Friday, 18 July 2008

My slight reservations

Anyone who has been reading my blog for any length of time will know that I adore my Romeo. Having found each other on a dating site back in February we both had high hopes for a relationship between us.

Unfortunately he is incredibly dedicated to his own businesses (global) which has meant that he has spent the majority of the last few months abroad. On those occasions when he was in UK it was either for a meeting of one of the Companies he is a Director of, or between flights. Never quite long enough to arrange to see me. It would be so much easier if he was an employee he would be able to book time off from his work. But as he owns his own businesses he feels an obligation to his employees to make his Companies run as well and efficiently as he can. He feels he has to ensure that their clients have whatever they want which in many cases is 'the best' (him). Some of his cases have sudden emergencies and some continue far longer than predicted at the start. Plans change at short notice. He can tell me that he is flying out to Israel next day but next day he has gone nowhere as he is off to Iceland the next day instead. He can be in Berlin one day and Thailand 2 or 3 days later. It is not an easy life but it is one that he loves because he loves his work. But a big draw back is the constant tiredness due to regular jet lag or late night meetings followed by breakfast meetings or dawn flights.

A few days ago he returned from his latest trip to the southern hemisphere, a trip that lasted a mere 5 days, so his jet lag has been bad. the following few days we had a lot of email, text and IM , between him falling asleep and me working. Since then he has got back into catching up with business matters. But he has still found time to text me even if it was one text between meetings. He is trying to work it out so that we can finally meet for the first time.

We have not talked about what we expect from each other or the future, first we need to get past this first meeting. We both feel that personality wise we know each other well. We agreed months ago that even though we both feel as though we have had several dates already. We know each other's personality better than if we had met in real life and had a few dates.

Romeo is always so positive that everything will be good. Back in April he told me that he wanted to delete his profile from the dating site but didn't seem to be able to. Neither of us have used the site since March, but recently he told me that he has managed to delete his profile, he was fed up with getting messages from other women although he had not been active on the site for a few months. He wanted me to go onto the site to make sure I couldn't find his profile, if it was still there he would sue the site. (That must be his legal training coming out in him again).

Romeo tells me that I am the only woman he wants. He doesn't even want to receive emails from anyone else let alone meet anyone else.

According to Romeo, I am a lovely sexy woman.

'how do I tell you that ou have a really great sexy mind and a body to match, You look so sensual.'

It is great that he feels this way about me but I do worry that reality won't be as good as his imagination. I don't have any doubts that I am good enough for him, regardless of the vast difference in our lives. In one of our first telephone conversations he told me that he had done the 'trophy wife' bit, now he wants a real woman............... (Thats a relief as I am certainly not 'trophy wife' or even 'footballer's wife' material).

Back in about March I bought a set of new lingerie which I promised to save until such time, he is able to help me out of it. It is still in my lingerie drawer. We have an agreement that we will not sleep together the first time we meet no matter how much we think we know each other. No matter how much our desires for each other may be stirred.

Today whilst I was at work Romeo was texting me as he travelled to a meeting. some of these text were as follows.

'so flirty, teasy, likes to tell me how to do things but also sligtly submissive in the right context. mmmmmmmmm my kind of woman xxxxxxx'

'know so, keep drawer with delightful lingerie on alert for immediate use xxxxxxxx'

This is where the slight reservations or as cheeky dani would call it 'freak out' come into play . I know that we are good for each other. I know that being with him could be very good. But what I do worry about is my figure. He has seen pictures of me, he tells me that I am an attractive woman. He knows that I don't have a perfect figure, I told him that my body is beautiful because it tells its own story, its bumps and lumps that tell of the ravages of mulitple pregnancies and devastating cancer. He tells me that he doesn't mind what my body is like, it is the person inside the body who matters to him. I try to remain positive and not voice my fears that he will take one look at me and wish the floor would swallow him up. Every time that I say we could be good he counters with .........he knows.

I adore him and want him but I worry that he will reject me when we finally meet and now it is starting to look like it could be very soon.

I know that many men are not put off by my figure so why should he be but I also know there are ther men who would not touch my body with a barge pole.

One thing I will do though is let him decide for himself.


cheekydani said...

Oh honey, I completely know where you're coming from. Please don't worry yourself (though I know it is easier to say this than do it) but my experience has been that when it comes down to it, no man has a perfect body either! And in fact if they did, I'd be concerned because they're clearly spending too much time fussing over themselves to be of real value to me or you. x

Mei Del said...

this worrying about one's body always reminds me of a scene in Alice a woody allen movie where mia farrow says to a potential lover (joe mantegna) i look better lying down! yep been there - i always think fred drew the short straw in the case of my body!

nitebyrd said...

LIR, I know exactly what you mean. I'm not a model by any means. I have spider veins, cellulite and scars. But ... the men that know "me", my mind, my body and person, all tell me I'm beautiful. The ones that don't care for me because I don't look like a Playboy Bunny are the ones who are missing out.

I believe that Romeo will find you beautiful and sexy, because you are. Not just your body but your whole self!

Trixie said...

Oh I think you two will be right when finally meeting. But I do understand what you mean. x

Lady in red said...

cheeky dani I think I would worry too if they had a perfect body too.

Lady in red said...

Mei I am sure fred doesn't think he drew the short straw

Lady in red said...

nitebyrd thank you I think you are right. I sent Romeo an email explaining my hang up. We have just been chatting on IM and he didn't mention it just told me how much pleasure he wants to give me.

Lady in red said...

Hi trixie I do think we will be alright, its just this niggle that gets in the way. I don't like my body so don't expect anyone else to.

Rae!xx said...

I think we all suffer from the body thing, I am sure he will love you for the special person you are...xx

Lady in red said...

Rae thank you as always, it is just that initial meeting that I worry about, I always do when meeting people for the first time who ever they are. Once I know they accept me as I am, then I can relax and be myself.

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