Its my birthday and I'll do what I want to

It's my birthday .....another year closer to 50 eeekk

I woke up late to a quiet house. On my laptop there were some birthday wishes waiting for me on facebook including one from Vi who said my ears should have been burning in my dreas becasue she has been lucky enough to meet nitebyrd and Mulder on her holiday in USA. Now if I had been keeping up with my blog reading I would have known this as both Vi and Nitebyrd had blogged that they would meet. I am so jealous Vi is such a lovely lovely woman who I have had the pleasure of meeting 3 or 4 times. Nitebyrd I would love to meet and Mulder of course during his brief spell of blogging I teased relentlessly and would do now if he was still blogging. Anyway I am glad that they all got to meet and I shall look forward to hearing all about it ...........you guys have got my email address if you don't want to tell me in public.

I was just thinking about running a bath to get ready for meeting my mum for lunch. My phone alert went off it was a birthday greting from Karma.......wow I didn't expect that. We exchanged text a few weeks ago when we had almost bumped into each other at the Dr's carpark. But other wise we had not had contact for months. I didn't even think he knew when my birthday is. I can only assume that he had seen it on facebook (we are friends but I don't think he ever goes on there.......even less than firebyrd). So I text him back thanks and this is a nice suprise.......cheeky man replied didn't I know it was my birthday.

Yesterday when I was chatting online to Golf I had asked him for suggestions about where mum & I could for lunch today.......He suggested a waterside pub that he knows. If I was then free at a reasonable time we could meet up after lunch. It has been a long time since I last saw him and don't now have his phone number. He said he will text me.
Before I set off for lunch with mum I asked Marmie if she would recomend the pub Golf had suggested, but she mentioned another pub within yards of the first one. We followed Marmie's advice but parking was a problem. I had to drop mum off and go off to find somewhere to park (like looking for a needle in the proverbial haystack). I'm sure she was beginning to think she had been abandoned. It was at the pub that mum gave me my birthday card, I did have to laugh, not only is it so right for me but also identical to the one I got from my colleagues at work on Friday.

I have only received 2 cards at the moment and they are the same .........obviously I am predictable.

I was sitting chatting to mum at her dinning table back at her house when I got a text ..........happy birthday.........there was no name just an unknown number. I wasn't sure but I guessed it could be Golf. The next text asked if I had had a good lunch .........now I knew it was Golf. He was in his office in the city but about to go home to pack for a business trip to Egypt, we could meet on his way home. I told him I would be admiring the view of the city from a car park. I didn't say which one.

I drove up onto the hill glancing at the first couple of car parks for his car. He had sent me a further two text by then but my phone was playing up so I couldn't read them. I was just thinking about one of the car parks that had a slightly higher view point than others but decided to go to the car park where we last met last summer. I had just passed the turning when I saw his car coming towards me and turn into the car park I had rejected. I carried on until I could turn. Parking up next to his car I checked my phone again ....still not able to read my messages. He was quite bemused that I had found him as we hadn't agreed a place to meet. We chatted for a while and agreed to meet for a drink once he is back from his trip.

When I got home the boys were all awake (so they should be at 5pm on a sunday) and had cleared the kitchen and the livingroom.....not great but a big improvement. This evening I am going out for a drink with Sailor.

hypnotised?

Whatever can be done with me?

Tonight I am meant to be meeting Golf (he has promised to look over a financial agreement for me before I make any decision about it).

On Thursday I have a date with Echo, dear sweet echo I fear I might be too wanton for him if he only knew how passionate I can be.

Forest keeps asking me when I will be ready to see him again. I still find him sexy but I am enjoying keeping him dangling this time around. (not that that is the reason I have delayed.....more a case of a lack of energy and petrol).

Plumber I know he wants me ...............he tells me he has growing feelings for me, he calls me his 'sweet one'. But I have not seen him for a couple of weeks, we have only chatted online a couple of times (probably because one or other of us hs fallen asleeep first). But he seems to have forgotten how to use his phone. I am not really bothered except that he has promised me a new shower and I am not one to be pushy I will make do with baths until he has the time.

But even with these men around me I am not happy. Karma is still in the background, he still keeps giving me mixed messages so I don't know if he is just too scared of getting hurt again or he really isn't interested. In all these months I have remained friendly but not pushed him in anyway, but now I have reached a point where I need to know if he is still interested or not. So I text him asking if hes busy next weekend, which he is as hes going away with family. So I text back saying that I just wondered if he had had enough time yet to decide whether he still wanted to see me again or did he need more time, I didn't want him to miss my 'sell by date'. 3.5 hrs later still no reply (first reply was within 20 minutes) so I am guessing I have my answer now.

I also sent an email to Romeo this morning, not that I am expecting anything to come of it but I need closure at least with him. I told him that the logicl side of me realises that its over but a part of me still hopes. I also told him that early on he had said that I shouldn't think hes lost interest when I don't hear from him and until december he always did get in contact just when I was becoming distraught thinking he had gone. I always believed that he would tell me if he didn't want me anymore. I never believed he would just stop contacting me. I don't know the reason that happened. I don't feel distressed at his loss, but I think about him every single day.

Although I have these other men in my life I would rather have a relationship with Karma than any of the others and if Romeo came back into my life I would go to him like a shot (but he would have to do some serious grovelling before I forgave him). I have told him about my new challenge and my problems with testing my blood, I have asked him if he has any wise words or mantras he could offer me. Don't laugh, I have never told you before but he has all the skills of Paul McKenna. (I don't think he ever hypnotised me but he has the ability) but that is only part of his work. I really do miss him every day which probably sounds stupid seeing as I only met him once last July. I know he doesn't deserve me and I deserve better but we don't chose who we fall in love with. If we did I would have chosen someone much more available.

Looking Forward

I have not been feeling like blogging much in the last couple of weeks. I have had things to say but neither the inclination or energy to write anything. I am afraid I have not been reading other blogs much either and those I have read I haven't been commenting much so I apologise for my bad behaviour.

But I thought I would let you all know I am still here, my world is not totally centered around my health.

Tomorrow night I have an excuse to get all dressed up as I am going to a Rotary Dinner (that will be interesting my first meal out since this started).

Sunday evening I am meeting up with Golf.
Thursday evening I am seeing Echo
Both Plumber and Forest are around but nothing has been arranged with either of them although Forest does seem to be very keen to see me again when I am ready.

OJ has now finished his A'levels and thinks he has the whole summer to laze around before he goes off to Uni in early Oct. (His mother has other ideas).

DC is finally selling his car on Saturday!! He is furiously making arrangements for his month long trip to USA (3 of them are driving from west coast to East). Before he goes off to Uni late September.

ET is still trying to build his muscles and get fitter for his big adventure with the RAF (we still don't know when).

JA is just being a typical 13 yr old but has come into his own in the school cricket team (5 wickets and 54 runs not out yesterday). We are trying to prepare ourselves for the mass evacuation leaving the two of us alone together.

I can't help it

You all know how much I have been having fun dating lots of different guys in the last few months.



There has been Karma who is still in the background but not coming forward. I still like him but don't think it will come to anything.



There has been Plumber who I have seen a lot of, we have been out for drinks, meals walks around a rainy Chichester, star gazing from hill tops late at night, boat spotting by starlight, we have even spent a few nights together as well as a night at the cinema. Although he tells me that he has growing feelings for me and he has been good for me, I don't predict this will be a long term relationship.



There has been Golf who I have only met once but still chat to regularly, he is not the most fanciable of men but he gets my adrenalin running (and more).



There is Forest who I spent an enjoyable evening with after not seeing him since Aug 07 when we had our bust up because I wanted to stop playing the field and become a one man woman. He didn't want to be that one man. I am fully aware that it is a sexual relationship nothing more but it was still good and at least now I know that I am completely over him on an emotional level. We can be friends with benefits for as long as it suits us both.



There has been Thomas my delightfully sexy, knight. We hadn't thought we would ever see each other again as it had been more than 2 years but our lust for each other has never diminished so when the chance to spend an hour together came up how could we not take it with both hands.



Now there are other potential men on my menu to be tried to see if they suit my palate.



But when it all comes down to where my heart lies I can't deny it I am still in love. I bet you thought you would never see me saying it again but there is one man who won't leave my heart. I might not mention him very much. I might not be agonising over his loss. I might not be distraught at his absence. But that doesn't mean that I don't think about him all the time. Not a day goes by when I don't think about him. Maybe he is the reason I am finding it difficult to find someone who lives up to him.



One of the oddest things is that whenever I am chatting to or thinking about Golf in my mindseye it isn't Golf I am picturing but my beloved Romeo.

Every single day I consider sending him a text or an email. I spend a fair amount of time thinking about what I want to say to him.



You see I have learnt that yes I can live without him in my life. I can have a good life without him. I can be happy without him but I still love him and given the chance I would go to him at the drop of a hat. This is perhaps part of the reason there has been little progress with Karma. Karma has been hurt several times, he is afraid of being hurt again, I am afraid of hurting him. I am afraid of getting involved with him incase Romeo turns up again. I know that given the choice I would pick Romeo over any other man. I wouldn't want to have it on my conscience that I had been the one to hurt Karma again.



I have not heard from Romeo since December ( a week before Karma came on the scene) but that doesn't stop me wanting him.

stood up!!

It was still early evening when he messaged me, but I ignored it for a few minutes, he has picked up that annoying msn virus that keeps sending out messages inviting you to click the link to see sexy pictures or join a great new site. I've told him and Neptune who has the same problem to uninstall msm messenger then install it again neither of them have managed to get rid of it. But luckily I opened the window to make sure instead of just closing it down without checking first as I often do.

We chatted for a while before he asked what I was doing tonight. Deja vue, he was the second man to ask me that within a few hours. I was due to help Harvey with his paperwork problem for an hour or so mid evening. I forget how the conversation went now but it reached a point where I challenged him. Like me he is a night owl, it is not unusual for us to be chatting until 2am so I told him to pick me up at around 11ish and we could go for a coffee and a chat I might even be generous enough to kiss him again. He said that unless he had drunk too much to drive he would pick me up but I must text him to check.

So at around 10.30 I text him just before I jumped into the shower. I had just finished getting dried and dressed when I got a text, but it wasn't from him it was from Karma. A joke which suprised me as it was late for him to be texting (he isn't a night owl). We exchanged a couple more text (he said he had been to twickenham and was shattered.) That was a pity because I was beginning to think I had been stood up, I know he is well known for always being late but it was 11.40 by now and no word. I mentioned to karma that perhas we could have had a coffee as it looks like I have been stood up.

Nothing!!

so that was nothing from either of them.

Even Plumber was giving me the silent treatment after asking me if I had been out...........no I had been busy on another computer thats not online. He then asked me about the music I was listening to then nothing more. Perhaps he doesn't like Lemar.

Pouting

Is it classed as a date then when Plumber came round this afternoon?

I have had a busy day, 5 yes 5 men turned up on my doorstep at 7.35am. The head man explained what they would be doing then they got down to ripping out the old boiler, the water heater and some of the radiators. I had only just begun to do the sink full of washing u that has been staring at me for days when they turned the water off. Ok I had a sink full of soapy water so that wasn't a problem but when they wanted to run the cold tap into my sink of soapy water I had to give in and let out my soapy water to make room for the horrid cold water.

I brought my laptop downstairs so that I could listen to the radio and start doing some work on my spreadsheets for my project at the office. The electricity was turned off. There was nothing for it but to make my first visit to the amenity tip. I have never seen it so quiet there.

After I returned the electricity came back on, I was waiting for my laptop to sort itself out as it wasn't very happy about its battery running out. I noticed that Golf was online so I did something I very rarely do, I initiated a conversation (actually I often initiate our conversations ~ he feels honoured for some reason). Plumber phoned me while I was chatting to Golf (that became a little confusing for me). Having similar conversations but at different speeds is not the easiest thing to do. Later it was Forest who was chatting (first by text then when I got back online by IM). He wanted to see me tonight but I had to decline as I knew that after just 2 hours sleep last night I was going to be very tired tonight.

Both the water and electricity were turned off at different times forcing me to sit and read for a while. It was at about 2.20pm that the head engineer came to tell me that they were finished and he wanted to explain where everything was and how it works. I know what time it was because it was just at that moment that Plumber phoned me.

Where are you?

At home ........why where are you?

Outside looking at your knickers

Lol Ok I will be right there

He was at the back of the house while I was at the front door saying goodbye to engineers. Plumber had come round to cut back the long grass, nettles and brambles that make up the main part of my back garden. He also had a look at the space I have made for the dishwasher he has got for me. He needs t make a few adjustments before it will fit but he says it won't be a problem. I left him to get started on my garden while I finally got stuck into the washing up and cleaning my kitchen.

But when I looked back outside I was horrified. The brambles were still in tact but he had tackled the nettles and grass but he was chopping down the clematis that was just coming into flower (I have been growing it for 12 years). He then moved over to the other side of the garden and cut down my other clematis, honeysuckle, broom and ballerina rose bush. He was methodically stripping everything out of my garden. I don't think he saw me pouting. Oh well I shall just have to start from scratch again.

I need to get all the greenery that he has cut down chopped into small pieces so that it can be bagged up and taken to the tip. Plumber was here for about 2 hours in all and we managed to get quite a bit done in the garden so I guess that does count as a date sort of so I am going to include it in my tally.

I had to dash off at 4.30 because I had made a Dr's appointment for JA as he has been experiencing pains in his legs. I had figured that he has Osgood Slatters Disease which I was pleased to hear the Dr confirm. As he was examining JA's knees I couldn't help noticing that in recent years this Dr has become a little portly. Watching him with his curly hair reminded me of Elliot Hope in Holby City.

I couldn't find the photo of my clematis in full bloom but here it is covered in snow last April so you will have an idea of the sorry state it was in after the gales had done their worst.

Its my birthday and I'll cry if I want to

Ok so today is my birthday and so far it is not much of a birthday.

Plumber took me out for the day yesterday which I shall tell you about later. It did rained all day!!

Today I have been given a box of quality street and a cup of Lady Grey tea from DC before I gave him a lift to work (his car has been off the road for about 3 weeks).

I have had a few texts from The Married Man .......nothing exciting just asking what I was doing today and wishing me a happy birthday.

I had happy birthday texts from Dark Side and also #3s ET (I guess thats as good as it gets with 17yr olds)

JA called out happy birthday as he passed my door.

The card that came through the post wasn't a birthday card it was an easter card for the boys from their paternal grandmother.

I did get something in the post though, a skirt I had won on ebay.

Also in the post was a letter from my motor insurance company saying that I hadn't returned the direct debit form they had sent me. If they don't hear from me by 17th April my policy will be cancelled and I will incur cancellation charges. (My policy runs out 3rd May). I checked through my bank statement online and to my horror no payment had gone out in the last 30 days for my car insurance. I rang them up and it now seems that I have not made a payment since september 2008. I have not cancelled the payments and as it is one of my smaller payments I have not been checking it every month as I had no reason to think it wasn't going out as it should. It was certainly being paid the last few times I checked but obviously that was longer ago than I realised. My monthly installments are only £26 but with 7 months to pay it soon mounts up and has come as something of a shock. We checked that my account details are exactly the same as they have on the system. He checked to see if any letters had been generated but none had. My insurance has been allowed to keep going until now!! It is all very strange.

The young man set up this month's payment to go through with the remainder being 27th April as my policy is due to finish so soon. I told him that I don't have that kind of money in my account on 27th as I get paid on 30th April. He tried to set it so that the payment would come out on 30th but it wouldn't allow him to do that. His line manager also tried to move the date but was not able to. I was told that I shouldn't worry as when the payment fails I should ring up again on 30th to reset the payment. I don't want to do this as it means I would incur bank charges. His next suggestion was to not make a payment now or 27th but make payment over phone on 30th. This sounds better but of course there is a catch. The letter says if they do not hear from me by 17th April my policy will be cancelled. Now it is my intention not to renew with them anyway but I don't want to tell them that now, neither do I want my policy to be cancelled early.

It looks as though the rest of my birthday consists of shopping, cleaning etc then dinner with my mum followed by an early night. Tomorrow I am taking my mum to visit my 90yr old grandmother in Cotswolds returning on Monday. I had hoped that my birthday might be a little more exciting than this. But Plumber is working, Golf tells me he will see me after the weekend and I have not heard from Karma since Thursday.

Even the sun is hiding!!

These 5 men

Recently Fire Byrd suggested that I should change my blog name to Ms Enigmatic....... I can't think why!!

Perhaps she thinks I don't tell you enough about the who where and when of whats been going on in my social life recently. You have probably gathered that I decided to keep my options open for a while and not date one man exclusively.

Karma is the man I have been in contact with since December (the first new man in my life since Romeo). But I felt that even though we seemed to be getting on incredibly well it wasn't moving along as much as I would like so I backed off and started dating other men. Communcation between us became sporadic and I assumed that he was losing interest. I now think I may have been wrong about that judging by recent emails and texts. Apparently he has been away with family and work is hectic.

Plumber is the first new man I started dating, we have now been out 5 times. He is very sweet and likes me a lot, I am sure he would do anything for me because ' you are worth it'. For my birthday he is taking me shopping in Chichester (something I have never done).

Golf is the third new man, I have only seen him once so far, he doesn't like to plan ahead but prefers to be spontaneous, he knows about Plumber so knows that he runs the risk of me not being available. He is a busy man with his own business, he too has just returned from working away. He brings out the worst in me, I thoroughly enjoy our verbal fencing. We talk about all manner of things share a very similar sense of humour.

Luigi I have not met but I am still considering it. He is very good looking and drives my favourite X type jag. But there is just something odd. I like to swap mobile numbers once I have agreed to meet but he won't swap numbers until after we meet. He tells me that if I am worried, my son can write down his car Registration number when he picks me up on the corner of the road. We should have gone out last Friday but I called it off partly because I was not sure and partly because I was very tired.

Thomas has been on the edge of my life for some 30 months. I adored him from the very beginning. I adored him more after we had met. He is gorgeous with his soft curls, gentle eyes and sweet smile. He is the object of my lust, a lust that we have shared since the start of our friendship. For so long we tried to repeat our early meetings, then we kept each other at bay as our lives got in the way but never losing contact completely. A few weeks ago I told him that I was back on the market. We agreed that we must find a way to meet again. Last week he invited me to join him in his beautiful home surrounded by woodland, a natural garden with a host of daffodils waving in the breeze beside the meandering river. He is very important to me and always will be but I don't know if we will get many more opportunities together. I don't feel it would be in either of our best interests to see much of each other.

These are the 5 men who each have a place in my life right now.

On Days like this

Driving home along the motorway tonight I was thinking about how lucky I am. My health is fairly good. (the problems with my leg a few weeks ago a mere memory now).

Some mornings like yesterday everything is painted pastel colours of pink, blue and pale grey as the sun tries to break through the early clouds. To me the pastel colours are beautiful. But having said that so are the bronze tinged colours of mornings like today when the sun has already emerged. Driving home into the sun with the blue of the sea spread out ahead of me as my journey takes me west fills me with joy. It is the warm spring days like today that I love. Everything seems so much better on these warm sunny days.

Work is going well at the moment (it isn't all rosey but close enough). I am enjoying the challenges I have set for myself. I still get frustrated that some people seem to find the simplest things so difficult to understand but for the most part our small team are getting on well.

I have several men in my life although none are serious. There is the sweet Plumber, the more high powered Golf, Luigi (you have yet to hear about him) Kama who has been away but returned today, but also the object of my lust, Thomas.

I feel as though life is good and can only get better.

Guy three

Guy three date one (date 4)

I had been chatting to Golf on and off for days, he is a professional man with his own business, just a few years older than me. We share a similar sense of humour. He doesn't have a photo on his profile but he emailed one to me during our first IM chat. He isn't the best looking guy but looks are not everything.

When we decided to go for a drink he left me with a bit of a dilema. You see I had a choice, either I could drive to meet him or he could pick me up from where ever I chose. Normally on a first date I prefer to drive myself there. I feel safer, more in control if I have my own transport. But what is a girl to do when faced with the option of a ride in an X type Jaguar. (I have become obsessed with Jags in the last 9 months, just ask Mei).

So against my normal instincts I opted for a lift in his jag.

At the appointed time I was standing on the corner of the road when he rang to say he was running 10 minutes late. It was chilly so I nipped back inside to get my gloves. In the end he was nearer 20 minutes late. He confessed that he is always late for everything. There was classical music playing quietly as we travelled towards the local posh hotel (where premiership football teams stay when they are in this part of the country). There were few people in the bar where we enjoyed our large glasses of wine. We didn't really flirt much or even joke but kept up a stready stream of conversation as we discussed a myriad of topics. I'm not keen on the centipede he appears to have nestling on his upper lip, but who am I to comment a this stage of the game.

After we had downed our second glass of red wine he suggested we find somewhere to get a coffee. He paid our drinks tab which was £30+ (for just 4 drinks). We headed back towards town stopping at a local converted Mill for a much needed coffee. As it turned out the coffee machine had already been turned off. So whilst I enjoyed my cup of tea he settled for an orange juice. We were probably only there for half an hour.

When we stopped at the end of my road he kissed me. He was very amused at my exclamation of mmmmm nice! (We have since argued about how many mmms there were in my mmmmm).

Several kisses later we said good night and I left him to drive away.

For this date I wore my soft brown flared skirt, stockings and brown heels with a cerise v necked sweater.