bought himself a good camera a few months earlier.
difficult to believe these two photos were taken from the same spot within minutes.