Wednesday, 30 September 2009

Here we go again ........or perhaps not

For a few months I had a fair few dates, mostly with Plumber (hes currently out of the country for the second time in less than a month). But although I was having these dates most of the time I was behaving myself. I know I have at least one reader who keeps trying to read between the lines, thinking there has been more going on than I was telling. But the truth is that although I had some fun with Plumber and even spent a few nights with him, I have had relatively little sex in the last six months. To be honest there has been very little action for the last two years since I had my bust up with Forest. In fact since then I could count my sexual encounters on one hand. Until six months ago that is, but even in the last six months I have only made love 4 times (once with Thomas who will always hold a special place in my heart) and 3 times with Forest.

Forest is the reason that this blog has the address it does, I originally dedicated this blog to him. I adored him, I gave him my heart. But he didn't want it, I was very hurt, but I dusted myself off and got on with life. I vowed that I would never see him again, we did manage to pick up the pieces of our friendship. The subject of sex was avoided for a long time. Even when it did become a topic of discussion, it was only general, never sex between us. Then came the day when that changed, it was just talk, nothing more.

That was until about six months ago when we began discussing the possibilities of being friends with benefits. Sufficient time had elapsed for my broken heart to be mended, I was able to be dispassionate about it. We tried it once and it was good, very good. We both know how to give each other pleasure and this time I was able to stop my heart from being involved. I think that knowing there is no emotional involvement helped. I am a great believer that sex is better when love is involved, but in this case we like and care about each other and that seems to be enough to enable us to have great sex.

But he has gone and spoilt that. I have been getting random kisses from him by text. Over the weekend we chatted online (twice........very rare to hear from him at all at weekends). I told him about meeting Spark who reminded me how it feels to have butterflies. He told me about his date with a lady who gave him butterflies. Which is why I am suprised that he has been thinking about me. Why, if I had met someone new who gave me butterflies I would be thinking about them not my friend. When I said that I doubt he thinks about me very much he replied 'probably more than you realise'.

I really wish he hadn't said that, because now I keep thinking about him. I don't want to be thinking about him too often. I know that if this continues then the feelings I had for him 2 years ago will start to come back. It was humiliating enough before, it would be doubly humiliating to go there again. I do like him, we have some long conversations about all sorts of things including family things. I know he likes me as a friend (as a friend he sometimes has great sex with). But he doesn't want a relationship so I have to guard my heart from falling for him again. He knows that I won't stop being friends with him for any man but if I become involved with someone then I shall be faithful to him. Our friendship will go back to being non sexual. But at the moment he is filling my thoughts and I wish he wouldn't.

Sunday, 27 September 2009

Moving on

It feels as though the whole of the last 14 years have been leading up to this weekend. Since he started school OJ has been destined to go to Uni. DC was not such a certainty but with OJ there was never any question of whether he would go. It was just a question of which one. The last year especially the last 6 months have been getting ready for him going to Uni.

Yesterday was the day, he had booked his moving in slot 1.30 to 3.30pm. we set off at about 11.20am to give us plenty of time. Stopping off at asda near to where I work to pick up a couple of last minute items including some lunch and fill up with petrol. It was just when we were leaving there that OJ realised he had left his phone behind so we went back to get it. (If we had got any further I wouldn't have bothered).

The drive there was fairly uneventful after that.We collected the key and set off to find a place to park near to his residential halls. I didn't think much of it as I was driving up the narrow winding road parking in the warden's spot. No lift at these halls unlike where DC is, luckily it was only one flight of stairs to his room. We unpacked his things before moving my car back to the main car park. It was only when I went to move my car that the realisation hit me that I had to reverse all the way back down this narrow winding road with low walls on either side. Not only that but first I had to negotiate around the estate car that was now parked in the nearest spot to mine at an awkward angle (on a slope that was both vertical and horizontal.........not easy). It must have been painful for any men watching to see my slow progress. I had almost reached the end of the road when the vehicle parked on the side was one obstacle too much for me. I managed to find the only space to turn around using the good old 3 point turn that I have not used for many years.

Having parked in the main car park we walked to the nearby Tesco store which took us about 20 minutes (it will only take him 10 when I''m not with him). I expect my boy will be fine but I do worry about him more than DC. OJ has shared a room with his brothers all his life, now he is on his own, he has more space than ever before. He will find it very quiet (apart from the bell of the nearby cathederal). Today two of his friends from home were moving into nearby halls, so he won't be totally alone.

The view from OJ's new home

Sunday, 20 September 2009

Family steps

It has been a tiring week, a good one but tiring all the same.

Work has continued to be good, I am enjoying my work again just as I used to do.

Preparations for the exodus have been stepped up a gear. (Nagging increased too). DC was quite happy with his idea that he would just load everything into my car as it was, no boxes or bags required!!!!! I had brought some boxes home from work for him to use. I told him that my job was to ensure he had the essentials and be his driver on the day but packing was down to him.

Thursday evening I took him to visit my mum so that he could tell her a bit about his american trip before we went shopping. She presented him with a cheque to keep him going for the first few weeks (student finance is still pending). He insisted that our trip to Asda would be quick as he wanted to visit Charlie. We didn't leave there until 10.15pm and over £100 later with a trolley laden with "essentials" and even some food (cereal, pasta, long life milk etc). He didn't get to see Charlie that night.

On Friday I decided that as two of my boys are over the legal age to drink and I have never bought either of them a drink we would all go out for a drink when I finished work. We drove up onto the hill so that they could see the view over the city as they drank. Would you believe it .....everyone of them had Appletiser!! .....well that was a cheap round for mum. It was interesting though to hear DC and ET giving OJ advice about beer and alcho pop drinks. DC is concerned that OJ will be a wet rag during his Freshers week. Neither of us want him to sit alone in his room while the other students are out enjoying themselves. Later at home DC gave OJ a bottle of beer to try, he wasn't impressed with the taste but did a very good impression of a drunk leaning against the wall. I was struck by how accurate his impression was of how his dad used to be. I had completely forgotten what the staggering had been like. Obviously OJ hadn't forgotten, I was very shocked by this act.

DC and I had agreed that we would leave early on Saturday morning as he didn't have a specific time slot for moving in (unlike OJ), especially as Southampton FC which is just a stones throw from his Halls of residence, were playing at home. However he didn't appear until about 10am and still needed to pack my car. He thought we would need to make two trips but I managed to get it all in. The forecast had been for showers but it was hot and sunny (27 according to my car at one point and 24 for much of the time). Finally he was in his new home with his belongings and I left him at 1.45pm. (during the afternoon I got a series of texts telling me the things he had forgotten but wanted). So that is one son stepping out on his own to begin the next stage in his life. Next week we repeat the process with OJ.

Last weekend ET discovered a function on his mobile phone that allows him to turn his wallpaper into a pedometre. We both have Sony Ericsson phones so he has changed mine too. Each day we have had to compare how many steps each of us has taken during the day. (not so easy for me as most of my clothes are pocket less.) There have been many times I have left my phone on my desk/bed forgetting to carry it with me. Anyway I have made a concerted effort to make sure that each day I reach or exceed the final total of the previous day. Having a job that is desk based doesn't lend itself to a particularly active life. But my determination not to have a bad day has encouraged me to walk more than I would otherwise do (no bad thing). After yesterday with trips to and from my car, a tour of Halls, a trip into town centre with OJ to choose his first pair of glasses, followed by a wander round Asda kept my total for yesterday quite healthy. So today I was trying to figure out how I was going to keep up my record. It occurred to me that I could go for a walk somewhere, but where?

I decided to take the boys on a mystery tour, they wanted to watch the football on tv but came anyway. It was the first time I had been to Winchester Hill in daylight (each time Plumber has taken me there it has been dark). It had been overcast all day but I was convinced it would still be relatively warm. I hadn't banked on the drizzle we were greeted with. Even with the low grey cloud and drizzle we could still see a very long way into the distance towards Southampton. We walked to the iron age fort and back, a good hour plus which gave me not only a healthy total on my pedometre but also a healthy red glow too. I was shattered by the time we arrived back home to the aroma of casserole and baked potatoes almost ready.

During this coming week more steps will be taken by this family, both on our pedometres and as my boys move nearer to their future lives. This time next week OJ will be in his new home and ET will be about to set out on his next adventure.

Sunday, 13 September 2009

A question of wind

I find it incredible in this day and age that this is even an issue.

We all know that our natural sources of power as in fossil fuels are running out. We all know that as humans we need to reduce our carbon footprint if our world is to survive. We should all want to create a better, healthier life for our children and their children and all the other generations to follow.

For centuries we have harnessed water and wind to make life easier. we are used to seeing traditional windmills although these days there are fewer and fewer still in working conditions. I did see a fair few on my holiday in Norfolk.

Now though there are a new kind of windmill .....the Wind turbine there are wind turbine farms, usually situated in remote locations. During the summer there were protests against one such wind farm being set up on the Isle of Wight not far from my home near the Hampshire coast. Local residents on the island were very much against this happening near them. At the same time there were other protests on the island involving a sit in by employees of a company that was about to close which would mean job losses for 600 people on the island. The company produce components for wind turbines. The closure of the company was due to a lack of demand for wind turbines in Northern Europe.

Now maybe I am the only one who can see the irony of this. However the Islanders are not the only people who do not want these great white structures blotting their landscape. As the months have marched slowly by in recent years I have heard of a fair few protests by residents refusing to allow a wind farm to be built near them. Maybe if the Islanders and others like them were not standing in the way of progress, then there would have been no need for the company to close and those 600 people would still have jobs (something to hold onto in this current climate).

Personally I think they should be considering the bigger picture and what these turbines mean to our future as oppossed to what future our children and grandchildren will have without them.

Whilst in Norfolk not only did we see far more of the traditional windmills than we normally see these days but there were also clusters of turbines in remote fields plus others dotted around standing alone. It was quite an unexpected view on our boat trip to see two traditional windmills seemingly next to each other although actually on opposite banks of the broad, then in the distance a solitary turbine appearing to stand between the two older structures.

The place where we were staying has a wind turbine farm just a little way out to sea. Far from being put off by the sight of these majestic towers I found them fascinating. I do not understand what all the protests are about. There are far worse things we can live near such as the electricity pylons that stretch across our countryside buzzing away day and night. If we went back in history to the days when windmills were first constructed we would probably find that they were considered to be unsightly and unwanted. Now we find them quaintly magical. Perhaps in years to come we will forget how ugly some people find the turbines. My son has just returned from his 28 days travelling across US and he tells me that these Wind Farms can be see all over the place.

I would like to say that if such a farm were to be situated near to my home I wouldn't bat an eyelid but somehow I doubt that would be true .......perhaps the novelty would wear thin after a while but I think I would be fascinated by them for quite some time.

If such a wind farm were proposed in your local area would you welcome or reject it. If this has already happened did you protest or welcome the progress for our future?

Saturday, 12 September 2009


The sun is shining and I feel good

I had a lovely evening last night with a friend (ok he did spoil it a bit at the end by telling me he he really wants me always has). He knows I will only ever be his friend, someone he can talk to. He is one of these people who everyone else turns to with their problems, I am the one he can turn to ocassionally when there is nobody else.

I am in a good mood, things with the butterfly man have been put to rest. We can be friends, we both know there is a spark there but it isn't going to be lit. Instead we will work together to do more business, it makes more sense, the more business he gives me the better prices I can give him, both businesses benefit.

DC arrived home from his travels yesterday. He has lots of tales to tell, he says his trip was amazing. After being away for 28 days we will just about get used to him being back when he will be gone again. I can't believe that this time next week I will be taking him to Uni.

All this is good but the icing on the cake has to be the letter I just got from my MP. He enclosed a letter from Rt Hon Stephen Timm MP.

"In this case HMRC failed their responsibilities and LIR has at all times provided the correct information regarding her income and circumstances. She therefore met her responsibilities and I am pleased to say that HMRC have reviewed this case and have written off the overpayments. all her acounts are now balanced with no overpayments. .................They have therefore now repaid the incorrectly recovered amount of ****** . HMRC confirm that no further recoveries are being made from LIR's award."

They have also apologised for sending me both incorrect and confusing information and apologise for any worry and distress their mistakes have caused.

I am so glad that they had made me so angry that I wrote to my MP about this. If I had just accepted that I owed them money and must pay it back, I would still be paying them a lot of money I can't afford to lose. .............................Go me ..................I got something right for once in my life

Friday, 11 September 2009

How can it be right when its wrong?

He smokes, not heavily (upto about 15 per day) but it is still smoking.

He drinks, but not when hes driving, but he still likes a lot of beer.

He isn't available, he wasn't happy before we met but he is still with someone

So why is it that he is in my head so much, so quickly

Why is it that I never noticed that although I really liked some of the men I have been seeing in the last 9 months, they didn't make me feel butterflies when I thought about them. It is only now that he gives me butterflies that I realise they had been missing.

He writes poetry , has already made up a verse on the spot for me.

He opens doors and pulls out seats

He strokes my arm while I drive, but concerned that he might distract me.

He makes me feel so special

He has put a huge smile on my face.

Tuesday, 8 September 2009

A good day gets better

Today has been a good day.

It started out a bit damp, a little drizzle with a promise of more. It didn't bother me as I already knew it was going to be a good day. Or perhaps I should say that I had high hopes for a good day.

By the time I reached the office the clouds had parted and the sun was trying to show itself.

As soon as I walked into the office I knew it was going to be not only a good day but a good week with more to follow. I do feel sorry that she was now facing that awful situation, would now become one of the growing number of unemployed. But for those of us left behind you could almost feel the collective sigh of relief as everyone realised that the desk opposite mine was vacant. The personal objects nolonger there, a presence almost forgotten already. My suspicions of last night confirmed. My last dream before waking had been this but my fear had been that I was wrong.

Eleven months ago she had come to work with me, for the first couple of weeks we thought it would work out well, but it wasn't long before we knew otherwise. I was dumbfounded that even the simplest of things seemed to be beyond her comprehension. But it was thought that with time she would eventually get to grips with what she was doing. But six months on I was cringing at some of the things I would hear her telling our customers on the phone. Her moods were incredible, she has so many chips on her shoulder it was unbelievable, but occassionally she would snap out of them and become friendly for a few days. Our work load has deminished in recent months leaving her sitting twiddling her thumbs or surfing the net. Whilst I had enough initiative to keep myself busy working on projects to improve customer accounts.

Now I won't have as much time to work on my own projects but those of us left behind can cope with the work load as it is. In a much improved cheerful atmosphere (I also get to have my lunch earlier).

Talking of lunch................ whilst my computer was warming up I sent a text naming a pub and the time frame I could be there. Minutes later my phone rang unexpectedly, the venue and time quickly agreed. For the rest of the morning I happily got stuck into my work, cheerily greeting phone calls from customers in my usual manner. Then at 12.30 I left the building and drove the mile or so to the pub. I had never been there before, neither had I met him before. I had no idea what to expect. I saw his vehicle straight away and parked up next to him in the now hot sunhine. He bought our drinks (both on diet coke) which we took out into the garden to sit in the shade of a cherry tree. We chatted amiably about work and about ourselves. A quick sandwich to keep the hunger pangs at bay. All too soon it was time for me to return to work. As we stood beside my car he kissed me goodbye which took me by suprise, but not as much as the next kiss or the one after that. I liked this but mindful of the time protested that I really should go. He didn't want to stop kissing me. He asked to see me again, I passed him the envelope from my passenger seat.

A couple of text during the afternoon confirmed that we had both enjoyed our lunch. I am hoping that he will find more products in the catalogue I had given him that he could use for his business, I have already increased the lines of products he buys but would just love to get more. Days like today are why I love my job so much, but I did find it difficult to keep my concentration for the rest of the day. Not that I will be letting him know that. He is after all a customer (one who wanted to meet his favourite sales lady, to meet the woman with the lovely voice). .....................this sounds familiar

Monday, 7 September 2009

Time flying by

It only seems like 5 minutes since I was trooping around checking out Universities with OJ.

Now all of a sudden it is almost time for him to go.

In 12 days DC moves into halls at Southampton (he will have been home from his trip for just one week). 7 days later OJ will be moving into halls at Guildford (he has booked his moving in slot 13.30 - 15.30)

This evening we have had a taste of what life will be like. DC is still away, OJ has gone out with friends and ET has been out since lunch time with his new g/f. All evening JA has been saying hello to me. He has gone to bed early because he is bored. He could have made the most of having the TV, PC and PS3 all to himself but it isn't the same without his brothers to argue over them with.

I can't believe it is already more than a week since we got back from our lovely holiday. Tonight I finished resizing my many photos.

Early morning on the deserted beach
swans at Potter Heigham where we eventually had a boat trip on the Broads.

I heard today that following another visit to see her consultant this morning it has been agreed that my mother will be having another operation on her knee..............I hope that after this one she will at last be able to walk again. The pain and inability to walk much have really aged my mother during the last few years. She is 66 going on 75.