Monday, 30 June 2008

Happy Birthday Ron

Some of you also read Ronjazz before he had to close down his blog. Tomorrow is his birthday and I would like you to join me in wishing him a good day. He has not had the best time in the last year. Ron is a talented actor and singer in chicago, he has very strong beliefs which have at times caused him to be the recipeint of unpleasantness from those who don't share his beliefs. those of you who know Ron as a friend are very lucky indeed as he is a very caring man.

Ron is also a very talented writer who is blessed with a great imagination, anyone who has read any of his Harem stories will testify this to be so. Some of us have been honoured to be the subject of one of his Harem stories. He bestowed this honour on me last year. Ron is a very sensitiveand loyal soul, who has had lots of hardship to cope with in this last year, I hope you will join me in hoping that the hard times are now behind him.

Ron I wish you everything you wish for yourself

Men are such strange creatures

Tonight as I was deleting my unwanted and unopened emails I found one telling me that I had a new wink from ***** ( I don't remember the name now, and I deleted it), unusually I thought I would just have a look to see if it was anyone I had come across before. But when I opened the email the thing that caught my eye was not the long haired beared young man in the picture but that it said distance from me was -1 ............ now if it had been 1 I could understand that But I was thinking how the hell could anyone be minus one mile away I am laughing at myself now because I just realised it isn't minus 1 but less than.............stupid woman that I am going blonder by the day except that when I look in the mirror its silver that I see creeping in not blonde.

Another email was from facebook telling me that I ahd been challenged to a game of scramble. I hadn't been on there much recently so I signed in and found a message in my inbox.

hi im Jim and love to be sub i am moveing to city soon,are you dominant and seeking a slave x

wtf was that about ? don't answer that I know exactly what that was about but why pick on me?

there is nothing at all on my profile that would make anyone think I want to dominate a slave.

You may have noticed that I have started getting a few comments from a blogger calling himself aka k, it seems that he likes cars, more particularly red cars, specifically red audi cars.

I am used to being woken up at 3am by JA, often it is because he has had a bad dream, last week he had to check that I was still here, (he never did tell me what the dream was). Other times he tells me he feels sick or has tummy ache. but this morning it was to tell me that OJ was not in his bed and he was not downstairs either. I was only a little surprised at this, I had known he had gone out at bedtime but had expected him back before this. Having questioned him this evening it seems he came in at 4am. His friend H and his dad were moving with Mr H's g/f, H has bought himself a widescreen tv that he wanted OJ to see (at 12.30am !!!). It seems the boy is growing up, in a few months he will be 18. In the next year I expect he will spend less and less time at home like DC. DC has, again, started talking about moving out, he makes me laugh (when he isn't making me cry). How does he think he will be able to pay rent if he cant pay me for his keep.

Saturday, 28 June 2008

Rum and more

Having arrived home from work at 5.10pm I was showered, dressed, made up and back out in time for our taxi to the station at 6.05pm. Although PB is my neighbour and we work in the same office we don't often get to chat much so it was quite good to have that time just the two of us, first in the taxi, train into the city then a further taxi to the waterside pub where we were meeting everyone between 7 and 7.30pm. We were the first to arrive and decided to get something to eat. There was a sign saying that upstairs there was 'full menu and great views' so we made our way up the stairs.

Sitting at a corner table right over the harbour wall all I could see below us to my left was water, across the water there were the waterside blocks of flats and apartments (some painted mauve for some reason). Behind PB I had a good view of all the ferries as they left their port, I also watched a couple of inflatable speed boats bobbing along in the wash from one of the channel ferries. We ordered 'mini fish and chips' which was massive, very nice and filling too. When the bill arrived we found that it hadn't been the 'mini' version. As PB paid for this I shall buy her some flowers today to thank her. As we were finishing our food I could see some of our fellow workers walking along the cobbled street towards us.

When we joined the others there were 11 of us, quite a few hadn't turned up. A couple of rounds later we moved on to the next pub. I was on rum and coke for the best part of the evening. I think apart from the first round I never once said what I wanted. At £26 a round I couldn't afford to buy one (payday is Monday). I figured I would wait until later when some of the more light weights were slowing down. LOL in the third pub we were joined by 4 more. Including the new lad who began working with me yesterday. (I now have a 26yr old male sat opposite me ~ he seems nice enough ~ BG isn't keen). PB and Boss Lady thought it would be a good way for him to get to know us if he joined the crowd out on the piss.

On the way to pub number 4 flirt broke a shoe and spent the rest of the night barefoot. I guess this was fitting seeing as she was also commando under her light cotton dress. Those cobbled streets are not easy when you have heels on.

By now it was around 10.30 and a few of the older ones went home. while te rest of us went by taxi (or Boss Lady's car) to the next pub. this is where it got a bit more interesting. For a while there were six of us (me and PB, MD and Harry, WM and Slim Girl {this was her leaving do}). Slim girl decided we should all have shots so we all have our cherry shot but PB jumps the gun and downs hers before we are all ready so she has to have another one. verdict ~ nice but a little sweet and syrupy. reminded me of the bottle of cherry brandy that is languishing unopen at the back of my cupboard. Next thing I know we are all being given another one but this time instead of red cough mixture it looks like strawberry milkshake. I thought it was like strawberry baileys which MD thought was a good description. mmmmm I liked that one. PB decided that she really really wanted to try tequila, with the lime and salt. But you should have seen her face, she didn't like it and refused to swallow it. To my horror she crouched by the bar and spat it on the floor. (remember PB = Posh Bird). BY this time the rest of the crowd were arriving. When I went to the ladies there were a couple of girls in there talking. when I came out I said to PB it was like an episode of Holly Oaks (not that I have ever watched it but I have seen trailers). PB and Boss lady have persuaded MD and Harry that in August they are going to do a 'curry night' at Harry's home

By the time I had downed my rum and coke we were on the move again. This time across the road to Chicago rock cafe. (although I didn't notice that that was where we were until after we left). A few more had now gone leaving 8 of us (same as above but with Boss Lady and Flirt). I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I would be in a situation where in answer to a question from our MD I would reply 'I'm having sex on the beach'. I guess this fits in with slim girl telling everyone that I am wasted working where I am, I should be raking in the money on a sex line. Bossy Lady telling her that I'm staying put, shes not going to lose me now.

I have no idea what the 'music' they were playing was as I had never heard some of it before. But after a while they played some 80's music so we were jigging along to this. WM dragged me across the floor for a boogie. For ages Boss Lady and I were doing a spot of people watching. WE both saw the guy that walked straight into the door (now that was funny). I suppose there were as many older people as young there in all shapes and sizes. But what amazed me was the number of young women who had bodies like mine (and I've had 4 large babies) squeezed into lycra or brightly coloured satin. I think I might have seen perhaps two young girls who looked good. In the ladies I heard the next part of the 'holly oaks saga'.

The advantages of going out for the night with the bosses, they buy you lots of drinks, pay for taxis and entrance fee for club then boss who wasnt drinking drives us home at 2.30am. PB and I had thought we would be going home on the last train (11.26pm) but during the afternoon Boss Lady said she would drive us home as she wouldn't be drinking. so at 2am PB, slim, Harry and I pile into Boss Lady's car for a tour of the countryside as we drop off Slim then Harry before heading across country to our town.

Surprisingly after crawling into bed at 3am I woke up this morning feeling fine. No headache, no feeling ill, just a little tired.

Thursday, 26 June 2008

missing post

I can't believe I just did that..................

written and published a post for Lady in Red

but it isn't here

why not?

because I posted it here by mistake

Wednesday, 25 June 2008

Support for Jeff

Less than two weeks ago I wrote part two of owning my cancer. I was prompted to do this as a way of supporting my good friend Vi whose friend was facing the prospect of having cancer. I shall probably write part three in the next couple of weeks.

I am mentioning this because tonight I paid a visit to Jeff from 'A word in edgewise'. tonight he shared the sad news that his mother in law in in hospital for the second time as her recent biospy has shown up more cancer cells in her breast tissue.

I know that many of my blog friends have either been through breast cancer or else supported someone they love through it. I am now asking you to send your prayers and positive thoughts to Jeff and his family during this dfficult time.

Tuesday, 24 June 2008


After all these months things are about to change. I mentioned a while ago that I had told Mr Green I have been out socially 5 times so far this year. Once was my date with Coach, then there was the Company's Christmas dinner in January. In February I went to the dating site pub night with Harvey to keep him company. He was too shy to go on his own. It was a strange evening for me as I had just found Romeo and although he didn't mind, me going with Harvey, I felt out of place as I wasn't looking for a new man. Then in March there was the girls night out with my colleagues from work when MTBA began her maternity leave. All this excitement was topped off with the family outing that was the Rotary Quiz night, bizzarly, our team was called 'Lady in Red' (not my doing).

Since then I have of course had my night out with Vi and BB.


Things are a changing for me and at this rate by christmas I will have gone out socially at least a dozen times. This week I am going out on Thursday evening and Friday. Yay me I shan't know what has hit me, two nights out on the trot. Cinderella is going to the ball.

But here comes the crisis bit..................

Cinderella has nothing to wear to the ball.

Cinderella does not mind that she will have to wear something she has worn before, It does not matter to Cinderella that on Thursday night all the other women will be wearing expensive cocktail dresses or some may even be wearing fancy, evening dresses. All the men will be dressed in dinner jackets or perhaps a few in smart suits. There will be men in dickie bows and cummerbund. There will be ribbons and medals, sparkly jewelry, expensive perfume. Then there will be Cinderella in her cheap rags just enjoying the evening probaby wearing the same floaty summer skirt and possibly the same cowl neck cream top as last year( no one will notice).

But Cinderella has been bad, Cinderella has not been dilliegent about taking her hormone tablets. Cinderella has not been taking regular excercise either in the gym or the bedroom. Cinderella has been filling that empty space, where her love should be, with bread and pastry. Cinderella is afraid that even the meagre scraps of fabric that hang invitingly in her wardrobe might object to being wrapped around this expanding middle.

Friday night will be a different dilema. There will be lots of drinking, laughing, chatting and god forbid walking. Friday evening calls for Jeans and a smart casual top. Friday evening is the send off for slim girl as she embarks on a new and hopefully challenging new career. Friday evening may also in a small way be my celebration for my new improved work situation. Friday will in short be a 'piss up' in The City, I know I shall end up being embarrassed in one way or another. Both our MD and his side kick Harry will be there and there have been threats made by Harry to get us drunk.

So jeans it will be, blue or black I have yet to decide. But I have no idea what to wear with them for a night out on a pub crawl with the bosses. Any one who knows me will know that I prefer skirts and heels to trousers, and as for flats................

Whilst I am not one for designer labels (unless it's George of course) I do like to look my best whenever I can, even if I don't always manage it.

So any suggestions on what to wear (with a budget of £0).

ps I think I forgot to mention where I was going on Thursday.....Rotart Club President's Night Dinner

pps Romeo is back

Monday, 23 June 2008

great bins of fire!

'LiR ............the school is on fire'

This was the surprise statement from PB in the middle of the afternoon.

A couple of phone calls and a quick look at the local news on the internet confirms what she has just told me. This afternoon about 15 minutes before the end of school the technology department caught fire. Three fire engines and an aerial appliance attended the fire, no one was hurt.

JA is confident that he wont be going to school tomorrow. He apparently was in the room next to the the classroom where the fire started. However whilst my boys have been at the Cricket this evening (I cant believe it I ahve five yes five whole hours home alone), I have found an email from the school stating that school will be open as usual tomorrow. Now that Yr 11 have completed their studies it will be possible to move classes around .

While I was looking at the news of the fire on the internet, I noticed this other headline.

Watch out, watch out there's a wheelie-bin thief out and about

Investigating further I discovered that a growing number of wheelie bins have been stolen from outside homes in my town. I was reading the list of roads that had suffered these thefts, quite confident that these were all roads around the town centre until that is I saw the name of the road where I keep my car an leave my wheelie bin on bin day.

Sunday, 22 June 2008

By special request

Vincent left a comment on my last post that he likes to read about cars.

So Vincent as I said recently careful what you wish for.

When I first moved to this area and had my first child I was living with my parents for a short time until SF found a job down here (he had been made redundant from his mini skip driving job in Tunbridge Wells). Sometimes my mum allowed me ther use of her blue VW Polo but this meant that I had to drive her to work and pick her up later.

As the months passed and SF had found work we moved into a bungalow in a large village that was later designated Town status not far from The Other City, this was before the county cricket moved to this locality. At this time my dad had left his job in Maidstone that he had been commuting to weekly since my parents had moved down here for my mother's job. My dad was no longer using his yellow VW camper van as he now used the Mitsubishi Lancer (the car I ahd passed my driving test in a couple of years earlier). So my dad let us have his camper van as our family car, this meant that SF could use it for works and any family trips. I however was still stuck living in a strange place with no car no phone and no neighbours. Transport for me was either shanksy's pony or public buses. We had our first holiday as a family in this camper van, me and him sleeping in the awning whilst DC (firstborn was sleeping in the campervan surrounded by all the cushions to prevent him falling) that holiday in Swanage was one of the better ones.

I was a little afraid of driving this camper van, At this point I had only driven a few cars and the thought of this great big van horrified me. I did once drive it around Sevenoaks and Tonbridge though when SF was drunk (just for a change). I think we eventually stopped using the van when it was going to cost too much to get it through its next MOT. Between them SF and my dad had been patching it up as best they could for sone time. By this time though my mum now had a company car so lent me her Polo to use as the family car. She still owned it but I had full use of it unless for some reason hers was not available.

I drove this car for years. It was only a three door car but it served me well for many years. With this car I made friends with many of my neighbours. (We had moved now to an area known in this town as the western wards, quite close to the 'superstores that line the main A road that runs parallel to the motorway). I often found that I had a flat battery and would be knocking on doors for a fit man to help me to bump start this car. Nextdoor was a fit fireman but it depended on his shifts whether he was there. Failing that my friend Katy who I had met when her cat went missing, her hubby was often there (being a financial advisor he didn't go to work as early as others). I had a portable battery charger so became adept at removing the battery, charging it up then replacing it. Another few years went by and we moved to this town. I was still driving my polo which by now my mum had transferred into my name I was now responsible for the insurance etc. Over the years an oil leak developed, there were several times when I had to call out the RAC until one time they wouldn't come out to me as I had gone over my allotted number of call outs for the year. I would have to pay before they would turn up now.

We both used the car a lot which meant that although he is only 5'8" he still had to move the driver seat each time he wanted to use the car. Moving the seat so often eventually wore out the catch under the seat. Instead of taking it to a garage to be fixed the seat was wedged in place with a piece of wood which I was never happy with but it was a darn sight better than driving along suddenly finding the seat moving backwards and having to grip the steering wheel tight to pull myself forward so I could reach the peddals.

Due to the battery and oil filter problems if the car went for more than a few hours without being started it wouldn't start. I am still not sure why. So as he went to work at silly o'clock each morning (being an HGV driver) it was my duty to take the car for a drive around the block at around 11pm. Once, I had already gone to bed and he made me get up to take the car out. It was late, it was winter so I just put my coat on over my night clothes. Stupid me I didn't take my house key, when I got back I couldn't get into the house and I couldn't get him to wake up. I had to get my neighbour to phone the house so I could get in. After that I gave her a spare key to my house, I ahd already had to get her husband to climb in through a window once when I had gone to school without keys.

Eventually about a year or so after we had moved to the house I now live in, the car had become such a joke that I was allowed to get another car. I was talking to a friend one day and said that I was looking for a car she said she was selling her rover 214. There was no way I could afford that. But when she said she was only looking for about £250 for it we decided to buy it.

This was the biggest car I had ever driven but I loved it. We sold the Polo to a friend whose hobby was doing up VW's. but it wasn't long before I discovered that the fuel guage didn't work. I was on my way home from work going to collect the children from school when the car just stopped. I managed to get the car into the central reservation out of the way of the traffic, a passerby gave me a lift to school where I phoned SF who got his mate Biffa to bring me a can of petrol and meet me back at the car. But where I had been trying to get the engine to start I had made the battery flat. Biffa went and collected SF from the pub with a spare battery so we could get my car back on the road. At one point the window on the driver's door wouldn't work. Then there was a problem with the drivers door and I would have to climb in from the passengers side. I had that car for about a year then we bought another identical rover even the same colour but this one was a year older (not even newer) than the one I had just got rid of. SF stored the first Rover in the yard at work so we could use it for spares.

A year later this car too was benig more trouble than it was worth, again there were a lot of calls to RAC. I learnt how to jiggle a pin that regulates the speed the engine turns over. Eventually at the start of 2001 SF took out a loan to buy a decent car. £5000 was not a great sum but it would but something more reliable than I was used to. But then we shouldn't spend it all on a car we should keep some back to pay for repairs etc so we began looking for something around £2000. But then I was diagnosed with Cancer and for a few months didn't drive at all. The loan money was used up on just living during this time.

At around the time I was getting better and my Insurance payout was due, PB who at that time was working for Recruitment Agency was looking after a Vectra 1.8 saloon that had been returned by a Rep who had just lost his job. The company wanted to sell the car for the same amount as my payout so although I had never driven an automatic I did buy it from her.

I very quickly grew to enjoy driving this car, I loved the comfort, space and of course the power. As I spent a lot of time during the next few years driving boys to and from Football, training, matches and tournaments, I needed a car capable of carrying all this lot around. Often I found myself leading a convoy of cars to various matches. But over the next few years there were starting to be things going wrong. There was never anything major just little niggles. Like the trim at the side of the windscreen had some broken clips so wouldnt stay clipped in place. One of the wipers decided that it would flop about during heavy rain no matter how many times it was sorted out. I forget all the other little things that were going wrong with it, but I loved that car. However it was starting to leave dark brown patches where it had been parked. SF would never let me take it in to be seen to.

So when we were going through the divorce I made a decision, I found that the engine was over heating and I had to fill the radiator with water, this worried me I now thought that the car had a leaking radiator so I arranged with my mum that she would lend me some money to but a new car (after all she had bought new cars for both my brothers). I went out and found a car, I wanted a cheaper car, smaller engine, lower insurance and tax, cheaper to run. So I found a garage near to my work in Grotspot, I fell in love with a shiney red Escort. It was still a 1.8 but it was deisel so it would be cheaper to run. I got a friend of a friend who does cars up to come and check it over for me and within a couple of days I had sold my vectra and bought the escort.

I didn't even tell SF that I was changing cars, now that really felt good making a decision without having to ask him. Unfortunately I had been too hasty, what I should have done was to get my vectra repaired, but on second thoughts I did need to find a car that was cheaper to run and the escort was cheaper to insure.
But on the bad side it didn't have power steering. Not a problem afterall I learnt to drive without power steering. It wasn't long though before I found that not having power steering was giving me problems with my shoulder and even causing me some very bad headaches. I never thought I would say that a car was giving me health problems but it was. It also began falling apart. 18 months ago after my mum haf her knee operation I was driving her around in her car and DC was using my car (for around 3 months). He came home one day with blue rope tied to the driver seat holding something under the car in place. My mum had been worring about me driving this car which my mechanic told me I should never have bought. So whenI started working again last summer my lovely mummy bought me the Toyota Corrolla I ahve been driving for the last year. I miss the power and I miss having 5 doors but as it is mostly only me and maybe one other in the car that is fine.

Saturday, 21 June 2008

Its a mystery tour

Walking down the footpath towards the road I can see my car, small and silver, nice and shiny except the plodge of bird muck high on the passenger window. It is parked in the layby at the end of the path looking all sparkly but it wasn't right. I shouldn't have been able to see it where I had parked it last night.

Getting in I had to adjust the seat as my short arms and legs were having to stretch more than is normal. Seat back in the right place I pull out of the layby then indicate right making sure there is nothing coming down the road on the left, you have to almost pull out into the middle of the road to see whats coming and the cars parked all down the other side don't help. Facing down the road now I see children playing on the grass between the church and the vicarage on the corner under the trees that line the railway cutting. Turning left and then almost immediately right my fourth turn in not much more than 100 yds. Onto the main road now, the one that I always think of as being a straight road for most of its 1.5 mile length but it actually has a lot of bends in it. In the mornings I turn left heading towards the north of the town then down onto the motorway but today I'm going right, over the railway bridge, as I pass the petrol station I notice that it is now £116.9 for unleaded and £130 for deisel.

It is only as my car begins to climb the slight hill that I realise that radio 1 is blasting out of my stereo. I can't be doing with this, depressing the small button I change it to my cd. Thats better now I have the song that some of the BB contestants had to sing during the Karaoke a couple of days ago. Total eclipse of the heart. Resisting the urge to sing along I swing my little car around a few more bends before reaching the traffic lights at the end of the road. Waiting for the lights to change thinking about the mystery. There can be no other explanation, parked in the wrong place, my seat moved, the stereo set to radio 1..............DC must have borrowed my car, but when and why. He has had the key for his car since wednesday evening so he has no reason to use mine. By the time the lights have changed one of my favourite songs has come on. Singing at the top of my voice now I am your lady this song always make me think of Romeo. I am his woman and he is my man, we're heading for something, somewhere I've never been.

Gliding down the hill towards the village where Shakespear spent much of his time, I notice that at the top of the opposite hill I can just see the roof nestled among the trees of the hotel that got hit by lightening the day before it was due to be full of tourist visiting The Festival of the Sea.

Arriving in the village to collect the child who rang me earlier because whilst climbing trees he ripped his trousers. Ripped his trousers!! ok I thought maybe a tear in the knee ot perhaps he has split the seam, but nothing prepared me for the sight that met me when I saw him. If his sports trousers hadn't been lined then he would have been completely exposed. It looked more like he was wearing a skirt with splits up the back and front. Guess who is going to be having a sewing lesson tonight.

Friday, 20 June 2008


I have been tagged to do this meme by EMMA.

Here goes:

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning of the post.

2. Each player answers the questions about themselves in their post.

3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

1. What was I doing ten years ago?

Ten years ago I had just gone back to work after ten years being a stay at home mum with part time evening jobs. I was earning so little with this first job that by the time I had paid the child minder for having JA (aged 2) and my bus fares etc I was a whole £20 pw better off!! But I felt it was a stepping stone to something better. I was a wife, a mother, a taxi service to my family, but I didn't have a life of my own except those 5 hours each day when I was working. (I was a temp on a 3 month contract, I stopped working there 2 years ago after 8years).

2. What are five things on my list to do today?

a) Stay awake at work ........just about

b) check the bank in to see if I have any money.......done, I don't

c) visit mother before she goes to visit my grandmother........going after I publish this

d) Publish a post on at least one of my blogs ..............almost done .......there are several posts in the making

e) catch up on some sleep................soon

3. Snacks I enjoy?

apples, snackajacks, chocolate, cheese, scones

4. Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire?

Of course that would be my debts sorted, a decent house (nothing fancy just one thats right for me, oh and perhaps my boys too if they promise not to make a mess). Hire someone to look after

my housework etc. Take my boys on holiday, buy them a few treats and make the money goes as far as I can without being either a miser or stupid with my new found wealth. Get the surgery my dr says I need but cant get on NHS (tummy tuck for my irreparable abdominal muscle damage).

5. Three of my bad habits?

a)chewing the end of the little finger on my left hand

b) Doubting my own desirability

c) forgetting to take my HRT

6. Five places I have lived?

a) I was born in Essex where I lived for my first few months with my parents before moving to

b) Ringwood in New Forest (although I was too young to remember being snowed in with my pregnant mother in the winter of 1963) before moving as a 2 yr old to

c) A static Caravan site on the North Downs in Kent.

d) Growing up in the Kentish town on the river Medway of Tonbridge close to but not Tunbridge Wells (where I later lived when I met SF)

e) Moving to the South Coast in 1988 just in time to give birth to DC where I ahve lived for 20 years now.

7. Five jobs I've had?

a) kennel maid

b) sales assistant in sports shop

c) Insurance renewals Clerk

d)Hotel Receptionist

e) Sales Administrator

8. How did you name your blog?

my original blog was named after my battle to find the real me, I have found lots of different sides to myself along the way. My next blog was named after something my partner in the swinging world called us. My current main blog is named after the name I call myself (some think it is because of the song, but really it is down to 'N' because during the time we were together he associated me with the colour red. Red coat, red car, red skirts, red tops, red nails and lipstick.

I need to tag 5-6 other bloggers. I tag. Percy, Mulder, Gypsy, Jeff and Ron

since writing this I have read Percy's latest post and realise that it would not be appropriate to tag him just now so instead I tag LV ........(you can do it on an email and I will post it on here)

oh and btw my colleagues now know that I have been given responsibilty for Scotland, we have a new young man starting next friday working with me and BG. BG is being very negative about the opportunity to earn commission for some of the sales we make. In a day and a half I earnt about £12 in commission which although not much was a start (and that was just from 3 orders we have now been given more products to earn commission on). Oh well if she doesn't want to do it then that means more opportunity for me to improve my situation. If I just make £10 a day thats £200 a month on top of my salary.....I'm not going to turn that down when all it takes is an extra few minutes on a call.

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

The vista

As the road emerged from between the two banks of grassy chalk the view ahead was unexpected. Coming to a halt behind a dozen other vehicles not only was the city spread out far below but also the harbour, the eastern end of the Island and the sea. The tide was out leaving the harbour resembling a deserted beach on a cold blustery autumn day. Bringing back memories of caravan holidays being forced to have fun even when the weather was inclement. Parents telling their children

'this holiday is for you so you will have fun'

Oh what fun days those were

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Careful what you wish for

Yesterday I was talking about my wish to travel, but I had no idea what was in store for me.

The last few weeks at work have been very busy. Boss Lady has been away on holiday and as is the usual way with these things this week (now that she has returned) so far is quite a bit quieter. It means we get a bit of breathing space to catch up with all the things we have been too busy to do.

Whilst she has been away a couple of things have been happening, things that those of us who work in the sales office have either been unaware of or not informed about. It became apparent to the powers that be, that we need at least one other member of staff so that we can fullfil all the duties of our department. PB interviewed a few candidates but we got no feed back about any of them. Yesterday some of them were back for second interviews. I was just saying to BG that we probably won't know who is joining us until their first day, when Boss Lady came over to us with 'an intriguing announcement'.

If either of us are able to sell any of the end of line paint brushes that are on offer at the moment we get 10% commission on them. They have been talking for months about finding a way to give us either a bonus or commission on our sales but there is no foolproof way of telling which of us has earnt it. (I made my first sale of these particular brushes today) wooooohoooo me ;-)

Before she went home last night Boss Lady told me that between interviews and meetings today she wanted to have a talk with me.

'nothing serious, but I want to push you in a slightly different direction, I know you are capable of doing it'.

So last night I was puzzling this over. Either I was being pushed into specialising in Customer Services..........There were several comments yesterday about me doing my 'Customer Services bit'. (going above and beyond what is expected of me to make sure that our customers get a good service and or doing what I can to put things right when there are problems). Or I was going to get a more active Sales role. I did wonder if this might mean going out on the road to look after the customers in our local area, Bob has been doing this in the last few months.

I wasn't particularly worried just curious what this mystery was all about. I was not prepared for what happened this morning.

When I arrived at 7.45am an interview was just coming to an end. I just got on with my work, Boss Lady made the early morning tea then asked me to join her in the boardroom with our drinks.

The upshot of it is that I ahve been offered the opportunity to take on my own area. One of our Agents who work out on the road serving customers in their own area has resigned and the area has been offered to me as my own customers to look after. For the moment this will be done entirely from the office. I will still be looking after the customers who place their orders directly with the office (so no need to panic LV) but I shall have full control of all the customers who have always gone through their Rep for this area.

I expect you are wondering which part of the UK I have. Could it be South West England? South East, Wales London, East Anglia, Midlands, North East, North West or Scotland? I will tell you in a moment.

I was also given an envelope containing this letter.

Dear LiR

In recognition of your hard work and enthusiasm, it is my pleasure to advise you that with effect from 1 July 2008 your salary will be increased to .................

Your efforts have been noticed and appreciated - keep up the good work!

Yours Sincerely

Boss Lady

Sales Manager

It isn't a huge pay increase but it is appreciated especially as I didn't need to ask for it.

At the moment none of this is common knowledge. (well the pay rise won't be anyway). I have felt like I have a silly grin on my face all day (nothing unusual there then). One thing Boss Lady said to me at the end of our talk was that I am the one person in her team she would not want to lose. I have only been doing this work for 6 months but have already proved my value. If there were three of us like me then my boss says she would have no worries.

Do you think my bum will look big in this?

Monday 18th June 2007 join Company as part time data input clerk for 3 months to cover maternity leave.

Tuesday 17th June 2008 offered position responsible for all accounts in Scotland

Monday, 16 June 2008

travel bug

I have been thinking about travel quite a lot, partly because I know that Romeo travels a lot in his job (he flew out to Malaysia again this morning for 8 days). Did I tell you that when he was in Iceland I sent him a blank map of the world and told him to mark off all the places he has visited since February. Telling him that he wasn't to fill in too much of it before I get to meet him.

I have always been interested in travel I would love to see lots of the world not so much the resorts though as I am not one for beach/sun worship. This week our credit control lady has gone on a coach holiday to Austria, I really envy her. I did that twice many years ago (on my own each time). My friends thought I was very brave going on holiday on my own but I loved it. Even though the first time was when I met C. It was in those days that I wanted to be a courier for a coach Company but that was never to be. The closest I ever got was being a Hotel Receptionist.

Something else that makes me think about travel is the person I sit closest to at work. He sits just the other side of my desk, I can hear every word he says but I can't see him as there is a wall between us. He has his own Company which shares the same building as ours. The wall is only a very thin partition so it doesn't block out much sound. The funniest thing was a few weeks ago when there was a crash and the wall moved. Someone said 'what was that?' just joking I said 'it's Pedro falling off his chair.' Later I saw him on the stairs and jokingly asked if he had fallen off his chair only to be told that yes he had and broken it. As you may have guessed Pedro is Spanish, some of the time I hear him speaking and often swearing in English but just as often he is using Spanish. If I had the time to just sit and listen I am sure I could learn some colloquial Spanish.

I feel it is a tragedy that aged 46 I have only ever flown once, that was when I took JA to Lapland to see Father Christmas in December 2004. But I just tell myself that my chance to travel and see the world will be here in the not too distant future. Once my boys have grown up and don't need me and I have the spare cash I shall be off as often as I can.
Perhaps it is this preoccupation with travel and flying that has prompted me to start a story which is set in an airport. Because I don't have word on this computer I was writing it on blogger but made the mistake of publishing my story before it was completed I had meant to save as draft until it was complete. I shall be adding to it but it is there if you want to read the incomplete tale.

Sunday, 15 June 2008

that time of year again

Mum get rid of that spider

you big baby it isn't going to hurt you besides there is no way I can reach up there

yes it that time of year again when I am in constant call to dispose of the you remember last year when I became obsessed with spiders......just to give you an idea here and here are some examples and here then there were all the little spider pictures I added to my posts and my Messenger

It does always make me chuckle that these boys who are 5'8" and 5'9 compared to my 5'0" need me to get rid of the spiders.

It does seem that that is not the only thing they need me for apart from the normal washing and cooking etc.

So on Saturday I not only got the internet working again even if the reason it wasn't on was down to me having a few blonde moments. There was the new washing line that needed to be strung up because someone snapped the old one by putting a heavy towel double folded on it where it just hung......if it had been hung properly from the high line where it could have blown dry in the breeze it would not have been a problem!!

And then there was the toilet again!!!

No this time it wasn't a case of it being blocked...............this time I didn't have to plunge my arm into the pan to sort it out. This time I was upto my elbow in cold water as I fixed the cistern. The connecting rod between the handle and the plunger had come off completely. It took a few minutes of fiddling around in cold water before I was able to reconnect the handle to the plunger that releases the water into the pan.

Something else that occurs at this time of year is of course 'Father's Day'

Yesterday OJ told me that I don't need to worry about feeding them today as they were having dinner with Dad. SF later spoke to me saying that he was going to take all four boys out for dinner once DC was home from his band practice. I had thought they were having dinner with him and his 'new family' but no it was just him and the boys.........he then said that I could go with them if I wanted.......I didn't so I declined saying I had things to do. (why would I want to sit in a restaurant playing happy families).

So imagine my surprise when I was asking ET if he was seeing his new g/f today, he said he wasn't and that they were not now going out for dinner. This set me off in a panic as that meant I needed to go buy some food for their dinner, DC has had my car most of the weekend and isn't due to bring it back until after the shops shut!! Oh but OJ tells me not to worry, dad just brough them some dinner. I now have in my freezer a box of 40 pieces of southern fried chicken, curly fries and fudge cake, all from this is what the 'weekend father' thinks constitutes taking your children out for dinner! Yet again SF gets it wrong!!

Iceland fried chicken, Not to be confused with the place where Romeo was a week ago.


The toilet appears to have completely lost the pice of metal that connects the handle to the I am about to try to fashion a make shift connection with from a metal clothes hanger......wish me luck!!

Saturday, 14 June 2008

Owning My Cancer Part Two

Some of you may remember when I wrote Owning My Cancer Part One. Over the intervening months I have thought about writing Part Two, I even got as far as starting to write it although I never finished it. A close friend of one of my friends has recently learnt that she has cancerous cells in her cervix. I have offered my support to both my friend and her friend. But this has also reminded me that I didn't finish writing the story of my battle to stay alive.

I don't remember whether we made a joint decision not to tell the boys that it was Cancer or if we just didn't tell them. We told other people though, I needed to tell people. I needed people to know that I would need help with school runs, lifts to football those sort of things. To me, it felt necessary to explain to people what was wrong with me as I didn't feel that I appeared to be ill. There were no outward signs, no wounds that people could see, it felt like an invisible illness. I didn't want anyone thinking that I was being lazy not taking my children to school etc. Especially as my children did not attend one of the schools nearby. There were not many other pupils going to their schools who lived near to us. I drew up rotas for the school run. SF was working in The Other City and would start working at 6am. When no one else could do it PB would bring them home for me even though her own son attended another school. (During this time she moved him to the same junior school, later when I was well again I took her son and mine to school on the way to work and she picked them all up on the way home as she started and finished work earlier than I did).

I think in the beginning all we told the boys was that mummy had something wrong with her tummy. Ok thats what my mum and I told them. SF told them that.......'mummy is going to die'. I can't even begin to understand how that made them feel. Aged 13 the eldest of the four I relied on DC to help me by being here for the younger boys when I needed to sleep, or go to the shop for me when we needed somthing. He had other ideas, (I thought at the time that he was being a selfish teenager, but I later learnt from some of his friends that he was really worried about me and his way of coping was to avoid me as much as he could). Friends did that too. One of the things that I didn't expect was that the people I thought would be supportive would avoid me, but other people who I didn't know so well were really supportive.

It is at times like this that the differences in my children becomes more obvious. DC avoided me, OJ aged 10 became my number one carer, not just caring for me, making sure I was comfortable seeing if I needed anything to eat (even learning how to make me a cup of tea) but looking out for ET and JA too. ET would look at me as though I had grown a second head, I was a stranger a monster as far as he could see, he had just turned 9. But my baby JA had just started school and was struggling with that, it wasn't fair on him to have a poorly mummy who might die. He would just say things like mummy has a 'poorly tummy' then go and head butt my tummy. He was too young to realise what was going on. He just wanted his mummy to be like other mummies. I told all the schools so that they were aware of what was happening so they could support the boys if it was nesessary.

Something else I hadn't expected was how it made me feel being told that I had Cancer. Until that time I had been in a lot of pain and was very embarrassed that I was often leaking from my bladder like an old woman, but apart from that I didn't feel ill. There was nothing wrong with me that couldn't easily be put right. But within a day or so of being told that it was Cancer I found that I went right off food, even my favourite foods I couldn't stomach. I became very weak, I would fall asleep at the drop of a hat, one minute I was wide awake the next completely drained and asleep, it didn't matter where I was. I don't know it that was a physical symptom or purely psychological. It was this weakness and lack of appetite that alarmed SF the most. Resulting in him having to get sleeping tablets to help him sleep as he was so worried about me. I always had this feeling that he wasn't so much worried about losing me because he loved me but because he suddenly found out how much I actually did for him and the boys.........'how will I cope with four children on my own' became like a mantra for him.

I spent a lot of time with my mum, I know it was very hard for her, she hated seeing how ill I was and the worry that her beloved daughter might die was very tough for her. There were times when she had to just walk out because she wanted to cry but didn't want me to see her cry. There were also times when she wanted to smack SF for thinking about himself more than me or the boys. It was as if me having Cancer was to make life hard for him. Both SF and my mum carried on working but took it in turns to take a few hours off to take me to the hospital for my treatment. Collecting me at around 11.30am to get me to hospital for my daily appointment with the radiography department. Finally getting me home again by about 2.30 -3pm and back to work while I waited for the boys to be brought home.

I promise you won't have to wait so long for part three

Orange wednesday

Ok so maybe underneath it all perhaps I am more blonde than I appear to the outside world or perhaps it is just me who doesn't see it.

As you know back in May I proccured a nice new laptop for was around this time perhaps a week or so later that I finally gave in and rang Talk Talk to upgrade my account. I have been with them for about 18 months for my landline but every time they suggested I have my broadband with them for free I obstinately refused to change over to their free service, preferring instead to continue paying £17 per month to Orange for our broadband. Anyway DC has had his laptop for over a year and has never been able to connect to our broadband with his wireless connection yet he can connect it at his friends' homes. So after a long discussion about the difficulties of connecting various computers to our network we decided to change to Talk Talk. I rang them and arranged the transfer. I would get a welcome letter (received but mislaid) then I would receive my modem etc (collected from sorting office on wednesday) the whole process would take around 20 days but the switch over would not cause any interruption to our broadband (as Cake says very important when you have teenagers in the house).

During wednesday afternoon ET told me that the internet connection isn't working. So I spent over an hour on the phone to one of those 'overseas help desk' you know the ones they speak very good English but the accent is difficult to understand and they don't fully understand me either. First we try the technical support who after a protracted discussion and investigations tell me to contact Customer Services as there is a problem with the account. Have I been cut off by BT? UM NOOOOOOOOOOO I am phoning from my landlline!!!

Next its the turn of Customer Services.......'No madam there is nothing wrong with your account, no billing issues your account is live I will transfer you to technical support'

Again a long discussion and line tests are run. Our ADSL status is constantly unvalidated. He will do further line test and ring back in 2 minutes. 30 minutes later I call them again, again we are constantly unvalidated............the line is fine, the account is fine, the server is not recognising our username and password. Engineers will look into this and call me within 24 to 48 hours. So it is now saturday and I ahve heard nothing and it still won't work.

There are only ET and myself in the house as the others have gone to watch cricket. So as it is relatively peaceful I phone Orange technical support. There is a problem with the account the engineer has tried to phone me to tell me. I have had no calls!! I am told to wait 5 minutes while notes are put across to the Customer Services then phone them and tell them to read the notes.
Ten minutes later (just to be sure) I rang Customer Services again I am told it is a technical support issue but after arguing my case I am put on hold for a minute then .........I am put through to an English woman! who first asks if I ahve moved home recently 'no we have been here 11 years' have you changed your phone number 'not for 2 years'. Finally I am told that my Postal Code has been taken off my account and the server cannot recognise me without it. I have to phone my telephone provider to ask them to put the Post Code back.

I phone Talk Talk and explain to the man there that I am in the process of switching to Talk Talk but they have managed to get me cut off from Orange...............'Our records show that you went live with Talk talk broadband on 11th June'

Penny starts to wasn't the 20th June but 20 days from when I agreed to switch over . So it is all down to me being blonde that we have had no connection for 3 days. So now I have internet on the downstairs PC and on my laptop (still can't connect DC's laptop password problem) and ET has the PS3 back online.

So its a good thing nobody knows how stupid I can be sometimes. If I keep quiet no one will ever know it wasn't Orange that had done something ;-) Perhaps now I ought to ring them one last time to tell them I have left.

On tuesday I was wearing a sleeveless top for was a hot muggy day. BG took one look at me and said she wanted to draw on my arms.........I didn't reply but I figured what had made her say that ,was that over the last few summers I have had a fair few insect bites on my arms. I am terrible if I feel anything on my skin (scab, spot, a lump) anything that prevents my skin from being smooth to the touch I have to pick at it until it goes. this means that I often make it worse. I cannot help it. the only thing that stops me is to have my skin covered by clothes. My bad habit has left a lot of marks on my arms. I have been trying to always wear short sleeves rather than sleeveless, but on tuesday and again on wednesday I found myself wearing sleeveless tops. On wednesday rememebering the dot to dot idea that had come to mind at BG's comment I decided that perhaps I could make the marks less visible by spraying a thin coat of tanning lotion on my arms and chest. It is one that I had bought ages ago and used once or twice last year or was it the year before. I ignored the warning bells in my head that said this won't be a good idea.

I was wearing a white top and my arms looked quite pastey, during the morning I noticed that they were actually getting darker. At one point about 4 1/2 hours after I had applied this tanning lotion I was walking through the warehouse when I noticed that I had become quite orange. I just wanted to hide but oddly no one said anything. when I next went to the Ladies I checked in the looked ok but if I looked at the back of my arms there was a bit I hadn't quite managed to reach so there is a pale strip just where my arm reast against my body.

It is now saturday and nobody has said a word except that when OJ got home from his camping trip he commented that I had gone brown in the two days he had been gone. I confessed to him and DC but no one else knows that I had made myself orange by using a bottle.

Sometimes I wonder if I am a fit person to be let loose, let alone have the responsibilies of bringing up 4 boys.

Other news I finally went to the gym on Thursday for the first time since March......I didn't over do it just spent 30 minutes on the bike. Sent a picture of myself afterwards to Romeo which he loved, saying that I looked 'relaxed and glowing' we continued to text all evening until finally his last text telling me he was shattered and going to sleep woke me from a doze.

Monday, 9 June 2008

Time and Trust

Last week I mentioned that there were some tarot readings whilst I was visiting Vi. Both Vi and Bollinger Byrd read my cards for me. They did this drunk then again sober the next day.

There were a number of similarities in each reading. It seems my work will go well but I should be careful of someone in my work place who is jealous, I can relate to this.

My love is coming in for me soon.

But one thing that kept recurring was that I feel as though I am being attacked but I am not really being attacked. I have thought about this and in all honesty I don't feel as though I am being attacked. However something that I do feel is very defensive so Ithink this is where the being attacked comes from.

To illustrate this last night I was chatting on IM and was asked about Romeo. The person I was chatting to said they were going to play devils advocate. But this was very brief as, he only asked me one question before my reply led to him saying........

what ever I say you are going to defend.


You see I don't feel as though I am being attacked but I do feel that I am constantly having to defend Romeo and my reasons for holding out for him.

Last night after my migraine had gone but I was still feeling washed out I was doing a bit of surfing and found Jonathan Cranier's web site. On a whim I checked out the love characters. This is part of what it says about people born under the same sun sign as Romeo.

to win the heart of one of these people. You give them time. Lots of it. Months if need be. Years if you really care. And you also give them that time if you want the relationship to last. You think of the long term. You make it abundantly clear that you mean business - and you prove it, by offering your trust. You don't use words - for words are cheap, as every Taurean, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarian knows.

You don't make dramatic gestures. Indeed, you keep drama to a minimum. For even if they appear to thrive on it, they secretly find it threatening. What they want is stability, plain and simple. For while some people consider continuity to be just a little boring, these deeply loyal people crave it like a drug. And rightly so, for they deserve it.

I didn't know any of this but it was what my instincts have been telling me from the start.

Something else that came out of my readings was that my inner strength comes from strength itself. Sometimes giving Romeo the time and space without being dramatic and making demands has taken all the strength I possess. But other days it feels like the easiest thing in the world because I do trust him implicitly.

Saturday, 7 June 2008

being a mother is not so hot

What on earth made me think this would be a good thing to do?

I know that Giggle, trubl and Peach are all going through the traumas of pregnancy right now and for me those days seem so far away. But really is it the right thing to do. My mum has always (well for the last 20+ years at least) maintained that your children are a bigger worry when they are grown up than when they are little. As I am sure you are aware I have 4 little darlings and some days I just wish I could run away and leave them. Of course I am not going to do that but some days that is how I feel.

My youngest JA is 12 1/2 he is a typical boy going out on his bike having adventures with his mates (they all live in the village so life for them is more akin to my own childhood, with streams to fish and paddle in, trees to climb etc. He worries me because he has a very busy A road to cross (years ago there were a number of deaths on this stretch of road with pedestrians getting hit, it is much better now though). He either forgets to take his phone or it runs out of battery, so even when he has got credit he cant ring me and I cant tell him to come home for dinner. some times he doesn't go to school 'ill', as I leave the house before he gets up in the mornings I can't judge whether he really is ill. He has mechanical problems with his feet, not a huge problem but enough to make sport difficult for him. This is the extent of my worries for him. I am very lucky.

Next I have ET (it really was cruel of me to give him the middle name of Thomas) at 16 1/2 he is fairly tall but not over tall but very skinny. He currently has two more GCSE exams to take then he is finished. His school Prom is in two weeks then he starts college in September. He doesn't appear to do a great deal of revision although he says he does. He loves to chat on msn and myspace until the early hours with his friends. I don't like the loud noise that seems to involve a lot of screaming which he calls music. It is difficult to get him to do anything like washing up etc but when he does do it he does a good job of it.

He likes to go to either The City or The Other City on the train with his mates. He likes going to the cinema and he likes girls. He likes to party, he doesn't smoke or get upto anything he shouldn't do other than a little drinking, but surprisingly he doesn't over do it, apparently all those years of seeing his dad drunk have had a positive effect on him. He needs to earn money (he isn't afraid of work and most of his friends now have part time jobs). what he doesn't do is have the motivation to get a job. He has on several occasions walked around town handing his CV to store managers but that is all he has done. My biggest worry about him are that he hasn't got a job and I am damn sure I don't want him wasting all summer lazing around the house playing computer games all day every day.

Penultimately (unlike The Apprentice's Kevin on the special 'weakest link' that I saw last night I do know the meaning of the word) I have OJ. OJ at nearly 18 is a bit of a clever clogs. He has just had his last AS level exam yesterday. He has one more year at college where he is studying Pure Maths, Further Maths, ICT and Law. He then has plans to go to Uni and do a Maths degree (he is expected to get straight A's in all his exams). He is applying to go to Oxford. This week he received invites from two other Univercities offering him places to study Maths with them (he has not even considered applying to these but they have saught him out). He is thinking about Warwick and I forget which other if he doesn't get into Oxford or failing that Southampton has a good maths department by all accounts.

OJ is not interested in girls yet 'but I'm not gay'. He isn't often out socialising, although he does occasionally go to the cinema or out for a meal with his friends. He has a season ticket for the County Cricket ground. (This year I have only had to take them once as they now either go by train or in his mate H's car). He has joined an indoor soocer team which is every wednesday eve. He is very careful with his money. He is the man of the house these days, he will put up shelves etc if I need him to so thats something I won't need to do anymore.

OJ worries me because he will not put himself out to find work. Many of the part time jobs that young people do are he feels 'beneath' him. He won't work in a fast food outlet or push rolleys around. Everything anyone suggests he isn't interested in. He gets his EMA £30 a week which pays for his train fare to get to college and a bit of spending money. He says he doesn't need money. But I know that if he goes to Uni he will need some money to help him live, getting a job now will help him to save up for then.

Lastly I have DC who aged 20 is the bane of my life. The early years were a constant battle often ending up with me pinning him to the ground and sitting on him to keep him still. I think things improved when he had sleep problems when he was 8. I got very little sleep for a couple of months trying to help him to sleep until eventually my GP gave in and prescribed a sedative to knock him out at night. At the time I had a baby and two other young children. Over the following years our relationship was much better although he avoided me as much as possible when I was ill (he couldn't cope with his mum being very ill). The teenage years were fine unlike many families we didn't have the typical teenage battles. (In fact noof my three older boys have). Dc was my protector during the break up of my marriage, he protected me from assualt when his dad was in a mood often having to hit or push his dad away from me. I will always be greateful to him for this.

DC has never had any money sense, which means that although he earns almost as much as I do he can never afford to pay his keep let alone his share of the council tax. He is in a lot of debt, has a stupid bank account that wont allow him to use direct debit or standing order fascilities. He has to go to the bank to get money. He pays his car insurance £150 pm by direct debit from my bank. but he has to transfer the money first. This month he didn't the money left my account before he gave me cash. So I now have charges on my account for going over my overdraft limit to pay his debt. He has been to the bank a few weeks ago and now has anoother account which will allow him to use most ATM machines but he still can't use DD etc. A few weeks ago he lost the keys to his car, so suddenly my car is considered to be 'the Car'. He can't get to the bank easily. so why isn't he using his new account. because his salary was paid into the old account. why has he not arranged for it to be paid into the new account? because he hasn't got the new PIN, why has he not done anything about this?

'I have managed like this for months so get off my case'

When I got home from work yesterday I discovered that the toilet was blocked. Apparently DC (who had a day off from work as he was working today) had blocked it allowing the floor to get flooded and had just walked off to his girlfriend's house leaving it like that. The sink was also still full of the washing up I had asked him to do on Thursday. I tried several times to phone him but he was not answering my calls.If I ask him to do anything he usually promises to do it later but never does. On Thursday the Company he works for announced that it will be making 900 employees redundant. I think this may be a good time for DC to find a new job not necessarily here. During a conversation a while ago he said that if I kicked him out he would move to Brighton. The drummer of his band has a house there. I think this wold be a good idea for my sake if he did this now. I love DC and at times it is good to have him around but mostly he just causes me anguish. If he were not here he would not be costing me so much to keep and I would not be worrying about him so much.

Being a mother is sometimes something I wish I wasn't. I think this mother is going to have to push one of her chicks out of the nest before the relationship becomes too strained for both of us.

Friday, 6 June 2008

working girl

It came as a surprise to me but I won again !!

For those of you who don't know, every wednesday dj does a post, wordless wednesday, which is just a picture, then invites all her readers to leave a caption for the picture in her comments box. It always pleases me to be the first to leave a comment but I never expect mine to be the best. so I was not expecting to win the prized button this week. I already have the green version in my side bar although now I cannot even remember which picture or caption that was for. (It was quite a long time ago). so even though this week's coveted prize was the green button I took the liberty of scrolling back through dj's blog to find the orange version. Thank you dj for choosing me.

here is the picture dj posted this week.

What would your caption be? to see mine go here

It has been busier than usual this week at work. Not only has the volume of work been greater but the staffing level has been lower in that my boss has been away on holiday. MD has now decided that we need another person to join our team. He has instructed Posh Bird aka PB to

'find another LiR'

which I am taking as a compliment. Today we had a slightly lower volume of work which is just as well as we were down to the bare minimum of staff. Bob was off sick and as BG only works part time this meant that I was on my own with 4 phones a fax machine and email for 3 hours. (I did get an email asking if I was lonely). It wasn't too bad when there were other staff in the accounts dept who could take messages but by 3.30 there were only 2 of us in the whole office apart from the directors shut away in their office, not accepting calls!! (one downside of my job is that the majority of calls come through the sales phone line, which means that we effectivly become the switchboard for the rest of the office). At one point I had a growing stack of messages to call people back whilst I was taking a long and complicated order. In the short term I enjoy the challenge but wouldn't be able to cope with this in the long term.

This evening I have been chatting to Lotto, we have agreed that we won't meet up next week. He didn't say so but I think he is sulking now. I told him that I don't want to risk ruining what I have with Romeo. Lotto tries to understand how I feel but doesn't think I have anything to risk as I have not met Romeo. But to me it feels like so much more than just two people who have never met. Lotto has this thing he does when we are chatting. He has a habit of asking me what I wore for work. Today it was a black pinstripe skirt and a pink blouse. He then asks about my underwear before asking whether I wore tights, stockings or bare legs. At this time of year I have bare legs. but between October and the start of May i tend to wear mostly stockings. I find tights uncomfortable most of the time, besides stockings make me feel sexy which in turn makes me feel good.

My tax disc finally arrived today.

Thursday, 5 June 2008

Taking a drive

It has been a good day, a long day, a very busy day. When I left work the sun was shining. I set off for home windows down, wind blowing my hair I considered taking a different route home. I thought of going over the hill, I love the views from up there, so much nicer than following the motorway as it snakes along the coast and past The City before heading slightly inland to pass the town where I live. I thought about it but not for long, not when I thought of the traffic jam that would greet me as I descended from the hill to pass the creek that comes almost to the centre of town. That traffic jam would be worse than the heavy traffic trying to get through the road works.

So instead of taking the scenic route I chose the usual motorway drive. Joining the A road speeding towards the motorway, swinging around the bend before the two roads merge. Suddenly I see it, slamming on the brakes so as not to hit it. All these red eyes glaring at me daring me not to stop. Then I heard it, the traffic news on the radio.

'heavy traffic through the road works. There is a broken down crane near junction ** and a broken down vehicle on the slip road at junction**. The tail backs reach as far as the A*'.

Normally I would just sit it out inching my way along among all the other vehicles. But not today, today I decide to take a detour, instead of moving along with the traffic I get in line for the first slip road the one that leads onto the Island. But instead of turning left I turn inland past the retail park through the residential area, onto the side of the hill. There is an avenue that winds its way up the steep side of the hill. Joining the queue waiting at the top I notice the surprising view in my mirror. On either side I see houses and trees but in my rear view mirror the view is a clear blue sea far below where I am now.

Reaching the summit at last I can travel at more than a crawl, passing the pub where I have met several of my dates including both swinger and Thomas. Another mile and the road forks at the roundabout, but on this occassion instead of the road with views over the harbour and city I take the road that branches out into the countryside. Descending I can see the white walls of a local MOD establishment nestling among the trees over to the right. This get me thinking about a post Marmitetoasty did showing photos of a local village that belongs entirely to one man. On a whim on this sunlit evening I turn right following the signs into the village. Here I recognise a number of the cottages she had taken pictures of. All diferent all with so much character unlike our urban dwellings. I wish I could have taken the time to stop and wander along taking some pictures of my own. It is easy to imagine the history that these buildings have.

Reluctantly I turn my little car aound and head back towards home. Before long I find myself once again in a queue of traffic. I notice the names of the houses and businesses along the way. Chestnut cattery, Mud Island Nurseries and Foxglove cottage. Gazing at these houses set back from the road it takes me back to my childhood growing up in a Kent village. Memories of apple scrumping, climping trees, playing among the hop vines, fishing, picking bluebells. Of school holidays where we went off in the morning on our bikes and came home hungry and tired in time for tea.

Finally I reach home an hour and ten minutes after leaving work. I notice that PB has arrived before me but I don't care because I enjoyed my drive. I am home, happy, relaxed and smiling. Everyone is excited, JA is packing ready for his activity weekend away. OJ nonly has one more exam then he is planning to go camping with college friends. DA is looking for another job, his employers announced today that there are going to be 900 redundancies. My mum has now got her new car, she has also been packing as she is off to France with her friends from the Rotary Club tomorrow morning.

I have decided that after much deliberating, I will not be going to meet Lotto for a drink at his hotel next Tuesday. He knows how I feel and won't put pressure on me but he knew my resolve was wavering. The more days that passed with no word from Romeo the more I wavered. But I know now that I won't be wavering anymore.

Wednesday, 4 June 2008


How a boy's mind works.

As you know I escaped the responsibilities and ties of being mother to my boys for 24 hours last week. Before setting off for work on friday morning I bought £10 in electricty on my key meter. I left the electricity key together with £20 cash in the kitchen for the boys. I had told them I would leave money so that they could buy the food they wanted for thier dinner.

after I left work I stopped at Asda for a few bits and to fill up my petrol tank before setting of for my 100+ mile trip to see my friends. Whilst I was there I took a call from OJ

I have two questions for you

A) where is your laptop?........... (the one that is meant to be mine not theirs).

I have it with me .....(obviously I was right to take it with me)

B) what time will you be home?

Not until tomorrow.

What are we having for dinner then?

I left you £20 so you can buy what you want.

There isn't any money just the electricity key but JA did wake me up asing if all the money was fr electricity.

Ask him what he did with it

He says he put £20 on the electricity key


So my kids have £30 worth of electricity but no money for food!!

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

The Duke

Last night I was chatting to my friend Duke online, we have not chatted for a while. He was the person responsible for starting me off blogging more than 18 months ago. Duke made a decision to stop blogging temporarily at the end of April 08. Yesterday he reopened his blog. I know cake and Ro both read Duke but I don't think anyone else here does but that is probably because he has mainly although not exclusively blogged about sex.

Through Duke who has had several blogs as his blogging style and audience have evolved, I found other bloggers. Most memorable being Cherrie (The Sensuous Libertine) whose blog was so immensely educational as well as entertaining, Cherrie was a very welcoming woman who shared with everyone her life with her husband, her special friends both male and female. Her posts were thoroughly researched and detailed. Through Cherrie I learnt a lot about sexual and other matters. For several months last year Cherrie was working too much to be able to devote the time she wanted to her blog, her husband Hardin took over writing the blog for a few months until due to personal problems the couple decided to stop blogging. However the blog is still open if you feel the need to be educated. It is well worth a visit by anyone interested in sex whether they are male or female.

Another blog I became addicted to was that of La Fille Marie. Like myself La Fille was on a journey to discover her sexual self. She wrote beatifully honest accounts of her encounters with her lovers, her dreams and her demons. Her journey included experimenting with bondage tape and nipple clamps, a variety of sex toys and endles positions with lovers who took on their own personalities for the people who followed La Fille on her journey. I saw a lot of myself in La fille (this was probably partly due to us both being strong aries women). We helped each other to take the steps we did on our own paths sometimes she led and I followed other times she followed where I had been. Without her I wonder if I would have done all the things I did. La Fille showed me that it was possible to explore my sexual fantasies without losing my dignity. Unfortunately La Fille also made the decision to close her blog last year. I am lucky in that I can if I so wish make contact through email. I choose not to carry on email contact out of respect for her wish for privacy.

Other bloggers I found through Duke were Fussy Bitch who recently was responsible for starting the blog every day in May campaign. Uncle Freddy, Easily Aroused (his erotic fiction is something to be experinced) and several others. Including Cake and a more recent discovery that is Ro.

Now that Duke has reopened his blog he has decided to give up blogging about sex. I don't know if he will find this easy. Last summer I made a similar decision when I made this my main blog but I kept Battle open for those posts which I felt would be out of place here. I have not entirely given up writing about sex (either real or fictional) but have found my writing to be less and less sexual, whether that is due to a lack of sex in my life I am not totally sure maybe it is an element of the truth. When I stopped writing so much about sex I found that a number of my readers stopped reading, his did not overly bother me as these readers were quickly replaced by others.

Duke I wish you luck with your new direction. But one thing you can be sure of is that whether we read each other's blogs or not you will still be one of my friends.

Sunday, 1 June 2008

taxing time

After spending ages on Thursday evening looking for my Tax reminder so that I could get my new tax disc on Saturday I didn't. I considered renewing my tax online but decided against it as it takes 5 days for the disc to arrive.

But my plans to go into Blah and buy my tax disc from the local post office hadn't bargained on me staying up all friday night until 5.30am. By the time I had resurfaced and was in any state to go to the post office there wasn't enough time. After I had left Blah I considered finding a town big enough to have a post office that would be open all day as the main one in my town is.

As I travelled south on the M1 I took a slight detour into Dunstable, I know it isn't as big as nearby Luton but Dunstable had more of a pull for me. There had been a time 23 years ago when I had thought I would live in the Dunstable area. I even had interviews line up with Britannia Airways as Luton Airport.

There were times when I had stayed with my lover at his friend's home, we had visited other friends, spent sunday lunch times in his favourite working mens club. It was only later that we discovered that every time I had been there his friend's girlfriend has been running to Sandy to let her know I was there. She even came knocking on the door once, we were not aware that Annie had betrayed us.

All these years later the Dunstable I was driving around was not the same place I remembered. So I headed back to the motor way and headed off back home.

Today I went online and paid for my tax disc. It should arrive during the week.