Difficult decisions

A cold reality has been slowly dawning on me and I don't like it not one bit.

I have been struggling with my finances for years and every now and then I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But right now reality is biting hard as it always does at this time of year. It is hard enough struggling for the rest of the year but the lead up to christmas always makes it worse. The realisation that I can't afford to buy any treats for my boys hurts.

Following the recent episode with my bank account I have found that I am several weeks in arrears with my rent. I am also in arrears with my Council Tax and sewerage rates. Every single month is a struggle. Every month I tell myself that next month will be better.
But I have come to the realisation that I simply do not earn enough to cover all my expenses even though I am very careful to keep spending down to a minimum.

I have a choice, I can change my job for one that pays more. That is not going to be easy besides I am one of the lucky few who has a job that I enjoy, working with people I like. Or I can continue with my current job (I have checked and I am earning the average amount for similar work) but take on a second part time job. I get tired easily so that would put an extra strain on me. But it would get me out of the house meeting other people. I could look for bar work a couple of evenings a week but that isn't going to make up the difference of £600pm between my current income and that of a year ago when I was on higher child tax credit and family allowance. Or as a family friend has suggested, a local coach firm are looking for more drivers particularly women. This would give me more money but would the greater number of hours be too much for me.

I have decided to apply for part time work with the coach company for the moment and see what happens.

On Days like this

Driving home along the motorway tonight I was thinking about how lucky I am. My health is fairly good. (the problems with my leg a few weeks ago a mere memory now).

Some mornings like yesterday everything is painted pastel colours of pink, blue and pale grey as the sun tries to break through the early clouds. To me the pastel colours are beautiful. But having said that so are the bronze tinged colours of mornings like today when the sun has already emerged. Driving home into the sun with the blue of the sea spread out ahead of me as my journey takes me west fills me with joy. It is the warm spring days like today that I love. Everything seems so much better on these warm sunny days.

Work is going well at the moment (it isn't all rosey but close enough). I am enjoying the challenges I have set for myself. I still get frustrated that some people seem to find the simplest things so difficult to understand but for the most part our small team are getting on well.

I have several men in my life although none are serious. There is the sweet Plumber, the more high powered Golf, Luigi (you have yet to hear about him) Kama who has been away but returned today, but also the object of my lust, Thomas.

I feel as though life is good and can only get better.

Not a chance

We thought it was going to be the opportunity of a life time.
Monday evening ET was feeling disheartened. He didn't believe he could do it, he felt he was too shy to talk to adults on the phone. We had a long heart to heart, I did my best to build up his confidence, to encourage him to believe in himself, be positive.

Tuesday morning he phoned me to let me know that he had met the guy for a lift into work to be told that they had decided they didn't need an extra person they could manage without him.

He was a little relieved but mostly he was upset.

He didn't have a chance to see if he could get the hang of what they wanted. He is not stupid he is a bright lad, just very shy.

So now we start again

when enough is enough and what happens next

The aliens have been back again.
Only its my sons who have felt the force.
Last night my boys were going to visit their dad for dinner. He now has a flat in a refurbished block which used to be the local B& B used by the council for its homeless people, which means that he is still within easy walking distance but more importantly has somewhere that our boys can visit him.

I had worked through my lunch so was rather hungry when I got in from work. finding the house empty I set about cooking my dinner which consisted of vegetables being cooked in a wok. I ahd almost finished when I heard DC coming in. He complained that I had cooked my own dinner, he had planned to cook for both of us. Apparently he hadn't wanted to have dinner with the others but had driven them there.

It seems that when he visited Charlie over the weekend the two of them had done some experimental cooking which he wanted to try out at home. But as I had already made my dinner he would cook for all of us tonight. I am wondering what has come over my newly domesticated eldest son. Earlier ET had begun to tackle the mountain that is the clean laundry mountain in the dining room.

This evening I phoned DC whilst I was in Asda before tackling the motorway, he had just been shopping for the food he needed to cook dinner (4 chicken pieces) I think he has forgotten there are 5 of us. when I got home ET has now tackled most of the laundry mountain. He had also washed up including all the pots and pans (with encouragement from DC).

There is a reason why ET has suddenly started doing more about the house.

He has decided that enough is enough.

If you were hoping from the title of this post that I had reached the end of the road with Romeo then I can only apologise.

ET has decided that he isn't going to go back to college. He wants to quit. He says he isn't enjoying college or any of the subjects he is studying. We went through all this 2 weeks into the term, but at that point I was able to persuade him to continue. I got the impression he had settled better and it was ok. But he says it had got better for a while but now he hates it.

We sat up talking until 1.30am on monday night. He wants to get an apprenticeship, very good but he wants to design computer games. I think he has a serious problem here. so we need to look at all his options. He knows that he can't just do nothing, he knows that if he is not in education I will lose 1/3 of the benefits I get at the moment so he needs to earn enough to give me that amount of money.

I am at a loss as to what is his best option. What I do know is that I will not allow him to think quitting college is the easy option. I ahve made it clear that he won't be staying up late playing computer games then staying in bed all day. He has to go to bed at a reasonable time and I shall get him out of bed early in the mornings, he will have a routine in his day. He will do chores around the house. He will go to the local connexions office at least 3 times a week. He will spend time each day trying to find something that suits him and at the same time earns him money. any suggestions will be gratefully received.