wooohooo

The sun is shining and I feel good

I had a lovely evening last night with a friend (ok he did spoil it a bit at the end by telling me he he really wants me always has). He knows I will only ever be his friend, someone he can talk to. He is one of these people who everyone else turns to with their problems, I am the one he can turn to ocassionally when there is nobody else.

I am in a good mood, things with the butterfly man have been put to rest. We can be friends, we both know there is a spark there but it isn't going to be lit. Instead we will work together to do more business, it makes more sense, the more business he gives me the better prices I can give him, both businesses benefit.

DC arrived home from his travels yesterday. He has lots of tales to tell, he says his trip was amazing. After being away for 28 days we will just about get used to him being back when he will be gone again. I can't believe that this time next week I will be taking him to Uni.

All this is good but the icing on the cake has to be the letter I just got from my MP. He enclosed a letter from Rt Hon Stephen Timm MP.

"In this case HMRC failed their responsibilities and LIR has at all times provided the correct information regarding her income and circumstances. She therefore met her responsibilities and I am pleased to say that HMRC have reviewed this case and have written off the overpayments. all her acounts are now balanced with no overpayments. .................They have therefore now repaid the incorrectly recovered amount of ****** . HMRC confirm that no further recoveries are being made from LIR's award."

They have also apologised for sending me both incorrect and confusing information and apologise for any worry and distress their mistakes have caused.

I am so glad that they had made me so angry that I wrote to my MP about this. If I had just accepted that I owed them money and must pay it back, I would still be paying them a lot of money I can't afford to lose. .............................Go me ..................I got something right for once in my life

A good day gets better

Today has been a good day.

It started out a bit damp, a little drizzle with a promise of more. It didn't bother me as I already knew it was going to be a good day. Or perhaps I should say that I had high hopes for a good day.

By the time I reached the office the clouds had parted and the sun was trying to show itself.

As soon as I walked into the office I knew it was going to be not only a good day but a good week with more to follow. I do feel sorry that she was now facing that awful situation, would now become one of the growing number of unemployed. But for those of us left behind you could almost feel the collective sigh of relief as everyone realised that the desk opposite mine was vacant. The personal objects nolonger there, a presence almost forgotten already. My suspicions of last night confirmed. My last dream before waking had been this but my fear had been that I was wrong.

Eleven months ago she had come to work with me, for the first couple of weeks we thought it would work out well, but it wasn't long before we knew otherwise. I was dumbfounded that even the simplest of things seemed to be beyond her comprehension. But it was thought that with time she would eventually get to grips with what she was doing. But six months on I was cringing at some of the things I would hear her telling our customers on the phone. Her moods were incredible, she has so many chips on her shoulder it was unbelievable, but occassionally she would snap out of them and become friendly for a few days. Our work load has deminished in recent months leaving her sitting twiddling her thumbs or surfing the net. Whilst I had enough initiative to keep myself busy working on projects to improve customer accounts.

Now I won't have as much time to work on my own projects but those of us left behind can cope with the work load as it is. In a much improved cheerful atmosphere (I also get to have my lunch earlier).

Talking of lunch................ whilst my computer was warming up I sent a text naming a pub and the time frame I could be there. Minutes later my phone rang unexpectedly, the venue and time quickly agreed. For the rest of the morning I happily got stuck into my work, cheerily greeting phone calls from customers in my usual manner. Then at 12.30 I left the building and drove the mile or so to the pub. I had never been there before, neither had I met him before. I had no idea what to expect. I saw his vehicle straight away and parked up next to him in the now hot sunhine. He bought our drinks (both on diet coke) which we took out into the garden to sit in the shade of a cherry tree. We chatted amiably about work and about ourselves. A quick sandwich to keep the hunger pangs at bay. All too soon it was time for me to return to work. As we stood beside my car he kissed me goodbye which took me by suprise, but not as much as the next kiss or the one after that. I liked this but mindful of the time protested that I really should go. He didn't want to stop kissing me. He asked to see me again, I passed him the envelope from my passenger seat.

A couple of text during the afternoon confirmed that we had both enjoyed our lunch. I am hoping that he will find more products in the catalogue I had given him that he could use for his business, I have already increased the lines of products he buys but would just love to get more. Days like today are why I love my job so much, but I did find it difficult to keep my concentration for the rest of the day. Not that I will be letting him know that. He is after all a customer (one who wanted to meet his favourite sales lady, to meet the woman with the lovely voice). .....................this sounds familiar

Doing what had to be done

Sometimes a woman just has to take her chances.



I was feeling a bit miffed that although he was working from home all there was to show for it was two late morning emails not a single text message and it was nearing the end of my day. I was talking to the customer that Boss Lady refers to as 'LiR's boyfriend' when Kama text me he was on his way to the sports venue which is next door to the business where my 'boyfriend' works. After finishing my call I text back that if I got bored I might turn up at the venue to check out a certain pair of legs. A few minutes later I text again that it had been a while since I had last seen Stan (another sports official at the venue).



Ha! good one LiR! xx



Whilst I was driving home I was considering paying the venue a visit, I stopped at Sainsbury's to get the boys some dinner first. It was in the store that I met Alex and his mum Lyn, Alex mentioned that he had a match in fact two matches at the venue tonight. He had been trying to persuade OJ to play as one of the teams was a player short. (He knows all the team and does play occasionally). I assured Alex that I would get OJ to play.



So at 7.15 I was stood with OJ and friends watching the end of Alex's first match. I could see Kama dressed in his full kit presiding over the match on the other pitch. When they discovered that their match was on that pitch OJ believed I would be able to watch both Kama and OJ at the same time. He was wrong.....................with the match about to begin another much younger ref who I also recognised walked onto the pitch blowing his whistle.



While the match was starting I made my way over to the bar where I could see Kama getting a drink. I sidled up beside him saying hello. It was lovely to see the smile that spread across his face. He bought me a drink (I only wanted water), then we found a table to sit and chat, we shared a bag of Hula Hoops (last of the big spenders lol). We had a lovely half hour together, I was suprised to discover that he had already finished his shift and was about to head off to his sister's place. so we walked out to the car park together where I got a peck on the cheek. Ok so it wasn't the kind of kiss I craved but we were in a public place where he has a position of authority and respect.



Later at home I was just about to send a text thanking him for dinner when his text arrived saying it had been lovely to see me and nice to meet OJ.



So tonight was not an ideal situation, it wasn't a date, it was too brief but it was very nice and it was also another step for us as we grow closer. Two hours later I still feel happy and smiley.

Mel asks what are Hula Hoops so here are a few but might I suggest asking The Brit, he will know.

from depression to being happier

Earlier I wrote about how numb I have been feeling for the last few days, since then I have been busier.

First of all I took some old bikes to the tip ......no I don't mean my friends.

I cracked the whip and got my boys doing chores.

Then I had a chat with Rae who was concerned about me after my last post.

I am now feeling much more like myself.

I know some of you were worried that I was showing signs of depression. So here is a confession.

For years I was very susceptible to depression. In my early twenties I was clinically depressed. I had to give up my job as got closer and closer to the edge until I reached a stage where I didn't know how I was going to survive the next hour let alone the next day. My GP offered me anti depressants but I chose to ask for councelling instead. A councillor came to see me at home and we talked for about an hour and a half. We talked about all the things that had and were going on in my life. It was quite an impressive list of things some that I hadn't even realised I was depressed about. My depression wasn't just about the one or two major things that I was concerned baout but a whole host of smaller things too. But unfortunately this councillor was moving on to another area so I would have to see someone else.

The someone else never materialised, but just knowing that my myriad of problems had been acknowledged was enough to start my journey out of the depression. Years later my mum described me during those months as being like a black cloud on the end of the sofa. I would stay up half the night not wanting to sleep then in the morning not wanting to get up. There was even a point where I was so low that I wrote out a list of my belongings and who I wanted to have what. It was my intention to end my life as it was so worthless and everyone would be better off without me. I don't remember now 25 years later what the trigger was but I pulled back, I realised that my family would be devastated if I killed myself. I realised it would be an incredibly selfish act. I managed to get some part time bar work in a country pub where I knew the chef. This was my first step back to recovery.

A few years later I was a new mum living in a strange town in a house that had no phone or neighbours. I knew very few people, my partner was working all day leaving me at home with a young baby. Then his best friend from his school days came to stay along with his girlfriend. He had sold his home after his divorce and they were planning to got to Australia and New Zealand travelling for a year but needed somewhere to stay for a month (it felt more like a year). I did not get on with this woman. Again I became depressed, this time I acepted the anti depressants but it didn't take me very long to discard them. I hated the feeling that I was about 4" off the ground all the time. Nothing felt normal, it was just the weiredest feeling, so I just managed as best I could for the remaining weeks.

Over the next few years I became depressed a number of times. It was not easy to live with an alcoholic whilst caring for my young children. The debts, the lack of money, the insults, it all added up. But after a few years I woke up and realised that it was up to me to change the way I dealt with my life. That is when I made the decision to be happy. I decided that I would only ever be happy if I decided to be happy. That worked for a while. But I wasn't really happy, my decision hadn't made me happy it had stopped me from being miserable. Which in my book, considering the life I was leading was a positive move.

In the last 10 to 15 years I have had days when I have felt depressed but I have always managed to pull myself out of it within a few days. I have learnt that when I get depressed now I allow myself one or two days to wallow in it then I give myself a good talking to and take measures to bring myself out of it.

During that first big depression I discovered that I had got myself into that state because I had kept all my feelings buried deep inside. My lover had gone off saying he would be back in a few days. I didn't hear from him again until he came looking for me 11 months later. During those months I had stubbornly refused to allow myself to get upset until I knew what had happened, why the love of my life had gone off in the way he did without so much as a word. These days when I have any problems I talk about them.

ouch writing that last paragraph has just made me see why I get so worked up about Romeo when I don't hear from him when I expect to. But I know the situation now is so very different to the situation then.

I have also had a chat today which has made the situation with Romeo suddenly become much clearer. I won't go into details about that as I feel to do so would be very wrong of me. Just trust me.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that I appreciate your concern but I will be ok.