A new Decision

When I was in my late teens a few years ago, who am I kidding, a decade or three ago, I began to write childrens stories. Nothing fancy, not even very good, they were for my own amusement, occasionally I allowed friends to see them.



In October 1983 a very important lady left my world. I was devastated to say the least, that sunday morning I walked from one end of town to the other and back again, finally ending up at a friend's family home. Even at such an eary hour on an Autumn Sunday, my grief stopped me from staying wrapped up in my warm cosy bed, the bed I had only got into a few brief hours earlier. I felt selfish, I was so wrapped up in my own distress that I was not ready to comfort my mother in her hour of need. I had sat on the stairs and sobbed even before the news was passed on. I knew without being told you see.



The very fact that the phone had rung at 6am on a sunday was warning enough, but hearing his voice on the line, cracking up as he asked to speak to my mother. There was only one thing this unexpected call could mean. Like many men, especially in those days, he didn't like to talk on the phone, preferring to let his wife do this for him. But on this sad occasion he had no choice, his wife was gone, taken from him in the night, he was the only one who could do this. It was his duty and his need to be the one to tell his daughter that her mother was nolonger by his side.



My sadness was so consuming that it tainted my joy in writing, I could no longer continue to amuse myself by writing. Over the years I wished I could again pick up my pen, but it just was not to be. Then in January 2007 it began. I wrote a fantasy, I enjoyed writing it. My friends enjoyed reading it so I wrote more. Over the past 18 months I have written a number of pieces. Not as much as I would like although I have a growing store of beginnings, locked away in a file called creative writing. Last September I joined a creative writing class and really enjoyed it. I stopped going at Christmas when I began to work full time hours, I needed to give myself time to get used to working longer hours. I enjoy my work so the longer hours don't worry me but I do get tired.



I had been pondering whether to go back to my writing classes. I have now made my decision with the help of my grandpa. One of the pices I wrote for the class last year was inspired by the retirement home where he was living at the time. I enjoy that piece which was so different to anything else I had written. Now that my Grandpa has died I could give up writing as I did when my Granny died but instead I am going to write more than ever.


PS
I added another new widget so who is going to be first to use it. just click on the link to follow this blog

Tears and Flowers

This morning along with my mother we travelled down through the New Forest to visit the little village church where my Granny was buried in October 1983. I was just 21 when she died, I was very close to my Granny, they had been due to visit us for a few days but she died of a massive heart attack during the night just a week before their proposed visit. The first thing I wanted to do when I heard the news, was to phone my Granny and tell her about this awful thing that had happened. Of course I couldn't ring her to tell her of my loss because she was the one I had lost.

I had inherited my love of writing from both my Granny and my mum. My Granny had a number of short stories published when I was a child, apparently she had a small income from her writing. In my late teens I had begun to dabble with a little creative writing of my own, just for my own amusement. But when she died so did my desire to write, I wanted to continue but somehow the flame had gone out. I didn't start writing again until January 2007, which was when I first began allowing others to read my work. I have made a decision to go back to writing classes and continue writing.

Today we visited her grave, we had meant to do so when we drove back from Bournemouth on Bank Holiday Monday, but didn't as we hadn't brought any flowers with us. My grandpa had done his best to tend her grave until he had to give up driving aged 90. Mother and I visited the grave when we could sometimes together but mostly alone. I think the last time I went was on the day of G's cremation 3 or was it 4 years ago. We left some potted flowers and I tidied up the headstone as best I could.

On the way we had talked about the funeral this coming Friday. It won't be a religious affair as unlike my Granny, my Grandpa didn't believe. So it will be a few pieces of music with a few words from mum about her dad's life then the hard part, I shall be reading out some of my memories of this man I am proud to be related to. My brothers will also do the same.

One piece of music my mum would like to play at the funeral but won't because listening to it has her in floods of tears is this one by one of her most favourite artists.

Neil Diamond ~ Hello Again

At the moment I am not feeling too great as I came down with a head cold on Friday, obviously my guard was down and the stinky rotten germs managed to get in under my defences. Maybe thats just my way of allowing the tears to escape. Considering that I am such an emotional person I find it very difficult to release any emotion in these times of sorrow, I don't cry or get angry, I was the same when my dad died prematurely aged 55. I was the same when I had Cancer. But when I have a head cold the tears stream down my face as though from a tap with a dodgy washer that just won't quite shut off. I guess its just another example of my upbringing, the British Stiff Upper Lip thing. Having to be strong, not collapsing in a heap in times of sorrow. My head tells me that I should allow myself to grieve but nothing comes. Maybe I have built a wall around my heart that keeps me going, yet I can read or watch something sentimental and I'm a sopping heap of tears why is that?

Work in progress

I figured it was time I got back into writing creatively so last night I didn't write a blog post. I didn't do any of my spreadsheets.

Instead I began a new work in progress.

I have a Title

I have an opening paragraph

I know how it ends, I even know how the twist at the end works

But I have no idea how to do the bit between the first paragraph and the end.

It is about a young girl but I don't know whether to write it about her but aimed at an older audience or whether to aim it at young girls. If the latter then I have to be careful not to be too clever in the vocabulary and grammar that I use.

does anyone have any thoughts.

is it good?

While I am sitting here waiting for Romeo to come online I am listening to some of my music when it reached this song which ET sent to me, as he thought I would like it, several weeks ago. Every time I hear this song it makes me think about Romeo. Yes I know it doesn't take much to get my mind into that particular space. I really want to share this with Romeo but I shall wait. Anyway I thought whilst I was waiting I would share it with my blogger friends. I hope you like it as much as I do. I know I am a bit behind the times and many of you probably know the singer and his songs much better than I do.

Some of you may be surprised to find that I have done a few new posts on my other blogs. I am trying to keep my creative writing to Lady in Red Writes rather than posting it here. I have not been writing much creatively for many months but I am beginning to find more inspiration. I was chatting to my boss today and I mentioned that I am considering taking on a part time job a couple of evenings or a few hours at the week ends to top up my salary. She told me that I would be better off concentrating on my writing. She really admires the writing I have allowed her to see. This would not be the solution to my money problems in the short term but could be in the longer term however it is the short term I am most concerned with. Perhaps I should follow DJ's advice and writ a book of short stories as I don't think I have a whole novel inside my head at the moment although you never know what inspiration I may get in the future.

Having said that I am trying to keep most of my creative writing on LiR writes I have written a piece you might enjoy which is on Battle to find myself.

I am completely stunned!! when I was divorcing SF he kept saying he didn't want to be a 'weekend father' (I thought this would be an improvement). He lives just ten minutes walk away with his g/f (Village Idiot) and her mother and daughter. Ok so there is an injunction stopping him from coming to our house. He has invited our boys to his new home once and that was at my suggestion (lunch on boxing day). Now every Thursday is his day off from work. It is the school holidays, perfect opportunity to spend some quality time with his sons. So he arranged to take the boys to the cinema in the city and lunch at a chinese restaurant. Yes he took them to the city by train. (He has never applied to get his licence back after he was done for being 4 x over the limit). He paid for them to watch the film of their choice while he and his new family went for lunch at the restaurant. Apparently the boys had some chocolate for lunch and the offer of some money for a take away in the evening (it wasn't forthcoming). Will he be in the running for 'father of the year' I don't think so.

WAR CHILD

I have posted my submission to the WAR CHILD book over on Lady in Red Writes. I very rarely post on there these days but that is probably because I have not been writing much of late. Perhaps I shall get back to some proper writing very soon

Monday's desire

fairly quiet Monday today

Ok so I said I wouldn't text Neptune, but I did. I sent him a text just before I set off for work.

are you ok?

short simple and just that.
As I was driving he replied telling me that he was having a lie in as he has a day off work today. (I knew that).He was going to make some tea and go back to bed. For once I arrived at work with a couple of minutes to spare so I replied telling him mine is with skimmed milk no sugar.

While I was beavering away at my work my mind was wandering all over the place as it does. (I really need a job that will make me use my brain). I was thinking about Swinger. More to the point I was trying not to think about him. How dare he do this to me. Just when I was beginning to get my life straight. I am trying so hard not to let his return get to me. I remind myself that I should be thinking about Neptune. I have not met Neptune yet and at this rate it isn't going to happen this year if at all, even if we do meet will we still like each other. I have gone from worrying that I won't be good enough for him to wondering if he will be good enough for me. (thats got to be good hasn't it?).
Swinger had his chance, but he left me with no word of explanation. I tell myself he doesn't want to stay in contact with me and I mustn't think otherwise. But then I argue that he sent me that email. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't want me to know he is back. so the question is why does he want me to know that. He promised me answers but none have been forth coming so far.
Amongst my jumble of thoughts I was also thinking about my writing. I have been asked to write more of 'Granny's Tree'. I need to write more of my book and I have two days to think of something to do for my homework. The subject of this week's homework is to write about something that we try to forget about but it just keeps growing. Suddenly I knew what I would do. Not a short story this time.
I have decided that I don't want to post all my writing her on this blog. AS I still have kindred Perverts open I am going to use that as a place to keep my creative writing. I have changed the name of it to Lady in Red writes......it still has the same address as before but I don't need to keep the name anymore. this weeks home work has been posted over there already. Next will be the updated and extended version of Granny's Tree.

After work I text Neptune again to ask if he was still enjoying his lie in. Then I headed for the gym. An hour I worked out, treadmill, bike and cross trainer with a bit of resistence work in the middle. I weighed myself afterwards to discover that even though I have been working out and dieting for the last week my weight is exactly the same as last monday.

I had just got back to my car when I got a text from Neptune telling me about his day. apparently all the computers he looked at (to replace his current defunct one) had vista on them. But he was now stretched out on his sofa watching a film. ...............Its a hard life isn't it?

After cooking spaghetti for the boys and chilli for me and DC, I had a long IM chat with a married local man. the subject got around to fantasies. He told me what one of his was so I sent him what I had written months ago about a situation that was close ish to his fantasy. we then talked about being tied up. He isn't the slightest bit interested in anything that isnt very vanilla. Not that I am saying there is anything wrong with that. He asked if I had had any of my writing published as he thought it was good. I also showed him the pissoem that chopski wrote for me. If you have not seen it you should go and find it here.

after he had gone I set about writing my homework.

I think I shall have an early night now.

swooning

OMG!!!
just got in from my writing class. OJ and JA are watching never mind the buzzcocks, the guests include Daniel Bedingfield who I adore (his music that is) and catch me while I swoon.....................captain Jack aka John Barrowman (Fireman Sam knows him and says hes a real nice guy). Yes I know he's gay but I don't care I think he's lovely. Maybe I should unblock Fireman Sam and start seeing him again to see if I can get him to take me with him next time hes going off to work on set with JB.


I have paid my phone bill............well it had to be done if I am going to keep in touch with Neptune, we have now given each other our mobile numbers so it wouldn't have been much good if I couldn't reply to all the text messages I know I will get from him now lmao.

I have topped up my electricity and gas meters so that we can keep warm and I can use computer while the kids watch tv.

We have food in the cupboards and fridge so we can eat for a few days...............this includes some new items as I try to adjust not only mine but the whole family's eating habits.

I now have a full petrol tank just incase I get any invites to go meet a certain elusive man. Not really I do need to get to work every day too but it does no harm to be prepared.

On friday I get just a little bit closer to getting my rent arrears paid off.

Its day three of the new eating regime.......slowly but surely getting used to the changes this is bringing. It isn't easy but at least I know that I am not doing this alone which helps and when I looked at the hot cheese and onion slice that was only 34p at the local garage shop I did think it looked and smelt nice but I knew I shouldn't so I gritted my teeth and walked away from it.

Oh I also let my colleagues read some of my writing today. I was told by mum to be again (mtba) that I really should write a book. Wayne really liked 'Granny's Tree' and think I should write more of it. He recons he should be able to read part two tomorrow. Some chance I have hardly had time to think let alone write this evening.

Tonight at my writing class we were given pages of writing competitions for us to enter. DJ if you or anyone else wants a copy let me know.

Our homework for next week is to

think about something one tries to forget that just gets bigger and bigger.

No idea what I shall do yet but no doubt I shall think of something before next wednesday.

Bought myself a new red top this morning just incase I have anywhere to go at the weekend even though I had promised myself I wouldn't buy anything new until I had dropped a size. Well sometimes a girl has to do these things.

I turned my phone off when I was at my writing course just incase I got a call or text from Neptune. After the class I turned it on again to find that yes I did have a new text. But the name was not Neptune it was *****
and had just one word.....................Boo
It has been sometime since this man has text me so it was somewhat unexpected

Granny's tree

Ok so here it is my experiment.

Dj has challenged me to write a children's story...........not the kind of thing I normally write. so here goes I got the idea few days ago and have been mulling it over not quite sure how to do it so this morning I just thought 'sod it girl just start writing and see what happens.'

so here it is .............not very long and probably rubbish and could be improved and extended.

But hey who said it has to be perfect.


Granny's Tree

Katie and Harry are putting on their coats and scarves.It is the half term holidays and they are staying with granny in the country for a few days while mummy has to work.

Granny lives alone now with just Jasper the old yellow dog with his shaggy hair and Tiggs her old grey striped cat. His name is really Tiger but everyone calls him Tiggs for short. He spends most of his day on the window seat catching the sun.

Come on Katie hurry up

Harry calls to his big sister as he runs out of the backdoor.

I’m coming wait for me I just need to finish getting my wellies on.

Granny has told the children to be careful as the paddock is still muddy after the rain last week. Granny will watch the children from the kitchen while she is busy cooking their dinner and baking fresh scones for a special treat to have later. This morning they all got in a mess when Harry wanted to help with the chocolate fairy cakes.

Harry put on your pinnie if you want to help Katie stir the mix.

Granny can I lick the bowl can I can I

He had pleaded. When Katie was carefully spooning the mix into the little paper cases on the tray.

Now Katie pushes the door open and races out to join her brother, Katie loves her little brother even though he is only seven and still acts like a baby sometimes. Next week Katie will be nine then she will be even more grown up than she is now.

Harry must be hiding as Katie can’t see him anywhere. She sits down on the bench in the middle of the field.

I don’t care where you are I am just going to sit here and wait for you

She shouts.

The sun is shining but it is still cold and the leaves are falling from the trees. Katie watches them for a while. Harry comes out of hiding to kick the leaves around where they have fallen in piles under the trees at the edge of the field. Then Katie notices that the big tree on its own, granny says it’s an oak tree has still got most of its leaves.

She wanders over to the big tree. There are a few leaves on the ground some brown others still a bit yellowy but there are other things too. Granny told the children when they were little that fairies live in this tree and they use the acorn cups to drink from. But that was just a story for little kids wasn’t it.

Katie

Katie

Katie looks up into the branches thinking Harry must have climbed up there while she wasn’t looking. But he isn’t there she can see him over at the fence now talking to the old brown horse in Mr Cartwright’s field. Nelson must be getting old now, he’s even older than Katie is.

Katie

Katie

There it is again, that whisper almost as if the tree was whispering her name, but trees can’t talk.

Who are you and what do you want

Katie is trying to be braver than she feels now, she thinks of calling Harry over here or maybe she should run to him.

Katie it is me, I won’t hurt you, I have been watching you. You are a kind girl, I see you feed the birds and stroking the animals.

But who are you and why won’t you let me see you

She peers up into the branches looking for a clue.

Katie you can see me, I have been her for more than a hundred years, you have climbed into my arms I mean my branches. My little friends the fairies want you to become one of our friends.

But you have to promise not to tell anyone our secret.

Katie tries not to jump up and down with excitement

I promise I promise

Can I tell my granny though cos she told me about the faries and I thought it was a story.

Katie your granny knows our secret but as she got older she forgot about us and now she just believes we are a fairy tale that she remembers. We don’t need her to remember that we are here.

If you promise to keep our secret we can have lots of fun and adventures.

Gladys

this week's homework was to look at a picture of a man (who happens to have tattoos covering both arms). We are to choose a character to have a conversation with this man.

Here is my conversation:

Good morning Gladys and how are we today?

Whats good about it? I’m still ere aint I?

That’s one reason to be happy Gladys, we all look forward to your cheerfull face every morning. Now shall we get you downstairs to breakfast. Bert is already there wondering whats keeping you so long.

Let go you don’t have to hold me I can walk on me own young man

I know you can young lady but I just wanted to show off escorting such a pretty lady down the hall.

Ok Ok enough of your banter where’s me stick gone?

Here it is now let me hold the door for you, there we go.
Steady as we go now, wait for me I’m not as young as I used to be you know

Ha ha that’s funny your not much older than my grandson and that’s another thing

Oh no what I have done this time Gladys?

Cant you cover them arms of yours up

I thought you liked my tats

I don’t care but me grandson is coming to visit me today and hes bringing the younguns. I don’t want you scaring the little babyies do you hear me Barry.

Yes Gladys I will make sure I don’t frighten the children is that ok?

Well you just make sure you don’t.

Right here we are climb aboard and I’ll strap you on. We’ll have you down stairs in a jiffy.

No I aint going on that thing I’ll walk down the stairs if you don’t mind I aint an invalid yet.

Gladys just you get on this chair you know as well as I do the doctor says your not to walk down the stairs not after that fall last month. Do we have to go through this everyday.

You knows how much I hates this thing Barry. You know if you were a real man you could pick me up an carry me down them stairs.

Now now Gladys you know I couldn’t do that even if I wanted to. Tell you what, if you get on this lovely chair I will change my shirt to one with long sleeves so you wont have to see my beautifully decorated arms and nor will anyone else.

It’ll be your fault when Mavis rips my shirt so she can see the pretty pictures.

That Mavis is mad, crazy mad, she talks to er self you know.

Gladys now stop that its not nice to call your friends names.

Shes not my friend just cos we both live in this ere home don’t make er my friend do it?

I guess not but, you still have to get on with the others living here. Right lets take the strap off and you can step down.

How did I get down ere already?

Gladys you was naggin so much you didn’t notice you were moving.Right now you can race me to the lounge Laura will be serving the coffee in a few minutes. Now you behave yourself while I go and get Freddy.