This is something I have been thinking about posting for a little while, more seriously since Vi took up internet dating. Then last night reading her post about Joey I decided that the time has come this is something I have to write about.
Ok first of all confession time, those who have been reading my blog for ages will know this but there seem to be quite a few newish readers to my blog this year. After I divorced SF (shit face if you were wondering...hey he worked in shit and talked it too), I met N, he was a player who messed me about something cronic, sharing his time between me and 'the bitch'. I will go into that story another time. It took me 7 months to come to my senses and ditch N (well technically he ditched me but I hit him and nearly ........another time ok). Anyway this one time he went too far, I couldn't forgive him. Now during our on off relationship I had sent him many sexy photos, some suggestive others more ...well lets just say more to his liking. when we split up I made him get rid of them all. But I still had copies. Money was becoming a real issue for me at this time. I had not worked since March, even by that time my part time wages had not been enough to support me and my 4 boys, although SF was still living in the house he paid nothing towards the rent let alone any bills (main reason I am still struggling to get out of debt). I was desperate to find a way to earn some extra money.
Against my better judgement, remember I was desperate at this time, I tried to find any of the mens magazines or soft porn sites online that might pay for any of my pictures. I didn't go down that route but I did find an advert for a site called 'adult friend finder'. After many years of having very little and even then bad sex, meeting N had made me remember that I am a sexual woman. I enjoy sex and quite honestly wanted more. With trepidation I created a profile never thinking for one moment that anyone would be interested in me, especially considering all the nubile young women on offer. But I was wrong, I was inundated with offers. I had a few dates and even had sex with some of them. Then there was Pip. Pip comes from deepest Thomas Hardy country, he had grown up in the village my grandparents had retired to 35 years ago. I remember a fair few holidays down there so Pip and I had these memories to compare. We talked a few times then he showed me his picture. I was not impressed but not wanting to be shallow I thought I would continue chatting. Then he told me he had a week off work and wanted to meet me for lunch near The Other city which is where he works. So on the appointed day I drove over to The Other city and met him at a pub restaurant on the outskirts of the city.
The day before we met he had text me that he really liked me and if it wasn't being too pushy he might like to kiss me!!!
Too pushy my foot!! Well it was very sweet of him but really that was not what this was all about. Anyway back to lunch, we met he bought me a very nice lunch but as we sat eating I found him soooooooooboring I was just looking around I couldn't keep my attention on him however much I tried, I certainly couldn't maintain eye contact......there was just no chemistry at all. After lunch we moved to the comfortable sofa's with our drinks. He kissed me, if I remember right I moved so that he kissed my cheek. I just did not dig this guy at all, but I was feeling so bad that not only had he bought me lunch but had driven an hour to get there. then he got the idea that we should leave the pub, as we went out to the carpark he led me over to show me his new car ...don't ask me what it was I don't remember. We sat in the front talking, I phoned my friend to find out what time she needed me to pick up ET to get him to cricket (I didn't need to do that but it gave me a reason to escape in half an hour).
Pip persuaded me to get into the back with him where he tried to kiss me some more. there was one time when he said to me........
'Youknow you can put your arm around me if you like......... I think I have taught you something new today........I have given you a french kiss'
yuk yuk yuk....he might have tried to give me a french kiss but I was not co-operating. He actually thought I was very innocent. but in all this the funniest thing was when one of the waiters walked up through the car park, he could obviously see Pip pawing me. I was sat bolt upright staring forward. Pip had his back to the carpark so didn't see the look on the waiter's face. A few minutes later another waiter went passed this time laughing and doing the thumbs up to me.......I so wanted to do a thumbs down back. I know I shouldn't have let things get to this situation, I was just too soft .........no pun intended there but I will let it stay.
Eventually I made my escape unharmed in anyway but my dignity. but by the time I got home from my friend's house Pip had already text me that he liked me very much. Later as I was chatting online to my friend connor I got an IM from Pip, I tried to put him off, but he was adamant that he thought I was lovely and he wanted to see me again preferably tomorrow. I logged off and continued chatting to connor on a different msn profile. Pip was texting me that he liked me so much. I tried to let him down by texting him that I was worried about his feelings for me, that I wasn't ready for this. That is when the first email arrived.
sorry LiR i,v balls this up havent i , tell you the truth i,v been bit depressed last few days think it had somthing to do with my ex getting married i was upset that she,s got a happy famile life again .i like to think it wasnt that but cant think of any other reason so yes i was an idiot pushed you to hard im sorry can i have another chanch please we can have an healthy sex relationship, if you like that isi,ll understand if you dont want to see me again fuck it im such a idiot sorry x pip
wtf!! this guy thinks he pushed me too hard by kissing me, that I am very innocent and hes suggesting we have a sex relationship!!
I waited about 24 hours before I replied to him, I tried to make it out that it was all me not him, I didn't want to hurt him, I was still feeling bad that he had bought me lunch. Hey I have got better at this now....that was two years ago. I was feeling confident that this would be the end of it and he would be history. But I was wrong. Nothing could have prepared me for what followed.
thanks LiR i now know how you feel now . i shall tell you the truth now i am into swinging i do go out and meet other women and do have a girl friend thats who i go on holiday with. she see,s other men aswell, that the life im living at the moment so you see you had no worrys we could of had good sex together booked into traval lodges, i was right about feeling depressd you did catch me in a bad way that day, not knowing what i wanted from you sorry i lead you on i feel such a rat as i usally do when meeting someone new, as im in love with alli only prob is she doesnt feel the sameway so thats the mess my lifes in, we seam to be quite a pair dont we so i know you wont ever want to see me again now youv read this, so take care hun have fun hope you find what your looking for, lovely to have meet you, your very nice xxx pip
Now there is no way in this world that I am going to believe this.
I don't remember if I ever replied to this but I do remember that he continued to contact me. One day he was trying to chat while I was chatting to Connor, I told him what had been going on and connor just as a joke said he was surprised that I hadn't put pip in contact with 'the bitch' (pip had asked if I knew any women who might be into swinging). then the devil got into me and I said I might know someone, who actually lives a little nearer to him than I do. shes 100 miles from me. I showed him the picture I had on my computer (connor thinks it ugly) but pip was quite taken so I told him the town where she lives. For days he pestered me for her email and phone number. Eventually I owned up and told him that she was no friend of mine, I made him promise that if I gave him her email addy he wouldn't let on it was me that gave it to him. I couldn't believe he actually wanted to meet her, even when I told him she had been my love rival.
weeks went by and as it happened N had got back in touch and thats another story altogether, but as it happened I ended up staying over night at his place. the next day I got a text from pip....telling me that.....
'that 'the bitch' is a right cow and i'm having nothing to do with her'
so he had made contact then........I couldn't help laugh
I never heard from him again thank heavens.
most people think I am lovely but I do have an evil streak in me lmao
maybe one day I will tell you about my plot to have revenge on N (but I have grown up now...well perhaps just a tiny bit).
“Doing” a Doctorate – week 32
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