catch up

Its been a while so here's a few things to catch up

My baby boy JA (he's now about 6" taller than me) has just two years left at school, when he goes back in September the hard work gets harder as he begins preparing for his GCSE's in 2012. At the start of the month he had a 5 day sailing course which much to my relief he loved.

ET how is it possible he is officially a man now at 18 but he will always be my timid little boy scared of everything. He is working part time at M & S for the summer then in September he is going back to college (I hope he sticks it out for longer than a term this time).

OJ is quite the independent young man at 19 son to be 20 he is doing well at Uni and is currently in Thailand with some of his Uni friends for 5 weeks. When he gets back here he will be moving into a house that he will be sharing with the same friends he is with now.

DC I don't see or hear much from him these days he is busy living his own life. He has also finished his first year at Ui and has already moved into a house with friends. He is also working through the summer (at last).

Mum is slowly recovering from her last knee op, she can now walk short distances without her stick, but she does suffer when she has done too much walking about. She drives short distances ie around out town and maybe to the adjoining town. But no further, her driving worries me and I always insist on driving whenever we go anywhere together. Last weekend I took her for an overnight visit to my grandmother in the Cotswolds.

Grandmother is now 91 and thankfully stopped driving last year. She still lives alone and seems to manage but her memory is not great. She talks a lot about her father and her sister. But also her little boy and her daughter. She asked me if I ever met her little boy (he was my dad). She cried when we were leaving ..........she doesn't think she will see me again.

SF is not my favourite person right now. In the last 3 months he has paid me only £50 towards the upkeep of our children. He is meant to give me £100 per month so he is £250 short. He says he has no money and anyway I earn more than him and have a laptop and run a car. I was thinking about going back to the CSA to get money from him when I received a letter from them advising of a new calculation of what he should be paying. I have called them asking that they collect the money from him. It would mean that he can't miss payments plus I would get more, not a lot but it all helps.

Sailor He is getting used to living on his own, spends a lot of time with his daughters and grandson. We see each other when we can, last weekend we went out sailing (with Plumber) it was the first time I had been out on the open sea.

Plumber........what can I say except that he loves me, he wishes I was his wife.

My garden is about to get a make over, very soon, a gardener is going to dig up just over half of my garden and paving it for me. A week later a contractor from my housing association are finally replacing my fence. (It has only taken since November).

Still alive

Ok so I have not blogged for a while.

There have been a few times when I have thought...............I could blog about that. But by the time I get a chance the inspiration has gone.

There hasn't been much to blog about really. My work has been busy, Since March I have been attempting to keep up with as much work as I can which has seen me working through my lunch break a few times just to keep the pressure down a bit. The reason is that where a year ago there were three of us working together (in theory). Then since september it was reduced to two of us, since March my colleague has been covering another important post within the company (one which is vital to the running of the company). So for the last few months I have been trying to cope mostly on my own. (Business has also picked up a bit too). This has meant that I have been coming home exhausted. However things should be getting back to normal in the next few months with two new staff joining the office very soon.

I suppose I should update you on what happened after my last post.

SF arrived at my home with his friend and colleague from before he lost his licence 4 years ago. I chatted to GG for a few minutes as I hadn't seen him for a few years. SF is very lucky to have such a good friend who will turn out for him in times of need. (hmmm idea just sprung to mind GG now on his own since both kids have left home.........hmm perhaps should suggest this).

I offered SF a cuppa but he was ok he had his beer (a case of it) during the evening I chatted to him with our boys. He has been smoking since I filed for divorce, but agreed to smoke outside as this has always been a smoke free zone. It was fine while I was sat downstairs with SF and ET. I reiterated that it would only be one night.

It was after I went to bed that it got worse for me. ET had also gone to bed shortly after me, I heard the stairs and landing creaking, I heard SF's voice outside my door, he was speaking to JA & ET. I lay awake until gone 2am listening to every noise worrying that my door would open. The memories of those 7 months of hell while he still lived in the house during our divorce came flooding back. The fears and feelings I had during that time had returned. There is no way in this world I could have another night like that. In the morning I got ready for work as I was leaving I woke JA telling him to ake his father a cuppa and get him to leave when he went to school. I was not impressed that the whole house stank of cigarette smoke and he had used one of my candle dishes as an ashtray. At work I worried that he wouldn't go. I phoned OJ (he had been out the previous night) repeatedly until he assured me at 9am that his dad had gone. Two days later he phoned me to ask if he could sleep on my sofa again. I said NO and he accepted that and to my relief hasn't bothered me since.

That same night I had also told Plumber online that it was time he started being honest with me. Of course he had no idea what I was talking about. But because SF arrived while we were talking we couldn't have a proper conversation that night. A couple of nights later we had a heated conversation about his lies. He has now admitted that he does live at home some of the time but they have seperate rooms. Hes still not being totally honest but its a start and he now knows that I will not stand for bare faced lies. Our relationship if you can call it that has become stronger. Over recent weeks he has said that he thinks I deserve a better life and if he could he would give it to me but current circumstances mean he can't at present. He says that he won't stop me seeing others and hopes I wont stop him but he won't go out of his way to see other women .......I satisfy all his needs. (whatever he means by that).

Plumber knows I have been seeing Sailor (who also knows about Plumber). They are both happy to share me but don't want me to be hurt or damaged. A few times there have been half arrangements for the three of us to go sailing together. But on the day things didn't work out. I have now been out in the harbour with Sailor on his boat a couple of times, once just using the engine then on Monday after work we spent a couple of hours sailing while the weather was good. I really enjoyed that and hope to go again this weekend. Plumber is very jealous (of us sailing).

Tuesday evening I had a posh frock evening (thank heavens for ebay) I wore a purple dress
with silver heels ..........my mum calls them y 'Dorothy slippers'. It was the Rotary club President's night. Very different to previous ones I had been to. This was at a pub on the A32 that I have passed many times but not taken much notice of because it does not look inviting from outside. It turns out to be a restaurant that has tribute acts performing a caberate on a small stage. The room we were in had a very strange mix of traditional countryside prints including a Roebuck, and theatrical ornamentation. There was a chandelier in the centre of the ceiling. The place is run by a couple of men who had been in the theatre in their past. One of them apparently was one of the countries leading pantomime Dames.

So now you know what has been going on in my life in the last 5 or 6 weeks.

clearance

Over the years I have been adding to a collection that I would have preferred not to start.

It began while SF was still here. For many years SF worked for a company whose main business was/is waste disposal. Among the many things that annoyed me about SF was that most people take their rubbish to the tip but he had a habit of bringing other people's unwanted possessions home with him. One of these things was an upright piano keyboard. It was being thrown out by a school as it was passed it usefulness. For sometime it stood in my living/dinning area taking up valuable space. It was good for the boys to practice their keyboard skills provided they didn't play it for more than 10 minutes at a time (it had a habit of turning itself off).

So eventually it was moved outside a placed on the small patio up against the fence, before it would be disposed of. It was joined by a 3 seater sofa that had been replaced (by another second hand one). Neither of these items were going to fit into my car to be taken to the household tip. Over the last few years more and more has been added to this collection. I have made numerous trip to the tip getting rid of smaller items. As fast as I got rid of stuff more took its place.

I could have asked the council to take away the keyboard and sofa but they would have charged me. I could have borrowed or hired a van but I couldn't afford that and commercial vans are not permitted at the tip. I considered hiring a skip but even if I could afford it there is nowhere for it to be left as I do not have a drive neither is there a road outside my house.

All I could do was keep making trips to the tip with the smaller items that could be loaded into my small car. When I got my new furniture a few weeks ago I was determined not to let the pile of rubbish that my collection had become get any bigger.

I made up my mind that I would take a day off work during the school holidays so that I had teenagers to help. I text Plumber asking if he would be around on the date as I would be taking a day off. I told him what I planned and he agreed to help.

On the day Plumber arrived just as I was moving my car around to the garages to be loaded up for the first time. Between us with JA and ET we began the long task of clearing away as much as we could. Whilst we were doing this we heard the glanging of the hand bell being rung by te local scrap metal collector. That was lucky he doesn't come by very often (not that I would know not normally being at home in the day). He took away the old excercise bike, bbq and an old bike.

Plumber stood looking at the task ahead of us. He knew that with only my car to transport everything this was going to be a long hard day (in the rain). He asked for my phone book made a few calls and arranged for someone to call round in the afternoon to see what needed clearing.

Plumber went off to do some errands while I made the trip to the tip for what would now be the only time that day. He returned just prior to the arrival of the clearance man who judged the job would cost £150 and he could do it the next morning. Plumber paid him out of his own pocket.

True to their word when I returned home from work next day it was all gone.

All change

I had a visit yesterday lunch time from Plumber. I can't remember the last time I saw him (I would have to check back on here to find out). In the mean time he has been in Spain twice (hes been back a week since his last trip) so he is looking rather tanned. He also looked rather shocked but pleased when he saw me.

Did I mention that I had my hair cut two weeks ago and after wearing it in a bob for a few years then letting it grow quite long I have gone back to wearing it short. Very few people (family aside) who I see frequently these days have seen me with short hair before. Somewhere further down my sidebar there is a photo of the new me taken by LV the day after it was cut. (we had been out for lunch in the New Forest). Apparently the new style makes me look younger. One of my friends from my pre marriage life commented on my new picture on face book that I look no different than I did more than 2 years ago............well she can't see the grey hair and wrinkles in that small picture.

My relationship with Plumber has changed in recent months. When it started we agreed to having a casual relationship ........we were not committed to each other and could see others. All very well but he was very jealous if he thought I was seeing anyone else not that I ever talked about it. I knew he really likes me but wasn't prepared to give me any kind of commitment so I felt justified in seeing others without making a thing of it. He used to tell me that he had growing feelings for me.............but that was as far as it goes. Our friendship has grown and I know that I only have to ask and he will do anything for me (if he has time). I know he would be happy to continue to see me on a casual basis although not very often these days, but I ahve made it clear to him that I am nolonger happy with a casual relationship. For me it has to be a committed relationship so I am now looking for a long term relationship again not casual. (although I am not really looking very hard at the moment but just enjoying life as it is).

Life at the moment involves being more into family life. With the two older boys gone (although not for long enough for us to get used to it) the three of us who are left have been spending more time together actually sitting in our livingroom for hours at a time instead of all being in different rooms. This week ET suddenly got in the mood to tidy their bedroom (I had been saying that it was such a mess with clothes all over the floor that I wouldn't go in there). This led to more change. JA has moved into the box room (formerly DC's room). Tv, stereo, and other such things have been moved around and both boys are now quite happy to have a room of their own. With a dozen bin liners lined up in the livingroom full of rubbish/old clothes, this led to a trip to the amenity tip yesterday.

On Thursday evening ET was complaining that the light in his room isn't very bright. (with bunkbeds and a cabin bed in the one room it is a very dark room). He has the brightest (energy saving) light bulb I had, I figured that having an uplighter shade probably doesn't help. The light shade in JA' new room is all bent and scorched so I took the shade from ET's room and put it on JA's room. Now I need to get a new shade for ET , I found that the light fitting is so old that the part the bulb goes into is very brittle and burnt as I was screwing it back on bits were breaking off. After putting JA's shade up I discovered that I couldn't replace the bulb as the metal housing for the bayonet was broken on one side. OK no problem I would get new fittings for both at the weekend.

This is where it is useful to have a Plumber for a friend. Late on Friday night/early saturday morning he came online after a gig. We chatted and I mentioned the light fittings.............in a flash he offered to come over and do them for me and supply the fittings too. (sorry couldn't help myself). Hence he came to see me on a Saturday lunchtime. (he also had a long chat with ET about RAF and Forces life in general ............he was a weapons engineer in Army before becoming a PT instructor).

Finally Student Finance have got their act together. Having applied online for student grants back in April, sending off my documents in May, (receiving them back in July) now in October I received two 'Urgent' emails telling me that I need to send more documents, only they didn't say what. It took several phone calls to find out that they wanted my P60 for 2007/8 but I had sent my P60 for 2008/9. ................It is beyond me why they couldn't have said this on the comp slip that accompanied my documents when they were returned. Why did it take from May until October to tell me they needed a different P60 and even then only after several phone calls from me. DC posted the correct P60 on Monday 12th October on Friday 16th I had two letters addressed to the boys for them to sign and return so that the monay they are getting can be paid. I now have to post OJ's to him so he can sign it and post it again before the threatened postal strike on Thursday/friday. I saw DC for half an hour yesterday so he has done his. I only hope that next year it is all done much quicker.

Who ate all the cheese?

Well it has now been a couple of weeks since our family dynamic changed. Just when the three of us who have been left behind, were beginning to get used to only being three. They returned.

They didn't take turns at coming home ..............no they arrived within minutes of each other. OJ arrived loaded with back pack, wheeled trolley bag and laptop. I barely had time to say hello before I collected DC from the station carrying his one small back pack. I had expected DC to bring home his washing but he didn't. OJ on the other hand brought home not only his laundry to be washed but also some of his crockery to go in the dishwasher. Only my son would do that!!

During the time they have been away we were just starting to get used to having food in the fridge for more than two days. (I'm not saying that either of them eat a lot). The milk lasted all week, we lasted until Thursday before I had to buy more bread. At the time when my sons arrived home we still had more than one carton of orange juice left and 1/3 of the block of cheese that had lasted 2 weeks. The following morning all the juice had gone, only a very small slice of cheese and a small amount of milk remained.

Nobody is owning up but I have my suspicions who ate the cheese.

It was good to see them both and hear how they are getting on in their new lives. It seems that they chat to each other online quite a bit. In fact I only knew that DC was coming home because he told OJ who then told JA (also online).

Time flying by

It only seems like 5 minutes since I was trooping around checking out Universities with OJ.



Now all of a sudden it is almost time for him to go.


In 12 days DC moves into halls at Southampton (he will have been home from his trip for just one week). 7 days later OJ will be moving into halls at Guildford (he has booked his moving in slot 13.30 - 15.30)

This evening we have had a taste of what life will be like. DC is still away, OJ has gone out with friends and ET has been out since lunch time with his new g/f. All evening JA has been saying hello to me. He has gone to bed early because he is bored. He could have made the most of having the TV, PC and PS3 all to himself but it isn't the same without his brothers to argue over them with.


I can't believe it is already more than a week since we got back from our lovely holiday. Tonight I finished resizing my many photos.









Early morning on the deserted beach
swans at Potter Heigham where we eventually had a boat trip on the Broads.

I heard today that following another visit to see her consultant this morning it has been agreed that my mother will be having another operation on her knee..............I hope that after this one she will at last be able to walk again. The pain and inability to walk much have really aged my mother during the last few years. She is 66 going on 75.

Being a mother is the best and hardest job there is

I have just returned from one of the best holidays I have had. Sharing a 2 bedroom caravan with my crippled mother and 3 of my 4 teenage sons. The site was very small approx 40 caravans on a tiny plot meant that there was very little room to swing a cat (if we had taken one) either inside or outside the caravan. Our caravan was no more than 70 feet from the beach. (allowing for 2 x 20ft caravans plus space between). Immidiately in front of the front row of caravans there was a low wall seperating the beach from the caravan site. The sand was gloriously soft and felt lovely under foot, there were a few reed covered dunes then more soft sand before a band of pebbles between the soft sand and the water's edge. I spent a lot of time walking, sitting and photographing that beach (Caister on Sea). My sons played games and buried each other many times.

We did a lot of driving around the broads (I did the driving everyone else just watched the ever changing scenery). We planned a trip on a paddle steamer from Hickling, had a scrumptious meal while we waited for our trip, then I got stung by a wasp on the underside of my arm (excruciating pain). In a way it was a good thing that at the last minute two coaches turned up and took all the places on the boat so we couldn't go. It would have meant a further 1.5 hrs before I could get to the anti histamin cream and tablets.

We drove passed the RAF Base ET would be going to for his training (only to find when we returned home that he is now going to a different base). A visit to the zoo involved hiring a wheelchair for me to push my mother around in (a glimps of the future perhaps). We finally managed to get a boat trip on Friday from Potter Heigham luckily it was a covered boat as we were hit by a storm during the ride. (We had been so lucky with the weather until then).

I thoroughly enjoyed everything (apart from the wasp sting) but what really made the holiday so good was just being totally relaxed and enjoying being with my sons (mother too but more especially my boys). It was really good to see them enjoying themselves and enjoying being together (not always on the computer/games console). I had many many cuddles with both ET and JA, not so much OJ (being nearly 19 hes far too grown up to have cuddles with his mummy).

It was very important to me that we had this holiday together. I very much doubt that it will ever happen again. Next year even if I have two of them I doubt I would have all three together again for a holiday. All our lives will have changed in the next 12 months. My one regret about this holiday is that DC was not with us but he has already branched out by going to USA with his friends. We have had sporadic contact with him as they progress from west to east coast (last we heard they were in Denver).

Now we are back home, back to realilty. There was a letter waiting for ET his pre joining course has been brought forward to 28th Sept. He has his train tickets, all he has to do is get a train to London Waterloo, find his way to London Liverpool Street then get a train to Bury St Edmunds. He has a choice of two trains to BSE one arrives at 18.32 the other at 20.50 (transport will collect him and others at 21.00) so he is faced with a choice, wait around for 2.5 hrs or get the later train with the risk his train could be late. Now I have no worries about him getting to or from London on his own it is the bit in the middle that is causing the crisis (mainly my mother in a panic). He has only ever been to London a couple of times and never alone. (mother is convinced he will be mugged). I now have a list of items he will need to have with him for these 4 days. I have just managed to get him some high leg black boots (no steel toe caps) with heel and ankle support from ebay. (hopefully he can get them broken in by the time he goes).

The month of September is looming up in front of me with all these changes and arrangements that need to be organised. I can see that come October I shall be exhausted. Between now and 4th (3rd really) I have to make sure JA has everything he needs for the new school year, I had asked their father to do this for him, he hasn't...........as usual it is left to me. JA already has the biggest feet in the family (I only hope he doesn't keep growing too much). DC who returns from his trip on 11th will no doubt sleep for a couple of days while I try to get him organised for his move into University Halls on 19th. Whilst all this is happening I am trying to organise OJ ready for his move into Halls on 26th follwed by ET's adventure on 28th. (working full time all this time).

I have always believed that I am not the kind of mother who wraps her children in cotton wool. I have always given my children freedom (within reason and safety). I believe that although I have never had any control over my children I have managed to instill good manners and morals into them. I am often praised for how well spoken and behaved bright young men they are. However during this time of preparation it has hit me that I have not done such a great job. During our holiday we encouraged them to cook and clean etc (not out of laziness but for their own preparation to look after themelves). They can all cook (meaning heat up) food. But they cannot do the simplest of tasks without contantly asking how/where/when. Perhaps it is a boy thing they don't seem to be able to work things out or read instructions they have to be told step by step what to do.

I have always seen my boys as bright capable lads, now I see boys who have been molly coddled by their mother for far too long. Where I tried not to nag them too much, they don't seem able to think for themselves. Now I am worried that I have created mummies boys who might not manage without their mother telling them what to do every step of the way. I am not saying that I always do everything for them (I definitely don't) but I have always been there telling them what to do. If not in person then on the phone.

I don't know all the answers I don't always know what they need to do especially now that they are entering worlds that I have never been a part of. The rest of this year is going to be hard for them and for me, while they settle into their new lives and JA and I are left at home wondering why it is so quiet, worrying about our boys. I know they will each manage (they won't have a choice in that). Having two boys leaving the nest within a week of each other will be hard on us. Then if ET gets through his course (I have every confidence he will) then it won't be long before he joins the RAF properly and he will be gone too.

I love all my boys without exception, I couldn't possibly choose a favourite as they are all so different (my favourite is usually the one I am with at the time). I would never want to have not had any of them but I am not sure if I would ever want to go through motherhood again. When we are young we are warned that parenthood is not easy, there are no hard and fast rules but you never really understand just how hard it is being a mother until you have been through all the stages of your child's growing up (and I have been lucky to have an easy time of all my son's teen years).

Togetherness

Saturday afternoon and everyone was at home. None of us had any plans to go out. Bolonese was simmering one of the working hot plates. I am trying to be more active by going for walks, and of course taking my camera phone with me. I need to get some photos of all my boys together, a rare occurrence these days. I don't like posed photos so what better than a family outing.

Duck watching

Waiting for mum to cross the stepping stones

Watching

Tranquil

Looking Forward

I have not been feeling like blogging much in the last couple of weeks. I have had things to say but neither the inclination or energy to write anything. I am afraid I have not been reading other blogs much either and those I have read I haven't been commenting much so I apologise for my bad behaviour.

But I thought I would let you all know I am still here, my world is not totally centered around my health.

Tomorrow night I have an excuse to get all dressed up as I am going to a Rotary Dinner (that will be interesting my first meal out since this started).

Sunday evening I am meeting up with Golf.
Thursday evening I am seeing Echo
Both Plumber and Forest are around but nothing has been arranged with either of them although Forest does seem to be very keen to see me again when I am ready.

OJ has now finished his A'levels and thinks he has the whole summer to laze around before he goes off to Uni in early Oct. (His mother has other ideas).

DC is finally selling his car on Saturday!! He is furiously making arrangements for his month long trip to USA (3 of them are driving from west coast to East). Before he goes off to Uni late September.

ET is still trying to build his muscles and get fitter for his big adventure with the RAF (we still don't know when).

JA is just being a typical 13 yr old but has come into his own in the school cricket team (5 wickets and 54 runs not out yesterday). We are trying to prepare ourselves for the mass evacuation leaving the two of us alone together.

Pouting

Is it classed as a date then when Plumber came round this afternoon?

I have had a busy day, 5 yes 5 men turned up on my doorstep at 7.35am. The head man explained what they would be doing then they got down to ripping out the old boiler, the water heater and some of the radiators. I had only just begun to do the sink full of washing u that has been staring at me for days when they turned the water off. Ok I had a sink full of soapy water so that wasn't a problem but when they wanted to run the cold tap into my sink of soapy water I had to give in and let out my soapy water to make room for the horrid cold water.

I brought my laptop downstairs so that I could listen to the radio and start doing some work on my spreadsheets for my project at the office. The electricity was turned off. There was nothing for it but to make my first visit to the amenity tip. I have never seen it so quiet there.

After I returned the electricity came back on, I was waiting for my laptop to sort itself out as it wasn't very happy about its battery running out. I noticed that Golf was online so I did something I very rarely do, I initiated a conversation (actually I often initiate our conversations ~ he feels honoured for some reason). Plumber phoned me while I was chatting to Golf (that became a little confusing for me). Having similar conversations but at different speeds is not the easiest thing to do. Later it was Forest who was chatting (first by text then when I got back online by IM). He wanted to see me tonight but I had to decline as I knew that after just 2 hours sleep last night I was going to be very tired tonight.

Both the water and electricity were turned off at different times forcing me to sit and read for a while. It was at about 2.20pm that the head engineer came to tell me that they were finished and he wanted to explain where everything was and how it works. I know what time it was because it was just at that moment that Plumber phoned me.

Where are you?

At home ........why where are you?

Outside looking at your knickers

Lol Ok I will be right there

He was at the back of the house while I was at the front door saying goodbye to engineers. Plumber had come round to cut back the long grass, nettles and brambles that make up the main part of my back garden. He also had a look at the space I have made for the dishwasher he has got for me. He needs t make a few adjustments before it will fit but he says it won't be a problem. I left him to get started on my garden while I finally got stuck into the washing up and cleaning my kitchen.

But when I looked back outside I was horrified. The brambles were still in tact but he had tackled the nettles and grass but he was chopping down the clematis that was just coming into flower (I have been growing it for 12 years). He then moved over to the other side of the garden and cut down my other clematis, honeysuckle, broom and ballerina rose bush. He was methodically stripping everything out of my garden. I don't think he saw me pouting. Oh well I shall just have to start from scratch again.

I need to get all the greenery that he has cut down chopped into small pieces so that it can be bagged up and taken to the tip. Plumber was here for about 2 hours in all and we managed to get quite a bit done in the garden so I guess that does count as a date sort of so I am going to include it in my tally.

I had to dash off at 4.30 because I had made a Dr's appointment for JA as he has been experiencing pains in his legs. I had figured that he has Osgood Slatters Disease which I was pleased to hear the Dr confirm. As he was examining JA's knees I couldn't help noticing that in recent years this Dr has become a little portly. Watching him with his curly hair reminded me of Elliot Hope in Holby City.

I couldn't find the photo of my clematis in full bloom but here it is covered in snow last April so you will have an idea of the sorry state it was in after the gales had done their worst.

D is for Date

Ok so here is the latest news.

Last night I was feeling really quite poorly so when I woke up this morning with a sore throat and upset tummy I text PB to say I was unwell. It seems that I am not the only one as JA was feeling sick. I later discovered that ET had not gone to college he had woken with a sore throat. He has been at college for 3 days and now hes ill !! But he will have to go in tomorrow as next monday hes off on a week of activites at a residential centre in New Forest. He will need to find out all the details about what he needs to take etc. He does seem to be enjoying his course so far which is good, I am only sorry that it will only last 12 weeks.

Anyway back to me being ill, I have slept a lot, read some of chopper's book, had a phone call from Paulo who had rung the office and found I wasn't there so rang me at home to see if I'm ok. The Man text me at 9.30am I didn't reply until 10.30am he text again at 13.36 after a meeting at which time I told him I was home ill. 15.25 another text asking if I fancy a chat. we chatted for 22 minutes while he was driving (using his hands free so I couldn't catch everything he said). But apart from general chat, he asked about Monday night, we also talked about my cancer and me being ill now. He told me I need to get better soon because we need to meet. So we are going to meet next weekend. He will be away for a few days next week but hopefully by the time he gets back I will be well enough to meet. within 5 minutes of putting down the phone he had text me again.

I did think it was funny during our chat he said he had not been on laptop for a few days so he probably owes me a few emails ............I said I hadn't written any. (I only reply to the ones he sends lmao.........I didn't tell him that bit though)

why do weekends end too soon?

I would like to say I had a quiet lazy weekend especially after how tired I have been and knowing that the next two weekends are going to be very tiring. (next weekend I am going to visit Firebyrd with a few other bloggers I shall be driving up with Mei Del like I did last time.) The following weekend I am driving my mum up to visit my grandmother in the cotswolds. I took mum out for a trial drive today (the first time she has driven since her op). My grandmother will be 90 over the christmas holidays and still lives on her own, still drives short distances. I have decided to write a story for her for christmas probably about a little girl watching all the mischief that the occupants of a classy gift shop (such as the one y grandparents had when I as growing up) get upto at night. But I am also getting together a hamper of useful things for her including copy paper for her computer printer, washing powder etc. Things she would normally have to buy but will be able to save the money to spend on heating and food.

Saturday I did my six monthly turn my paper work out. I had to renew my car tax. My filing system consists of ...............open the envelope read it put it to one side to deal with later. Then after a few days scoop them all up and stow them in one of two drawers or a box in the corner of my bedroom. Then when I need something like when my tax is due I turn everything out on my bed until I find what I need. I always do find it eventually as I always keep everything for 6 years at least.

Having paid a few other bills (thats most of my xmas bonus gone already) I went to dee my mum before going shopping. My brother and family were there when I arrived, after they had gone we discussed what to buy my boys for xmas. I really don't know what to buy for any of them this year. Then I had to dash home to take JA to collect 2 of his friends who were staying over as it is JA's b'day tomorrow. My baby will be a teenager tomorrow.

I had decided to treat them to take away Pizza but first I still needed to go shopping for a few bits. While I was waiting for the pizzas I passed the time reading back over some of the romantic text messages Romeo has sent me (I couldn't help smiling). By the time I had shopped and bought pizza it was 8pm before I got back home.

Today has been a bit of a rush too. Taking the boys back home at 10 am as they were tres tired having not slept all night. Now I know what the bumps in the night were and when I thought someone had fallen down the stairs (I didn't investigate as I didn't hear anyone cry or scream etc). I managed to win an ebay auction for microsoft office 2003 for OJ for his laptop. before heading out to escort mum on her maiden drive. We collected OJ so that he could have a chat about Law with his learned (retired solicitor) granny while I headed off for a quick session at the gym. No problems this time. (I avoided the treadmill this week and made sure I drank plenty of water afterwards).

Back to mum's to join in the conversation with mum and OJ then drop OJ back home and gather up DC and off to the Shopping Outlet centre. Managed to buy some trainers for JA and also my secret santa gift for Firebyrd's party. By the time we got to Tesco it had closed 10 minutes earlier.

Next stop was the tres tres posh Golf and Country Club which DC wanted to join for it's gym. It is not far from his work and several of his work mates are members. He is now a Corporate Member (if I want to join I can join on his Corporate Membership because I am his mother and he still lives at home.) It was very impressive and I do like the idea of swimming by candlelight. The Bistro is quite inviting too. The sort of place I can envisage taking Romeo to eat. It is only £7.50 per month more than the gym I belong to which doesn't have a swimming pool or a Bistro. I do enjoy swimming so perhaps I shall treat myself to a change in the New Year.

I managed to get myself into a spot of road rage after leaving. Pulling up to a roundabout that appeared to be clear I shot out into the turning in time to see a car speeding towards me on my left. Ok I just had time to get out of his way but he was not happy, after blasting his horn for far too long he kept on my tail with his lights blazing trying to intimidate me. I just continued on my way with him following up close for a few miles, there were plenty of chances fro him to overtake but he didn't. He waited until another roundabout onto a busy A road before he came around me cutting me up. Upon reaching the bottom of the hill by the village he turned left back towards the way we had come which just told me that he would have got to his destination quicker had he turned off several miles earlier. DC says tht in my place he would have kept stepping on the brakes to make the prat slow down then he would have wound down his window and given them the finger. I just don't think it was worth the aggravation. So he didn't like me pulling out in front of him, so he had to slow down a little, but he hadn't reached the roundabout so I was safe. Get over it prat!!

I have been stooooopid tonight though. Because I really don't know what to buy for any of my boys this year, I can't buy clothes or music as I would get them wrong. I had a mini brain wave.
This is where you have to imagine the thought bubble over my head (I think I will get them a Wii they will be cheaer this year). So a quick visit to ebay find one for £150 which is just about to end and one for £170 also about to end. On impulse I bid on one that has 10 seconds to go. So now I have won a wii for £172. Now I am panicking!! have I bought this for them or me? They have never once said they want one, they are happy with their computers and PS3. Is it just me who thinks it would be good after all it was fun when I played on Trixie's wii with her and firebyrd. Plus I now realise this one doesn't come with any games. So I have been trawling ebay etc looking for games.

Now I must finish this as I have to wrap up JA's birthday presents ready for the morning.

love and hate phones

I really need to get my shower fixed. All the time it isn't working I am struggling to get to work on time. Take this morning, I ran my bath as usual but a little earlier, I was confident that I would be at work earlier today, but once I was in that tub of hot soapy water I just relaxed down into the fragrant bubbles, it was heaven to just lay there as my hands moved over my body rubbing and smoothing, finding each crevice as I washed myelf. I was so relaxed that I didn't notice the time ticking past, all too fast it was time to get out and I hadn't even washed my hair. So again I wasn't early to work.

We got paid today so the first thing I did was to pay my phone bill. Having done this ?I have been switching my phone on and off all day in the hope that the bar will soon be lifted. At one point I realised that my phone had been turned off for most of the morning. Turning it on I was suprised when it rang.

'is that mrs LiR?'
'yes'
'I'm contractor from ******'
'oh yes you are coming to see my window next friday'
'no today, the appointment is for 10.46am today'
'it's next week, friday 7th Nov.'
'it's today 10.46'
'thats very precise, they just say between 8am to 1pm, but I have booked next friday off work not this friday!'
'Don't worry I will come back next week if you are nice to me'
'what do you mean by nice? a cup of coffee?'

we then talked about the window, what it is like and what the problem is. He has said that when he comes next week he will take the window off its hinge, secure it shut and take the hinge so he can get a match for it.

It was quiet in the office today and the girls were killing themselves laughing at me as I talked to window man. I told him that I had only just turned the phone on so I must be psychic and knew he was about to phone me.

I turned my phone off again for a few minutes. This time when I turned it back on it was my mum on the phone. She had been taken to have her stitches removed. The nurse cut the end off the continuous stich then pulled. The stitch was coming away nicely until it was 3/4 of the way out. Then it got stuck and started to become painful. Mum said she could grit her teeth whilst the nurse finshed pulling it out. But it was stuck fast and wasn't going anywhere. So it was decided that she would go back to the hospital to get it looked at. When she got there the dr looked at it then at her notes and said that the nurse was only meant to cut the ends off its a disolvable stitch!! He trimmed the stitch as close to the wound as he could and put a new plaster on it.

During the course of the day I flirted with a few of the customers, the girls thought I was hilarious. At one point Bob was hanging around whilst I was on the phone, he asked our new girl.

'has she been like this all day?'
What they all fail to realise is that I am like this everyday, its just that they heard me today as it was so quie in the rest of the office.

Tonight JA needed a lift to the village so he could go trick or treating with his pals. He wanted me to collect him at about 9pm. But at about 8.20 he phoned home asking if he could sleep over at B's.
'yes'
'can you fetch me so I can get my things then bring me back'
'no, tell me what you want and I will bring it to you.'
'it would be better if you take me home then bring me back'
'I will bring your things'
'you are making it complicated'
'no you are'
'but I need my bike'
'why?'
'so I can ride home in the morning'.

Dangerous

Ok so my last post was about discovering that I had an unexpected windfall.

Great now I can pay my water bill, buy school shoes, a new classy outfit to wear for the posh wedding in Norfolk next month. I can take the boys out one day and not worry about the expense too much. I can afford fuel to get to London and or Brighton if required and I can get to Bollinger Byrd's party next weekend.

But giving me money is dangerous.

In the last 36 hours I have bought a package on the Irish, Spanish, french and Portugese Lotteries (they were lucky if the call had come a day earlier I would have had to decline) my packages over the last few months have reaped a whopping 50p..................I'm not giving up the day job just yet.

I have been shopping on ebay for a new phone for JA as I am fed up with not being able to get hold of him until late at night when he gets his friend to call me for a lift home. I ended up winning a new pink samsung for me and not him.

So today I took myself into town ..........................this is why I rarely go into town. The plan was to go to the bank to order a new bank card for JA he lost it when his younger pal was playing with his wallet grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Get the nokia, I had brought home from work when we got new office phones, unlocked. Have a look for something to wear next time I see Romeo or perhaps for the wedding, go to wilkinsons to see if they have any coconut shampoo/conditioner.

The reality was not quite to plan. JA decided to stay home as it was raining. He has managed to lose the nokia somewhere in his room. As I walked into the shopping centre I went straight to the book shop, I don't go there often as I tend to get hand me down books from my mum and friends. I can't afford to buy new books that I am only ever going to read once.

Which reminds me, there is one book I have read twice in the last 15 years the second time was about 10 years ago. I have been trying to remember what it was called and who the author was. It was set in modern day London about a young girl (20's) who was having sessions of regression which took her back to an earlier life in which she was living a life terrorised by a man who was in her life now. I am trying to remember how it went but I am getting muddled up with another book set in the times of King Arthur. I asked my mum the other day if she remembered it but she says she didn't read it so I must have got that one from somewhere else. Another friend or a boot sale/school fete. Since reading that book I have had a curiousity about regression but never taken it any further. I am now wondering if I would like to find out more about it.

So I go into the bookshop telling myself that I am looking for restaurant guides. MD has lent me his very smart (leather bound) copy of Harden's Restaurant guide 2008 because I was asking him for advice on decent restaurants I can take Romeo to. ( I did find one in there that looks perfect for my idea of a romantic posh restaurant not too far away. I couldn't find any sections for restaurant guides. I did peruse the fiction section as I am also trying to remember the name of another author who has a whole series of books I read a couple of years ago. I don't remember his name and when I have asked mother as she lent me the first one she doesn't know. I keep coming back to the name Colin ??????. His books are fast moving secret agent type action often set partially in the south of England but also in Europe and Scandinavia. Every time I go into the book shop I look for these books I can remember where on the book shelves they were when I bought the one or two I did buy all those years ago. It was either during or before I was ill.

Anyway I am sidetracked and as I am trying to find where his books might be I am looking through Sci fi fantasy then I move around the corner and start checking out the books on spiritual and self help. I am drawn to the bottom shelf of the middle section where I find the tarot cards. Over the years I have thought about buying some tarot cards but never found a pack I was drawn to or any that I could afford. I was not looing for any cards today so I moved on looking at the books of angels......I have a book of angels that Auntie recomended to me a few years ago. I looked at the books on the shelves above but I kept coming back to this sweet blue grey box on the bottom shelf . Once I had checked it out along with the other sets and gone back to the same one I picked it up and moved to the next set of shelves on self help where I chose a book. Now I love love books .......fiction books I don't do non fiction. But not only did I buy this book proclaiming to be a NO. 1 International Bestseller I even began reading it in the car. £15

Next stop the clothes shop opposite where I bought two blouses and a shawl oh and a set of beads. (I managed to snap the chain on the beads I wore when I met Romeo, these are very similar but a different style). £38.

I didn't go to the bank as JA wasn't with me but I went to the phone shop I usually use and bought him a cheap Sony ericson for £24 + £10 top up. where did I go next ?

Oh yes I managed to make it across the road in the rain to Wilkinsons and yes they had some big bottles of coconut shampoo and conditioner. I did buy a few other bits and pieces in there too. Then I figured I needed to get back to my car before I spent any more. Once back at my car I had a quick look at my new book while I decided whether I really wanted to go to Asda to do a food shop or just nip into our local store for tonights dinner. In the end I plumped for Asda for tonights dinner and a new towel. I am sure that the boys have been eating our bath towels as just as they can never find any socks all the towels have gone AWOL too.

Ok when I go to Asda my feet automatically take me to the George section (clothes) before anything else. I resisted looking along the aisles of clothes but couldn't resist the lingerie aisle. 1 pair of black lacey knickers along with a matching set of bra and knickers in white with pink embroidery later I managed to get to the men's section and collected 4 packs of black socks (3 for £1) I have been buying these socks for the last couple of years............stops the problem of matching up pairs if every one of their socks are identical. Doesn't stop the socks disappearing into sofas and under beds though. Next aisle being homeware I collected up a fluffy bath sheet in cerise and another in beige. Then spotted the beach towels £3 each or 2 for £5 so of course I got 4. For some reason I decided that I need a second wok. Oh and a new set of cds 100 romantic classics £7. all of this and tonights dinner including ice cream came to £72. so I recon including cash back etc I have got through approx £200 pounds today.

Giving me any extra money is a dangerous thing to do.

It now seems that I have given every member of the family something new today. After the shopping had been unpacked and put away by JA (only right he does something to earn his new phone) my clothes hung up and the new towels and packs of socks dished out I went into the kitchen. Nipper thinks she has a new gift too. Damn cat was sitting in the new wok that hadn't been put away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not working out to plan

My plan for the weekend was

a quiet evening on friday, recoupe some of my energy after the long week. Do some of my spreadsheets for work. Saturday do a little grocery shopping, catch up on some laundry and other chores then get stuck into spreadsheets whilst boys at Cricket for the day. Sunday much the same except for shopping although I did think I might go for a drive with my camera.

My reality was that I was so tired on friday evening that I fell asleep, woke up blogged for a while, watched the BB eviction. Fell asleep again!! Woke up late and chatted to LV then Romeo. By the time I had finished chatting and blogging it was 4am. Up again before 9.30am. JA and OJ were going to the cricket finals at The Rose Bowl. I asked OJ if he had money for the day.

'I've got some but JA might want some.'

I got my purse out to see what money I had, taking out £5 note, JA took my purse looked in it before handing it back saying.

'No mummy you keep that'

wasn't that sweet of him? so I gave him £2 coin instead. I spent the rest of the morning blogging while I waited for DC to tell me he had transferred money into my bank account. By lunchtime I hadn't heard from him so I rang him. He had been to bank but not transferred money, but had withdrawn it in cash. I arranged to meet him in town and I went on a mini shopping spree. Then stopped at mother's for a cuppa and a chin wag. Even though we only live 2 miles apart we sometimes don't see each other for weeks. She is mentally preparing herself for her op on thursday. I showed her the two blouses I had bought. Interestingly although I didn't ask her which I shoukd wear she gave me her opinion anyway which just so happened to be the one I had already chosen..................damned if I was going to tell her that though.

Next it was a quick trip to asda for a few bits for dinner and for the boys on sunday while I was out. I ended up buying about 4 or 5 day worth of food. Whilst there I spied the daughter and son in law of my friend and former colleauge whose husband had sent me money for xmas when things were bad. I stood and chatted to the pair of them catching up on news for a good 10 minutes or more but it wasn't until after I had said goodbye that I remembered their names. I could remember when they got married but not their names!!!

Back home I did a few chores, caught up on blogs, watched the end of the cricket but fell asleep just before the end. Chatted to a few friends. I did intend to have an early night but it was still 1am when I went to bed.

I was awake by 7am. I had my nails to paint (pale gold) skirt to iron. It is white with boxed pleats and covered in white flower embroidery. I love this skirt but have only worn it a few times this year. Romeo had begun texting me early on. I had decided on a relaxing bath instead of a shower today. but as I was trying to figure out if I should have my bath before or after DC had his shower, ET snuck in there for a shower. But he had only been in there for a fwe minutes when the eletricity cut out. I asked DC to go to the garage for a tenner's worth. But he was only in his boxers and said ET should go .....doh clever that as ET was in the now waterless shower.

stomping around my room a found a few clothes to throw on as nobody else was going. I met DC at the top of the stairs now dressed with the same idea. In the end I agreed to go. ten minutes later we had electricity again, but ET who was now in his fleecy robe (how could he in this heat) had decided to give up on his shower. I negotiated with DC that I had my bath before he had his shower. I let the bath run too long so we ran out of hot water (I'm not keen on luke warm baths but this time it was good, as I didn't stay in there for over an hour and fall asleep).

sat in my towel drying my hair JA asks for a lift to the village, but I don't think I will have time before Romeo arrives. I still have to put on my face and wrap the present I had bought for Romeo way back in May when I thought we would meet then. My phone starts ringing, Romeo is stuck in traffic. So JA gets his lift after all. When I got back I was hanging out washing when I discovered that I had missed a call from Romeo. making my way to the corner of the road Romeo calls again he is lost so I talk him back to where I am.

I bet you are expecting that I shall now tell you about our date in more detail, well as it is now getting late and once again I fell asleep whilst typing I shall save that tale until tomorrow. When I got home from our date OJ told me that JA had lost one of his new shoes.

'I had a blood sucker on my leg, and as I was shaking my leg my she flew off and landed in a tree with a bog under it.'

'so you didn't lose it then, you know where it is but you can't get to it'.

' yeah and mum Chris's parents paid for a taxi for him to get home' .

kids you have just got to love them haven't you. oh and I never did do any of my spreadsheets this weekend

I'm going

LiR

yes?

what time are you going home?

when I get kicked out

get out then you are being kicked out now

but it's only 4.10pm

yes and you have still been here at 5pm every night for weeks

ok I'm just going to finish this and I'm emailing myself

some work to keep you happy over the weekend?

yes

Lol................go on get out of here.......go home LiR

For some reason my boss and PB both have a habit of telling me to go home.

It was 4.35 by the time I left, I have as you can guess brought some work home with me. I want to set up some spreadsheets to make my new responsibilities easier to manage. As I am not likely to find the time to do this at work. As it is I have left a stack of work on my desk that I just have not had the time to do. I find it very difficult to walk away when there is still work to do. I have never been one of these people who is out the door the minute the clock reaches 4.30 or whatever time they finish work, unless I have a bus/train to catch or an appointment somewhere.

This has been a hard week for me, trying to keep on top of the increased volume that we have at the start of each month, more or less coping with the phones on my own (BG has been working on a seperate project all week). Although to give him his due the new lad has been very eager to answer the phone. It would help though if he could find out the relevant information, but it seems he is having trouble just getting the name of the company right. I have threatened to give him a crib sheet to work from when he answers the phone. (the post it note I stuck on his phone doesn't seem to be working).

Is it just me? am I so unusual in that when I am learning something new I tend to make notes that I follow until I am sure of the procedures.

New Lad doesn't make notes.......

It isn't my responsibility to train New Lad, however as I am the one he is working with and he sits opposite me whereas Bob who is training him (he was also meant to train me) is in a seperate office, it does seem to be me who is bearing the brunt of this training period. NL certainly gets 10/10 for being keen. I have my reservations though. I personally feel that he is trying to run before he can walk. He wants to be able to do the whole job straight away. I did dare to suggest to both NL and Bob that he is trying to learn too much at once. This was shot down in flames by both of them saying the best way to learn is to do the job. (lol I am a total advocate of that way of thinking). But from my side of the desk all I can see is that he is getting information overload and isn't making progress because he isn't taking it in properly.

Where he is helping by answering the phone he is causing me more work because I then have to decipher the half baked information, work out what it was about and who the customer was (Derek from Liverpool just isn't quite enough to go on). Then explain to him how to deal with it. I have given up worrying about giving him step by step instructions each and every time. I just let him deal with it but ask periodically if he is ok does he need help.

I can't quite decide whether he is just full of youthful enthusiasm or if it is just plain arrogance, thinking he will be able to do everything in just a week. Within days he has alienated the warehouse manager and some of the warehouse staff.

I have not blogged much this week partly because the internet was playing up but also because I have been so tired, I have not been this tired since the first month or so when I started to learn this job. But one thing this last week has shown me is just how much I have learnt in the last 6 months, there are still things I don't know and have not been shown yet, I still ask lots of questions, but I have become quite confident in what I am doing can even talk about some of the products with some semblance of authority.

On a slightly different subject (but not entirely different), DC learnt yesterday that he is on the list of employees at risk of being made redundant in a couple of months. On the other hand OJ has finally done something about finding employment during the summer and possibly beyond that in a part time position. He has passed the telephone interview for a local telephone banking institution. He was offered a slot in a selection process on 17th July but declined as it is the last day of term and he doesn't want to spoil his 100% record of attendance.

JA had sports day today he took part in Yr 7 (hes still one of the babies of the school) Javelin competition in which he came 3rd. His other discipline was High Jump in which he finished 4th. I am of course very proud of my baby. It does seem strange that he is now the only one of my boys still attending school.

This morning as I was trying to get to work I was stuck behind a paper boy on his bike waiting to turn right onto the main road, I wanted to go left but couldn't because instead of being in the middle of the road he was right in front of me. Obviously he hasn't learn how to position himself in the road for a right turn. I decided that his mother should tell him about this to prevent further agravation. But as my day progressed all thoughts of paperboys deminished until that is I heard.

'mummy was getting annoyed with me this morning when I was on my paper round'

Men are such strange creatures

Tonight as I was deleting my unwanted and unopened emails I found one telling me that I had a new wink from ***** ( I don't remember the name now, and I deleted it), unusually I thought I would just have a look to see if it was anyone I had come across before. But when I opened the email the thing that caught my eye was not the long haired beared young man in the picture but that it said distance from me was -1 ............ now if it had been 1 I could understand that But I was thinking how the hell could anyone be minus one mile away .......lol I am laughing at myself now because I just realised it isn't minus 1 but less than.............stupid woman that I am going blonder by the day except that when I look in the mirror its silver that I see creeping in not blonde.



Another email was from facebook telling me that I ahd been challenged to a game of scramble. I hadn't been on there much recently so I signed in and found a message in my inbox.



hi im Jim and love to be sub i am moveing to city soon,are you dominant and seeking a slave x



wtf was that about ? don't answer that I know exactly what that was about but why pick on me?

there is nothing at all on my profile that would make anyone think I want to dominate a slave.



You may have noticed that I have started getting a few comments from a blogger calling himself aka k, it seems that he likes cars, more particularly red cars, specifically red audi cars.



I am used to being woken up at 3am by JA, often it is because he has had a bad dream, last week he had to check that I was still here, (he never did tell me what the dream was). Other times he tells me he feels sick or has tummy ache. but this morning it was to tell me that OJ was not in his bed and he was not downstairs either. I was only a little surprised at this, I had known he had gone out at bedtime but had expected him back before this. Having questioned him this evening it seems he came in at 4am. His friend H and his dad were moving with Mr H's g/f, H has bought himself a widescreen tv that he wanted OJ to see (at 12.30am !!!). It seems the boy is growing up, in a few months he will be 18. In the next year I expect he will spend less and less time at home like DC. DC has, again, started talking about moving out, he makes me laugh (when he isn't making me cry). How does he think he will be able to pay rent if he cant pay me for his keep.

great bins of fire!

'LiR ............the school is on fire'

This was the surprise statement from PB in the middle of the afternoon.

A couple of phone calls and a quick look at the local news on the internet confirms what she has just told me. This afternoon about 15 minutes before the end of school the technology department caught fire. Three fire engines and an aerial appliance attended the fire, no one was hurt.

JA is confident that he wont be going to school tomorrow. He apparently was in the room next to the the classroom where the fire started. However whilst my boys have been at the Cricket this evening (I cant believe it I ahve five yes five whole hours home alone), I have found an email from the school stating that school will be open as usual tomorrow. Now that Yr 11 have completed their studies it will be possible to move classes around .

While I was looking at the news of the fire on the internet, I noticed this other headline.

Watch out, watch out there's a wheelie-bin thief out and about

Investigating further I discovered that a growing number of wheelie bins have been stolen from outside homes in my town. I was reading the list of roads that had suffered these thefts, quite confident that these were all roads around the town centre until that is I saw the name of the road where I keep my car an leave my wheelie bin on bin day.

Its a mystery tour

Walking down the footpath towards the road I can see my car, small and silver, nice and shiny except the plodge of bird muck high on the passenger window. It is parked in the layby at the end of the path looking all sparkly but it wasn't right. I shouldn't have been able to see it where I had parked it last night.



Getting in I had to adjust the seat as my short arms and legs were having to stretch more than is normal. Seat back in the right place I pull out of the layby then indicate right making sure there is nothing coming down the road on the left, you have to almost pull out into the middle of the road to see whats coming and the cars parked all down the other side don't help. Facing down the road now I see children playing on the grass between the church and the vicarage on the corner under the trees that line the railway cutting. Turning left and then almost immediately right my fourth turn in not much more than 100 yds. Onto the main road now, the one that I always think of as being a straight road for most of its 1.5 mile length but it actually has a lot of bends in it. In the mornings I turn left heading towards the north of the town then down onto the motorway but today I'm going right, over the railway bridge, as I pass the petrol station I notice that it is now £116.9 for unleaded and £130 for deisel.



It is only as my car begins to climb the slight hill that I realise that radio 1 is blasting out of my stereo. I can't be doing with this, depressing the small button I change it to my cd. Thats better now I have the song that some of the BB contestants had to sing during the Karaoke a couple of days ago. Total eclipse of the heart. Resisting the urge to sing along I swing my little car around a few more bends before reaching the traffic lights at the end of the road. Waiting for the lights to change thinking about the mystery. There can be no other explanation, parked in the wrong place, my seat moved, the stereo set to radio 1..............DC must have borrowed my car, but when and why. He has had the key for his car since wednesday evening so he has no reason to use mine. By the time the lights have changed one of my favourite songs has come on. Singing at the top of my voice now I am your lady this song always make me think of Romeo. I am his woman and he is my man, we're heading for something, somewhere I've never been.

Gliding down the hill towards the village where Shakespear spent much of his time, I notice that at the top of the opposite hill I can just see the roof nestled among the trees of the hotel that got hit by lightening the day before it was due to be full of tourist visiting The Festival of the Sea.

Arriving in the village to collect the child who rang me earlier because whilst climbing trees he ripped his trousers. Ripped his trousers!! ok I thought maybe a tear in the knee ot perhaps he has split the seam, but nothing prepared me for the sight that met me when I saw him. If his sports trousers hadn't been lined then he would have been completely exposed. It looked more like he was wearing a skirt with splits up the back and front. Guess who is going to be having a sewing lesson tonight.

being a mother is not so hot

What on earth made me think this would be a good thing to do?

I know that Giggle, trubl and Peach are all going through the traumas of pregnancy right now and for me those days seem so far away. But really is it the right thing to do. My mum has always (well for the last 20+ years at least) maintained that your children are a bigger worry when they are grown up than when they are little. As I am sure you are aware I have 4 little darlings and some days I just wish I could run away and leave them. Of course I am not going to do that but some days that is how I feel.

My youngest JA is 12 1/2 he is a typical boy going out on his bike having adventures with his mates (they all live in the village so life for them is more akin to my own childhood, with streams to fish and paddle in, trees to climb etc. He worries me because he has a very busy A road to cross (years ago there were a number of deaths on this stretch of road with pedestrians getting hit, it is much better now though). He either forgets to take his phone or it runs out of battery, so even when he has got credit he cant ring me and I cant tell him to come home for dinner. some times he doesn't go to school 'ill', as I leave the house before he gets up in the mornings I can't judge whether he really is ill. He has mechanical problems with his feet, not a huge problem but enough to make sport difficult for him. This is the extent of my worries for him. I am very lucky.

Next I have ET (it really was cruel of me to give him the middle name of Thomas) at 16 1/2 he is fairly tall but not over tall but very skinny. He currently has two more GCSE exams to take then he is finished. His school Prom is in two weeks then he starts college in September. He doesn't appear to do a great deal of revision although he says he does. He loves to chat on msn and myspace until the early hours with his friends. I don't like the loud noise that seems to involve a lot of screaming which he calls music. It is difficult to get him to do anything like washing up etc but when he does do it he does a good job of it.

He likes to go to either The City or The Other City on the train with his mates. He likes going to the cinema and he likes girls. He likes to party, he doesn't smoke or get upto anything he shouldn't do other than a little drinking, but surprisingly he doesn't over do it, apparently all those years of seeing his dad drunk have had a positive effect on him. He needs to earn money (he isn't afraid of work and most of his friends now have part time jobs). what he doesn't do is have the motivation to get a job. He has on several occasions walked around town handing his CV to store managers but that is all he has done. My biggest worry about him are that he hasn't got a job and I am damn sure I don't want him wasting all summer lazing around the house playing computer games all day every day.

Penultimately (unlike The Apprentice's Kevin on the special 'weakest link' that I saw last night I do know the meaning of the word) I have OJ. OJ at nearly 18 is a bit of a clever clogs. He has just had his last AS level exam yesterday. He has one more year at college where he is studying Pure Maths, Further Maths, ICT and Law. He then has plans to go to Uni and do a Maths degree (he is expected to get straight A's in all his exams). He is applying to go to Oxford. This week he received invites from two other Univercities offering him places to study Maths with them (he has not even considered applying to these but they have saught him out). He is thinking about Warwick and I forget which other if he doesn't get into Oxford or failing that Southampton has a good maths department by all accounts.

OJ is not interested in girls yet 'but I'm not gay'. He isn't often out socialising, although he does occasionally go to the cinema or out for a meal with his friends. He has a season ticket for the County Cricket ground. (This year I have only had to take them once as they now either go by train or in his mate H's car). He has joined an indoor soocer team which is every wednesday eve. He is very careful with his money. He is the man of the house these days, he will put up shelves etc if I need him to so thats something I won't need to do anymore.

OJ worries me because he will not put himself out to find work. Many of the part time jobs that young people do are he feels 'beneath' him. He won't work in a fast food outlet or push rolleys around. Everything anyone suggests he isn't interested in. He gets his EMA £30 a week which pays for his train fare to get to college and a bit of spending money. He says he doesn't need money. But I know that if he goes to Uni he will need some money to help him live, getting a job now will help him to save up for then.

Lastly I have DC who aged 20 is the bane of my life. The early years were a constant battle often ending up with me pinning him to the ground and sitting on him to keep him still. I think things improved when he had sleep problems when he was 8. I got very little sleep for a couple of months trying to help him to sleep until eventually my GP gave in and prescribed a sedative to knock him out at night. At the time I had a baby and two other young children. Over the following years our relationship was much better although he avoided me as much as possible when I was ill (he couldn't cope with his mum being very ill). The teenage years were fine unlike many families we didn't have the typical teenage battles. (In fact noof my three older boys have). Dc was my protector during the break up of my marriage, he protected me from assualt when his dad was in a mood often having to hit or push his dad away from me. I will always be greateful to him for this.

DC has never had any money sense, which means that although he earns almost as much as I do he can never afford to pay his keep let alone his share of the council tax. He is in a lot of debt, has a stupid bank account that wont allow him to use direct debit or standing order fascilities. He has to go to the bank to get money. He pays his car insurance £150 pm by direct debit from my bank. but he has to transfer the money first. This month he didn't the money left my account before he gave me cash. So I now have charges on my account for going over my overdraft limit to pay his debt. He has been to the bank a few weeks ago and now has anoother account which will allow him to use most ATM machines but he still can't use DD etc. A few weeks ago he lost the keys to his car, so suddenly my car is considered to be 'the Car'. He can't get to the bank easily. so why isn't he using his new account. because his salary was paid into the old account. why has he not arranged for it to be paid into the new account? because he hasn't got the new PIN, why has he not done anything about this?

'I have managed like this for months so get off my case'

When I got home from work yesterday I discovered that the toilet was blocked. Apparently DC (who had a day off from work as he was working today) had blocked it allowing the floor to get flooded and had just walked off to his girlfriend's house leaving it like that. The sink was also still full of the washing up I had asked him to do on Thursday. I tried several times to phone him but he was not answering my calls.If I ask him to do anything he usually promises to do it later but never does. On Thursday the Company he works for announced that it will be making 900 employees redundant. I think this may be a good time for DC to find a new job not necessarily here. During a conversation a while ago he said that if I kicked him out he would move to Brighton. The drummer of his band has a house there. I think this wold be a good idea for my sake if he did this now. I love DC and at times it is good to have him around but mostly he just causes me anguish. If he were not here he would not be costing me so much to keep and I would not be worrying about him so much.

Being a mother is sometimes something I wish I wasn't. I think this mother is going to have to push one of her chicks out of the nest before the relationship becomes too strained for both of us.