This feels a little strange. It was confirmed to me today that I am being read by someone in my RL. In the past my blog has been read by some of my lovers/potential lovers, this has not bothered me in the slightest. The only one that bothered me was N. He found my blog Battle to find myself after I had finished seeing him. Of course he read my thoughts about not being happy with him, he felt that I had made a fool of him because everyone knew who he was. In fact only one person I talked to (Forest) knew about him and which town/city he lived in (not the same as mine). N even spoke to Forest online one day when he was staying here and I was chatting to Forest he decided to get in on the act and wind poor Forest up (at this time it was still several months before I met Forest). N was the reason I started my second blog Kindred Perverts and took on the persona of Sexy Vixen. N was also the reason I made both blogs private for a while when he was trying to black mail me. What ever did I see in that man?
I did find that it had an effect on my writing when I was seeing Forest knowing that he had been reading my blog since it began. Sometimes I found myself writing things especially for his benefit even though I was never sure whether he had read it or not as he reads on and off rather than regularly. Other times I censored what I wanted to write because I wasn't sure I could be completely honest whilst Forest might be reading it. Then I set up this blog with the idea of dedicating it to Forest for his birthday, it consisted purely of posts that were about him.
Until there came a time when I decided to have a change in direction this coincided with my decision to stop reading a couple of blogs by women who I had been friendly with until the day I accused one of being a bully to one of my other friends. Luka recognised this as being aimed at her and decided to go overboard in her defence of herself. I took this in my stride refusing to be drawn into any arguments but when she decided to rehash the whole thing again I decided it was time to cut the ties with her and one or two of her followers. Its was on this very blog that I had my public bust up with Forest which led to him leaving a few comments for the first time.
Now another RL person is reading my blogs. This person is not a current or former lover. This person is not someone I have ever met in person. We speak fairly regularly and we even exchange emails. I am a little embarrassed that this person has been reading some of the more intimate things I have written. I was somewhat alarmed this evening when I discovered that one of the first things this person read was this post about texting JJ. He has also read this little fantasy that I wrote after a text comment from Forest. If he was someone I didn't know it wouldn't worry me. The fact that we speak in RL doesn't over worry me, but he knows my Boss and some of my colleagues, now that could be interesting. I guess that I am just going to have to trust this person who I think has chosen his own name. (First person to ever do that). How did he tell me what he wants to be known as? I received an email this afternoon (from one LV to another). I took this to be his way of not only telling me that he has read my blog but also that he would prefer to be known as LV.
