my penance

It felt really odd going to work today as I wore my jeans and a jumper and trainers. Normally I can be found in skirt, stockings and heels with a blouse or V necked sweater. I am convinced that today was my penance for a mistake I made last week. It wasn't but it is fun to think it was. I had to spend 3 hours, not the usual 5 minutes but three very weary hours in the deep freezer that is known by the name of our warehouse.When I applied for my current job my boss said that if I got the job she would want me to spend sometime in the warehouse in January so that I could learn the products at first hand. She wanted me to be shown around by Pete who is a senior 'picker'. But the warehouse manager thought he should do it. Boss didn't think this was a good idea as we would be messing around too much.

Last week Boss announced that I would get my training today wednesday with Reg the deputy warehouse manager. (that is what I called my penance) 3 hours with the most boring man, I now know how to pick an order (doh I think I could have done that without any training what so ever) and I could pack anything now. whatever size or shape (so long as it's not too heavy). All it takes is a lot of cardboard, parcel tape and rolls of industrial clingfilm. I know what should be packed inside other boxes and how to pack a set of brooms. What to do if I need to pack a single paste table or set of two tread steps. I know how to pack hazardous liquids and other fluids. I know all about increasing orders to pack sizes (very important that but you must remember not to increase by too many if it is something expensive!!). What I did not learn was anything about the products other than how to pack them. I do not know the difference between two brushes the same size or the different roller refills. Boss was not happy when she found out that they had not taught me about the products. So lucky me I get to spend more time down there on friday but this time with her.

Were you awake at 12.50am our time this morning? I was, I woke up from a pleasant dream to find that I had yet another sweet text wishing me sweet dreams. I have just checked and that text actually came through at 12.09am so it must have been a case of the earth moving for me that woke me. For anyone who doesn't know we had a very rare earthquake last night at approx 12.50. My Romeo is not in this country at the moment as he is away on business but even where he is he knew about the earthquake. He did ask me if I had felt it. I think I must have done but didn't realise at the time.

JVIP asked what constitutes romance to me...............does this answer your question.

sleep well, lets dream of each other and go to sleep holding each other

this was the last message I got from Romeo just a few minutes ago

good space

I want all my friends to know that I am in a really good space right now.

I am happy

I am behaving myself

It is all down to the most romantic man to ever cross my path

I don't know where it will lead

I don't know how long it will last

But for now I am happy

I am enjoying the attention

A tribute to a fine dust bunny

I ahve just been over to check my emails on the address linked to my blog, I don't check it everyday as it is mostly the comments I get. Unless I don;t have access to my blog I can read them all here. You may remember a few months ago I didn't have internet accs but could read the comments via email on my phone....I loved the comments I got due to Vi's suggestions.

Anyway why am I telling you this now?

as I as going through deleting all the messages I had already read I found a new message that wasn't a comment on my blog.

It was from a new blogger who has commented on my blog in the last few days Dazzed and confused. He hs asked me to let you all know that another blogger 'VENT' has written a verynice testimonial on his blog here for the lovely NITEBYRD. I have read this on DAC's blog and made my comments too. Nitebyrd is being very bashful about all this so I want you all to go over and see not only this testimonial but also if you have never read nitebyrd you will have seen her comments on my blog so go visit this lovely sexy and funny lady now.

Thank you DAC for prompting me to do this for such a well deserving lady.

This is a part of the message I received........

A blogger VENT has posted a blog about nitebyrd that I want the whole blogging world to read. Considering I’m new and not a lot of people go to my blog I thought you might inform everyone of vent’s tribute. Nitebyrd won’t post this info because she told me it would be to embarrassing. "vent" is the first name on nites people list.

so do me a favour and go see his blog here too ;-)

ps Dazzed and confused I hope you don't mind that I have shortened your name to DAC

a saturday in the life of a contented woman

10.20pm and I'm walking to the garage to get some gas and electricity. As I cross the railway bridge there are strange snapping sounds coming from the trees along the side of the track. Being only short the bridge is too high for me to see who is down there. I am not really sure if I want to see, it might be rail track workers but then again it might not. As I am walking I am exchanging text messages with Harvey, he is suprised I still have his number, I am wondering why as he still has mine. It isn't that long since I saw him and we have chatted on and off since then. We have been chatting online, he has been trying to persuade me to go to his place and make him a coffee. He will even come over and fetch me as I have been on the red wine again.

Anyway as I reach the end of the bridge I see a few sparks shoot into the sky, with relief I realise that it is a bonfire in the back garden of the bungalow beside the track. I am not sure that I would like to live quite as close to the track as these people do. Across town the track runs along the bottom of my mother's garden but there is at least the length of the garden between house and track, here it is just a garden path between side wall and embankment.

I continue along to the garage on my mission. Into the welcoming bright lights of the shop. The duty manager is a lad from down the road, I have known him since he was about 13. He tells me that the reason the lights on the forecourt are not on properly is the power cut we just had. Ah so now I know it wasn't just us then. It has happened twice once about 5pm and then again at 10pm. everything just flashed of and on again. Ok well not everything, for once my alarm clock/radio wasn't affected. The computer downstairs went off then straight back on but mine went off and on but the monitor wouldn't come back on. I had to switch it off at the mains then reboot.

So I get my gas and electricity keys charged up and toddle off back home. I tell harvey that I am back online, he isn't. so here I am writing this instead of chatting to him. It also keeps my mind off the fact there have been no text today after the lovely ones I got yesterday. I am not worried I know there are business meetings to attend in Belgium and then Berlin. I am not priority when he is working but at least he has warned me that there will be these silences and I am not to worry, it doesn't mean he isn't thinking about me.

This morning while OJ, JA and B were at snooker (OJ won the runner up's trophy yet again) mother came round for coffee and a chat but also to give me some money. It is not often that my mother visits me it is usually the other way around. Watching her crawl up the stairs to the bathroom reminded us both why. Even though it is now 13 months since her knee replacement operation she still isn't walking properly. It now appears that the reason for this is that her knee is fine now but her leg muscles are not strong enough to support her, due to the odd way she had been walking for the past 10+ years. Dragging her foot has been the only outward sign that she has MS.

Late afternoon when I have taken B home JA came shopping with me. I should have just used a bit of the money o get a fwe things to tide us over for a few days. But no with the money in my pocket and ther unexpected promise of £40 from Dan and more on monday we went a little mad. instead of my usual small trolley (stops me buying too much) we had a normal trolley and nearly filled it. OOOps bad move. How embarrasssing with a queue of people waiting behind us to have to put £30 worth back as I didn't have enough cash on me. That will teach me to try to replenish all my basics in one go. As we were driving home the first song I heard on the radio was 'My first, my last, my everything' which of course made me smile and think about my texts.

When we get home with our purchases it occurs to me that Dan ahs not given me the promised £40 and we have £1 of electricity left in the meter and no gas, good thing it is mild tonight. I could have gone to Harvey's it would have been warm there (too warm probably as it was when I was there before). But I told him that I am behaving myself. It would have been so easy to go there, but I don't want to mess things up for myself.

That reminds me that when I was online this afternoon I was chatting to Hector, I gave him the link so he could read what I had written about him. He said he couldn't agrue with anything I had written, he was flattered to have a whole post written all about him. Just before this I had decided to talk to 'Aunty', I checked to see if she was there but she wasn't, I was a little concerned as I have not seen her the last few times I have looked. So I chose to speak to Lena instead. (I have spoken to her a couple of times before but didn't believe her although she was later proven right.) Everything she told me was good, I have to be patient though and wait until march!! March thats ages away isn't it, I don't know if I can wait a whole week.

After I had hung up I was just about to turn the computer off when I noticed that Aunty was there after all. So I rang her up quickly too. Yes I know a waste of valuable money, but I have not spoken to her in a while and I get paid on friday which is in time to sort out my phone bill, and my mobile bill was half what it normally is. I didn't tell her I had spoken to Lena, but she confirmed everything that Lena had said. She was very excited and pleased for me. But she was puzzled by one thing. she said that when she tuned into him she could only see pictures of me not him. (He has seen pictures of me but I have not seen his) I have not even asked. It is enough to know that we connect on other levels.

Is Friday 22nd the new Friday 13th ?

6am and a mad rush to the garage down the road, £10 of petrol and £10 on the gas card. My debit card is declined, I know this is wrong as I checked my bank balance online before I left the house. Try again, card still declined. Duty manager fills in a ‘no means of payment’ form as I had left the house without my handbag thinking I would just need my bank card. Ok so they can’t cancel either the petrol or the gas so I now have 7 days to pay before they involve the police. (I know this from the time I had problems before at this garage.)

Back at home I write a note to put on the front door for the heating engineer who is coming back today. Now I know that there are about 4 rolls of sticky tape in the house as I have bought them in recent months and we don’t eat the stuff (or at least I don’t). I really want the boys to get up before I go to work so that I can be sure they will be up and won’t miss the engineer when he arrives any time from 8am. I have to wake ET several times to go to his paper round. He still wasn’t up when I left the house at 7.15, he is meant to be there for 7am or they start phoning up to see where he is. OJ didn’t want to get up as he had toothache.

Arrive at work and phone my mechanic and ask nicely if he would mind not banking my cheque until next week as I currently have £31 to get me through until payday (Friday 29th). As I walk into work I meet my boss (she is always there first) but today she is late, she had been feeling unwell yesterday and her husband had decided to give her a lie in. I mention that I am having a bad day already (its only 7.45am by this time). Why oh why did I have to open my great big humongous mouth to utter those words.

The first thing I do in the morning is collect the orders that have been faxed to the office overnight. Very odd for the first time there are no orders, none, not a single solitary one. Now last night before we left for the night Wayne checked that there was plenty of paper in the fax machine. He noticed that it said ‘toner empty’. I boldly told him not to worry as they say that for ages before they really do run out. Just to check we did a copy of an order just to prove there was plenty of ink. How wrong we were! We had only changed the toner a few weeks ago (first time since it was bought a few months ago).

When we changed the toner last time I assumed (wrongly) that Wayne had asked the lady who orders stationery to but another toner. Whether or not this happened we will never know (I think it was around the time her mother (who she lived with) had died. We didn’t have a toner to fit our fax in the office at all. By this time Wayne has arrived, he doesn’t seem to be too bothered that all of us women are running around trying to get a toner for the most important piece of equipment in our office. Boss drags out the old fax machine to set up then we realise that even if we can get that going the faxes that have come through are stored in the memory of the other one!!. A few phone calls ascertain that our stationery supplies cannot get us a toner before Monday. Several supplies are either not open yet or don’t have the toner we require in stock. I get a text which puts the smile back on my face.

It occurs to me that if we are quick we might be able to catch at least one of our reps before they leave home for the day, I can ask them to resend their faxes to the fax in the accounts dept. Wayne just shrugs and says see what Boss says, by this time she is in the directors’ office. I know it will be too late by then. I take the initiative and call one of my reps. He has left home but is staying local today so if needed he can go home and send faxes but he mentions a chain of stores that opens at 8am. A quick call to them discovers that they have one in stock which is put by for us. MD forbids Boss to go out saying one of her staff will go. I quickly volunteer as Wayne doesn’t have his car and if Bob goes I will be stuck in the office with Wayne being useless, it also means that he will have to answer the phones (he avoids that as much as he can). So I fly down the motorway into the city (yes my car sprouted wings for once). Within minutes I was at the store collecting this valuable thing. Without a working fax it not only means there is little work for myself, Wayne and Jonesy. It also means that the warehouse staff, who were up to date with orders would have no work either. I am back at the office just after 9am, as soon as new toner inserted the fax jumps into life and begins spewing paper out. We all get down to work.

As the day goes by it seems to me that nearly everything I touch or have touched in the last day or so has gone wrong. I won’t go into the ins and outs of the rest of my working day but suffice to say that when I tried to phone a customer and ended up ringing Wayne I knew my day was not getting any better.

At lunch time I phone home to see if the engineer has been yet. He hasn’t so I phone the contractors, they tell me it was down for a PM appointment. He finally arrives at the house a t 2.55pm after the boys have been waiting for him since 7.15am. suddenly I remember that JA has his friend B coming to sleep over at our house tonight. That means I have to go buy some food!!!

It’s now 4.40pm and I am driving home (I thought I had better leave on time today to save causing any more problems). I am smiling to myself as I think about the text I received that made my morning for me. I hear my phone go off, glancing at the screen I see who the incoming text is from. I want to pull over to read it but force myself to keep driving, onto the motorway through the road works up the steep hill and along the residential roads to my home. I am reading the text before I have even switched the engine off.

Once indoors I pick up my post, there is one enveloped marked, ‘open urgently’. It is from my bank, you remember the bank that took four months to refund the money that I had lost due to the fraud on my account last May. The letter tells me to phone this number urgently and quote this word ***** and my card number. The fraud dept need to speak to me.

WHAT THE FUCK………….no wonder my card was declined at the garage this morning. After lots of security questions including questions about various transactions on the account I am told that my card has been blocked as it appears there has been a security breach. I will receive a new card in 3 to 5 working days but can use the same PIN as I have now. I tell the man on the phone about the problem I had with my PIN at the ATM 2 weeks ago and that I suspected there was something odd about it but the guy at the bank wasn’t interested. So once again I have no access to the small amount of money I have. Good old mother is going to draw some cash out of her bank for me for the next few days. What would I do without her bless her.

Having gone to collect B I drop both him and JA off at home while I go to buy some food with the £5 I have in my purse. I have just parked my car at the local shopping parade. My mother calls me all excited. My Garden Fairy is getting married in September and we are both invited to the wedding in Norfolk. It is all very exciting and romantic. Apparently mother and her friend White are going to be in Norfolk on some kind of holiday that week. They were due to be coming home on the day of the wedding but obviously not now. White’s husband is going to take me to join them all and we are all to stay at the hotel where the wedding is being held. The last time I saw Garden Fairy was when we all went out for a posh meal the night after White’s daughter got married last year. I have met Garden Fairy’s betrothed a couple of times and he seems to be the perfect man (I know he must have at least one fault but it hasn’t been discovered yet unless its his reluctant son). Whilst talking to mother I am watching people coming and going in the parking spaces opposite me. The spaces are all set out so that you reverse into them at an angle then you can drive straight out. In the minutes I am sat there I see several drivers drive in forwards which means that they have a difficult time firstly getting into the space at that angle but an even harder time getting out again. I am embarrassed to notice that this is mostly women who do this. My question is ………….WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEM?
Do they not have the brains they were born with?

Eventually I am home, I cook sausage and chips for the boys and begin preparing a nice hot chilli for myself, this will last me a couple of meals. Then I do something that makes me think maybe I am finally becoming a genuine cook. Never in my life have I done this before. All the best cooks do this don’t they?

Yes that’s it I opened a bottle of red wine to drink with my meal, both during the preparation and the consumption. Until a few months ago I was not a red wine drinker, but I am now becoming accustomed to it and as white wine seems to give me headaches this is preferable. So having indulged in a couple of glasses of this cabernet Sauvignon from Chile (rather appropriate don’t you think). I have been writing up my day for you at the same time as doing my bit for woman kind, counselling men on how to have a better relationship with the women in their lives rather than looking elsewhere.

Oh yes and whilst cooking I needed the bathroom, dashed up the stairs as fast as my body allows, only to discover the bathroom floor an inch deep in water. The toilet had flooded again!! Apparently OJ had managed to unblock it but hadn't cleaned the floor. I guess I'm glad he had done the worst bit.

Here is hoping tomorrow will be a better day.

Panic

LiR sounds like your getting really happy for some reason !!!

I just found this in the comments on Pixie's blog.

whatever can she mean. Not sure it is a direct reply to my comment that I had intended to do some ironing last night. Maybe it was the reference to my having had a long phone chat instead. I don't think it was as a result of anything she has read on my blog. Maybe my text messages to her last night were what prompted it.

tonight I have been reading some new blogs. Nitebyrd has introduced us to some of her friends. At this point I shall say a warm welcome to Dazed and Confused. I was pleasantly suprised to find that DAC has aready added me to his blogroll. I feel very honoured sir.

We had a bit of a panic tonight. Well when I say we, what I really mean is myself and a man I hardly know.

Last night JA slept over at his friend B's house. He rang me at work yesterday to say he was just setting off on his bike. B lives in a village at the bottom of a hill not far from our town. It was fairly peaceful here last night. So much so that I fell asleep on the sofa after dinner. Luckily I was awake by the time I received my unexpected but very welcome phone call. Anyway I digress. When I got home from work today OJ asked what time JA would be home as he wanted to know when to put the pizza in the oven. He then showed me that JA had left his phone at home. I rang B's number to see if JA was coming home yet. B's dad said he had left over an hour earlier. So now both B's dad and I were worried, B tried to ring his friend D to see if he had seen JA on his way through the village. Oddly most of JA's new school friends live in this village. I don't know many of them yet. It took several attempts to get through to D who told B that JA was at his house. THis message was then passed on to B's dad who then told me. JA was told to gt himself home before it got too dark as he has to travel along and across a very busy main road where there have been a number of deaths. 40 minutes later there was still no sign of JA. I was just discussing with OJ and DC to go and look for him when he finally came through the back door. his pedals on his bike had jammed meaning he had had to push his bike nearly all the way.

No phone calls to smile about today, but I am not expecting any for a few days.

colours

After days of bright sunshine it was surreal this morning to be driving through a whiteness. There was mist in the distance but not close by. The slopes and fields beside the motorway appear to be shrouded in a blanket of white. The naked trees stand out so starkly against the pale background. But the strange thing is the various shades of white. There's the pale grey white just above the hedges and trees, the whiter white closer to the ground and the slightly creamy pink tinged white higher up in the sky. I have time to notice all this as we creep along in trails of red tail lights as we make our way through these road works that are not due to finish until november. As we reach the crest of the hill I am shocked at the mystical sight of the sun ahead of me on the right it is like a huge disc of orange like toffee penny in its foil and celephane wrapping. as we dive down the other side of the hill towards the city below the sun vanishes behind the trees on the left as the road sweeps round to the right. As the road begins to sweep left again as it splits off in three directions the sun reappears but this time it is smaller and a lighter yellow like polished gold. As I pass the marshes on the far side of the city the sun is reflected on the water in the distance. more of a bronze hue now. I love my journeys to and from work at the moment now that it is day light in both directions, I adore the colours of the winter sky just after sun rise and before sunset. I wish I could take pictures but that is impossible as I drive along.

what a waste

monday 18th february booked one day's leave from work

Car in for MOT

Heating engineer coming in morning to service boiler.

Normally on a day off I would have a lie in.

well I managed to lie in until 7.15am which was a bit of a lie in as normally I would be up at 5.45 for work. dressed and drinking tea as I run around clearing up the mess in the living room from boys sleeping downstairs to watch wrestling. JA has a friend sleeping over. room cleared and vacuumed by 8.30am. settle down for some weetabix in front of my computer. chatting away to a couple of guys I hadn't talked to before. why are there so many men not at work on a monday morning. start writing a new post for my blog describing a hot session with a couple of vibrators.

Around 10.30 my mechanic rings to tell me that my car failed MOT on emmissions. He has fixed it, just needed a sensor cleaning and some fuel cleaner. Total cost £80 which must be about the best MOT I have had done, but its still money I can ill afford. I can't go to collect my car as I am waiting for the heating engineer. Soon the boys have woken up and start playing the playstation 2. I am starting to get irritated now, when will he arrive? 1pm I phone the contractors to find out when he will be here.

To my shock I discover that he has been already, he shoved a piece of paper in the letter box with the time 9.45am on it. I am well pissed off now. I have sat here since 7.30 without any noise, no tv or radio no kids, livingroom door ajar so I will hear anyone who knocks. I bloody missed him.............why the fuck didnt he ring the doorbell......it works we checked.

I am sooooo pissed off.........that was a waste of a valuable day off. I got my MOT done but I didn't need to take the day off for that. I could have got a lift to work with Posh Bird. Now the engineer is coming back on friday and I wont be here. I told them I cannot afford to take another day off. But thats alright I can leave one of my son's in charge as they just require that there is someone over 16 here.

as for my post......it was taking a long time to write as I kept getting interrupted, my blogger was playing up and I kept finding one or other of my sons looking over my shoulder so I had to keep hiding my work until they had gone. Added to that I had to go out twice. Finally I was ready, but I just could not get blogger to publish. I got it to go to preview but then blogger crashed and lost it all.

Oh and Hector is beating me at scrabble

Hector

I was starting to answer the comment that nitebyrd left on my last post about the description Hector had given me. Having given this some thought i decided that my friend Hector deserves a post of his own.

for each of us there are people who come and go in our lives. some we might chat to a few times, some may become lovers and some are close friends.

Hector is one of these people who I just clicked with, there has been no build up of friendship over days, weeks or months. The first time we chatted we were up all night chatting and we have been firm friends ever since. Lol that makes it sound as though it has been years. It has in fact been 2 months. We chat and play games on face book, I ahve so many invites for hugs, kisses and much more and a good proportion of them are from him. mind you he gets just as many back from me. we chat on msn for hours, we text and exchange jokes. like the one he sent me on Valentines day.

Man goes to see wizard and says 'can you lift a curse that was put on me years ago' Maybe says the wizard, if you can remember the exact words of the curse. the man replies without hesitation ' I now pronounce you man and wife'.

we chat on the phone too, I do like to hear his scouse voice lol I shall have to ask him what he thinks of my voice. he thinks I'm an idiot, he calls me sexy bum, mate but mostly 'maddo'.

He is like my best friend, my brother, my lover all rolled into one except he is not my brother or my lover. He knows I still have the hots for Swinger. I know he is in love with a woman who doesnt want to know. we flirt, we tease , we can have sensible conversations, but equally we can both be as daft as a brush or as mad as a box of frogs.

Before I knew that Pixie was changing the date of her party I had asked him if he wants to meet up for coffee when I travel to Pixie's . Without any hesitation he agreed, even says he will behave himself. I have warned him he will have to hope my will power is strong and I behave myself too. we talked about friends and those who are just a shag. I asked him which I am. he tells me I am a friend but he would still like to shag me. He knows it isn't on the cards and hes ok with that but he can still dream he says. now that Pixie has changed the date of her party and we still don't know when it will be. I have suggested to Hector that maybe I will find myself with a reason to travel up that way before the party or he might find he has a reason to travel south. he says its more likely he will come south as he travels more often than I do.

On friday I decided that its time to change my profiles again on the dating sites. They need updating. I decided that in order to get it right I should ask Hector for his help seeing as he has got my measure. But I didn't see him online until after I had done it. But I did discuss with him a message I had received in response to one I had sent to a professional man in Brighton. I showed Hector the message from brighton, he didnt like it thought it was sleazy. He asked me to send him my profile which he thought was fine and he wrote me the message he would have written in response to my profile. It was brilliant a very good mixture of humour and compliments and very obvious that he had read and understood my profile. I have not spoken to him since last night( this morning as it was 4am when I said good night).

Having decided that I would write this post I spent some time thinking about him and what I would write. It dawned on me that I probably couldn't find anyone better suited to me. He is funny, intelligent, sensitive, he understands me, he can see past the insecurities, the sexual woman, he can see the real me as I am, all the different sides of me. He finds me attractive, sexy and he appreciates both my humour and my writing. He told me weeks ago that I am wearing his cock out (even though we have never met).

maybe I should just decide to spend a weekend with him instead of an hour or two and just see where it gets us. See if there is that spark between us in person or if we are destined to be friends and nothing more. when I asked his advice about my profile he was baffled. He said he didn't know why I need to use dating sites at all. Maybe hes right and I don't need them.

getting motivated

I have been meaning to say for a few days now that it has been lovely this last week to not only drive to work in the almost daylight but it is also not quite dark by the time I get home at the end of the day. On wednesday I left work on time for a change (I nearly always end up working most if not all the half hour I am meant to miss as I only take a half hour for lunch). Anyway as I was saying I left work at 4.30pm as I am meant to do every day as it was ET's parent's evening. The sun hadn't set and the sky was beautiful with thepale blue tinged with pink in the west. As I drove along the motorway the chalk cliffs on my right were washed with pink too which was a wonderful and cheering sight. when I finally reached my town I noticed that a couple of the trees in one road were already heavy with floating white blossoms. The daffodils in my garden are beginning to open and the glorious sun we have been blessed with this week makes me realise that spring is just around the corner.

Those of you who read Vi will already know about the blog book which some of our fellow bloggers have been working on. This book is to be a collection of stories by bloggers about their lives and all profits are going to charity namely War Child. I have said that I would submit a story for this book, however I have as yet to decide which event/period of my life to write about I have only until 29th february to get my story in. does anyone have any suggestions given what you know about me.

I have been promising myself that I shall get myself back into my studying. For those of you who are not aware of this I began a course in IT skills for commerce last year. I began well but then became poorly and din't have the energy or the inclination to study much. ten I began working again which cut down the amount of time I had to use the computer as this meant I now had to share my time with the boys. Internet and various other pc related problems over the months didn't help. Now I am working full time I find I am too tired for anything serious. But now the days are getting longer and I am feeling more awake I have given myself a proverbial kick up the ass to get on with this course especially as I am still paying for it and it isn't cheap. So over the last week or so I have been rereading my latest chapter reading for submitting my next Tutor Marked Assignment. finally I have managed to get onto the Student Website.......I could never get my password to work before but my new one I requested is fine.

the other evening I was having a chat on msn with Hector. The conversation got around to growing up or not.

I hope this doesn't mean I shall start to grow up

nooooo but depends what ya want to

nah I don't think I'll bother

growing up hahaha

no don't wanna do that

no be silly and daft and girly

do you think I can manage that?

ya not far off ya like being a tomboy but deep down your really a girly and sweet just not given the right attention at times but yer def daft and silly :-)

I like that description.........I think he has got me to a T

sex

A fellow blogger asked me the other day if I get less hits on my blog now since I have not been blogging about sex. I am not sure that, that is strictly the case. I do sometimes blog about sex although not to the same degree as I used to do.

Yes there are probably people who read me less if at all now because I don't mention sex quite as much these days. I do have a stat counter as you can see and yes I do sometimes check to see who has been reading and what they have been reading but in all honesty I have not bothered for ages.

My guess is that for most people who have stopped reading or do so less often it isn't the lack of sexual content but the lack of posting anything at all. where I had been posting at least once a day for so long I now go days without posting, I have also been very remiss in my reading and commenting on other blogs for a few months. I have made myself a vow that I shall get back to doing this.

Talking of my blogging friends I have been invited to a party by my blog friend Prada Pixie, you may recall that I met her at the xmas party that ended up with just 4 of us there. She is having another party but has now postponed it for a few weeks as she has found a new blogger playmate who she has an opportunity to spend that weekend with. Last night I text him to congratulate him on finding himself such a great woman. his reply.......well ur 2 blame
it's nice to know that two of my single friends have found each other and if that was through me then I am even more pleased.

As everyone must know......there was no getting away from it, yesterday was St Valentines day. How many cards did I get? none......how many bunches of flowers none.......any kisses ? none.........taken out for a nice meal? no anything nice for me on this day no. Last year I was with N who bought me flowers

a necklace which I actually wore at work yesterday,

a lovely card

and a bottle of champagne, glasses etc in an ice bucket.

But I already knew our relatioship wasn't working. I was trying to figure how to get out of it without hurting him the way he had previously hurt me. This year the highlight of my day was unblocking the toilet. Which day would I have preferred to have? ..................I was in a much better space this year than last.

Two of my sons tried to celebrate Valentine's with their girlfriends. ET had spent money he (and I as I had lent him some extra money)could not really afford on his girlfriend of 10 days. After work I had to drive him to her house where he was spending the evening (half hour drive in rush hour). She dumped him last night as she is not ready for a relationship (this was after I had lectured him about not spending too much time on her or any other girl in the next few months until he has finished his GCSE's)

DC has been with his g/f nearly 4 years. He has virtually no money (nothing new there) so he bought fresh strawberries some chocolate which he melted and dipped the strawberries into then wrote on them with icing to form the words I love you. I did take a photo but not uploaded it yet.

Oh and if you came here to read about sex I shall be writing something for you over the next couple of days

wednesday wanderings

After the excitement of riding in the imo on monday I spent tuesday evening taking JA to a special house belonging to ther police so he can give a video statement. It seems he is a crucial witness in a case that they can't tell us about. I have my suspicions from the little that I ahve gathered. JA doesn't know anything but can confirm whether certain people were in a certain place at a certain time.

tonight was yet again different in that I spent 1 1/2hrs at the school for parents evening with ET. Apparentlyhe is predicted Cin most subjects but most teachers also said with some extra work he could easily acheive B.

I have recently come to a realisation
I have realised that I am more at peace with myself now than I have been for as long as I can remember. In the past week or so my phone has been fairly silent. the only people who have been ringing or texting me are the loan companies. But I am fine with that. For the last couple of years I ahve needed to be incontact with someone all the time whether its by msn or text. But now I realise I don't need that . I was thinking about it and realised that what I was doing before was craving affirmation from my friends that I am popular with them, I am worthy of their attention.
Why do I not need that so much now?
Because I don't need the constant attention to make me believe I am good. I can believe in myself now. I can look myself in the eye (in the mirror obviously) and say to myself........ LIR you are someone and you are worthwhile.

I did a test earlier on facebook to see what kind of chocolate I would be. this is their verdict


White chocolate because you’re both regal and velvety smooth. You speak, walk, and talk a good game and people are rewarded with your smooth and inviting persona. Some find you to be a rare gem among the landscape of sweets, almost like the hidden treasure that only a select few know about. People may not necessarily crave you ALL the time, but when they are in the mood for white chocolate, they will damn near sell an organ for a taste of you. Or donate an organ. A big organ ;)

OH Wow

tonight I had a ride in this

a group of us had got together to give our approval for the transport our kids have chosen for their journey to their Prom venue in the summer.

The driver gave us talk about the car and how he would expect their evening to go explaining the package to us. He then gave the kids a trip around the block. when the kids had all got out us mum s and one dad got to have a ride. I was fabulous inside and this pictue can only give a small idea of what it was like.

why

why is it that when I am away from my computer I come up with all sorts of things that I simply must blog.

but sat in front of my computer my mind goes blank.

I guess thats a bit like my current life really

lots of ideas and lots of choices but what do I end up doing?

very little!!

I go to work,

I cook, clean and shop for the boys,

I chat to some friends but not nearly as much as I used to do.

I write but not nearly as much as I had been doing

I blog but nothing like the amount I had become accustomed to doing

I go to the gym but not as often as I would like

I taxi my kids around

I dream

I make myself promises

I am content

but not satisfied

I think I am getting old

my eyes are begining to be affected

Have had my reading glasses for about 18 months but rarely use them unless my eyes are tired or I have a headache.

the last few days I have found myself peering at print from very close up to see what it says

today I have on my glasses for the first time in ages

I have done a couple of stupid things in the last few days

one I received a message on msn from one of my friends it gave a link showing my email address saying this looks familiar. I thought it looked dodgy but after a while of ignoring it curiosity got the better of me and I clicked on it. Nothing seemed to happen but I did notice after a while that chat windows were opening and closing rapidly. I soon realised I had licked on a virus. By this time it had been sent from my computer to some of my friends. I turned mine off and did a system restore. It appeared to be ok. Yesterday OJ was having a few problems so he tried to uninstall msn then reinstall he also did repeated system restores. It doesn't seem to have affected the pc in any way other than every now and then the mouse freezes and a couple of chat window flash open then its back to normal. As far as I can tell only a fe of my friends have been getting these messages. One or two people I have not spoken to in ages have said hello which has prompted m to have a clear out of my msn contacts. I have cleared out anyone who I either don't remember who they are or I have had them blocked long term or I just have had no contact with for many months. I have now reduced my contacts down from 145 to 81. There are still some there that I don't want to come back to haunt me.

The other thing that I really should have given more thought to was the ATM situation. If I had been thinking straight I could have given DC a cheque to pay for his Tyres and exhaust then I wouldn't have needed to go to the ATM and my PIN would still be ok and I would have access to my money. The other stupid thing about that was that I deliberately went to that ATM as the one closer to my home is unreliable and eats peoples card so I wont use it.

during this past week I had an opportunity to be a par of a threesome where both myself and the other woman would be the Master's slaves and who he would take great delight in spanking. I backed out of this. the idea had been good but I don't want to get involved in this.

I have also had many chats in recent weeks with Lotto. He wants me to meet him again soon.

nothing is ever easy

This morning I nipped up to the local shops to get some money from the ATM. DC needed the £170 I was looking after for him as he is getting new tyres and exhaust fitted on his car today as it failed its MOT on wednesday.

The ATM decided (once I had gone through the process of asking for the money) that my PIN was incorrect. I entered it again, again it told me my PIN was incorrect after a 3rd try it was still incorrect. I have used this same number for years and never had a problem with it. So I drove into town to the bank it wasn't too busy as it was just after 9am. I withdrew the money I needed for DC and a small amount for me over the weekend. They have ordered me a new PIN which could take upto a week to arrive!!!

So now I have to rely on internet banking or withraw cash from the bank counter until I get my new PIN. I then met DC at the garage where he is having the work done to hand over the money he needed. It then occurred to me that I should have given him a cheque then I wouldn't have used the ATM and my PIN would still be ok and I would have access to my cash!

you heard it here first

the last fwe times I have had ET in my car he has insisted on playing one of his CD's. Now as a general rule I don't like his music. To me it is mostly screaming noise that you can't make any sense out of. Bu he has taken to playing a particular track that he knew I would like. He was playing this the other day. I have heard it several times now and even begun to sing along to it. Having asked him who it was he tells me it is a young man not very widely known. he found him on myspace.

I have just done a search and found his myspace site. I don't belong to it so wasn't able to download this lovely track. but if anyone is interested, I have a feeling that JVIP will be, here is the link I found.

So if you hear this song 'We could be in love' by Andrew Landon, just remember I told you about him first. ET tells me that he is very young well I was surprised as I thought he has a mature voice.

check him out and see what you think

they arrived

how quick was that ?

when I got home from work today I found a brown package
I did sneak a look inside

they were all there all three of my new toys
I didn't open the rest of the package as the boys were around but I am looking forward to trying them out over the next few days

my first for over 20 yrs

This week I got my first one for over 20 years. Everyone kept asking if I was excited? Was I going to treat myself?
Thursday morning arrived and there was the envelope with the slip of paper telling me exactly what I had got. I already knew what the total was as I had checked online before I came to work. My first full month of full time pay since before I began my family. I had worked full time hours for a few weeks at a time over the last few years but that was always short term and weekly paid. This would be different. Obviously I knew I had to pay tax and N.I. I could only guestimate what my net pay would be. Unfortunately the tax man has a bigger share than I would like but never mind it is still a big jump from the last few month's pay.

So any there is not much of it left now. By lunch time on Thursday I was back in the red having paid about £400+ in bills. Friday saw more going out in bills. I am trying to be good in the next few months and not go mad but we do deserve a few treats.

Saturday I took JA into town to get his bank account upgraded so that he can manage it himself now and not have to rely on my. OJ came with us as he wanted to pay some money in and ask for online banking pack to be sent to him. There were several other people waiting so we went away for half an hour. I treated us to burger king meals. I tried their spicy royale. It is not often I go into these places. after we had finished in the bank I treated us to a set of new garage keys. After all the trouble of getting a new garage door the key keeps getting lost (I put the spare in abox with some of my jewelry for safe keeping, the box has gone). So now both ET and OJ have their own key theres a spare hanging up and I have the other one.

That just left enough time to visit a shoe shop. I really need some new shoes (the boys have always had a habit of when they are near my shoes just putting them on). Nearly all my shoes are now stretched which means that my feet are constantly slipping in my shoes. I wanted to get one pair of black and one pair of brown. when I had made my choices and gone to the counter I was told that the brown ones were in the sale and were buy 2 get one free. So I grabbed these much to OJ and JA's absolute horror.

well I figure I deserve some frivolity in my life. At least they don't know about my other purchases from the internet. I have ordered a tingle tip for my toothbrush for even better night time enjoyment. plus 3 of these in different colours as they are only £1.99 each I just couldn't resist.