I have been thinking about conversations
conversations that make me smile
conversations full of lust
conversations that make me cringe
conversations that make me think
conversations that make me deceitful
Percy wrote a post about Teasing, flirting and Seducing. He talked about the difference between the three. This got me thinking about how I behave.
I have always enjoyed teasing my friends. They in turn tease me too.
I have discovered that I enjoy flirting on the phone or online, I take my teasing to another level by being suggestive in my teasing. I have often referred to my job as being paid to flirt. I find it easy to flirt on the phone or online because the person I am flirting with can't see me. He can imagine me to be the perfect sexual woman in his eyes, but more than that I can pretend in my own mind that I am sexy.
Some of my customers flirt with me, Garfield makes lewd suggestions, his conversations are very sexual. Sometimes he gets so involved in this that he forgets the reason he rang in the first place. It is just banter between two people who have met through work, he tells me what he likes, he asks me what I like, sometimes his conversations get too intrusive and I have to tell him that I am not having this conversation. I have noticed recently that I have become uncomfortable with these conversations. It isn't because he makes me uncomfortable, it is because I am changing. Where I had found these conversations amusing I now find them more distatesful. I feel that by having these chats I am being disrespecting of the man who holds my heart.
Earlier in the week I was chatting with Lotto. He told me how much he had enjoyed seeing me last week. He told me how he had wanted me the moment he saw me. I smile to myself as I remember that it hadn't been obvious but then Lotto is good at hiding his desires. Either he is very good at acting cool or I just wasn't looking for the signs. He asks me if I wanted him as soon as I saw him, I am not sure how to answer. I don't want to lead him on by saying yes, but equally I don't want to hurt him by saying no, so I avoid giving a straight answer.
Earlier in the week I had an unexpected chat with Thomas aka My Knight. He is so gorgeous and sexy and unexplicably he desires me as much as I desire him. But our lustathon has changed. we both lust after the other but now he knows my heart is Romeo's. We talk about the impossibility of monogamy. I assert my belief that I can and will be monogomous. It was never a problem for me in the past so I don't believe it will be now. He doesn't believe he would be faithful even if he was getting what he wanted at home. During our conversation it becomes evident that our conversations in the future will never be the same again. How could they be, we have always been so liberal with our expression of lust for each other. I can't do that now and he doesn't expect it. From now our comunications will be friendly but much more chaste than in the past.
Talking to Garfield, Lotto and Thomas has made me realise that I don't feel comfortable talking so intimately with any man other than Romeo.
This brings me to seduction, Romeo is the only man I want to seduce, he is the only man I want to be seduced by. In a way the last few months have been a mutual seduction for us. Long may this continue
I know that many men like Ron wil disagree with me, that talking dirty with anyone other than Romeo is a betrayal, but I am looking at it this way, as harmless banter it is fun but I know I would not be happy if I thought Romeo was talking dirty with other women so I won't do it with other men anymore.
“Doing” a Doctorate – week 36
1 day ago