Thursday, 31 July 2008


I shall be away from home tonight parent sitting.

Mum goes in for her knee op today so I shall collect her after work then its back to her place for the night.

Be good but if you can't be good tell us about it lmao ;-)

Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Rant and spilling beans

Two Posts tonight.

Firstly I promised to tell you more about my big date but I also need to rant.

NL is still driving me mad at work, I now have to believe that it is youthful arrogance as opposed to youthful enthusiasm. Yesterday, he had a call from the agency that found him the job, I know it can be difficult to be totally honest when they phone to see if you are doing ok especially if they phone you at work when you are surrounded by your new colleagues. But he told her that everything is going well, no problems at all. Later our boss asks him how he is getting on and again he says he has no problems.

ahem I would like to wring his neck for him, he is so cocky thinking that he can do it. I don't mind if he asks me questions or for help but the problem is that he prefers to just get on with it on his own. Very commendable except that he doesn't know what he is doing. Who is it that has to unravel everything and put it right? me of course..........grrrrrrrrr

Because he had made so many mistakes on customer orders I now have to check every order before he puts it onto the system. Highlighting customer purchase numbers, account numbers, address codes, making sure all the product codes are correct and the quantities are as they should be (most products are sold as singles even if we only sell them by pack size but a few items are the other way around, it takes time to get used to this. If he takes an order over the phone I have to check that he has got the account and product codes right the quantities are correct and it gets sent to right address. Today he took an order from one of our longest running accounts. This customer speaks very fast and doesn't give product codes just brief description, he expects us to know what he 'always has'. I didn't know he had taken this order until after it had been processed and was ready to be taken to the warehouse to be picked and packed. Nobody had checked this order and all he had were the product codes and quantities. I asked him if the customer had given him the codes (knowing that this customer never does). No he had written the descriptions on an order form then copied it onto a new order form because his writing was confusing. I wanted to staple the two together incase there are any discrepancies then we can see where it had gone wrong.

'I got rid of it, I am confident I have done it right and it wasn't necesary for it to be checked.'

we will see when the proverbial 'merde' starts flying.

I would be quite happy not to have to check everything before he does it as then I could actally get some work done myself but I have been instructed to do this and it is doubling the work.

To make matters worse there have been a few changes in the warehouse which our Company shares with several others. The space under our office has been used as storage room for our Company, but now it is going to be used by another company so they are building a new room, this involves lots of drilling and hammering. I did have to laugh this afternoon when we were all trying to hear what was being said to us on the phonecalls there was a thumping on the wall by my pc, it was Pedro nextdoor thinking it was us doing the drilling.

I was not at my brightest this afternoon but I could have strung up the cyclist wh wanted to comit suicide at my expense. I had almost made it home, just passing the local parade of shops. I saw the cyclist stationary in the bus stop (he was wearing a high vis jacket). I was just thinking how white his hair is when he began to cycle down the road, so I pulled across nearer to the middle of the road to give him more room. But I had to slam my brakes on when he suddenly with no warning shot across the road without even looking to see what was coming. I'm not sure if it was his intention to go to the Dr's surgery across the road but I very nearly got him there quicker the twat!!!!

Spilling the beans

Ok so now I am ready to spill the beans or at least some of them.

Having arrived a little late due to the heavy traffic 'grockles heading to the coast' (he doesn't much like grockles and said so many times). I climbed into his very nice comfortable S type Jaguar. We said hello and he asked what we do now, so once he had turned his car around I suggested I take him upto my favourite view looking out over the city and the sea beyond it. I directed him along the route I take every morning until we reached the turning for the motorway, instead we carried on north up through a local village before turning east along the back roads that pass through some lovely countryside. I'm not sure when but somewhere along the road he held my hand. It felt so right to be holding hands and we just talked and talked until we reached our destination. Parking up he left the air con on for a few minutes before going to get a drink. Only he then leaned over for a kiss, our first kiss after waiting for so long. That kiss soon became lots of kisses. After an age of sitting in his car talking a little and kissing a lot he asked if instead of visiting the local castle that sat nestled on the edge of the water far below us perhaps we should just find a hotel room.

I reminded him that we had agreed that we wouldn't sleep together on our first date. But that was months ago and our conversations have at times become very intimate and at times extremely horny. He didn't put any pressure on me, just told me that I was driving him wild. (yes I know that is pressure of a sort). But we both wanted it, we have waited so long to be together and I had no idea how long I would have to wait until I get to see him again. I couldn't wait another 5 months. I was comfortable with him it felt right so I agreed. He asked where we could find a good hotel, (remember this man spends half his life in 5* hotels). I mentioned the big hotel virtually below where we were sitting. So he rang through and reserved a room. It must be lovely to be in a position where you don't even have to ask 'how much?'.

We had a choice of routes to the hotel but we decided against the quick route, straight over the edge of the hill. We turned east so I asked him if he wanted to see where I work which he did. Once I had shown him our office (he wasn't very keen on he speed humps in the road approaching my workplace) we headed back to the motorway and the city where we were soon booking in. First we found the bar and had a quiet drink or at least that was what we were hoping for. Holding hands as we chatted and drank. Driving for 3 hours (should have been under 2) in the heat and strong sun Romeo was suffering from a headache but once he had taken some tablets and cooled down he began to feel better. His mood was disturbed though by some of the hotel staff who were moving gym equipment right past us, making an awful racket. It seemed to be never ending.

Once I had drained my spiced rum and diet coke and he had made light work of his diet coke we made our way to our room. Romeo is of the breed of man who still holds doors open and believes in women first, as well as holding my hand all the time as we walked anywhere. Our room was light and airy with a lovely view of 'the junction' , anyone who lives in the area knows which junction I mean, it used to be a roundabout until a few years ago at great expence and outrage they changed it to the junction it is today. Many people avoided it for a long time, it can be quite scary until you get used to it. Especially the first time you stop at the lights to find that the oncoming traffic is directly ahead of you.

We stood kissing and I gave him the gold package I had been hiding in my handbag. I had bought this silly gift months ago when I had thought meeting was imminent. I had tried to think of a way of making sure there was no awkward moment when we first met. So I bought him this gift that he could unwrap and we could have a giggle. It wasn't needed but I gave it to him anyway. He opened it behind my back as he hugged me to him . Once he had opened his gift I pushed him onto the bed and climbed up onto his lap to kiss him some more. This led to undressing each other. Before you start thinking otherwise I had him stripped naked before I was and I don't suppose many of you will believe that the very last garment to be discarded was my white and pink lace knickers that matched my bra. (I am so glad I chose to wear a matching pair, not all my bras have matching briefs).

Don't worry DJ I am not about to give details of the next few hours. Actually I don't know how many hours we lay together on that bed as I don't even know what time we arrived at the hotel let alone the room. It was about 6.45 by the time we thought about going out for dinner and nearer 8pm by the time we left the hotel. 5 minutes later we were at the marina deciding which restaurant to choose but to our disgust the place was full of more grockles we should have stayed at the hotel for dinner. We finally chose a restaurant and waited to be given a table but after several minutes of waiting (this didn't please Romeo) a nonchalant gum chewing girl informed us that they had stopped serving at 8pm wtf !!!

So we elected to eat in the Indian on the level above. The service was poor and the food bland but the company was lovely. Romeo dropped me off at the end of my road at about 10pm to begin his drive back along the coast to the home he has spent so very little time in this year. Romeo told me that it will probably be about 3 weeks before he can see me again. 3 weeks is nothing after waiting over 5 months, but it is still hard going and its only been 2 days. Last night he text me as he was on his way to Belgium again. I already knew he would be going but had thought it would be later in the week. so now we enter the second phase of our relationship. We are now 'seeing each other'. but as he says it will be irratic. I am expecting it to be both easier and more difficult for me now. Easier because the few doubts I did have about whether we would like each other in reality, are now bannished. Harder because now the yearning will be stronger.

Monday, 28 July 2008

Not working out to plan

My plan for the weekend was

a quiet evening on friday, recoupe some of my energy after the long week. Do some of my spreadsheets for work. Saturday do a little grocery shopping, catch up on some laundry and other chores then get stuck into spreadsheets whilst boys at Cricket for the day. Sunday much the same except for shopping although I did think I might go for a drive with my camera.

My reality was that I was so tired on friday evening that I fell asleep, woke up blogged for a while, watched the BB eviction. Fell asleep again!! Woke up late and chatted to LV then Romeo. By the time I had finished chatting and blogging it was 4am. Up again before 9.30am. JA and OJ were going to the cricket finals at The Rose Bowl. I asked OJ if he had money for the day.

'I've got some but JA might want some.'

I got my purse out to see what money I had, taking out £5 note, JA took my purse looked in it before handing it back saying.

'No mummy you keep that'

wasn't that sweet of him? so I gave him £2 coin instead. I spent the rest of the morning blogging while I waited for DC to tell me he had transferred money into my bank account. By lunchtime I hadn't heard from him so I rang him. He had been to bank but not transferred money, but had withdrawn it in cash. I arranged to meet him in town and I went on a mini shopping spree. Then stopped at mother's for a cuppa and a chin wag. Even though we only live 2 miles apart we sometimes don't see each other for weeks. She is mentally preparing herself for her op on thursday. I showed her the two blouses I had bought. Interestingly although I didn't ask her which I shoukd wear she gave me her opinion anyway which just so happened to be the one I had already chosen..................damned if I was going to tell her that though.

Next it was a quick trip to asda for a few bits for dinner and for the boys on sunday while I was out. I ended up buying about 4 or 5 day worth of food. Whilst there I spied the daughter and son in law of my friend and former colleauge whose husband had sent me money for xmas when things were bad. I stood and chatted to the pair of them catching up on news for a good 10 minutes or more but it wasn't until after I had said goodbye that I remembered their names. I could remember when they got married but not their names!!!

Back home I did a few chores, caught up on blogs, watched the end of the cricket but fell asleep just before the end. Chatted to a few friends. I did intend to have an early night but it was still 1am when I went to bed.

I was awake by 7am. I had my nails to paint (pale gold) skirt to iron. It is white with boxed pleats and covered in white flower embroidery. I love this skirt but have only worn it a few times this year. Romeo had begun texting me early on. I had decided on a relaxing bath instead of a shower today. but as I was trying to figure out if I should have my bath before or after DC had his shower, ET snuck in there for a shower. But he had only been in there for a fwe minutes when the eletricity cut out. I asked DC to go to the garage for a tenner's worth. But he was only in his boxers and said ET should go .....doh clever that as ET was in the now waterless shower.

stomping around my room a found a few clothes to throw on as nobody else was going. I met DC at the top of the stairs now dressed with the same idea. In the end I agreed to go. ten minutes later we had electricity again, but ET who was now in his fleecy robe (how could he in this heat) had decided to give up on his shower. I negotiated with DC that I had my bath before he had his shower. I let the bath run too long so we ran out of hot water (I'm not keen on luke warm baths but this time it was good, as I didn't stay in there for over an hour and fall asleep).

sat in my towel drying my hair JA asks for a lift to the village, but I don't think I will have time before Romeo arrives. I still have to put on my face and wrap the present I had bought for Romeo way back in May when I thought we would meet then. My phone starts ringing, Romeo is stuck in traffic. So JA gets his lift after all. When I got back I was hanging out washing when I discovered that I had missed a call from Romeo. making my way to the corner of the road Romeo calls again he is lost so I talk him back to where I am.

I bet you are expecting that I shall now tell you about our date in more detail, well as it is now getting late and once again I fell asleep whilst typing I shall save that tale until tomorrow. When I got home from our date OJ told me that JA had lost one of his new shoes.

'I had a blood sucker on my leg, and as I was shaking my leg my she flew off and landed in a tree with a bog under it.'

'so you didn't lose it then, you know where it is but you can't get to it'.

' yeah and mum Chris's parents paid for a taxi for him to get home' .

kids you have just got to love them haven't you. oh and I never did do any of my spreadsheets this weekend

Sunday, 27 July 2008

my big date

took us to here

which is where this happened

after a lot of this which caused these

we drove around so that we could see lots of these


showed him where this is

before we went for one of these


which led to this

which was very

until eventually we had to give in to hunger and go for one of these

he is back home now and has text me

'a very special day'

he has warned me that seeing him will be very irratic for a time. But he is trying to arrange his work so that he works from UK more in the future.

I now know that I was right to believe in him we are sooooo

this is how we both feel right now

Saturday, 26 July 2008

At last!!

Before he went to Thailand a couple of weeks ago Romeo told me that it would be his last long trip for a while. Then he had a couple of short trips then a time when his diary would be fairly free. I suggested that he hide his diary. When he returned we chatted but he didn't say anything about when he will be free. A couple of days ago he told me that the time was an hour ahead where he was. So I wasn't expecting much from him until he gets back.

Friday morning he text me that

'may be able to meet next week possibility now there xxxxxx'

'tell me more'

'will later just going into meeting xxxx'

I must have been grinning like a fool for the rest of the morning, it certainly felt good to me. I expected to hear from him again later in the day but by the time I left work there had been no further word. To end my working day, as I sped towards the motorway, I saw something most unexpected. Flying around the bend in my little car, as the road I was on merged with the road that would soon become motorway, there ahead of me, suspended above the road, was a giant red love heart. This puzzled me, as I tried to work out how it was done. It had obviously been created by red smoke from planes, probably something like The Red Arrows but there was nothing else in sight other than three vapour trails in red, white and blue to one side of the heart. then from out of nowhere the red arrows came shooting towards me. Soon I had left the heart and the planes behind me as I headed home. A few hours later I still hadn't heard from Romeo, part of me wasn't worried, he was obviously busy. But a small part of me said he did this before. He told me that we could meet next week then I didn't hear from him for two weeks. But even though these thoughts crossed my mind I still had faith that I would hear more from him soon.

Chatting online with a facebook friend, blogging the hours soon passed. I woke up on the sofa with my laptop on my knees again!! I was just trying to rouse myself to go upstairs when a chat window opened. I was a little surprised as it was around 1am by then. We chatted for a short while then I took myself upstairs taking my laptop with me. I was awake again now. we chatted for a little longer.

Then it happened

'are you online?'

It was Romeo telling me he had just got home. He wanted to know when I would be free. We must have talked online for an hour. By the time we had finished we had arranged to meet. we had agreed a time and he is picking me up. He has no time constraints so we will just go with the flow. We had talked about a few possibilities but as he is not familiar with the area it is up to me to come up with a plan for our time together.

Today I have been out and bought myself a couple of new tops to go with the skirt I plan to wear (isn't it lucky that on the few occasions I venture into town to buy clothes there are sales on). so £52 later I have one pink sequinned top, a pink and white blouse and a white blouse with cap sleeves and lightly patterned with small brown flowers, pink sandals, a red pendant with matching earings and brown droplet earrings with matching necklace. (DC got paid yesterday and met me in town to hand over a wad of purple notes).

A cuppa with my mum and a chat about places to go, I now have a plan, starting with a visit to my favourite view, so you can be sure that I shall have my camera with me. Back home after a visit to Asda I was laying on my bed checking my emails and chatting when I fell asleep. (I did only get 4 .5 hrs sleep last night). When I woke up with the sun streaming through my window and my radio playing to itself I thought it was the morning. Panic I hadn't painted my nails yet, so much to do before my date. Slowly it dawned on me that it was still Saturday evening. Looking at the chat window on my screen it seems I had been asleep for some 45 minutes. So now I have caught up with blogs and once I have published this post I shall do my nails before heading to bed for an early night. Tomorrow I plan to finish pampering myself ready for my big date.

Can you believe my mother!! she phoned me to tell me to eat before my date. As we don't have a meal booked I don't know when I shall be eating. My mother is concerned that I will go for hours without eating causing my blood sugar levels to drop making me ill. Hot weather makes this problem worse for me. (she has witnessed me in this state once or twice in the last few years). So I have had to promise to eat brunch..........................mothers!!! who needs them!


If this don’t bring a tear to your eye …..!

SOMEONE said...

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby .
Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "Normal," is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct ..

Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring ......

Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a "good" mother, your child will "turn out good."

Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices .

Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother.

Somebody never helped a fourth grader with her math.

Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first.

Somebody doesn't have five children.

S0mebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books .......

Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery ...........

Somebody never watched her "baby" get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten.

or on a plane headed for military "boot camp."

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back .......

somebody never organized four giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married ...

Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home ....

Somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her .

Somebody isn't a mother.

Somebody driving one of these .................

is taking me out over the weekend

Thursday, 24 July 2008

Serving my Time

As a child I wasn't very girly. I didn't play with dolls or play girly games. My best friend was a boy, he was the lad all the girls in our class adored but he was my best friend and I his.
I loved nothing better than climbing trees or playing with cars (by that I mean toy cars). By the time I was at senior school I was hanging out with girls rather than boys, but I still wasn't really a girly girl. I did like boys but was very shy around them.

I met my first love when I was 16, I had just turned 17 when I lost my virginity to him. I thought he was everything I could want in a man. But then his friends began asking when we were going to get engaged. I told him what his friends had been saying and it scared him off. I was devastated. Because of him I had a party for my 18th (I hadn't originally planned to have a party) we had kept in contact an he was the only person I really wanted there. But I hadn't expected him to get off with one of my friends. I was heart broken, but strangely it brought me and my friend Nicki closer together. Both of them would invite me out either with them both or on their own. Bless her Nicki realised how I felt about FL and began to drop out of dates leaving me with FL.

Then there was the time he asked me to join him for a walk in Ashdown Forest. We walked, we talked then we rested on the ground, but I wouldn't look at him, I was so afraid of looking at him. I remember lying on my back watching a plane making its trail across a blue sky. He was asking me why wouldn't look at him, he was trying to tell me that he still had feelings for me. But to my mind he was seeing Nicki so that was that. Days later they had split up for me. But I had met my future Fiance. I liked my new b/f but he wasn't FL. Every few weeks FL would call round to my home for a chat. I longed for FL to claim me as his, to ask me to be his g/f again, he didn't.

Soon FF had asked me to become engaged, I wasn't sure but I said yes. Next time FL called round I told him I was getting engaged. I wanted him to be jealous but instead he just stayed away. We stayed in contact, but not often. I stayed with FF for a couple of years but we split up when I was 20.

I wanted to do something where I would meet other people, but I didn't want to do the usual thing and join an evening class. Many of my friends from the pubs I went to were also his friends. So I decided to do something a little different.

I joined The Territorial Army. I wanted to do something that most of my friends would not do. I had a hankering to have a go at an assault course. I was happy to get wet and muddy after all I had groem up as a tom boy. The local group was for men only but the one in the next town was unisex. It was a signals regiment. There I learnt how to handle, dismantle, clean and reassemble a self loading rifle in just a few minutes. I learnt about codes and signal masts. we learnt our Drill on the Paradeground. What was more we didn't pay to do this we were payed by the government to turn up every week and for our times away from home on Excercise.

I completed my basic training and went away to Salisbury Plain. We had classes where we sat in rows just like school. I was dragged along the road for my run, we had to comlete a mile in X number of minutes as part of the physical training. I never was any good at running, but with boots that were too big, (size 4 was the smallest size the army had)I was a size 2 1/2, it didn't take long before my feet were blistered. I did the assault course, that was both scary and exhilarating. I suffered through the gas mask training. (not something I recommend) but I got through it. I went home bruised, battered and satisfied that I had done my best and in doing so had passed the course, just!

I stayed with my Unit for 6 months before I finally came to the conclusion that it just was not for me. It wasn't the discipline that I didn't like. It wasn't the uniform, it wasn't the fitness side of it or even the hours spent learning to touch type. The reason I left was that it finally sunk into my thick scull that the only way women could progress in the Service was by becoming what was called an 'Officer's ground sheet'. I was not prepared t go down that route. Neither was I prepared to turn a blind eye to waht was going on around me. I was very idealistic in those days. I wonder how I would have reacted to the same situation 20 yrs later.

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

my lucky views

On Monday morning I wasn't feeling well so I took myself home to bed. As I was driving towards the motorway I realised that it was still the morning rush hour so I detoured across the hill. It was a lovely sunny morning and I would have loved to stop and take some photos of the views. I always love being up there. But I was struggling to concentrate on the road so I got myself home as quickly as possible. I was tucked up in my bed by 9.15am and stayed there all day sleeping and trying to get rid of an excruciating headache that made me nauseous.

Anyway getting to the point, today we got a message at work that there had been a bad accident near to the town where I live causing huge tailbacks on the motorway. Realising that all the alternative routes would also be snarled up I decided to take myself up onto the hill and park up in one of the car parks. I chose one in the lane beside the Gladstonian Pub. Listened to the traffic news the went to sit at a picnic table where I took a few snaps of the views from the hill.

I feel so lucky that I have these views so close to my home. It was lovely sitting there in the late afternoon with the warm sun on my skin and the breeze in my hair. You can't see it so well in this photo but the sea was a lovely deep blue under a bright blue sky, with white sails on the boats so far away looking like a holiday destination of some far away place I can only dream of.

Monday, 21 July 2008

another one down

A little over a month ago I left work on time for a change and headed west along the motorway, going several junctions past where I usually turn off I came to the junction nearest to my destination. Crossing over the motorway the turning left past the place where I did some temping as a receptionist in 2006/2007 the same place where I wrote this story during the quiet times. Along past the fast food outlets on the right before turning left again to re cross the motorway. At the next traffic lights turning left again twards the hotel where I met HMU 18 months ago. we are still friends and exchange advice on regular intervals although not as often now as we were. It is also the same hotel where I used to stay with Swinger and where my special friday took place last August. I can't believe it was almost a year ago now.

Once past the hotel I went on up the hill pulling into the golf club car park......I never knew there was a golf club there. I knew there was a tennis club though as you can see that from the hotel, Swinger and I had wandered what it was the first time we stayed there. But on this occasion I was not there for the hotel, tennis or golf. I tottered across the road in my heels to jin the other parents. I don't know very many of them, most of ET's friends are just names to me. Obviously I know his close friends that he hangs out with but thats all.

After a while the fancy cars start to arrive. The occupants all dressed up in their finery. I did take some photos on my mobile but I am having trouble uploading photos from my mobile so here are a few from my camera.

This lad who has grown up on a farm drove himself to the venue dressed in his Dinner Jacket (dad was there to drive it away though)

These girls arrived with an escort of a dozen motorcycles, I expect they enjoyed it until the guy in front of them decided to rev his engine excessivelly covering the girls in a shroud of smoke stinking of hot rubber.

There were the usual vintage cars and then there were these Hummers. Some were white one or two were black and this one was gold.

There were also a few of these traditional stretch limos, white ones a pink one and a black one then this one with spots all over it.

Finally after much waiting ET and friends arrived in thier stretc Hummer with their names on the windows, smoke billowing from the windows and music blaring out. Us parents had payed a lot of money to give our kids a complete experience. Including a stop on the way for a photograph session.

So here are my little boy and his friends at the start of their school prom. They are nolonger school children but young adults.

ET is at the far end with an orange tie completeing his outfit of a black suit and black shirt. We didn't have anything like this when we were sixteen. I was chatting to one of the mums she spent £500 on her daughter (who I didn't even see, I had forgotten that she was in the same year as ET, I know the familt because her little brother played football with JA before he had to give up playing). I am sure glad I only have sons. Well now it is 3 down one to go and I have a few years yet to save up for his prom.

Saturday, 19 July 2008

What the hell

I really do not understand what goes through his head if anything at all.

What the hell can he be thinking of when he does this?

Last night I fell asleep on the sofa writing my post about my fears regarding meeting Romeo at long last. Work is still hectic, although I was banned from doing the day to day work so that I could concentrate on my Scotland project. Romeo was texting me on and off through out which was nice. But at the end of the day I was tired and yet again I fell asleep with my laptop on my knees.

I woke up at around 1.30am then after a quick visit to the bathroom thought I would finish writing my post before going to bed. The TV was still on as DC had left it after watching Saving Private Ryan again. I became engrossed in watching something called 'Bones'. when a chat window opened up asking me what I was doing? ..........watching tv. LV had also not long ago woken up. We chatted for a while, I had finished my post by this time. I fell asleep again and woke up when my alarm went off in my handbag (I use the alarm on my mobile). so finally at 5.50am I went to bed.

I woke at 9am but dozed off again for a while before pottering around having a lazy morning. When I decided it was time to go shopping I had a shock........

walking down the footpath towards the road I couldn't see my car!!

I knew that DC had gone out earlier, but his car was still parked in the road. It didn't take long before I was on the phone to ask him wtf he was playing at. I figure he thought he would save fuel by using my car. The other lads confirmed that they thought he had gone to the gym so that means at least an hour but he had been gone for a while already.

By 4pm I still hadn't heard from him even though I had called his mobile several times. It was either in the locker or he had left it in the car. He very rarely answers his phone when I call him. I rang princess (his g/f) to see if he had gone to visit her after she finished work. But she didn't know where he was either.

Finally he turned up at about 4.45pm I was soooo not impressed. I asked him where he had been........

'to the gym'

'not for 3 hours you haven't . .............we have been waiting over 2.5 hours to go shopping '

'oh I went into town on the way back'

'so what was going through your mind when you took my car without asking and you had no idea what my plans were'


He wouldn't tell me what he thought he was doing just kept saying sorry and laughing. I have told him that his penance is to wash up everything in the kitchen. (they are always arguing over the washing up and it just gets stacked higher and higher until I give in and do it). I then took JA shopping with me. Whilst we were there I decided to treat us to the mini haagen dazs. There is an offer of 4 for £5 so I bought one each for myself, JA,ET and OJ not for DC he doesn't deserve any. Oh and before I went out I put his car keys in my handbag along with the spare keys to my car. .......petty maybe but he makes me so cross sometimes and he doesn't take it seriously. Everything is just a big joke to him the selfish boy that he is. I know he is 20 now but he doesn't behave much like a responsible adult.

Yet again I feel that I am getting close to telling him he has to move out. He has been told that he is on the at risk list at work for those likely to be made redundant in September. Has he done anything about looking for another job no .............he will wait until he has no job and his redundancy money (he's lucky his company are paying him anything as he hasn't been there 2 years) has run out. He is a lovely lad but he thinks of no one but himself and his band. He is certainly the most selfish out of my boys. I really don't understand him. I know I sometimes do selfish things but I do at least think about how it will affect others before I do it. I am not sure that he even thinks about how his actions affect anyone else.

Friday, 18 July 2008

My slight reservations

Anyone who has been reading my blog for any length of time will know that I adore my Romeo. Having found each other on a dating site back in February we both had high hopes for a relationship between us.

Unfortunately he is incredibly dedicated to his own businesses (global) which has meant that he has spent the majority of the last few months abroad. On those occasions when he was in UK it was either for a meeting of one of the Companies he is a Director of, or between flights. Never quite long enough to arrange to see me. It would be so much easier if he was an employee he would be able to book time off from his work. But as he owns his own businesses he feels an obligation to his employees to make his Companies run as well and efficiently as he can. He feels he has to ensure that their clients have whatever they want which in many cases is 'the best' (him). Some of his cases have sudden emergencies and some continue far longer than predicted at the start. Plans change at short notice. He can tell me that he is flying out to Israel next day but next day he has gone nowhere as he is off to Iceland the next day instead. He can be in Berlin one day and Thailand 2 or 3 days later. It is not an easy life but it is one that he loves because he loves his work. But a big draw back is the constant tiredness due to regular jet lag or late night meetings followed by breakfast meetings or dawn flights.

A few days ago he returned from his latest trip to the southern hemisphere, a trip that lasted a mere 5 days, so his jet lag has been bad. the following few days we had a lot of email, text and IM , between him falling asleep and me working. Since then he has got back into catching up with business matters. But he has still found time to text me even if it was one text between meetings. He is trying to work it out so that we can finally meet for the first time.

We have not talked about what we expect from each other or the future, first we need to get past this first meeting. We both feel that personality wise we know each other well. We agreed months ago that even though we both feel as though we have had several dates already. We know each other's personality better than if we had met in real life and had a few dates.

Romeo is always so positive that everything will be good. Back in April he told me that he wanted to delete his profile from the dating site but didn't seem to be able to. Neither of us have used the site since March, but recently he told me that he has managed to delete his profile, he was fed up with getting messages from other women although he had not been active on the site for a few months. He wanted me to go onto the site to make sure I couldn't find his profile, if it was still there he would sue the site. (That must be his legal training coming out in him again).

Romeo tells me that I am the only woman he wants. He doesn't even want to receive emails from anyone else let alone meet anyone else.

According to Romeo, I am a lovely sexy woman.

'how do I tell you that ou have a really great sexy mind and a body to match, You look so sensual.'

It is great that he feels this way about me but I do worry that reality won't be as good as his imagination. I don't have any doubts that I am good enough for him, regardless of the vast difference in our lives. In one of our first telephone conversations he told me that he had done the 'trophy wife' bit, now he wants a real woman............... (Thats a relief as I am certainly not 'trophy wife' or even 'footballer's wife' material).

Back in about March I bought a set of new lingerie which I promised to save until such time, he is able to help me out of it. It is still in my lingerie drawer. We have an agreement that we will not sleep together the first time we meet no matter how much we think we know each other. No matter how much our desires for each other may be stirred.

Today whilst I was at work Romeo was texting me as he travelled to a meeting. some of these text were as follows.

'so flirty, teasy, likes to tell me how to do things but also sligtly submissive in the right context. mmmmmmmmm my kind of woman xxxxxxx'

'know so, keep drawer with delightful lingerie on alert for immediate use xxxxxxxx'

This is where the slight reservations or as cheeky dani would call it 'freak out' come into play . I know that we are good for each other. I know that being with him could be very good. But what I do worry about is my figure. He has seen pictures of me, he tells me that I am an attractive woman. He knows that I don't have a perfect figure, I told him that my body is beautiful because it tells its own story, its bumps and lumps that tell of the ravages of mulitple pregnancies and devastating cancer. He tells me that he doesn't mind what my body is like, it is the person inside the body who matters to him. I try to remain positive and not voice my fears that he will take one look at me and wish the floor would swallow him up. Every time that I say we could be good he counters with .........he knows.

I adore him and want him but I worry that he will reject me when we finally meet and now it is starting to look like it could be very soon.

I know that many men are not put off by my figure so why should he be but I also know there are ther men who would not touch my body with a barge pole.

One thing I will do though is let him decide for himself.

Thursday, 17 July 2008


My computer calendar had a reminder on it today

Thursday 17th July .......mum hospital (my mum's third operation on her right knee since she retired 5 years ago)

18 months after her knee replacement she still can't walk further than a couple of hunfred feet without a stick or a crutch. She feels depressed because after years of pain she had hoped to be able to walk without pain again, to be able to do all the things she has always loved to do. but o far she is no better now than she was a month a week after her op.

On monday my mum attended the Hospital for her pre op appointment, xrays, bloodtests etc. But not long after returning home she got a call telling her that the op scheduled for today was being postponed until 31st July. Mum had arrangements in place for taking her to hospital, collecting her and home care but now the date has changed she will need me to collect her from hospital and stay with her.

These things can't be helped but it does mean that mum will still be in pain for another two weeks.

I really hope that this time they can sort out the problem so that my mum can get her life back again.

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

these old songs

Driving home from work today absent mindedly singing along to classic soul I found myself paying attention to the lyrics of this song. It got me thinking about lack of respect. How men who treat their women like this have no respect for either woman. But worse, how women who allow their man to behave like this have no respect for themselves. But the worse thing of all is that I have been one of these women.

When I met N, he was the first new man in my life for 20 years. I thought he was wonderful, after all I had been trained to believe that no man other than my husband would ever want me, and I was lucky that he put up with me. N made me feel good, for the first time in 19 years I felt sexy again. He wanted to prove to me that I meant more to him than just sex, but he was already seeing someone else. (She knew about me from the start but still got involved with him). By the time I found out about TB (the bitch) he had been seeing her behind my back for a month. N doesn't drive (medical reasons) he lives about half an hour away from me and TB about 1.5 hrs away. She would take him to her home where he would be stuck until she took him home (which was often 2 or 3 weeks), at the end of that time he would call me up, tell me he was finished with TB and only wanted me. Just when I thought everything was going well between us he would be off with her again. I should have told him to get lost but I didn't. I thought I loved him, he always told me that it was really me he wanted, but she had some kind of power over him. He always said that I was the nice one and she ........well she just wasn't.

Anyway the three of us carried on in this way for too many months. Him living with her for 2 or 3 weeks then being with me for a couple of weeks. Until the time came when I took a stand, he hurt me badly and on this occasion he said something that I just couldn't forgive. I punched him as hard as I could muster in my fury before driving off into the heat of the day. Later I went back mainly to see if I was still angry, but using the excuse of making sure that he had deleted every photo he had of me from his computer. (yes he was the one who started me off with the photos). He didn't want me in his flat as TB was there, I had always insisted that I never wanted to meet her, I didn't want to be friends with her. I was adamant that he prove to me he had deleted the photos. months later he told me that he had never seen me so angry and that if I had been like that more often he would never have gone off with her. (He couldn't cope with me being nice all the time).

Looking back now I can see that he didn't have any respect for either of us. He was just playing us both off one against the other.

I've known of your
Your secluded nights
I've even seen her
Maybe once or twice

But is her sweet expression
Worth more than my love and affection ?
But this time before you leave my arms
And rush of to her charms
(Think it over) Haven't I been good to you ?
(Think it over) Haven't I been sweet to you ?

Stop! In the name of love
Before you break my heart
Stop! In the name of love
Before you break my heart
Think it over
Think it over

I've tried so hard, hard to be patient
Hoping you'd stop this infatuation
But each time you are together
I'm so afraid I'll be losing you forever

Stop! In the name of love
Before you break my heart
Stop! In the name of love
Before you break my heart
Stop! In the name of love
Before you break my heart

However later this evening I heard this song which is more in keeping with the way I feel these days. As I was sat half watching BB whilst writing this post with my laptop perched on my knee while I lounged on the sofa at the end of a long day, a chat window opened. It is a very long time or so it seems since this window opened. It was the lovely Romeo. He only had a few minutes to chat as he was about to take an international call from a client. I didn't mind that he only managed to chat for matter of minutes. It was yet another example of how much closer we have become in the last 10 days but more especially in the last 4 days. All these months I have tried to be patient with him. I always felt since the beginning that he was worth waiting for. finally I believe my patience is paying off and I shall soon know if I was right to believe in him for so long even though we had not met. during the months since Feb I have listened and sung along to many songs but this one song has been a constant reminder that you can't rush it. Patience in this case has certainly proven to be a virtue.

I need love, love
To ease my mind
I need to find, find someone to call mine
But mama said

You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love dont come easy
Its a game of give and take

You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
You got to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

But how many heartaches
Must I stand before I find a love
To let me live again
Right now the only thing
That keeps me hangin on
When I feel my strength, yeah
Its almost gone
I remember mama said:

You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love dont come easy
Its a game of give and take

How long must I wait
How much more can I take
Before loneliness will cause my heart
Heart to break?

No I cant bear to live my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that i, I cant go on
These precious words keeps me hangin on
I remember mama said:

You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love dont come easy
Its a game of give and take

You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

No, love, love, dont come easy
But I keep on waiting
Anticipating for that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender arms
To hold me tight
I keep waiting
I keep on waiting
But it aint easy
It aint easy
But mama said:

You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love dont come easy
Its a game of give and take

what song helps you to keep going and why?

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

more odds and sods

I don't believe it ....................what will it be next?

OJ just came into my room to tell me that Nipper has found a new trick. In our hall (if you can call it that, its so small) we have an old cabbage basket that we use for shoes. As there are five of us and those four all have size eight or nine feet, except JA who is a size six, the basket is piled quite high. It transpires that Nipper was sat on the top of the pile of shoes. Nothing unusual in this, I have seen her sat there lots of times over the years. But this time they believe that DC caught her stood up reaching up to the door handle. Yeah right!!!

Earlier as I was driving down to the village where JA had been at the youth club, a cyclist in full cycling gear rode onto the road I was driving on. At the traffic lights I could see him in my rear view mirror and wondered if it was Bovril. I don't think I ever mentioned Bovril before, mainly because he was reading my blog, however I don't think he has read my blogs for months now. I pulled away from the lights before the blue lycra clad cyclist had caught up to my car, but as I turned right to go down the hill I could see the next lot of lights were on red. As I sat there I could see the blue vision filling my wing mirror as he got closer. But again the lights changed and I was off down the hill towards the village. I was amused to see that when I turned left into the village so did the cyclist.

I was not amused however when I thought he was going to come crashing through my rear window. Just as I reached the narrowest part of the road between two houses at the start of the village proper, a car came from the blind turning on the right. I had no choice but to slam my brakes on with cyclist very close to my bumper. I did at this point get a brief glimpse of his face and I don't think it was Bovril. As I made my way through the village there was this blue person constantly in my mirror until finally I drove up the hill on the far side of the village and turned into the road where JA was waiting on the grass bank for me.

I can just hear Trixi and Mei demanding that I spill the beans on who Bovril is/was. Bovril found me on on the net but lives locally to me, by that I mean within a mile and married. We chatted for a while on and off. Then conversation came around to my writing, so I let him read some of my stories. Over time it became apparent that even though he has been married for years he was fairly naive. The more we talked the more he wanted to meet, which we did eventually for a chat and a cup of tea, two days before christmas. Then twice more over the christmas holidays. This story was inspired by him. We didn't meet again. Mainly because I felt bad about it. I didn't like myself very much. I found it thrilling exciting that a happily married man wanted me to show him new experiences, to introduce him to pleasures he didn't find at home.

Besides apart from the problems it could have caused him, I had already made up my mind that there would be no more married men for me. Both our first two meetings consisted of nothing more than chatting but our third meeting was a different story.

Less than two months later I found Romeo, who has been texting me every time he wakes up since he returned from Thailand.

There was going to be more to this post but I am tired and already fell asleep once whilst writing it.

Monday, 14 July 2008


Yesterday evening my youngest asked me to collect him and his bike which had 'a proper flat tyre' (I did ask him if that is better than a pretend flat tyre and is it the same as a normal flat tyre) from the village.

As I went out of the front door our cat shot inside. Because the door to the livingroom was shut I rang the doorbell, (so that one of the boys would open the door) and continued down the footpath. When I returned about 20 minutes later the cat was back on the footpath. I didn't think much about it.

Later in the evening DC told me that Nipper had rung the doorbell. DC and OJ then began to tell me that the doorbell had rung but when they opened the door no one was there but Nipper ran inside. Between them they have convinced each other that she had jumped onto the blue mail box on the wall by the door, pressed the bell then jumped down to wait for the door to open. They are convinced she was on the doorstep not in the hall. OJ thinks that she must have watched people press the bell and learnt that it makes us open the door. I am remaining taciturn on the subject. I know that for years Nipper has knocked on the door or the cat flap to be let in but how could these two supposedly bright lads of 17 and 20 really believe that she would ring the doorbell.

I was going to say that I have also been guilty of being gullible in the last 24 hours but I don't think gullible is really the right word to describe what my mischief has got me into. If you have read my post about Romeo over on battle the other day, you will know that we are getting back on track again. During our conversation last Monday he promised to upgrade his private phone so that he can contact me where ever he is. Yesterday we were having a very nice exchange of text messages over the course of 2 hours. Nothing exceptional about this except that he was in Thailand waiting for his flight back home.

Later after I had been to the gym (yes you read that right I forced myself to go to the gym for the second time since March), I was thinking about Romeo (nothing unusual about that as I have thought about him an awful lot in the last 4 months). I began to feel even more hot and bothered than when I was at the gym, I was turning myself on just thinking about him. I started thinking about our text messages earlier and whether I could turn them into a fantasy. Next thing (ok it did take more than a few minutes) I had written a new story over on LiR writes, Long distance arousal, writing this turned me on even more. Of course I ended up having a play, how could I resist?

Late last night I emailed my new story to Romeo to read once he had arrived back here. I never for one moment expected him to take me at my word and turn fantasy into reality. He began texting me in the middle of the day to let me know he was back. Then he was going to have a long sleep. So I was rather surprise to get a text from him at 7pm saying ...........

just awake for a few mins. read your story, what a lovely thought to actually make those thoughts a reality. I can just feel your nipples on my tongue and lips mmmmm

more text went back and forth then I found myself being persuaded to send him a photo........

dear Lir as if I need to tell you, I did inspire your story so its that one mmmmmmmmmmmm

A few more delaying tactics from me before finally I sent him a shy picture that showed more of my pretty bra than my nipple with the proviso that I won't be making a habit of this. (I know, I know, the past is the past and he doesn't have to know just how naughty I have been in the past.) I have extracted a promise from him to send me a new photo but I did say that it must include his smiling face so I am hoping he won't send me a rude photo, he did promise me months ago that he wouldn't. His final text for the moment..........

now i can go to sleep content xxxxx

Now we have to see if I have learnt a lesson here. Unless I want it to come true I mustn't send Romeo any more fantasies.

Saturday, 12 July 2008

Red and Yellow

Where to start

Traffic on the way to Goodwood was pretty much stop start for milesBut we eventually arrived at about 11am then cam the long walk from the carpark, first making a mental note of where we were parked (between two 4 x 4's). It didn't take me long to realise just how unfit I ahve become in the last few months of not going to the gym regularly (something I really must do something about maybe I'll go tomorrow).

On arrival at the festival we first had a look at the 'touring cars' lots of engine revving and cars being lovingly polished. I loved seeing all the old Alpha Romeo cars (mostly red). Before moving on to the paddocks where we were able to see cars driven by all the well known formula top names over the past 40 or 50 decades.At this stage in the day I was using my phones for taking pictures (I have not uploaded them yet as I need to dig out the cable ~ I know you are thinking thank heavens for that). But here are a few of the pictures I did take on my little digital camera.

The rain held off for the majority of the day after my previous fears of being soaked. The only heavy down pour happened as we were heading home in the safety of LV's car. However I did wear my new yellow high visibilty coat which was a blessing as this meant that LV and I didn't have to stick together like glue all day. I could wander about looking at the cars that took my interest while LV looked at the once he was interested in. He could keep track of where I was as I was indeed very visible. Obviously LV was not quite so visible to me and once or twice he surprised me when he appeared from the middle of the crowds.

It is amazing seeing the different syles of cars. One minute I was looking at this Porsche

and next minute there were these familiar cars,

and what a thrill this little boy's family had when he was lifted into the driver's seat.

In the middle of the afternoon we sat on the grass near to Goodwood House. On the track there was a demonstration by Dougie Lampkin bouncing his motorbike on and off a subaru. Being a massive 5' I find it difficult to see over crowds but I was happy to watch the events on the large screens. All of a sudden Dougie left the track and emerged on the gravel path leading upto the House going around the centre piece of the Festival.

As you can see this huge Iron structure has attached to it 5 current Landrovers in special silver. OJ on seeing the picture asked if they were life size, I can assure you that they were.

Whilst we watched Dougie drove his bike in through the front door of the house, we then followed his progress via a helmet camera and the big screen as he went from room to room until finally he appeared on the roof where he continued his antics.

We finally left the Festival at around 4.30 and headed home. As we were leaving LV asked me if I would like to go for an Indian or a Chinese meal to end the day. But first he took me home so that I could make sure my boys were ok and had food for the evening.

After a lovely meal (which I really couldn't do justice to ~ that will teach me to wear jeans that are on the tight side) we said good night. All that fresh air and unacustomed walking I really was very tired.

I might not be as interested in cars as LV but it was still a lovely day out. Good company and just the relief of spending a day not having to worry about anyone or anything. I also appear to have caught the sun even though it wasn't out for very long at any one time, my face and chest are now a very definite red to contrast my very yellow coat.

Thank you LV

Now I shall leave you with an image that tickled my sense of humour.

Wednesday, 9 July 2008

catching up

Tonight I have been catching up

my friend Ronjazz has reopened his blog with promises of more Harem stories

I have also been catching up on another blog

last year I was reading dj's friend Toby's blog, but due to circumstances he gave up blogging however he was writing a story which he was posting one chapter at a time on a blog, I had been reading it every week until I was without the internet for a few weeks before xmas. I never really got back into reading it. So tonight I looked for and found it, after reading a couple of chapters I fell asleep (through fatigue). When I woke up I had lost my internet connection so after several attempts I resorted to the desk top. But as I was going to say if you like a good read and don't mind adult content you should read Princess Tanya's Beautiful Dreams

The other night I was watching Top Gear with the boys and they were doing a special challenge with Alpha Romeos. Of course this caught my attention as the very first car I drove was a red Alpha Sud back in the late 70s. My dad took me to the council offices where my mum worked so I could practice in the carpark on a Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately he taught me how to get started but I didn't know how to stop and found myself using a hedge instead of the brakes. we were on a slope that led down to where the dustcarts were parked and I went into panic mode thinking I would hit a dustcart, the hedge seemed like a better bet. I failed that first driving test

in tunbridge Wells, for being too hesitant. It was 5 years before I drove again, agai I was too hesitant but the next time I wasn't hesitant enough. Then I took my test again but in Sevenoaks, the day before my test my instructor told us he couldn't take me for my test, so my dad took me and took my test in his Mitzubishi Lancer estate instead of the Mazda I had been learning in. to this day I still say I passed because the examiner was playing with the electric windows. Isn't it odd how something that we take for granted these days was such a novelty in those days.