I really do not understand what goes through his head if anything at all.
What the hell can he be thinking of when he does this?
Last night I fell asleep on the sofa writing my post about my fears regarding meeting Romeo at long last. Work is still hectic, although I was banned from doing the day to day work so that I could concentrate on my Scotland project. Romeo was texting me on and off through out which was nice. But at the end of the day I was tired and yet again I fell asleep with my laptop on my knees.
I woke up at around 1.30am then after a quick visit to the bathroom thought I would finish writing my post before going to bed. The TV was still on as DC had left it after watching Saving Private Ryan again. I became engrossed in watching something called 'Bones'. when a chat window opened up asking me what I was doing? ..........watching tv. LV had also not long ago woken up. We chatted for a while, I had finished my post by this time. I fell asleep again and woke up when my alarm went off in my handbag (I use the alarm on my mobile). so finally at 5.50am I went to bed.
I woke at 9am but dozed off again for a while before pottering around having a lazy morning. When I decided it was time to go shopping I had a shock........
walking down the footpath towards the road I couldn't see my car!!
I knew that DC had gone out earlier, but his car was still parked in the road. It didn't take long before I was on the phone to ask him wtf he was playing at. I figure he thought he would save fuel by using my car. The other lads confirmed that they thought he had gone to the gym so that means at least an hour but he had been gone for a while already.
By 4pm I still hadn't heard from him even though I had called his mobile several times. It was either in the locker or he had left it in the car. He very rarely answers his phone when I call him. I rang princess (his g/f) to see if he had gone to visit her after she finished work. But she didn't know where he was either.
Finally he turned up at about 4.45pm I was soooo not impressed. I asked him where he had been........
'to the gym'
'not for 3 hours you haven't . .............we have been waiting over 2.5 hours to go shopping '
'oh I went into town on the way back'
'so what was going through your mind when you took my car without asking and you had no idea what my plans were'
'sorry'
He wouldn't tell me what he thought he was doing just kept saying sorry and laughing. I have told him that his penance is to wash up everything in the kitchen. (they are always arguing over the washing up and it just gets stacked higher and higher until I give in and do it). I then took JA shopping with me. Whilst we were there I decided to treat us to the mini haagen dazs. There is an offer of 4 for £5 so I bought one each for myself, JA,ET and OJ not for DC he doesn't deserve any. Oh and before I went out I put his car keys in my handbag along with the spare keys to my car. .......petty maybe but he makes me so cross sometimes and he doesn't take it seriously. Everything is just a big joke to him the selfish boy that he is. I know he is 20 now but he doesn't behave much like a responsible adult.
Yet again I feel that I am getting close to telling him he has to move out. He has been told that he is on the at risk list at work for those likely to be made redundant in September. Has he done anything about looking for another job no .............he will wait until he has no job and his redundancy money (he's lucky his company are paying him anything as he hasn't been there 2 years) has run out. He is a lovely lad but he thinks of no one but himself and his band. He is certainly the most selfish out of my boys. I really don't understand him. I know I sometimes do selfish things but I do at least think about how it will affect others before I do it
. I am not sure that he even thinks about how his actions affect anyone else.
. I am not sure that he even thinks about how his actions affect anyone else.
10 comments:
I had to comment on this, as i have a teen son, and he seems to be possessed of the same Myopic vision. I wish I understood where there brains are at, why they think the whole world is either"about them" or "out to get them". He has a wonderful personality, and a sweetness to him, but some days, I could shake him.
Hope it helps to know that boat has another mom in it as well...
*hugs*
I don't know how to comfort you, though I wish I did.
Frighteningly enough, I do tend to have times like this with both SPB and Crazy...
If I would suggest anything, pack your bags, cut off all amenities, leave no spare cash for re-stocking the food supply, remove ALL transport options (ie; take ALL car keys!), check all critters into a reputable kennel, and take a very looong holiday, leaving absolutely NO contact details.
Scare the be-jebus out of all of them as to what life without mum-the-maid would be like!
xoxo
there was a stage when i slept with my car keys and urged the darling to do the same - i can't tell you the feelings that provoked - i felt so awful about not being able to trust my own son! - i like to think i'd be different about it if he had his own insurance, but he doesn't and is definitely not insured to drive anyone else's car but his own as he's only a named driver on his dad's policy.
This is the same nettle as the one that according to my newspaper David Cameron is declaring his intention to grasp. Namely that boys without paternal discipline of some kind are wild, merely through the natural exercise of their developing masculinity.
There was a time when "correction" - corporal punishment - was still possible to administer. I am not criticising its banishment, just observing. Then there was National Service (which I am just young enough to have missed) which delegated the correction to sergeant-majors. There was Public School for the rich and Borstal for the delinquent poor. For the deserving poor - to use a Victorian expression - there was starting to work in the factory or down the mine at the age of 14.
Human nature, including motherlove, has not changed. But society has.
In history or contemporaneous fiction we learn that young officers, dandies and undergraduates behaved just as thoughtlessly as teenagers and young adults today, when their social status entitled them to a freedom denied to the less fortunate of their generation.
In other cultures - India, Africa, Malaysia for example - a boy will grow up keen to learn the skills of his father and uncles, with teenage rebellion not visible. Or perhaps this is also past. But then, his father and uncles, in parts of Africa would have the exciting hobby of stealing cattle from the next tribe. Or in parts of Borneo (now Malaysia) the older men's sport would be headhunting - again something to inspire a boy.
I would suggest that preaching and nagging will be counter-productive and that you merely need to protect yourself. Hide the keys, impose sanctions proportionate to the crime, so long as he is still moved to obey you. At worst chuck him out.
And console yourself it could be much much worse than it is.
Sorry thanks for dropping in. It does help to know that other mum have sons who behave the same way.
trubl I am sorely tempted to move out for a week or more to se how they cope.
mei I have been through a time where i slept with my phone but never my car keys. I had hoped that I could trust him but he has proven me wrong.
vincent I think I need to hire a sergeant major but in the meantime keys are put away and he will receive my written warning that he is on his last chance before he gets kicked out.
I know what you are going through. Selfishness and thoughtlessness seems so be a characteristic of that age. As far as our particular youth is concerned, he seems to be coming out of that phase and the change in has been almost tangible from day to day. So take heart, it surely is just a phase. You need him to know that, whatever happens, you still love him even if sometimes that implies 'tough love'.
thanks FC I knew you would understand.
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