Wednesday, 16 July 2008

these old songs

Driving home from work today absent mindedly singing along to classic soul I found myself paying attention to the lyrics of this song. It got me thinking about lack of respect. How men who treat their women like this have no respect for either woman. But worse, how women who allow their man to behave like this have no respect for themselves. But the worse thing of all is that I have been one of these women.



When I met N, he was the first new man in my life for 20 years. I thought he was wonderful, after all I had been trained to believe that no man other than my husband would ever want me, and I was lucky that he put up with me. N made me feel good, for the first time in 19 years I felt sexy again. He wanted to prove to me that I meant more to him than just sex, but he was already seeing someone else. (She knew about me from the start but still got involved with him). By the time I found out about TB (the bitch) he had been seeing her behind my back for a month. N doesn't drive (medical reasons) he lives about half an hour away from me and TB about 1.5 hrs away. She would take him to her home where he would be stuck until she took him home (which was often 2 or 3 weeks), at the end of that time he would call me up, tell me he was finished with TB and only wanted me. Just when I thought everything was going well between us he would be off with her again. I should have told him to get lost but I didn't. I thought I loved him, he always told me that it was really me he wanted, but she had some kind of power over him. He always said that I was the nice one and she ........well she just wasn't.



Anyway the three of us carried on in this way for too many months. Him living with her for 2 or 3 weeks then being with me for a couple of weeks. Until the time came when I took a stand, he hurt me badly and on this occasion he said something that I just couldn't forgive. I punched him as hard as I could muster in my fury before driving off into the heat of the day. Later I went back mainly to see if I was still angry, but using the excuse of making sure that he had deleted every photo he had of me from his computer. (yes he was the one who started me off with the photos). He didn't want me in his flat as TB was there, I had always insisted that I never wanted to meet her, I didn't want to be friends with her. I was adamant that he prove to me he had deleted the photos. months later he told me that he had never seen me so angry and that if I had been like that more often he would never have gone off with her. (He couldn't cope with me being nice all the time).



Looking back now I can see that he didn't have any respect for either of us. He was just playing us both off one against the other.



I've known of your
Your secluded nights
I've even seen her
Maybe once or twice

But is her sweet expression
Worth more than my love and affection ?
But this time before you leave my arms
And rush of to her charms
(Think it over) Haven't I been good to you ?
(Think it over) Haven't I been sweet to you ?

Stop! In the name of love
Before you break my heart
Stop! In the name of love
Before you break my heart
Think it over
Think it over

I've tried so hard, hard to be patient
Hoping you'd stop this infatuation
But each time you are together
I'm so afraid I'll be losing you forever

Stop! In the name of love
Before you break my heart
Stop! In the name of love
Before you break my heart
Stop! In the name of love
Before you break my heart


However later this evening I heard this song which is more in keeping with the way I feel these days. As I was sat half watching BB whilst writing this post with my laptop perched on my knee while I lounged on the sofa at the end of a long day, a chat window opened. It is a very long time or so it seems since this window opened. It was the lovely Romeo. He only had a few minutes to chat as he was about to take an international call from a client. I didn't mind that he only managed to chat for matter of minutes. It was yet another example of how much closer we have become in the last 10 days but more especially in the last 4 days. All these months I have tried to be patient with him. I always felt since the beginning that he was worth waiting for. finally I believe my patience is paying off and I shall soon know if I was right to believe in him for so long even though we had not met. during the months since Feb I have listened and sung along to many songs but this one song has been a constant reminder that you can't rush it. Patience in this case has certainly proven to be a virtue.



I need love, love
To ease my mind
I need to find, find someone to call mine
But mama said

You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love dont come easy
Its a game of give and take


You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
You got to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

But how many heartaches
Must I stand before I find a love
To let me live again
Right now the only thing
That keeps me hangin on
When I feel my strength, yeah
Its almost gone
I remember mama said:


You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love dont come easy
Its a game of give and take


How long must I wait
How much more can I take
Before loneliness will cause my heart
Heart to break?


No I cant bear to live my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that i, I cant go on
These precious words keeps me hangin on
I remember mama said:

You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love dont come easy
Its a game of give and take


You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes


No, love, love, dont come easy
But I keep on waiting
Anticipating for that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender arms
To hold me tight
I keep waiting
I keep on waiting
But it aint easy
It aint easy
But mama said:

You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes


You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love dont come easy
Its a game of give and take





what song helps you to keep going and why?




5 comments:

trublmaka said...

I can totally relate and sympathise. I got wrapped up with a 28y.o womaniser when I was 17. He was in my life for 2 years - long and messy.. But when I broke up with him, he fed me a whole heap of BS.
(I'll post about it someday.. if I deem him worthy of going back to that time)
I don't think age matters when it comes to seeing the best in people. Its just a trait of a good heart!
But I do know that Crazy has been worth every headache, every heartache, every smile and every breath.
Our song is Alice Cooper's "you & me".
As for songs to get me through, umm, so many!!!
Especially Meatloaf.
Garth Brooks helps to level out my mood or help me clean!
Take care sweety
xoxo

Mei Del said...

not saying this for you to feel sorry for N - but really, he had no respect for himself the way you describe how he was behaving.

the darling and i don't really have a song. our thing is cooking, we love spending time in the kitchen together - our special was baking this peruvian chocolate layer cake - we loved doing it so much once we made 3 in a week, lmao - for other people to eat mainly.

Trixie said...

Stuck in the middle with you. Dunno why, but that song keeps me going.

Mei Del said...

ooh i've found my song - it's l'amoureuse - go to my blog and check out the vid!

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