Saturday, 31 January 2009

I didn't see that one coming

I have felt much better today, thank you all for your well wishes.
Back at work I still had an annoying cough but otherwise felt almost back to normal at last.

Tonight I had a long chat with ET or rather several chats wth him. The upshot which I really didn't see coming was that he has been thinking about his future career. He started off by asking me what I thought he should do for his two weeks work experience which is part of his college course. He then proceeded to tell me what he had been thinking about. He showed me a website, we looked at the different possibilities, the locations, the different specialist options. He went through a mock situation test, he looked at the info about training.

He is thinking about a career that I would never in a million years have predicted that he would opt for.

He wants to join the RAF !!!

Thursday, 29 January 2009

D is for Date

Ok so here is the latest news.

Last night I was feeling really quite poorly so when I woke up this morning with a sore throat and upset tummy I text PB to say I was unwell. It seems that I am not the only one as JA was feeling sick. I later discovered that ET had not gone to college he had woken with a sore throat. He has been at college for 3 days and now hes ill !! But he will have to go in tomorrow as next monday hes off on a week of activites at a residential centre in New Forest. He will need to find out all the details about what he needs to take etc. He does seem to be enjoying his course so far which is good, I am only sorry that it will only last 12 weeks.

Anyway back to me being ill, I have slept a lot, read some of chopper's book, had a phone call from Paulo who had rung the office and found I wasn't there so rang me at home to see if I'm ok. The Man text me at 9.30am I didn't reply until 10.30am he text again at 13.36 after a meeting at which time I told him I was home ill. 15.25 another text asking if I fancy a chat. we chatted for 22 minutes while he was driving (using his hands free so I couldn't catch everything he said). But apart from general chat, he asked about Monday night, we also talked about my cancer and me being ill now. He told me I need to get better soon because we need to meet. So we are going to meet next weekend. He will be away for a few days next week but hopefully by the time he gets back I will be well enough to meet. within 5 minutes of putting down the phone he had text me again.

I did think it was funny during our chat he said he had not been on laptop for a few days so he probably owes me a few emails ............I said I hadn't written any. (I only reply to the ones he sends lmao.........I didn't tell him that bit though)

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Men and books

It has mostly been a good day for me.

After a manic few weeks work has finally slowed down giving us a little breathing space although there is still plenty to keep us busy. Not that the lemon chewer can see that. She now thinks that there is not enough work for all three of us and she will be out of a job in 2 weeks. she doesn't understand that the work we have been doing for the 4 months since she joined us is in reality only the tip of the iceberg for us. There is so much more to our work that we just have not had time to do in recent months. I, for one, am looking forward to getting a chance to get down to the real work.

Anyway, I digress, as it was more my intention to describe my morning, or to be more precise, the activity of my mobile phone. First there was the joke which arrived at 10.07am . Then there was the observation of the weather together with a comment about being on a train twiddling thumbs. It was 10.16am by then, this time as it was quiet I replied. Possibly a mistake as that was the start, 5 more text messages before 11am. Including a comment about it being time for a coffee, to which I replied that mine is tea, white no sugar (predictable I know). I then sent him a picture of my mug on my desk. He liked the red lipstick print on the white enamel. After this exchange it all went quiet for an hour, I am guessing that was when he was making his way to his destination (Earls Court).

The afternoon was quiet, but when I arrived home I found that I had received a photo (bottle of red wine and glass) two hours earlier and I hadn't noticed. Then at 8.30pm the text started again until 10pm when he said goodnight. to which I said .................goodnite x. Much to my suprise at 10.33pm I got ..............

thank you for my 'x' LiR. xx

Hmmm I wonder how much longer this will continue, will he eventually ask me out or is he waiting for me to ask him out right.

I have not been feeling very well this evening, my throat is sore again and I feel generally unwell, but I was cheered up by a phone call from my mum. She wanted to tell me that she has been reading DJ's book and although she finds the story of DJ's life fascinating it is the way it is writen that had my mum excited. I have never heard her this excited about reading a book (she is always reading 3 or 4 books at any one time.) DJ my mum says your book is beautifully written. There are many authors ie Wilbur Smith whose books are written so well that you feel as though you were there, but she has never written anything so beautifully written as this book. For those of you who don't know the book I am talking about is ................. From Zaftig to Aspie. I am looking forward to reading it myself once mother has finished with it. In the mean time I have Chopper's book to read.

Monday, 26 January 2009

A grand night out

On Sunday I did a practice run in the daylight to find the venue for tonight's celebrations. It was only because I had to stop at the traffic lights that I found it as I was stopped right by the door.

Tonight I left home only a few minutes later than I had intended (I had to read all 7 of the emails from The Man). When I tried to turn out of our road I was confronted by a disturbing sight, a drunken young man stood in the road. The cars in all directions stopped, lights shining on this swaying statue for a few seconds that feel more like minutes. He raises his hand then staggers across the road in my direction. He walks in front of my car towards my passenger door, for a heart stopping moment I fear that he is going to try to open my door, I consider pressing the button that locks the doors, but instead I lurch my car forward and drive away as quickly as I can.

By the time I arrive at my mum's place to drag her out for the evening I have calmed down. It doesn't take long to arrive at our destination but after driving up and down several side roads without finding a place to park. I find myself at the traffic lights again so mother gets out whilst I continue my search for a space. Now I am on my own it doesn't matter if i have further to walk. But I found a space outside a pizza parlour not too far from the Bistro which was lucky. So off I go clip clopping along the uneven pavement. Pushing open the green door expecting to find the group of excited bloggers and a bemused mother, I am suprised to see just a few groups of people chatting quietly, no sign of the hosts or more worryingly my mother!

At the far end of the room I notice a girl in black heading down a short flight of stairs with a sign pointing the way to the wine bar. Quickly I make my way down the stairs. Is this some kind of joke, am I perhaps the guest at a suprise party, it is like The Marie Celeste down here in the room scattered with tables and chairs but no people. Even the girl in black has vanished. I did what I assume most people would do and returned to the bar above to ask if I was at the right place. It is the right place and I am shown the way back downstairs through the door at the end to the stairs leading to the conservatory outside.

Here I find a room buzzing with excitement. Mother waves to me from the far end of the room. Making my way towards her I met a very excited and lovely DJ Kirkby. Eat your hearts out people, I was priviledged to have met the reclusive DJ and even though she had warned us all that she is not tactile and doesn't like to be touched. DJ hugged me!.

DJ is as lovely as I knew she would be with a gorgeous smile. Chopper is just as I remember from those windswept days of another life except he now has his goatee. For two shy people both did a grand job of reading for us. DJ's talk about Autism was very interesting and not in a text book kind of way but real.

I also got to meet the lovely Casdoc who wrote the Shrek Rap which was performed for us by the talented Daren Callow. If you don't know what the Shrek Rap is you need to visit either DJ or Casdoc' blogs or even both. Casdoc and DJ have sons who are Autistic. Tonight's event apart from launching the books that DJ and Chopper have just had published, was to raise money for Portsmouth Autism Support Network.

Anyway I now have my signed copy of Chopper's book and my mum has a signed copy of DJ's book, we will swap once we have read them. Oh and I nearly forgot to mention that I also met Troy who has recently begun to read my blog, I know Trixie wil be jealous.

But then it was back to reality, wandering around a shop in my finery looking for the ingredients that are needed for tomorrow's food tech lesson. On arriving home I discovered the bathroom floor was flooded and the toilet blocked. Armed with an 18" rubber gauntlet it took me just a few seconds to dislodge the offending blockage before mopping up the floor with old towels.

Writing up tonight's events was interrupted by a trip across town at 12.20am yeee gods the temperature had dropped in the hour or so since I had got home. What was I doing going out at that time you are thinking. I had booked DC's car for its MOT early Tuesday, his car needed to be dropped off so I was giving him a lift home. BTW he has had a letter offering him 'An unconditional place' on the University course he had applied for.

Am I wicked?

Over the weekend I sent an email to The Man telling him I would have to stop chatting to him as I had found my perfect man then showed him the profile that I showed you in my previous post. with just the comment if!! after it. ( his response today was to call me a malteser and say its a good thing he read right to the end of the email).

Today the following text exchange occurred.

I've just remembered your off out 2nite. Have a good one. Going anywhere nice? xx

Couple of friends celebrating having their first books published. Rosie's Bistro . I intend to dress up as its ages since I've been anywhere. Don't care if my red velvet skirt with split and black lace top is over the top!

You've painted a lovely picture in my mind. Thank you LiR.......wish you were on my arm ...! xx

Awww thank you x x

Your very welcome LiR have a lovley evening & tell me all about it later. xx

Do you think there might be some progress here? It does seem that although I am letting him do most of the work it doesn't hurt to nudge the rudder in the right direction now and again.

Friday, 23 January 2009

Someone wants to meet you

A couple or three months ago I created a profile on a dating site that my hairdresser had recommended. I exchanged a emails with one man who lived not too far away but that fizzled out as we ran out of things to say to each other. There were not really any men on the site who caught my interest. So I have not really paid any attention for a while. However this particular site along with a couple of others has a feature where it shows you a set of profiles with an option to select YES, NO or MAYBE whether you would like to meet them. If someone says yes then the site tells you that someone wants to meet you. you then get a set of profiles to select from. If both parties secelt YES or MAYBE then that becomes a MUTUAL MATCH. Today I got a message .................someone wants to meet you.

Here is the profile I was greeted with, I am not showing you the photograph but I would like your honest opinions should I meet this guy?

Interests: snooker, 10-pin, horse-ridding, swimming, saunda/steamroom, eatingout RESTAURANTS (only) chinnesse/indian, chess, tv-music chanels, 80's dude

ps prepared 2 move 4 the right girl oiutside of the new forest to weymouth & croyon

Profession: out of work food-retailing

Thursday, 22 January 2009


All week I have been good. There has been no bread, pastry, no sweet things.

All week I have had my bowl of cereal in the morning. For two days I have allowed myself one single snack a jack cake (didn't realise they were cakes) during the long morning between breakfast at 6.30 and lunch at close on 2pm.

Lunch this week has consisted of 3 x crackers with low fat cottage cheese followed by a snack size low fat yoghurt.

Dinner this week has consisted of jacket potato and cauliflower cheese on monday. cottage pie on tuesday and on wednesday jacket potato, cheese and beans.

Today though has been different.

Today I had my early morning cereal then nothing until I got home at 2.15 and treated myself to a wholemeal cheese and onion sandwich followed by 3 squares (if you can call them squares) of galaxy chocolate.

After the last few days I deserve chocolate and after all I did buy it for medicinal purposes. Slowly sucking a square of milk chocolate coats and soothes my throat, which in turn eases my coughing so that I can catch up on some much needed sleep.

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

A quiet day!

It started out a quiet day.
Arriving at work I could hardly talk. This made talking on the telephone difficult.
An unexpected outburst by the lemon chewer meant that we were both left stewing in mute animosity. Where we would normally take it in turns to answer the phone I would have appreciated a little co-operation with the phones whilst I was struggling. Instead I was facing a stoney silence from across our desks. It was becoming increasingly obvious that she was not just not helping me out she was actively avoiding answering the phone unless I was already on the phone.

The day continued in relative silence. Punctuated only with phone calls and my coughs as I barked and retched my way through the day sometimes with tears streaming down my face. It would seem that todays plate of lemons was laced with crushed razor blades.

I understand that a case is being put together to remove the lemons from our day. Meetings have taken place and letters delivered. Time will tell.

Monday, 19 January 2009

Chewing lemons

On the whole I consider myself to be a cheerful soul. I am a glass half full type person even though it might not always seem that way on here.

Anyone who knows me also knows that I love my job. I have gained so much confidence in the year I have been doing this job. But recently I have found it difficult to enjoy my work to quite the same extent that I had been.

Has my work changed? in some small ways it has but essentially it is the same.

Is my job at risk? In as much as no one is totally safe in their job these days, I know my job is fairly safe.

Have my working conditions changed in anyway? No

So what is making my work less enjoyable?

The answer is the mood swings and negativity of the one person I work closest with. Increasingly she is becoming bitter and sour, it is as though she has been living on a diet of.................... lemons.

I won't go into details but she is making life difficult for those of us who work with her. The egg shells we walk on are becoming more delicate with each passing day.

Today I got an email from from Wild Catz that I want to share with you particular notice to number 1.

Staff Warning - Swearing at Work

Dear Employees

It has been brought to the management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues. Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1. Try Saying: I think you could do with more training

Instead Of: You don't have a fucking clue, do you?

2. Try Saying: She's an aggressive go-getter.

Instead Of: She's a fucking power-crazy bitch

3. Try Saying: Perhaps I can work late

Instead Of: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

4. Try Saying: I'm certain that isn't feasible

Instead Of: Fuck off arse- hole

5. Try Saying: Really?

Instead Of: Well fuck me backwards with a telegraph pole

6. Try Saying: Perhaps you should check with...

Instead Of: Tell someone who gives a fuck.

7. Try Saying: I wasn't involved in the project.

Instead Of: Not my fucking problem.

8. Try Saying: That's interesting.

Instead Of: What the fuck?

9. Try Saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.

Instead Of: No fucking chance mate.

10. Try Saying: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in

Instead Of: Why the fuck didn't you tell me that yesterday?

11. Try Saying: He's not familiar with the issues

Instead Of: He's got his head up his fucking arse.

12. Try Saying: Excuse me, sir?

Instead Of: Oi, fuck face.

13. Try Saying: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway

Instead Of: Yeah, who needs fucking holidays anyway

Enjoy the rest of your day

Sunday, 18 January 2009

it only hurts when I cough

On Friday I woke up with a slightly sore throat, as the day progressed it got worse. Each phone call was agony trying not to cough in the caller's ear. Glass of water to hand was essential, a pack of maltesers helped too. I do crave chocolate when I have a sore throat as it eases the pain and it was clear that nothing else in the vending machine was going to be much help. By lunchtime I was begining to feel a little better (must have been the sinus capsules I had taken) but by the time I was ready to go home I didn't just feel crap but was told I looked crap too. Thanks I needed that!

Driving home I was thinking about an earlier email from The Man asking what I had planed for the weekend. I was contemplating suggesting we meet as the laugh would do me good. But by the time he called me I was feeling far too crap to consider going anywhere other than bed. I had treated myself to a tub of rum and raisin ice cream to sooth my throat. that worked but soon had me feeling sleepy ......................I think I overdosed on the rum flavouring.

Saturday I woke aching all over and feeling terrible but I forced myself to go out once I had taken more sinus capsules. I had to go to the local sorting office to retrieve the last of my recent batch of packages from ebay. Instead of going out and buying a coat from my mum I used the money to buy several. I now have 5 new jackets including one sheepskin and one leather and a watch for the money I would have got one coat for in the shops.

Visiting my mum I declined the obligatory cup of tea for a glass of water and more capsules. Finally the pain in my face began to subside but before I left to do my shopping I made a big mistake. When I say big I mean really BIG!!

'Mum I don't like your bathrom'

'lol why'

'I just stood on your scales ............they say that I am nearly as heavy now as I was at my biggest!!'

'which ones? there are two sets'

'the white ones by the radiator'

'try the blue ones under the wash basin'

I jog (notice I jog not walk) back up the stairs, find the old blue scales that I remember from the year dot. heave a big sigh of relief.

'thats better I lost a stone in 2 minutes'

still not good and I definitely need to get to the gym pronto but at least it isn't as bad as it had first seemed.

So now I am determined to do something about this added weight. It is a long time since I weighed myself but I knew I was putting on weight by how I feel oh and my clothes cutting me in half................I simply refuse to buy bigger clothes as that would be giving myself permission to be bigger.

I need to be more active.

Today I am feeling fitter than yesterday in that I don't ache but the pile of tissues by my side is growing as I cough and sneeze my way through the morning.


Perhaps it wasn't such a great idea to attack the remaing half of the divan that has resided outside my backdoor for the last 6 months. I need to get it removed and taken to the amenity tip, but it is too big for my car so needs to be broken up. I have given up asking the offspring who are not man enough for the job!

So this afternoon I set about attacking it with my heavy mallet. Although I didn't quite complete the job I did manage most of it before I became too weak to even lift the mallet. I was left shattered but then so was the bed. Perhaps now that I have done the majority of it ET can be persauded to finish it for me. Next is the old sofa that has been sitting there rotting for far too long. By the start of the spring I intend to have my patio clear of all the old tat that has been sitting there.

It wasn't long before I was asleep again. I am still feeling weak but pleased I did it. My stepper has also been pulled out from under the table.

Friday, 16 January 2009

Nigel's Way

As I said recently, Cheekydani is dating by her friend Nigel's rules or at least she is for a trial month. I decided to see what would happen if I try to do it Nigel's way too.

So this is how it has been working out.

Romeo has not been on contact since 8th December. I have not emailed him since before christmas nor text since New Years day. I have not told him that he has competition or that he is risking losing me. I have said nothing at all.

The Man I am enjoying a regular exchange with. Nearly every day he sends me a chatty email about his day etc. I reply to this then wait for his next email. He has begun sending me email jokes too 5 today alone! Some days, ok most days he sends me a text even if its only a joke. I reply to this. On the days he doesn't make contact at all (like yesterday) I resist the temptation to email or text him. Today he was working from home, this morning he sent me a text joke, this resulted in an exchange of text.

geordie in amsterdam goes to a prostitute & asks how much? she says 350euro, fella says 'I'll give yi 500 if yi let iz do it geordiestyle'. she agrees & afterwards she says , 'that was great sex but can yu tell me what the geordiestyle bit was?' he replies 'can i give you that 500 next week pet?' xx

my reply ...............remind me to avoid Newcastle.

This afternoon I checked my emails ............................5 from The Man

I hadn't been home for very long this evening when I got a text 'fancy a chat? xx'

I didn't find the text until 10 minutes after it was sent. I replied ok

About 10 minutes later my phone rang. He had missed my reply and was disappointed until he found it. we didn't talk for long as I have a sore throat today. It was also a bad line and the screeching on the line was getting on my nerves. Before we finished chatting he slipped in.

'keep the emails coming they are fun'

'like me .................I will grow up one day!'

'no don't ..........there is no room for grown ups in this world.'

I think perhaps he likes me just a tiny bit ;)
Tonight I have been on the dating site, not to see who is there but to let him see that I have been 'online in the last 24 hrs'. I also wanted to change my photo as it is awful but because I am not paid up it will only allow me to have one photo.................brainwave!! I have deleted it and uploaded a better one (Rach's favourite). Whilst I was doing that I got a request to chat on the site's IM but as I am not subscribed I can't do that.

Tomorrow when I am less tired I shall rejoin the free site where I found Romeo and create a new profile.

It is time to let the fun begin (once this rotten sore throat has gone that is).

Thursday, 15 January 2009

Onwards and Upwards

Now for some more positive news

Oj got an offer of a place at warwick Uni providing he gets 2 x A & 2 x B which he should do.

Today I went with ET to an open day at a college in The City, he has signed up for a 12 week course with The Princes Trust.

My boys are moving forward

Tuesday, 13 January 2009


My confidence is good
My belief in myself higher than ever before in my life
I know my personality is good
Frequently I am called 'lovely'
I am cheerful
I am humourous

But why am I scared?

I am scared because I dislike my body
Like most women I have never been happy with my body, but as much as I dislike it now, I hated being skinny even more.

When I was playing the field it wasn't such an issue, my sexual partners were using me as much as I was using them but it was only sex. They taught me that not all men only want women with perfect figures. There are many men who like a woman with a fuller figure. But that was fine, we would initially meet for a drink or a meal but after that it was mostly sex and friendship.

But now that I am not and have not been in the market for a relationship based on sex, for a long time, there are a whole new set of fears.

Now that I am in the market for a serious relationship I am scared that my personality won't be enough. I am scared that no matter how much we might get on he might take one look at me and say no.

I know that if I am not happy with my body then need to do something about it. I have been trying to lose weight. I am still trying to follow the diet that I started in the Autumn of 2007 but I am not managing to get to the gym. I keep trying to get to the gym, but working full time then getting home cooking etc I am too tired to go to the gym.

In my heart of hearts I know that any man worth having will accept me as I am. But that doesn't stop me from being scared. I think that is why I am happy to let thing continue to progress slowly with The Man. We continue to exchange emails and text most days, there has been no further talk of meeting although I have no doubt that we will meet soon.

Monday, 12 January 2009

Never good news

A week ago the staff in the warehouse were given the option of agreeing to work a 4 day week. I am not entirely sure what they were told. But I do know that all of them would have to agree to work a 4 day week or there would be lay offs. Over the last week there has been much consideration and discussion of this subject and the effects it will have on the worker's pockets. Today they each gave their decision (secretly). Incredibly at least one person has rejected the 4 day week. Because it only took one person to say no, the 4 day week will not be put into action. Instead the workforce will be educed in number. I do not envy the warehouse manager who has to decide who out of his staff (who have mostly worked there for years ) will lose their job.

A sad day for everyone.

Sunday, 11 January 2009

Meeting a clown

Over recent weeks I have had far more calls than I care to receive from SF.First there were the calls asking what to do about christmas. (Would it be alright to have the boys on boxing day).I might not want SF in my life any more but I am not going to stop our sons from seeing him if they so want. I don't see why he stil thinks it is nescessary to ask my permission to see them. They are all old enough to make up their own minds, and make their own arrangements with him. He isn't meant to contact me he is supposed to ring them directly. I would say that he has all their mobile numbers but JA often forgets to charge his phone and the others have all had new phones in recent months and not passed on their new numbers. Unfortunately he got my mobile number and our home land line number by accident when he borrowed a phone from ET. He promised he wouldn't be a nuisance which he isn't really but I could do without his calls that are never important or urgent.

Before christmas he called me asking to borrow some money. He keeps telling me that he is going to finish with his girlfriend. I don't need to know this it is nothing to do with me, I don't care who he lives with. However DC won't see him when J is there. He asked me if he could give our sons a post dated cheque for them to split between them for christmas.On Christmas Eve he called me at 5pm from the pub, he had earlier decided to catch the trai to Kent to visit his own family and would have the boys on sunday instead of boxing day. However now he couldn't afford the train fare. I was not going to lend him the money. On the sunday suprise suprise he couldn't see the boys because all he had was some ham and some instant mash. Later I asked OJ how he and his brothers feel when their dad lets them down like this. He says that they just accept it as he has always let them down all thier lives, making promises then on the day saying it will have to be another time. He has asked if he can borrow money from his own sons. They are now refusing to let him have any money because he spends it on beer and cigarettes.

Last week I was asked if he could give the a dinner on Sunday (today), a few days ago he asked if they would like to go to a local carvery for early bird dinners. Now today he is saying that instead of seeing them today he would see them on thursday and give them a buffet meal. It will be ET's 17th birthday on Friday his father tells me he is going to give him £20 on thursday so that I can have him at home on his birthday.SF got paid on Friday so it is that time of the moth when he pays me the £100 maintenance that I recieve every month from him. He called me this morning asking if I need that money yet. When I told him that I do need it so I can go shopping he asked when I am going shopping.

' Not until I get the money. '

'Can you do me a favour and give me and J a lift into Town to the cash machine then I can give you the money'.


'When will you be going?'

'Give me an hour'

'Oh I wanted to go now, would you be able to pick us up from The H******** ? so I can have a drink first or would The Mill be easier for you?'

Bloody cheek! So I kept him waiting by going to the local Tip first. But when I got to The Mill I nearly died when I saw them walking towards my car. With his baggy black and white striped cotton trousers with huge red and green patches at the knees. A tee shirt with coloured hoops (I didn't look very closely) an off white cotton blazer and a fedora.!!!

OMG hes turned into a clown all he needs are the big shoes and a flower that sprays water. She wasn't dressed quite so flamboyantly but was still quite a sight. I wanted to hide in case anyone saw me with them. They both talked non stop as I drove, making it hard for e to figure out what either of them were saying. J's speach is not very easy for me to understand (even on a good day) apparently she had a stroke some years ago and her speech was affected. That coupled with my hearing deficeincy doesn't help. Several times SF told J to stop talking. He was very rude to her.When I pulled up outside the Post Office I had to tell J to get out of the car so that SF could go to the cash machine. No sooner was she out of the car and she was gone trotting off towards the pub. I am sure that by the time he had climbed out of the car and reached the cash point she must have already reached the pub. Very strange!!

Thursday, 8 January 2009


A few days ago I told the story of how The Man first contacted me. We have been exchanging emails since 16th December. We have been exchanging texts since 28th December. We have even had a few telephone conversations (always followed by a thank you text or email).

I mentioned that I had been reading the advice Dani was getting from her male friend. He advised keeping the man waiting for a reply. So I followed that advice, on Tuesday. I received a text from The Man just before 8pm after I had sent him a joke from Rae. My natural instinct was to reply there and then but I didn't. I waited an hour and then another. By the time I was ready to settle for the night I hadn't heard from him again and although I really wanted to reply I figured that as it was now late it could wait until the morning.

In the morning there was still nothing. I decided to send him a simple text. Not saying much more than drive carefully. (I knew this was to be his first day back at work). Within minutes I received a long text back. Later there were a couple of joke emails from him.

This morning there was another long text telling me he was working from the office today and that in Feb he has to go to Switzerland for business.

This evening as I was stuck in traffic going home from work (the journey that normally takes about 30 mins took more than an hour) I was sat behind a car that was the same make as The Man had told me he drives. I followed this car until it turned off at the last turning before mine. By now I had convinced myself that this could be The Man. So I text him asking if his car is blue and was the reg **** *** . Half an hour later.................

Fancy a chat? x


It wasn't long before my phone rang. We chatted he told me about the type of business his company is in. He told me that it wasn't his car I had been folllowing. But he told me he would have turned down that road then taken the first right then left. He lives in the same road as Charlie. He asked me what I was cooking, he told me that spaghetti is his favourite food.

I must go now I have to phone my daughter.

ok lol

We should have a coffee together, we have done the emails and the text and we have talked on the phone, we should meet soon for a coffee. Plenty of notice though. lol

Six months lol.


Then about half an hour later another text.

lovely chat LiR. when I said coffee read 'drink' of your choice.........within reason I should say. x

So it looks like I will be meeting The Man sometime soon.

Btw I was chatting with Forest last night who seems to be very solicitous at the moment.

Tuesday, 6 January 2009

A cold day


It certainly was cold as the forcasters had said.

As I expected my car was covered in frost but suprisingly it was easily scraped off this morning.

Frost removed I started to drive along roads white from the salt laid down in recent weeks.

-4 was the temperature showing on my dashboard.

Arriving at work just after sunrise, how lovely to notice that the mornings are becoming lighter.

Once I was in the office I settled down to the days work.

I jumped out of my skin when the fire alarm above my head went off at about 8.45am

Grabbing coats and handbags we all trooped out to the assembly point wondering if this was for real or was it a practice. Once everyone had been accounted for we were allowed back inside so it was clear that this was a practice.

Someone has a very cruel sense of humour!!!

The staff in the warehouse were having a meeting. We later heard from our manager that the meeting had been to inform the warehouse staff they need to agree to either reduce their daily hours or change to a four day week. There is not enough work for them to continue with current staff levels.

It is not yet known if this will have a knock on effect with the office staff. Us girls ploughed our way through the constant onslaught of phone calls and faxes, our customers appear to be making up for the xmas break. Making a mockery of the meeting going on downstairs. But we know this unexpected early rush from our customers is only temporary.

Monday, 5 January 2009


I was just reading Cheekydani's post about the mystery of men. While I was reading my Belgian friend came on line. We often discuss our love lives. This is how our conversation went this evening


how's you ?

im good


how are you?

am fine, thanks :)

has there been any snow on the south coast ?

it tried to snow as I was going to work then during the morning it snowed but didn't settle


it started snowing here in Belgium last night and it seems traffic was a nightmare.. which made me laugh, as it was barely 2 inches

in Switzerland life goes on, no matter the amount of snow.. lol

apparently luton airport was shut for an hour beacuse of snow

there was some snow in Scotland and the Midlands, I think


so have you met your local guy yet ? :)

sowwyy.. I'll mind my own business.. ;)

not yet but we chatted on phone last night and exchanged texts today


I was just reading some male advice on dating............... to not reply too quickly


men ! 8-)

apparently we should keep theman waiting for a reply

oic.. the hunter thing, eh ? ;)

could be


just curious.. do you like macho men ?

define macho

the ones who think they're God's gift to women and who think it's up to them to pull and not the other way around.. ;)


phewww ;)

I like men who are honest and loyal but know what they want

good :)

cant be doing with men who are either arrogant or ditherers

When I hear what men can be upto, I can be soooo ashamed to be a man.. :(

is it because you think women like 'macho men' that you don't understand what C sees in you?

pass.. lol


I forgot

please forgive me


you are now officially

an old man


happy belated birthday

I know.. 47 :(

thanks :)

heee heeee I get to be 46 for a few more months lmao


so how does it feel?

awful rofl

awwww poor you

so because the end is obviously near, I'll take C out for a nice dinner tomorrow :)

why is the end near?

47 ! lol

don't forget men are like wine

wine that's too old might turn into vinegar.. lol

ha ha


I was just thinking if being 47 makes you take women out for a nice dinner ........................

when will you be back here?

next week probably.. it'll depend on my GP calling me back to arrange an appointment for my offshore medical..


was going to say...............there is a local woman you could take for a nice meal if you are feeling the need to now that you are so old ;p

I'm pretty sure nobody wants me anymore now that I am so old.. ;)


I know of a good retirement home over your way

but I could do so :)

oh really ? lol

should I reserve a place for you

in the retirement home ? nahh.. not yet.. lol

ok glad to hear it....................I' sure theres some life left in you yet

I hope so ! lol.. So do you know where this local woman would like to go for a nice meal ? ;)

not a clue

It wasn't my intention but as the conversation progressed I seem to have got myself a dinner date once Traveller is back in UK. (did I mention he has 4 homes). Mind you we did talk about meeting for a drink a few months ago but didn't. I have been talking to him for a few years now and although he is only down the road in 'The Other City' we have never met.

Sunday, 4 January 2009


The lovely DJ Kirkby has awarded me this honesty award. Perhaps she is under the illuion that I am honest.

Below are the guidelines when winning the Honest Scrap award:

1. List 10 honest things about yourself (try to make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep!)

2. Pass the award on to 10 bloggers

1. I had said that I would go to a football match this morning but when I got the text saying 'stay under your duvet the match is off' I have done just that.....stayed under my duvet. (it is -5 this morning!!)

2. When my boys were young I was treasurer of their playgroup, I am not very good with money but I enjoyed the challenge. I also enjoyed the power of calculating what the staff pay rises should be as well as the fees we charged the parents even if this power also scared the heck out of me.

3. When I was 19 I worked for an Insurance Company in London. We underwrote a policy for something called an 'Intelligent Pig' I believe it was a heavy Machinery but it was the inspiration for my first attempt at writing a children's story of the same name.

4. Sometimes I am to honest, my honesty can get me into trouble, I can be tactless at times in my honesty.

5. I have always been extremely shy. As a teenager I was always the shyest in my group of friends but strangely I was often the bravest too. If the rest of them were too scared to do something or go somewhere I would do it. Perhaps I have always been unbalanced.

6. I am even now very sceptical about the psychic world including tarot and horoscopes yet I find myself turning to these things in times of stress. I do though believe in fate and find myself noticing 'signs' more and more as I get older. Particularly in the medium of songs, especially songs that I have always liked but never really noticed the meaning behind the words until I hear it out of the blue at a time when those words mean something to me.

7. I love to write but I am often too lazy. I tend to write short stories because I need to write the whole piece in one sitting. If I have to go back to something the next day I rarely do. I have a folder full of projects I have started but don't have the drive to complete. Perhaps there will come a time when I have no distractions when I can sit down and complete some of them.

8. I love my boys to bits but I am not a very good mother. I have never had any control over my boys even when they were little they could run rings around me, but I do think I have managed to instil good values in them so that they are turning out to be good young men.

9. I intend to go to the gym today because although I have not weighed myself for months I know I have put on weight even though I have tried to eat properly. It is getting harder and harder to find clothes in my wardrobe that fit comfortably and I refuse to buy bigger sizes. I am still a couple of stone and 2 sizes smaller than I was before my divorce but even so 3 years ago I was a couple of stone and 2 sizes smaller than I am now.

10. All my life I have been a avid reader of books but since I began blogging I hardly ever pick up a book, I have 3 on the go at the moment, I have been reading them for months, in the past I would have read them in a couple of days.

Now I have to choose 10 bloggers to bestow this award on. Mei Del, Andrea Whatever, Rae, Cheekydani, Ronjazz, Having my Cake, Fat controller, Elaine, Nitebyrd and finally Wild Cat

Saturday, 3 January 2009

The Man

New Year,

new start?

maybe, who knows.

Not sure if I did mention it, I think I did but not going to go back looking. A few months ago I mentally gave myself a date. A deadline for Romeo to prove to me that things will improve. I never told him this. But as you can probably guess now that deadline was New Year. I have heard nothing from Romeo since early December. No Christmas message, no New Year message, nothing. Yet I still believe in him, I still love him, I believe that there will be a very good reason he hasn't been in touch. (A reason he can't tell me about). I still hope that it won't be too long before the work he is doing will change. He did tell me that he will stop doing this work, although he loves what he does he can give it up, he won't continue forever. But he didn't say when he might change to something more home based. I love this man very much, I can't imagine being with another man.

I am still very much in love with Romeo, as I was told last week 'to the point of excluding anyone else from your life'. I am not sure how accurate that is. Now this post is titled 'The Man' because Cheekydani has asked for more details about the man who suprised me with a call on New Year's Eve. This is even more cheeky of her because she knows more about him than anyone else. Due to a little chat we had online just prior to xmas, when she was positively encouraging me to be cheeky and move things on with him.

Ok you want to know more.

At the start of December I received an email out of the blue from a man I had never heard of. I nearly deleted it but decided to check it out. It was from The Man. It simply said that he had read my profile on a dating site. (something I had done before I found Romeo, an awful profile with a dreadful photo). The profile said that I can't read messages (I am not subscribed) but gave very heavy clues to reach my email address. He hoped that his email had reached me. I didn't reply or delete it but next day I read it again and replied that it had reached me and would he like to tell me something about himself. I had no idea where he was or age or anything just a name.

A few hours later he had replied telling me various things about himself. Not only is he in my age bracket ie he had a birthday a few days earlier making him 2 .1/4 yrs older than me, but lives in my town. Divorced! He mentioned keeping fit for his hobby (a sports official) this led me to mention the only sporting venue I visit these days, it turns out that he officiates at this venue as their longest serving official. Suddenly I knew who he was although I only knew his first name before. I logged onto the dating site and searched him out and yes there is a photo on there and he is the person I thought he was.

Anyway to cut a long story short, since then we have been exchanging emails most days. I have not been initiating them just wait for his email then reply. He has a good sense of humour which is essential for me. He is very family orientated, appears to like my humour. When I didn't have the internet for a few days over xmas(twice!!). I was reading his emails on my mobile phone, which did give me the option to reply but although I could change the subject I couldn't type in the message box. so I gave him my mobile number. This was appreciated and now gave us the added option of text messages and he phoned me too. On New Year's Eve I was suprised to get a call from him as I wasn't expecting it. He said he was going to text me but decided to call instead. neither of us have mentioned meeting but I think it will happen. Last night in my email I answered a couple of the things he had said with comments that will let him know I am not just a frumpy middle aged woman but a sexy one too.

Now where does all this leave me? I am in love with a man who is never around. There is a local man who is showing interest and whilst he is not someone I would look at and say wow I really fancy him, he does seem to be very nice. I keep telling myself that I have to let go of Romeo and see who else is out there. It is not going to be easy, I still keep hoping that Romeo will come good for me. Part of me thinks it would be unfair on The Man to start seeing him when I am still in love with Romeo. It would be like saying he is only second best and nobody deserves to be second best. But on the other hand if I don't see anyone else I will never let go of my love for Romeo. I would not be fair on myself to wait indefinitely for a love that may never happen.

Part of me wants to email Romeo and tell him that he has failed to meet my deadline and I am now going to see someone else. But I think I shall do nothing, I shall continue to chat to The Man and see where it leads to. If Romeo wants me then he has to make his move without being prompted by me. As for The Man, I am happy to see where this takes me but I am following his lead, I am not going to chase him. As with Romeo, if he wants me then he has to make the move.

Thursday, 1 January 2009

Not a good way to start the year

Last night as I played with my laptop having watched 'The Queen' on dvd drunk a few baileys and eaten some hot cocktail cheese and onion rolls (you know the ones like sausage rolls). LV came online we chatted for a while, he told me that he felt awful and had been feeling rough when he was visiting friends in the afternoon.

Today he has rung me ...................from the hospital. He has had a minor operation and is being kept in for 4 days. He had been due to have a scan in January as he had been having a few problems. They are keeping an eye on him in case they need to operate under general.

Get well soon LV