Sunday, 30 November 2008

why do weekends end too soon?

I would like to say I had a quiet lazy weekend especially after how tired I have been and knowing that the next two weekends are going to be very tiring. (next weekend I am going to visit Firebyrd with a few other bloggers I shall be driving up with Mei Del like I did last time.) The following weekend I am driving my mum up to visit my grandmother in the cotswolds. I took mum out for a trial drive today (the first time she has driven since her op). My grandmother will be 90 over the christmas holidays and still lives on her own, still drives short distances. I have decided to write a story for her for christmas probably about a little girl watching all the mischief that the occupants of a classy gift shop (such as the one y grandparents had when I as growing up) get upto at night. But I am also getting together a hamper of useful things for her including copy paper for her computer printer, washing powder etc. Things she would normally have to buy but will be able to save the money to spend on heating and food.

Saturday I did my six monthly turn my paper work out. I had to renew my car tax. My filing system consists of the envelope read it put it to one side to deal with later. Then after a few days scoop them all up and stow them in one of two drawers or a box in the corner of my bedroom. Then when I need something like when my tax is due I turn everything out on my bed until I find what I need. I always do find it eventually as I always keep everything for 6 years at least.

Having paid a few other bills (thats most of my xmas bonus gone already) I went to dee my mum before going shopping. My brother and family were there when I arrived, after they had gone we discussed what to buy my boys for xmas. I really don't know what to buy for any of them this year. Then I had to dash home to take JA to collect 2 of his friends who were staying over as it is JA's b'day tomorrow. My baby will be a teenager tomorrow.

I had decided to treat them to take away Pizza but first I still needed to go shopping for a few bits. While I was waiting for the pizzas I passed the time reading back over some of the romantic text messages Romeo has sent me (I couldn't help smiling). By the time I had shopped and bought pizza it was 8pm before I got back home.

Today has been a bit of a rush too. Taking the boys back home at 10 am as they were tres tired having not slept all night. Now I know what the bumps in the night were and when I thought someone had fallen down the stairs (I didn't investigate as I didn't hear anyone cry or scream etc). I managed to win an ebay auction for microsoft office 2003 for OJ for his laptop. before heading out to escort mum on her maiden drive. We collected OJ so that he could have a chat about Law with his learned (retired solicitor) granny while I headed off for a quick session at the gym. No problems this time. (I avoided the treadmill this week and made sure I drank plenty of water afterwards).

Back to mum's to join in the conversation with mum and OJ then drop OJ back home and gather up DC and off to the Shopping Outlet centre. Managed to buy some trainers for JA and also my secret santa gift for Firebyrd's party. By the time we got to Tesco it had closed 10 minutes earlier.

Next stop was the tres tres posh Golf and Country Club which DC wanted to join for it's gym. It is not far from his work and several of his work mates are members. He is now a Corporate Member (if I want to join I can join on his Corporate Membership because I am his mother and he still lives at home.) It was very impressive and I do like the idea of swimming by candlelight. The Bistro is quite inviting too. The sort of place I can envisage taking Romeo to eat. It is only £7.50 per month more than the gym I belong to which doesn't have a swimming pool or a Bistro. I do enjoy swimming so perhaps I shall treat myself to a change in the New Year.

I managed to get myself into a spot of road rage after leaving. Pulling up to a roundabout that appeared to be clear I shot out into the turning in time to see a car speeding towards me on my left. Ok I just had time to get out of his way but he was not happy, after blasting his horn for far too long he kept on my tail with his lights blazing trying to intimidate me. I just continued on my way with him following up close for a few miles, there were plenty of chances fro him to overtake but he didn't. He waited until another roundabout onto a busy A road before he came around me cutting me up. Upon reaching the bottom of the hill by the village he turned left back towards the way we had come which just told me that he would have got to his destination quicker had he turned off several miles earlier. DC says tht in my place he would have kept stepping on the brakes to make the prat slow down then he would have wound down his window and given them the finger. I just don't think it was worth the aggravation. So he didn't like me pulling out in front of him, so he had to slow down a little, but he hadn't reached the roundabout so I was safe. Get over it prat!!

I have been stooooopid tonight though. Because I really don't know what to buy for any of my boys this year, I can't buy clothes or music as I would get them wrong. I had a mini brain wave.
This is where you have to imagine the thought bubble over my head (I think I will get them a Wii they will be cheaer this year). So a quick visit to ebay find one for £150 which is just about to end and one for £170 also about to end. On impulse I bid on one that has 10 seconds to go. So now I have won a wii for £172. Now I am panicking!! have I bought this for them or me? They have never once said they want one, they are happy with their computers and PS3. Is it just me who thinks it would be good after all it was fun when I played on Trixie's wii with her and firebyrd. Plus I now realise this one doesn't come with any games. So I have been trawling ebay etc looking for games.

Now I must finish this as I have to wrap up JA's birthday presents ready for the morning.

Thursday, 27 November 2008


It has been busy at work this week, well not really busy it has been quite quiet as it is the last week of the month. But there is still lots to do catching up on the things we can't do the first three weeks of the month. I have found it particularly tough this week because I am still babysitting our newest colleague. She is making progress but it does still mean that I have to check her work as well as doiing mine. Our boss is away at Trade Show and yesterday BG was off sick and Bob is busy tying up loose ends clearing his desk ready for a weeek off work.

I have been so tired by the end of the day that it has been as much as I can manage to read a few blogs each night let alone write a post.

Yesterday I was so tired driving home that I could hardly stay awake which was scary. When I got home I lay down and slept until 8pm. When I woke up ET and OJ were standing over me, they had brought me a plate of sausages and the two end bits from a garlic bread stick. Before I woke up I was having a very vivid dream.

I had to drive overnight to see Rae where I would collect among other people SF's best friend from when I first met them (it was really the best friend I fancied not SF). Trixie and one or two others but I don't know who. I dropped Trixie off at her place then SF's friend at his place in Kent before going home in time to get to work. But I seemed to be worried about having such a short nap before I began my journey and I was wasting valuable sleeping time trying to work out how I was going to keep myself awake to drive so far during the night after a long day at work. How was I going to stay awake at work next day.

Obviously this dream was because I was so tired during my drive home from work. Although work has been tiring today I wasn't as bone tired as yesterday but I am still planning to have a well earned early night for a change.

I have not managed to get around to all my favourite blogs and those I have read I have not commented on all of them.

Monday, 24 November 2008


If anyone ever hears me saying I am going to the gym for heavens sake stop me.

Having gone to the gym a few sundays ago and being energised by the exercise I was more than a little shocked to have such a negative reaction to my latest visit.

Having sat on my bed chatting I found that when I tried to walk it was absolute agony, I could hardly put any weight on my feet. How could this be when my workout had been minimal.

After a little perserverance walking became easier. Having changed my bedding I settled down to watch a dvd. I was totally relaxed until once again I tried to walk around. It felt as though both my ankles had been crushed.

I went to bed worrying about how my legs would be in the morning. But luckily when I woke my legs were fine.

I am not sure why I had such a bad time as having only been to the gym once in recent months I tried not to over do it and go mad. All I did was 10 minutes on treadmill (5 minutes walking at a steady brisk walk followed by 30 seconds of fast walking then one minute of steady walking repeated for 5 minutes). Then onto the static bike 4 minutes of steady cycling followed by 6 minutes of 10 seconds fast and 20 seconds steady cycling. On another day I would have done double that without these problems.

I can only think it has something to do with a glitch at the start of my session on the treadmill. I tried to program in my weight so that I could monitor calories burnt off. Instead I was programming in the speed. Of course this was faster than I could comfortably manage so I quickly adjusted the speed.
I have sent Romeo a message telling him that it is all his fault. If he was here I wouldn't need to spend my sunday afternoons at the gym as I can think of a much better way to exercise on a sunday afternoon.

Friday, 21 November 2008

More on bits n bobs

Financial Boost

I had suspected that it might be on the cards but I wasn't banking on it. As I was leaving work a few days ago my boss caught me to say that I shall be getting a bonus with my November pay next week. I have to keep quiet about it though as neither of my colleagues will be getting the bonus (you have to be working there for a year to qualify). So now I know that I can pay off my water bill and buy a few things for my family at christmas. I am not going to go mad as I think my income is about to drop.

College Appointment

Today I had an appointment with ET at his college. The appointment was with a lady in the careers department. She tried to find out just what it was that made ET decide he doesn't want to carry on at the college. We now know that what he wants to do is get some training in web design which he now thinks he would like to study at another college nearer to home next september. In the mean time he needs to find a job or some kind of training. He has now signed the leavers form so has officially left college. This means that I will lose 1/3 of the tax credits I currently receive.

Cat Mess

We have had a stinky problem recently. Our cat who is now 11.5 has never really used a litter tray, it is quite something to see her crouched over a storm drain doing her business. Suddenly she began pooping in the corner of the livingroom behind the sofa where the old desk top computer lives. I don't know why she was doing this it seemed to be about once a day. It is times like this that show just what a bunch of wimps I have. Not one of them will entertain clearing up the mess, they prefer to put up with the stench until I clear it up. I was starting to worry that there might be something wrong with her but she does now seem to have stopped. She doesn't seem to have done it since last weekend.

Dating Site

As I mentioned a few days ago I have registered on a dating site. I am not seriously looking but having said that I have exchanged emails with a couple of men, one in particular.

Interests: music, walking, eating out
53 year old guy, kind, caring and romantic, looking for a caring, honest lady for a relationship. Fed up with being on my own. Time for something special in my life

we have exchanged at least one email each day this week.

There is another man slightly younger and just down the road in the city but I get the impression that he is a player or at least thinks he is a ladies man. very good looking for 50 but I don't think hes my type. But as I am not really looking for someone to meet that doesn't really matter. It's interesting to see who is out there locally though.


Over the last few weeks I have seen just how very important our friends are to us. I have been there for some of my friends when they have been in a bad place, but they have also been there for me when I ahve been in a bad place.

Hurrah for good friends even those who we have never met.


We have been getting a bit excited in the late afternoons in our office. In the last few days there have been some really impressive sunsets. So much so that the office digital camera was brought into action on wednesday afternoon. Thursday's sunset was even better. I have managed to get a couple of pictures on my mobile phone but can't seem to be able to transfer photos to my computer from my phone. Today BG who finishes work at 2.30 every day was staying until 4.30 so would still be there when the sun set. But it wasn't so good today, joking I said that it was because she was there. But blow me down with a feather no sooner had she left to go home than the sun set suddenly changed from mediocre to brilliant.

These two views were take from our office window on wednesday. The sunsets on thursday and Friday were even better though.

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Bits and bobs

I have been meaning to write a post on here about various bits and bobs for the last couple of days.

I have been meaning to write am email about bits and bobs ready to send to Romeo.

I couldn't decide whether to write the post or the email first so I didn't write either.

So now I am just letting you know I am still here, I am ok, I have quite a few things to tell you, but first I'm going to write a brief email to say that I will be writing a longer email tomorrow.

In the meantime here is a bullet list to remind me what I have to tell you about

  • boost in my finances
  • cat mess
  • appointment at college
  • sunset
  • dating site
  • friends

Sunday, 16 November 2008

from depression to being happier

Earlier I wrote about how numb I have been feeling for the last few days, since then I have been busier.

First of all I took some old bikes to the tip I don't mean my friends.

I cracked the whip and got my boys doing chores.

Then I had a chat with Rae who was concerned about me after my last post.

I am now feeling much more like myself.

I know some of you were worried that I was showing signs of depression. So here is a confession.

For years I was very susceptible to depression. In my early twenties I was clinically depressed. I had to give up my job as got closer and closer to the edge until I reached a stage where I didn't know how I was going to survive the next hour let alone the next day. My GP offered me anti depressants but I chose to ask for councelling instead. A councillor came to see me at home and we talked for about an hour and a half. We talked about all the things that had and were going on in my life. It was quite an impressive list of things some that I hadn't even realised I was depressed about. My depression wasn't just about the one or two major things that I was concerned baout but a whole host of smaller things too. But unfortunately this councillor was moving on to another area so I would have to see someone else.

The someone else never materialised, but just knowing that my myriad of problems had been acknowledged was enough to start my journey out of the depression. Years later my mum described me during those months as being like a black cloud on the end of the sofa. I would stay up half the night not wanting to sleep then in the morning not wanting to get up. There was even a point where I was so low that I wrote out a list of my belongings and who I wanted to have what. It was my intention to end my life as it was so worthless and everyone would be better off without me. I don't remember now 25 years later what the trigger was but I pulled back, I realised that my family would be devastated if I killed myself. I realised it would be an incredibly selfish act. I managed to get some part time bar work in a country pub where I knew the chef. This was my first step back to recovery.

A few years later I was a new mum living in a strange town in a house that had no phone or neighbours. I knew very few people, my partner was working all day leaving me at home with a young baby. Then his best friend from his school days came to stay along with his girlfriend. He had sold his home after his divorce and they were planning to got to Australia and New Zealand travelling for a year but needed somewhere to stay for a month (it felt more like a year). I did not get on with this woman. Again I became depressed, this time I acepted the anti depressants but it didn't take me very long to discard them. I hated the feeling that I was about 4" off the ground all the time. Nothing felt normal, it was just the weiredest feeling, so I just managed as best I could for the remaining weeks.

Over the next few years I became depressed a number of times. It was not easy to live with an alcoholic whilst caring for my young children. The debts, the lack of money, the insults, it all added up. But after a few years I woke up and realised that it was up to me to change the way I dealt with my life. That is when I made the decision to be happy. I decided that I would only ever be happy if I decided to be happy. That worked for a while. But I wasn't really happy, my decision hadn't made me happy it had stopped me from being miserable. Which in my book, considering the life I was leading was a positive move.

In the last 10 to 15 years I have had days when I have felt depressed but I have always managed to pull myself out of it within a few days. I have learnt that when I get depressed now I allow myself one or two days to wallow in it then I give myself a good talking to and take measures to bring myself out of it.

During that first big depression I discovered that I had got myself into that state because I had kept all my feelings buried deep inside. My lover had gone off saying he would be back in a few days. I didn't hear from him again until he came looking for me 11 months later. During those months I had stubbornly refused to allow myself to get upset until I knew what had happened, why the love of my life had gone off in the way he did without so much as a word. These days when I have any problems I talk about them.

ouch writing that last paragraph has just made me see why I get so worked up about Romeo when I don't hear from him when I expect to. But I know the situation now is so very different to the situation then.

I have also had a chat today which has made the situation with Romeo suddenly become much clearer. I won't go into details about that as I feel to do so would be very wrong of me. Just trust me.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that I appreciate your concern but I will be ok.


I am feeling numb from the inside out

It isn't because anything has happened

It just is

In a strange kind of way I feel absolutely fine. I am not in a state of anxiety. I feel that since I had 'that text' from Romeo a kind of pressure has been taken off me. I feel relaxed and my weekend headaches have been absent. I lie, I do have a slight niggly headache now but not like the ones I normally have. I think this one is partially due to the grim grey skies I see from my window but also the fact that I ahve been at my computer since woke up, yet I have achieved nothing.

I have been determined that I am going to the gym today yet I am sat here munching on a packet of biscuits.

It was my intention to get down to some serious writing this weekend, short stories, funny tales, it didn't matter as long as I wrote something. I have played globs on face book, I have played spider too which is something I tend to have on my desk top when I am writing. It may seem weird to you but when I am writing and get stuck I play a few hands of spider while I mull over what I want to write and gradually it comes together until I can click on the window containing the piece I am writing and just continue. I have looked as a few blogs but not nearly as many as I would normally read. I just don't feel inclined to do the things I normally do, which would be ok if I was doing other things instead.

Last night whilst chatting to Dani I decided to set up a profile on a dating site I had not looked at before, my hairdresser told me about it last week. It took me an age to come up with a new username that would convey the happy confident woman I usually am. But eventually I came up with a name that is different to any I have used before that suits me, Dani says she likes the name I chose. Thanks honey. I have exchanged emails with one man from the local city oh and Dani it might amuse you to know that the talking point was belly dancing.

But I don't feel any enthusiasm for any of it. I don't feel enthusiasm for reading or writing (two things I love to do apart from the obvious).

When I visited my mum yesterday she asked what was wrong and refused to believe me when I said nothing. I don't feel that there is anything wrong. I don't feel miserable or upset, I don't feel worried or anxious. But at the same time I don't feel full of the joys of life, I feel 'vacant'. The lights are on but nobody is at home.

This morning I had a chat with Aunty. Again she asked whats wrong and I said nothing she told me I was fibbing. Again I don't feel there is anything wrong, I just feel dead, numb, there is no significant feeling.

I am wondering if I have unconsciously shut down. I have tried to give Romeo space, I have only sent him the one email and the one text since I received his text 10 days ago. But in doing so I am denying who I am. It is my natural inclination to send him a text or an email at regular intervals. sometimes I am telling him how I feel,other times its something that has occurred in my life or maybe in the world. Sometimes its something sexy or cheeky or both. Not doing this is like having my right arm chopped off or tied behind my back. It has held me in check, but it has subdued me, I don't feel like myself at all.

Mentally I have given myself a date before which Romeo must show me that it won't always be like this. I can't go on like this indefinitely. I have told a couple of people that I am doing this but have not said the date I have given myself. I only hope that he will come through for me before his time is up.

In the meantime my mind is going into survival mode.

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

when enough is enough and what happens next

The aliens have been back again.
Only its my sons who have felt the force.
Last night my boys were going to visit their dad for dinner. He now has a flat in a refurbished block which used to be the local B& B used by the council for its homeless people, which means that he is still within easy walking distance but more importantly has somewhere that our boys can visit him.

I had worked through my lunch so was rather hungry when I got in from work. finding the house empty I set about cooking my dinner which consisted of vegetables being cooked in a wok. I ahd almost finished when I heard DC coming in. He complained that I had cooked my own dinner, he had planned to cook for both of us. Apparently he hadn't wanted to have dinner with the others but had driven them there.

It seems that when he visited Charlie over the weekend the two of them had done some experimental cooking which he wanted to try out at home. But as I had already made my dinner he would cook for all of us tonight. I am wondering what has come over my newly domesticated eldest son. Earlier ET had begun to tackle the mountain that is the clean laundry mountain in the dining room.

This evening I phoned DC whilst I was in Asda before tackling the motorway, he had just been shopping for the food he needed to cook dinner (4 chicken pieces) I think he has forgotten there are 5 of us. when I got home ET has now tackled most of the laundry mountain. He had also washed up including all the pots and pans (with encouragement from DC).

There is a reason why ET has suddenly started doing more about the house.

He has decided that enough is enough.

If you were hoping from the title of this post that I had reached the end of the road with Romeo then I can only apologise.

ET has decided that he isn't going to go back to college. He wants to quit. He says he isn't enjoying college or any of the subjects he is studying. We went through all this 2 weeks into the term, but at that point I was able to persuade him to continue. I got the impression he had settled better and it was ok. But he says it had got better for a while but now he hates it.

We sat up talking until 1.30am on monday night. He wants to get an apprenticeship, very good but he wants to design computer games. I think he has a serious problem here. so we need to look at all his options. He knows that he can't just do nothing, he knows that if he is not in education I will lose 1/3 of the benefits I get at the moment so he needs to earn enough to give me that amount of money.

I am at a loss as to what is his best option. What I do know is that I will not allow him to think quitting college is the easy option. I ahve made it clear that he won't be staying up late playing computer games then staying in bed all day. He has to go to bed at a reasonable time and I shall get him out of bed early in the mornings, he will have a routine in his day. He will do chores around the house. He will go to the local connexions office at least 3 times a week. He will spend time each day trying to find something that suits him and at the same time earns him money. any suggestions will be gratefully received.

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Holding out my hand

During my round of blogs this evening I visited alex & suze, I used to be a regular reader of theirs and have recently started reading them again. Tonight Suze was sharing this clip from youtube. How could anyone male or female not adore the yummy John Barrowman. Listening to his song I made a decision.

I have been thinking about this for a few days, I have been trying to wait until the end of the week but I am going to do this tonight. I feel that the message from this song is telling me this is the right time. I am going to send a text to Romeo apologising for making him cross. Now there is no need to get on your high horse, I am not saying sorry, I am not apologising for what I did, I am only apolgising for making him cross. I have always believed that no matter who is in th wrong you should always say sorry. I am stopping short of saying sorry but you get the idea. I am holding my hand out to the man I adore, I just hope he won't take too long before he takes my hand in his

Sunday, 9 November 2008

Aliens have landed and I have the proof

I was only being flippant the other day when I said that my body had been taken over by aliens.

Now though I know it is true
I must have been abducted by aliens and returned but not quite back to my normal self.
If you don't believe me let me tell you the evidence I have and believe me theres plenty of evidence.

First there was the Romeo drama, his hurtful text that had me crying (out of character for me)
I could so easily have given up on him at this point but I am too stuborn, I feel that this may have even made me love him even more than before........don't you tut

That was just the start of the strange character changes. I have never been one to cry but I certainly did on Thursday evening and Friday morning, but I feel stronger now than before.

Then today there was more evidence that I have been taken over by some kind of alien being.
I woke up this morning with a headache, (last week was the first time I have gone a whole weekend headache less for ages) I took some tablets and went back to sleep, when I woke again the headache was gone. Normally they last most of the day.

Not impressed yet?

There is more.................

I collected all the books that were stacked in various corners of my bedroom and took them downstairs to fill the book shelf I emptied two years ago when I was taking everything I could find to sell at a bootsale held every sunday in the grounds of a localish secondary school just to raise money for food and petrol. Those were the really bleak days after my divorce. ( I have come a long way in the last two years but still have a long way to go before I can say I have got there).

This afternoon I did my usual mid afternoon dash to Asda to buy food for the next few days, I never buy for a week as my boys (gannets all) would eat it all and I would still have to buy more. I treated myself to bean shoots, thai sauce and other fresh ingredients that I never buy. The wok will be working over time this week. (if this isn't evidence that I have been taken over by some strange being then I don't know what is).

After Asda I stopped off at mother's and without even sitting down I grabbed her car keys and took her car for a much needed spin, it had been sat on her drive way for over 3 weeks. When I got back there was a cup of tea waiting for me. We chatted for a while and I brought down two baskets of dirty laundry for her. I didn't stay too long with mum as I wanted to get to the gym.

Yes thats right the gym. Every week I tell myself I will go to the gym and every week I have a reason not to go, headache or too busy or too tired. So I am really pleased with myself for going. I told myself I would do 20 minutes on the bike I don't want to go mad on my first visit for months. Ha what was I thinking, 15 mins on the cross trainer followed by 15 minutes on the bike later I set off home. See I told you I have been taken over by a strange being.

Arriving home I carry all of the shopping inside in one go (normally I would have taken two trips). By now it is raining hard again and I am in my cut off rousers and vest top. Having taken the shopping in I return to my car to put it away, knowing there is a car parked in my space I am planning to park in the space where DC's car is most days. But in those few minutes someone has parked there. So I parked on the other side of the road to my normal spot outside PB's house. As I got out of my car I ran across the road waving to PB and her b/f who had just got into his car, that must have been a shock to her seing me run for the first time in the 11 years she has known me. I even ran all the way up the footpath to my garden path and upto my door. I never runand if I do its only a few steps. Do you need more evidence than that I ask?

You do oh ok then, instead of collapsing in my normal heap to recover my exertions, I set about a mountain of washing up then cleaned my kitchen!!

Now I might be the goddess of flirting, I might be a funny old bean, but one thing I am not and never have been and I doubt I ever will be, is a domestic goddess.

So have I convinced you that my body has been taken over by someone or something that is not me?

Friday, 7 November 2008

Window window why won't you close

ok so I have a day off today (just when I needed it that was lucky)
I thought I would have a lie in, take a nice hot shower, sort out my bedroom (move bed etc) ready for window man to arrive.

08.05 hes banging on the door to be let in. I'm not dressed (throw on some trousers and jumper) there are piles of clothes and books on my bed. Quickly remove the empty bottles that are lined up under the window (only non alcoholic wine but still doesn't look good). There is no way that the window will shut the hinges are all either buckled or broken. Apparently they are pyramid hinges (see I learn new things all the time). It is probably going to be another three weeks before he can fit me in, plus a couple of weeks to book the work in. I'm looking at 5 weeks (it should be done before christmas). He could have taken the window off its hinges and secured it shut. But I would rather have a draft for 5 more weeks than no air for that long.

I have just been drafting an email to Romeo, I shall probably wait a day or two before I send it. I want to make sure I say exactly what I want to say rather than a knee jerk reaction to a text I got from him yesterday. Before you go jumping to conclusions it wasn't a 'dear John' or whatever the female version is. I won't go into details suffice to say that he hurt me. I don't think that was his intention, he was cross with me and let me know it. But on the plus side at least I know he is still alive after 4.5 weeks of nothing.

I do think it was very timely that I got his text last night when I can stay home this morning licking my wounds instead of going to work and being all bright and breezy when all I want is to cry. (has an alien taken over my body? I don't do crying so why now?)

Thursday, 6 November 2008


My shower works again

I can stand in my shower and let the water flood over me taking my tears with it

Monday, 3 November 2008


Saturday I got wet.

Saturday my mum had decided that she wanted me to drive around with her as I delivered packages to various people from the groups she belongs to. The idea was that I would call round mid afternoon and be her delivery service, a chance for her to get out of the house for a while. I would drive her car as it has been stood on her drive not moving for 2 weeks.

That was the intention, this is what happened.

A lie in for me as I lay on my bed listening to the wind and rain. Eventually I made myself move and had a long hot bath, the water was too hot, I felt a little off colour from the heat. Finally I forced myself to dry my hair before venturing out into the bad weather. OJ and ET insisted I drive them to thier dad's for dinner. (nobody had told me about this). JA had already gone on his bike. DC was finishing his game then having a bath before driving to his dad's place to join the rest of them.

Having walked down the path to my car my hair is damp and windswept. Arriving in the road where my mum lives I drive around the block twice before parking across her drive. There just isn't anywhere else to park. So we have to go out in my car, I don't have a problem with that. As I am helping mum into my car I am getting steadily wetter. I drive back to my side of the town where I am delivering the first package. Now if I was delivering something to one of my friends/aquaintances in this weather it would be a quick drop off. But not this time, I find myself face to face with an immaculately dressed lady who wans to know how mum is. I am now past smoothing my hair into my chosen style. Next its a stop in the next road, a bigger package and a message to pass on. I am about to give up on the lady of the house and attempt to push the package through the letter box. When the door opens. As I stand there dripping in the rain she explains that she had been upstairs. Explanation over she then goes on to ask me how mum is, from her relatively dry hall as I continued to stand in the rain talking to someone I don't know as she waves wildly towards my mother who isn't even looking.

Next stop the letter box, thankfully it doesn't want to ask how mother is.

Another stop and I'm invited to step inside where I chat to the kindly gentleman who ferried mother to the Dr's and later back to the Hospital on Friday for the removal of stitches - but thats another story. Both him and his wife don coats and a large brolley to come out in the rain to speak to mum and tell her the tale of the president's sister fainting during Thursday evening's Dinner in a local Hotel. But thats another story.

Next back to mother's for a cuppa and a chance to dry off a little. Once I had dried out a bit I set off to Asda to buy essentials for the weekend. Again I got wet!! But as I meandered around at leisure just buying a few items instead of a half weekly shop (I don't do a full weeks shop the boys eat it all ). OJ rang me from home, it seems they had returned home to rain in the kitchen.

Someone had left the bathroom tap running, the basin had overflowed and water was cascading through the kitchen ceiling. OJ seems to be more intent on finding out who is responsible than in mopping up the bathroom floor to prevent more water ending up in the kitchen. Numerous towels later and the heating on full blast the floors and ceiling now appear to be dry, there is no ominous bulge in the kitchen, so I am hoping there has been no lasting damage.

Today I was expecting the arrival of an electrician to find out why our shower is not working. Mid afternoon I received a call on my phone (which I had stowed in my cleavage to free my hands as I visited the warehouse). The electrician was in Reading of all places and wouldn't get to us today as there had been an accident on the motorway. I have now accepted an appointment for him to come on Thursday (he couldn't come Friday with the 'window man'). But I did manage to confirm that Window man is booked for Friday morning.