Thursday, 10 April 2008


I spent my last £5.00 on petrol to get to work this morning. The gas to keep the house warm ran out on Monday. By this morning we only had 1pint of milk left. SF had promised the boys he would take them out and treat them to lunch today as it is not only his day off but also payday. Oh that’s good when they see him he can pass on the money he pays towards their food.

When I get home from work I found that the boys have not seen their father, other than a brief few minutes early in the morning to check my baby’s bicycle to make sure it is working properly. My baby and his new senior school friends have been riding to the beach every day this week approx 4 miles. At this rate he will soon lose some of the weight he has gained since giving up playing football due to his foot problems. So no money for food or anything. Ok we will just have to get by until the morning when I get my Child Tax Credits, that just about covers the rent and a few other bits but not much.

Luckily during the evening SF rings the boys to talk about seeing them on Saturday now!! Why does he always do this? At least now the boys have got used to being let down they don’t take it so personally. I tell him that I need money to buy heat and food. He tells me to collect him from his new home, drive him to ATM then take him home again. This all takes about 20 minutes. He reeks of cigarette smoke, I had almost forgotten what that was like. He hands me the £100.00 for the boys food for a month (it’s the school holidays they eat that much in a week!!). He also gives me another £20 ‘as it’s your birthday’. But eeewww I had to suffer a kiss for that. I managed to escape with just a sloppy peck that left me feeling dirty with a wet smear on my cheek beside my mouth. Desperately, wanting to wipe my face clean, without appearing unkind. Why does he want to kiss me these days? He was never interested in kissing during the 19 yrs we were a couple.

Once I had dropped him off I went to but some Gas, petrol and milk. To my astonishment there was a young woman in the shop who I had passed on my way there. She had with her a pushchair with a child not much more than a year old and another a girl of about 4 dressed only in pyjamas. This was 8.30pm on a cold night. The mother was chastising the little girl for crying demanding to know why she was crying and telling her to wipe away the tears. The poor little mite must have been frozen; I think I would have wanted to cry if I had to walk any kind of distance in my pyjamas when it was so cold. Both children were given a finger of fudge to keep them quiet while the mother purchased a pack of beer. I was full of all sorts of emotions about this.

My first reaction would be to make sure that the child was not suffering unnecessarily. The second is a fear of interfering in a situation that I know nothing about. I have no idea how far they had walked or how far they had to walk to get home. I have no idea why the mother had brought these children out on a cold night, why the little girl did not have on a coat or gloves, why she was crying. I do not know what I could have done. If I had tried to phone any of the authorities, who should I phone and what could I tell them. I didn’t know who this family were or where they live. By the time anyone could have arrived they would have been long gone.
Had it just been the child and her mother I could perhaps have offered them a lift home. I couldn’t have got that huge pushchair in my car, but I did contemplate offering to try.

These episodes of suffering for whatever reason reinforce my sense of well being and knowledge that no matter how bad things become there are many out there who are so much worse off than I am.

Only a half day at work tomorrow as I had planned to pamper myself in readiness for seeing Romeo in the evening but now thatisn't going to happen I have been requested to present myself at my mother's house in the afternoon. I am hoping with everything I have in me although I am not holding out much hope, that I will get a phone call from Romeo. He has surprised me the last few nights by chatting online just as I was about to go to bed. But as yet I have not heard from him tonight and now it looks unlikely that I shall ge to chat to him as even if he gets online I won't be here........................Taxi was the call in my ear just minutes ago so a drive into the City is now imminent as the last train was apparently leaving the station as DC arrived there!!! He will never learn.


VBF! said...

Oh! It breaks my heart when I see Mothers neglecting their children! I have seen many cases where children have been made to wait in the car while their parents are in the pub getting shit faced! So sad!! xx

DJ Kirkby said...

Good morning. I hope you enjoy your half day pampering, I will be in an all day meeting, trying to stay awake! Look out the window, don't you think the sky is a scary strange colour?!

Emma said...

I have an ex that insists on kissing me full on every time he sees me.....arghhhh I hate it too, why do men think you like these things when it doesn't do anything for you anymore.

I must admit kissing is a good relationship test for me, if you just do it for the sake of it, get out!!

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