memory lane and other lanes

I had a trip down memory lane this morning whilst at work I might add.
A phone call from one of our customers, it is standard practice to ask the customer for their postal address so that we can make sure we have the right customer account. I was quite intrigued to see that this customer's postal address indicated that it was not far from the place where I was born. We talked about this place.


We talked about the hospital where I was born, his own children were born in the same hospital. He told me that this hospital is about to be torn down and replaced with houses.
We then went on to discuss the town where our customer is based. It is the same town where I spent many many hours during my childhood, both my mother and her brother went to school in this town. My late uncle, who was killed in a road accident in Texas where he had lived for a number of years, just a week before his step daughter gave birth to her first child. Attended this school.

I have grown up knowing that another 'old boy' of this Grammar School was this man. I remember many walks through the park ending at the paddling pool in the summers. Or walking my grandparents beloved labrador retriever cross Candy through the wooded areas of the common. I went on to mention the village where my grandparents lived. To my utter surprise this man told me he is going there this evening to visit a friend who has one of the farms. I described the location of the house where I spent many happy times, he knew exactly where I meant. It was a lovely trip down memory lane and I feel also forged a closer link with this particular customer ....... 'good customer relations' I believe this is called.

It was a good day at work, but then for me most days are good. I don't allow myself to get stressed in anyway, I am getting much better at what I do and even managing to solve problems without having to keep asking for help. The good weather helps to improve the mood all around.

Last night I was feeling very low, emotionally drained. As I mentioned yesterday I chatted to Thomas but didn't feel much cheered. However he was waiting for me online this morning as prepared for work. We chatted again and my spirits were much better. It occurred to me that since last summer the two of us have chatted from time to time, generally for a couple of days then nothing for weeks. He seems to be there on days when I am in need of cheering up, this he has done and I doubt I shall hear from him again for some time. Out of all the men I met during the year I was playing the field Thomas was one of those who has made the biggest impression on me along with Swinger and Mr Passionate. Forest and Oxo also made huge impressions on me but those three are the ones I was closest to. I should include SL as he took me on a journey I wouldn't have taken on my own, but he cut me off in a way I may be able to forgive but not forget. After all who likes to be replaced by a younger model and only finding out when someone else tells you. Anyway finding Thomas online waiting for me at 6am was just the tonic this girl needed. Oh and the much awaited text that came at 8.19am that put a smile on my face.

what a difference a year makes

New Year 2006 saw me starting my adventures.

I had been exchanging text messages with a very sexy guy in Glasgow, SF was still living in the house. He had been out all night and not long been home when I got a text from the sexy guy (Jim). I sent a sexy reply but accidentally sent it to 'HIM' instead of JIM. next thing I know SF comes crashing into my room abusing me.

New year 2007 saw me at home longing for a married man I hardly knew (GB). 3am my phone bleeps with a message from him but I couldn't read it as my phone chose that moment to go wrong. I had 3 text messages superimposed over each other. I turned it off, but when I turned it on again the screen wouldn't work. I have spent the last year trying to find a replacement.

This year saw me at home yet again. I purposefully didn't try to phone or text anyone knowing that the network would be busy. so imagine my suprise when my phone buzzed at 1.20am not only was it a text, but one from a man who thought I should know he was pissed and needed help. This I would have been only to glad to administer to my very favourite number one man if he had been in this country. We exchanged a few more saucy text last night and again today. I text him to let him know he had been he first man to make me cum in 2008.
This year seems to be getting off to a good start in less than 24 hours two sexy men have managed to arouse me ;-)

I wonder what next New Year will be like.

A good Christmas

I hope all my friends had a good Christmas

I think ours was the best I have had for a long time, until late afternoon when my baby became ill. He slept in my bed so we didn't get much sleep until about 5am so I am shattered now but otherwise it was good.

Mum came over at about 9.30 just as I was making bacon rolls for breakfast. Unbelievably the boys were late up. I let them open a couple of presents. First they all got the phones I had given them. (that was a really good deal I got last week, went in to buy one phone and came out with 5 new phones total cost £80).

Then mum and I went to see grandad in the nursing home to give him his presents. It was very busy there with all the families visiting. He was very pleased with his presents especially his new watch with the big numbers so he can see the time now. Whilst we were there DC went to see his g/f and give her and her family presents.

Back home I cooked the dinner (first time I have cooked Chrstmas dinner entirely on my own) the only disaster was that I mistimed the stuffing which resembled charcoal........well they wouldn't believe I had cooked if there was no charcoal involved! While the dinner was cooking we opened the rest of the presents. amongst my gifts I received a limited edition glass necklace from Venice (mother) perfume x2 (DC & ET) new HD dvd player (mother) only prblem is that I don't have an HD ready TV. Thats something to save up for now!

In the afternoon after the delicious dinner (they all ate it and said it was good) we watched Casino Royale I fell asleep (I only had a few hours sleep the night before), but the bits I did watch I found quite disturbing. I hadn't seen it before and Craig Daniel is a new face to me even though I know the name from all the hype. But as I watched my mind kept playing tricks on me. Instead of watching Daniel Craig as James Bond in my mind I was watching Swinger as James Bond.

The rest of my evening and night was punctuated with 'mum I'm gonna be ****'.

on top of my world

Today I am feeling on top of my world

after yesterday clearing up lose ends I feel so much better.

Relief and liberated are two words to describe how I felt after my exchange with Swinger.

Before he contacted me last night I had been online during the day and gone onto a dating site I had not used for perhaps 18 months. I have updated my profile and did a search sent messages to about 8 men. I have had several replies which are now ongoing. But the very first one picked up on the fact that I write. we must have exchanged about a dozen messages on the site then moved onto msn in the evening finally chatting on the phone until 4am this morning.

We are meeting up for a drink tonight.

cards have already been put on the table so there will be no misunderstandings, we both want the same thing.

he text me this morning

'I can't stop thinking about you!'

swinger update

I have been in contact with Swinger and tied up the lose ends. Basically he says that he went quiet because he didn't want to hurt me and he could tell that my feelings for him were growing. He isn't very good at goodbyes so he cut me off so I could get on with my life without him.

'the reason I went quiet on you is because, in my opinion, it would have been the best way for you to maybe not forget me but at least let go of the feelings that you were getting'.

I kind of figured that this was part of it. but even when we were seeing each other I always got the impression he was in deeper than he wanted to be. He didn't behave like someone who didn't have feelings. I certainly didn't have to initiate contact or persue him in any way it was always him. I was trying to be cool and nonchalant, obviously not very well. He was always protesting that he didn't want to get involved as he had recently been hurt. but his actions were much louder than his words, which I teased him about numerous times. I think this says it all.

'I, like you, have been hurt too much in the past and I am not prepared to put myself through it again.' (thats the difference between us .....he isn't prepared to run the risk of a woman hurting him again,whereas I am prepared to accept hurt as part of living).

we have now cleared the air as it were and now we can be friends without pressure, he says he is not in this country and won't be coming back here to live but would still like to see me when he comes over to england. I told him he still owes me a game of ten pin bowling.

Full circle

today I feel as though my life has gone full circle in the last year.

In september 2006 I said goodbye to Swinger as he was about to set off for his new life abroad. He had a few more days left in the UK but was busy tying up lose ends and saying goodbye to family. On the last day before he handed back his work phone we were texting each other as I was driving 38 miles to help my mother move my grandad from his bungalow to the rest home where he would be living from that day on. On my way there I had a puncture and had to pull over at the earliest opportunity. I text swinger what had happened and that as I was a lone woman RAC said they would have one of their vans with me within 90 mins. I clearly remember swinger thinking this was incredible.

By the time the RAC man had finally arrived decided that my wheel was beyond repair, driven me to the nearest town (where grandad was moving to)to buy a new wheel which had to be ordered from another town. We waited for the new wheel to be delivered then driven down one side of the dual carriage way to the end so we could turn around and come back down the other side. (my car being just one mile short of the end). I drove to the bungalow to meet my mum who had already moved grandad into the home without me. By now as grandad had been moved there was nothing left to do but have a late pub lunch. this was when I got my last text from swinger who was taking the piss out of me.

In October 2006 Swinger came back to the UK for a couple of weeks, he had told me not to miss him too much as he would see me soon. I prayed that he would arrive the week I had to go to court to be a witness against my ex husband in the case against him for harrassment and intimidating a witness (me). Yes he would be back that friday 3 days after the court case, this gave me something to look forward to. On the friday I was having a pub lunch with mother and grandad (he had to sign all the estate agents and solicitors forms) I was getting a series of very hot text from Swinger. We spent that night together. Then he was gone.

In the last week I have had emails from Swinger, today I heard that my grandad is ill again. He has never been in hospital until this year. He has now been in hospital twice and may need to go in again as he has a chest infection and has been confined to bed. The home have told my mother that he cannot stay there any more, he is now too frail, they cannot give him the care he needs. ( we have been expecting this, at 93 he has been declining in the last few months). We now need to find him a nursing home, preferrably one nearer to us.

This afternoon I had the dubious pleasure of my ex talking to me on the phone yada yada yada it went on and on. But one of the things he did tell me was that today his probation ended. He had to go into the probation office to be signed off. They have made it clear to him that he isn't to come near my home as I could have him jailed. As things stand at the moment I wont do that as we are currently on civil terms. but if he were to become a nuisance then I would.

The day my grandad moved into the home I had taken a day off work (I had only started the previous day on a temp contract).
The week before I had to go to court I was turned down for a permanent job because they wanted me to start on the Monday which I couldn't do as I knew I needed to be in court for two days of that week but would only find out the day before which days. Bad timing!!!
The day I first heard from Swinger again was the same day my current employer told me they would like me to stay on for another year. I only joined the company for 3 months in June.

Maybe I am reading too much into all this, maybe its all coincidences, perhaps not. I just know it all seems very odd to me.

Monday's desire

fairly quiet Monday today

Ok so I said I wouldn't text Neptune, but I did. I sent him a text just before I set off for work.

are you ok?

short simple and just that.
As I was driving he replied telling me that he was having a lie in as he has a day off work today. (I knew that).He was going to make some tea and go back to bed. For once I arrived at work with a couple of minutes to spare so I replied telling him mine is with skimmed milk no sugar.

While I was beavering away at my work my mind was wandering all over the place as it does. (I really need a job that will make me use my brain). I was thinking about Swinger. More to the point I was trying not to think about him. How dare he do this to me. Just when I was beginning to get my life straight. I am trying so hard not to let his return get to me. I remind myself that I should be thinking about Neptune. I have not met Neptune yet and at this rate it isn't going to happen this year if at all, even if we do meet will we still like each other. I have gone from worrying that I won't be good enough for him to wondering if he will be good enough for me. (thats got to be good hasn't it?).
Swinger had his chance, but he left me with no word of explanation. I tell myself he doesn't want to stay in contact with me and I mustn't think otherwise. But then I argue that he sent me that email. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't want me to know he is back. so the question is why does he want me to know that. He promised me answers but none have been forth coming so far.
Amongst my jumble of thoughts I was also thinking about my writing. I have been asked to write more of 'Granny's Tree'. I need to write more of my book and I have two days to think of something to do for my homework. The subject of this week's homework is to write about something that we try to forget about but it just keeps growing. Suddenly I knew what I would do. Not a short story this time.
I have decided that I don't want to post all my writing her on this blog. AS I still have kindred Perverts open I am going to use that as a place to keep my creative writing. I have changed the name of it to Lady in Red writes......it still has the same address as before but I don't need to keep the name anymore. this weeks home work has been posted over there already. Next will be the updated and extended version of Granny's Tree.

After work I text Neptune again to ask if he was still enjoying his lie in. Then I headed for the gym. An hour I worked out, treadmill, bike and cross trainer with a bit of resistence work in the middle. I weighed myself afterwards to discover that even though I have been working out and dieting for the last week my weight is exactly the same as last monday.

I had just got back to my car when I got a text from Neptune telling me about his day. apparently all the computers he looked at (to replace his current defunct one) had vista on them. But he was now stretched out on his sofa watching a film. ...............Its a hard life isn't it?

After cooking spaghetti for the boys and chilli for me and DC, I had a long IM chat with a married local man. the subject got around to fantasies. He told me what one of his was so I sent him what I had written months ago about a situation that was close ish to his fantasy. we then talked about being tied up. He isn't the slightest bit interested in anything that isnt very vanilla. Not that I am saying there is anything wrong with that. He asked if I had had any of my writing published as he thought it was good. I also showed him the pissoem that chopski wrote for me. If you have not seen it you should go and find it here.

after he had gone I set about writing my homework.

I think I shall have an early night now.

memories

After the high I was on the other day I feel a bit flat now.
My weekend has been fine, there have been no disasters. Just a normal weekend really, not much happening.
I went to the murder mystery evening on friday. It was fish and chip supper whilst the various cast members moved from table to table so we could ask them questions. I went with OJ and JA also my mum and her friend, Bananas. Mother had brought some non alcoholic wine for the two of us to drink and cola for the boys. Bananas had a bottle of red wine. My boys had their first taste of red, OJ who never touches alcohol at all thought it was ok but didn't want much just a 1/4 of a glass. JA didn't like it much thank heavens. I have never taken to red, much preferring white but I agreed to try the red and it was better than I remember but I still only had 1/2 glass as by the time I was ready for more Bananas had not only finished the bottle but was scrounging from the next table. At the end of the evening we all had to stand by the person we thought had committed the murder. JA myself and Bananas all thought it was the dodgy junior solicitor, mother thought it was the smarmy 'Uncle' Tom and OJ thought it was the widow (Lady Muck). As it turned out the senior solicitor who was about to read the deceased (Lord Muck)'s will when he died. Had been killed by blows to the head. These blows were administered by both the junior partner and the honerary Uncle. It wasn't certain which had struck the fatal blow. So we were all right except for clever cloggs OJ who for once in his life got something wrong.

saturday was very quiet, I had a nice lie in then exchanged a few emails with various friends. Posh Bird asked if I would feed her cat as she was going to be away until sunday afternoon. Then I went shopping again to get more of the things I need in order to do this new eating regime properly. I have now stocked up on more of the items I didn't have before. I can't remember when I last bought pesto or mixed herbs to go in my home cooking. My mentor in this diet is managing to do something that neither my mother or SF ever managed to do.......shes turning me into a housewife aarrgggg. I even made home made potato and leek soup today. I have remembered though that there are three reasons why I ahve not done this before. I am too lazy to stand preparing fresh food every day. It cost more to stock my cupboards up. I need more space to store everything I need for all these recipes.
I exchanged a few text with Sammy on Saturday.....he says hes been very buy but life will get back to normal after tuesday. He said he would try to get online on sunday night. No sign of him yet and its 11.22pm.
I have heard nothing at all from Neptune since his text on thursday night even though I replied on friday morning. He had said that he would not be able to use computer until he gets back to work on tuesday but he didn't say he wouldnt be able to use his phone either. I know I could text him again but why should I put in more effort if he isn't doing the same. I had thought that he might want to meet over the weekend as he hadn't said he would be busy.....oh well its his loss.
I text swinger on saturday while I was shopping......I don't know why I often get the urge to text while I am food shopping. I was just testing to see if he is still using the same mobile number as before. he replied that he is but he was suprised I still have the number. Thats when I told him I only delete the numbers of people I have forgotten and he is not forgotten. I have not heard from him since.

Its funny all this time since he did his vanishing act at first I hurt, then I just worried about him. I didn't think about him too often as the months passed. It was as though he was a favourite possession that has been put on a shelf not forgotten but not often looked at. When I first got that first email, I was shocked and had to read the name of the sender several times before it sank in that it was him. My first thought ........Omg its Swinger......hes still alive then which made me happy. then I emailed him and we exchanged 4 or 5 very brief emails over about an hour. It was later that the feelings I had had for him began to flood back. I still have a photo of him by my bed. I hadn't looked at that photo for months, but I held it to me before I fell asleep. In the morning as I gazed at it again it was as though my body remembered him. He was the first person to tell me about the alternative use of an electric toothbrush. oon I found myself in need of mine but that was soon discarded in favour of fingers. fingers which had not been put to use in this way for a while.

Over the past couple of days so many things have come into my mind, things I had completely forgotten about until now. When I was removing the black nail varnish from ET's fingers (halloween party last night) I remembered that swinger likes the smell of nail varnish. I remembered too that he likes motor sports. I remember the car he drives, the fact that he goes commando. He prefers to drive the back roads to using the motorway. I remember what he said when I told him I had a puncture when I was driving at 80mph. He loves DIY( he was going to fix my mum's plumbing until he got sent away). Mostly its the little insignificant things I am remembering, things that I had forgotten I knew.

today I took OJ to get his new rail ticket as finally his EMA went into his account this weekend. then we went shopping again!! He needed to buy a birthday present for SF (54 yesterday). He had told me what he wanted them to buy him. Ha ha OJ is the only one with any money so that means I have to stump up the rest. He also decided to buy himself a new dinner plate and bowl that none of the others are allowed to use. He's fed up that its always me and him that do the washing up and the others just leave theirs in the sink. So hes bought his own set. then after the shopping I went up onto the hill to take some photos. I had been saying that I want to get a decent digital camera so tht I can take better pictures especially of the views that I see every day. This morning out of the blue DC asked me if I wanted the camera he had won at work a couple of months ago. at the time I had said he could give me the camera as he hadn't paid me even half his rent money. But he had said he was going to sell it on ebay. He had bought himself a good camera a few months earlier.

difficult to believe these two photos were taken from the same spot within minutes.

Swinger

I was going to explain swinger to cake in my comments box but realised it would be better to do a post instead.

I met Swinger on 'that site' about 2 weeks after I joined it. We had both been drinking when we first made contact so there was a lot of bolshiness from me and contrition and persuasion from him. We very quickly moved onto IM. He appreciated my sense of humour, he also appreciated my photos. Suggestive but certainly not explicit. we chatted nearly every evening in the week leading upto the first time we met. Which was the day after his birthday. (He had wanted to meet on his birthday but I think I already had something else on or was it him I forget now but we couldn't meet that day). When we met I thought he was lovely (I had worried that there would not be the same chemistry in person as there was online). He talked a lot and I found everything he was saying very interesting but I was willing him to move around the table and kiss me. I wasn't going to make the first move.......supposing he didn't fancy me after all. But after a couple of drinks we went for a drive along the road to a car park with a great view and a burger/tea/coffee van. While we waited for our drinks to cool we talked some more and that is when he kissed me. Wow........Swinger knows how to kiss. I was wearing some new crimson silk earings that I had only had for a few days so I took them off putting them on the shelf over the glove compartment. Well it wasn't just the hot drinks that were steaming the car up. We went for a drive into the countryside to get a little, no sorry a lot, more intimate then he drove me back to find my car.

When I got home I realised that I had left my earings in his car. I text him and he said that we would have to meet again so he could return the earings. I didnt expect to hear from him for a week as he was with family over the weekend then going over to the Emmerald Isle with his work for 5 days. But he was in contact over the weekend then when he was away he began texting me complaining that I was being too quiet. We text a lot over the next few days finally deciding to spend a night together in a hotel when he returned. After that night we saw each other about twice a week and spoke on IM or text in between. Then there was the day he was chatting away when he asked what time we were meeting........we hadn't arranged to meet,but he insisted that we did. He really wanted to see me and wouldn't be able to over the next few days.
when we were sitting in his car with our drinks at the same view point as that first night (our regular meeting place) he broke away from kissing me to tell me that he had that morning been told he had got the job he had applied for 6 months earlier. this job would mean that he would be near to his children who still lived in Europe. He had retired from the Army a few years ago but now works as a civilian for them. This was wednesday and his new job started on monday. The next few days were frantic for him getting everything sorted before he left. But we still kept in contact, he promised we would keep our friendship and be in contact the same way while he was away but we just wouldnt see each other although he would be back from time to time. It was two weeks before I heard from him again. Again he was complaining that he hadn't heard from me. He was about to get his internet connection so it would be better. He told me he would be over for a few weeks soon and would see me then so I wasn't to go missing him too much. I didn't hear from him for another couple of weeks then he was texting me on his way home could I book a room at our hotel. He couldn't wait to see me. I was playing it cool though pretending I didn't know what he was looking forward to. We had our night together, he was distant, wasn't really there with me. He had been in Basra while he was away which was why he couldn't send or receive text. we exchanged a couple of text on the sunday evening by which time he had already travelled to where he was going to be on his course for the next two weeks.
I never heard from him again. I sent a few text and a few emails, just chatty stuff but got no reply.
I worried about whether he was safe, if anything happened to him I would never know. Who would even know to tell me. I pined for a while but I was seeing others anyway so that helped.
I wrote about him in august to celebrate his birthday and my memories of him. I emailed it to him, but still I heard nothing.

Until Thursday evening when he sent me a chain email. I replied and he replied and so it went on. He says he needs to do some crawling.............he will answer any questions I have. Today we exchanged a couple of text. Now I wait to see when I hear from him again and what he has to say.

sometimes when I check my stats I see there have been visitors from the country where he was based, I always wondered if it was him. I am pretty sure that I emailed him the blog address when I first started it.

I am sooo glad that I now know he is alive and safe. My life has moved on I have done and seen a lot in his absence. But I still missed him. I had come to believe I would never hear from him again. Today he said he was suprised I still had his mobile number. I never delete numbers until I can't remember who the person is. (I have learnt in the past that if I delete a number I will come to regret deleting it). I have not forgotten Swinger. I may not have mentoned him much but I didn't forget about him.

omg omg omg!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe it

pinch me

I think I am having a dream

it can't be real

he wants to talk on msn but he says I'm showing offline

I can't believe it

is this for real?

I am online but he isn't so why does he say I am not?

I say .............oh so you are a live then?

he says ............yes just

I can't believe it

I didn't think I would ever hear from him again

out of the blue I get an email from him

it must be a dream it can't be true

its not a personal email just a version of the ...........friend for a reason email

he says he needs to do some crawling

I am just pleased he is alive and talking to me even if it is by email cos he cant get the msn to work








and I got a late night text from Neptune :-)