Thursday, 26 July 2007

worry

I worry so much. I can’t believe this is happening. Normally I meet a new man we have a drink a chat. If the chemistry is right we kiss, touch maybe more. We usually send a text after to say thank you to each other. If it’s right we will meet again. It may be days or even weeks before we speak again on msn or by text. That’s ok we both know that if we don’t see each other again it wont matter but if we do it will be great. We get in contact when we want to see each other.

But now it’s different, we met, we kissed, we met again, we kissed some more, we touched. We met again, we kissed a lot we touched a lot. We did everything but fucked. He went away, I missed him straight away. We have not talked much since. I panic if we have no contact. This is not like me.

I worry that I am pestering him, I worry that he won’t want me, I worry that I am scaring him away. I worry about being too forward. I worry I am putting pressure on him. I worry that if we don’t speak he will forget about me. I worry that he is waiting for me to make the first move. I worry that he wants to be the one that makes the first move. I worry that I am worrying so much.

I worry that he wants me for my sexuality alone, I worry that my sexuality wont be good enough when put to the test. I worry that I am not funny enough. I worry that I am too serious, I worry about not taking things serious enough. I worry that I am treading on some one else’s toes. I worry that he doesn’t mind me seeing anyone else. I worry that if I do he won’t like it anymore. I worry that I am turned on by the thought of mmf or mff with him. I worry that I would be too jealous.

I worry that I find him so sexy. I worry that after all this time I am not sexy enough for him. I worry that I am too sexy for him to enjoy the rest of me. I worry that we will lose the friendship we had. I just worry