Wednesday, 30 September 2009
Forest is the reason that this blog has the address it does, I originally dedicated this blog to him. I adored him, I gave him my heart. But he didn't want it, I was very hurt, but I dusted myself off and got on with life. I vowed that I would never see him again, we did manage to pick up the pieces of our friendship. The subject of sex was avoided for a long time. Even when it did become a topic of discussion, it was only general, never sex between us. Then came the day when that changed, it was just talk, nothing more.
That was until about six months ago when we began discussing the possibilities of being friends with benefits. Sufficient time had elapsed for my broken heart to be mended, I was able to be dispassionate about it. We tried it once and it was good, very good. We both know how to give each other pleasure and this time I was able to stop my heart from being involved. I think that knowing there is no emotional involvement helped. I am a great believer that sex is better when love is involved, but in this case we like and care about each other and that seems to be enough to enable us to have great sex.
But he has gone and spoilt that. I have been getting random kisses from him by text. Over the weekend we chatted online (twice........very rare to hear from him at all at weekends). I told him about meeting Spark who reminded me how it feels to have butterflies. He told me about his date with a lady who gave him butterflies. Which is why I am suprised that he has been thinking about me. Why, if I had met someone new who gave me butterflies I would be thinking about them not my friend. When I said that I doubt he thinks about me very much he replied 'probably more than you realise'.
I really wish he hadn't said that, because now I keep thinking about him. I don't want to be thinking about him too often. I know that if this continues then the feelings I had for him 2 years ago will start to come back. It was humiliating enough before, it would be doubly humiliating to go there again. I do like him, we have some long conversations about all sorts of things including family things. I know he likes me as a friend (as a friend he sometimes has great sex with). But he doesn't want a relationship so I have to guard my heart from falling for him again. He knows that I won't stop being friends with him for any man but if I become involved with someone then I shall be faithful to him. Our friendship will go back to being non sexual. But at the moment he is filling my thoughts and I wish he wouldn't.
Sunday, 27 September 2009
Yesterday was the day, he had booked his moving in slot 1.30 to 3.30pm. we set off at about 11.20am to give us plenty of time. Stopping off at asda near to where I work to pick up a couple of last minute items including some lunch and fill up with petrol. It was just when we were leaving there that OJ realised he had left his phone behind so we went back to get it. (If we had got any further I wouldn't have bothered).
The drive there was fairly uneventful after that.We collected the key and set off to find a place to park near to his residential halls. I didn't think much of it as I was driving up the narrow winding road parking in the warden's spot. No lift at these halls unlike where DC is, luckily it was only one flight of stairs to his room. We unpacked his things before moving my car back to the main car park. It was only when I went to move my car that the realisation hit me that I had to reverse all the way back down this narrow winding road with low walls on either side. Not only that but first I had to negotiate around the estate car that was now parked in the nearest spot to mine at an awkward angle (on a slope that was both vertical and horizontal.........not easy). It must have been painful for any men watching to see my slow progress. I had almost reached the end of the road when the vehicle parked on the side was one obstacle too much for me. I managed to find the only space to turn around using the good old 3 point turn that I have not used for many years.
Having parked in the main car park we walked to the nearby Tesco store which took us about 20 minutes (it will only take him 10 when I''m not with him). I expect my boy will be fine but I do worry about him more than DC. OJ has shared a room with his brothers all his life, now he is on his own, he has more space than ever before. He will find it very quiet (apart from the bell of the nearby cathederal). Today two of his friends from home were moving into nearby halls, so he won't be totally alone.
The view from OJ's new home
Sunday, 20 September 2009
Work has continued to be good, I am enjoying my work again just as I used to do.
Preparations for the exodus have been stepped up a gear. (Nagging increased too). DC was quite happy with his idea that he would just load everything into my car as it was, no boxes or bags required!!!!! I had brought some boxes home from work for him to use. I told him that my job was to ensure he had the essentials and be his driver on the day but packing was down to him.
Thursday evening I took him to visit my mum so that he could tell her a bit about his american trip before we went shopping. She presented him with a cheque to keep him going for the first few weeks (student finance is still pending). He insisted that our trip to Asda would be quick as he wanted to visit Charlie. We didn't leave there until 10.15pm and over £100 later with a trolley laden with "essentials" and even some food (cereal, pasta, long life milk etc). He didn't get to see Charlie that night.
On Friday I decided that as two of my boys are over the legal age to drink and I have never bought either of them a drink we would all go out for a drink when I finished work. We drove up onto the hill so that they could see the view over the city as they drank. Would you believe it .....everyone of them had Appletiser!! .....well that was a cheap round for mum. It was interesting though to hear DC and ET giving OJ advice about beer and alcho pop drinks. DC is concerned that OJ will be a wet rag during his Freshers week. Neither of us want him to sit alone in his room while the other students are out enjoying themselves. Later at home DC gave OJ a bottle of beer to try, he wasn't impressed with the taste but did a very good impression of a drunk leaning against the wall. I was struck by how accurate his impression was of how his dad used to be. I had completely forgotten what the staggering had been like. Obviously OJ hadn't forgotten, I was very shocked by this act.
DC and I had agreed that we would leave early on Saturday morning as he didn't have a specific time slot for moving in (unlike OJ), especially as Southampton FC which is just a stones throw from his Halls of residence, were playing at home. However he didn't appear until about 10am and still needed to pack my car. He thought we would need to make two trips but I managed to get it all in. The forecast had been for showers but it was hot and sunny (27 according to my car at one point and 24 for much of the time). Finally he was in his new home with his belongings and I left him at 1.45pm. (during the afternoon I got a series of texts telling me the things he had forgotten but wanted). So that is one son stepping out on his own to begin the next stage in his life. Next week we repeat the process with OJ.
Last weekend ET discovered a function on his mobile phone that allows him to turn his wallpaper into a pedometre. We both have Sony Ericsson phones so he has changed mine too. Each day we have had to compare how many steps each of us has taken during the day. (not so easy for me as most of my clothes are pocket less.) There have been many times I have left my phone on my desk/bed forgetting to carry it with me. Anyway I have made a concerted effort to make sure that each day I reach or exceed the final total of the previous day. Having a job that is desk based doesn't lend itself to a particularly active life. But my determination not to have a bad day has encouraged me to walk more than I would otherwise do (no bad thing). After yesterday with trips to and from my car, a tour of Halls, a trip into town centre with OJ to choose his first pair of glasses, followed by a wander round Asda kept my total for yesterday quite healthy. So today I was trying to figure out how I was going to keep up my record. It occurred to me that I could go for a walk somewhere, but where?
I decided to take the boys on a mystery tour, they wanted to watch the football on tv but came anyway. It was the first time I had been to Winchester Hill in daylight (each time Plumber has taken me there it has been dark). It had been overcast all day but I was convinced it would still be relatively warm. I hadn't banked on the drizzle we were greeted with. Even with the low grey cloud and drizzle we could still see a very long way into the distance towards Southampton. We walked to the iron age fort and back, a good hour plus which gave me not only a healthy total on my pedometre but also a healthy red glow too. I was shattered by the time we arrived back home to the aroma of casserole and baked potatoes almost ready.
During this coming week more steps will be taken by this family, both on our pedometres and as my boys move nearer to their future lives. This time next week OJ will be in his new home and ET will be about to set out on his next adventure.
Sunday, 13 September 2009
Saturday, 12 September 2009
Friday, 11 September 2009
He drinks, but not when hes driving, but he still likes a lot of beer.
He isn't available, he wasn't happy before we met but he is still with someone
So why is it that he is in my head so much, so quickly
Why is it that I never noticed that although I really liked some of the men I have been seeing in the last 9 months, they didn't make me feel butterflies when I thought about them. It is only now that he gives me butterflies that I realise they had been missing.
He writes poetry , has already made up a verse on the spot for me.
He opens doors and pulls out seats
He strokes my arm while I drive, but concerned that he might distract me.
He makes me feel so special
He has put a huge smile on my face.
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
Monday, 7 September 2009
Now all of a sudden it is almost time for him to go.
In 12 days DC moves into halls at Southampton (he will have been home from his trip for just one week). 7 days later OJ will be moving into halls at Guildford (he has booked his moving in slot 13.30 - 15.30)
This evening we have had a taste of what life will be like. DC is still away, OJ has gone out with friends and ET has been out since lunch time with his new g/f. All evening JA has been saying hello to me. He has gone to bed early because he is bored. He could have made the most of having the TV, PC and PS3 all to himself but it isn't the same without his brothers to argue over them with.
I can't believe it is already more than a week since we got back from our lovely holiday. Tonight I finished resizing my many photos.
Early morning on the deserted beach
swans at Potter Heigham where we eventually had a boat trip on the Broads.
I heard today that following another visit to see her consultant this morning it has been agreed that my mother will be having another operation on her knee..............I hope that after this one she will at last be able to walk again. The pain and inability to walk much have really aged my mother during the last few years. She is 66 going on 75.