Saturday, 28 July 2007

situation Vacant

I have a possible vacancy for a man to be by my side (well more accurately in my bed).

I had a husband, we shared a bed for 19 years but in the end I didn’t want to share the bed with him any more so I divorced him and bought a new bed. (the fact that the kids broke it within a few months is irrelevant). We went to court because he was harassing me and on a few occasions I thought he was going to kill me….he threatened to lots of times. But now we are able to be civil to each other again. Last week though he asked if we will ever get back together again…….I told him no.

I had a boyfriend, he has been in my life on and off for 18 months now. He messed me around. He was seeing someone else. He would stay with me for a few weeks then be with her for a few weeks. I thought I was in love with him, I fought to get him back. Eventually he hurt me too badly and I tried to forget him. Then after Christmas we got back together but I wasn’t keen, shouldn’t have agreed. But I wanted to sometimes not wake up alone so I put up with him. It wasn’t good, I no longer thought he was great in bed. His kisses didn’t melt my heart any more. I broke up with him but it took several months for him to accept. Then he wanted to be friends and chat on msn. Every time we spoke he would end up being rude, leaving me wanting to smack him one. Last night we spoke briefly and he was fine, no insults! He invited me over for a drink………I declined.

I have had a number of married men in the past year. The fact they are married means that we could never have more than a few stolen hours occasionally. I got lonely at night and on weekends so I decided to give up my married men. All but one anyway. How could I give up my Mr Passionate. He is as passionate about me as I am about him which is delicious. But I can’t ever see him at the times when I am lonely.

There have been other men, mostly they are too far away or the chemistry just wasn’t right. There is one who I see still. I like him he is kind, has his own home, lives far enough away but not too far. Sexually we are good together. He likes me to stay all night it is nice waking up with him on a Sunday morning. I felt like going to see him last Friday when I was feeling down. I know he would have comforted me, he would have made me feel wanted but I just couldn’t go. I felt that I would have been using him. It wouldn’t have felt right to be sleeping with him while my mind was with someone else. I wouldn’t have enjoyed myself which would have made it less pleasurable for him too. I know he wouldn’t have minded if I was using him. We both know that we are fuck buddies nothing more although he did say a few months ago that it was possible this could become a relationship eventually. This is not what I want though. He is nice, he is safe but he doesn’t light my fire.

I had a friend, we chatted often on msn when he was at work. He wanted to meet me but I was in no hurry and he wasn’t pushing for a date, just reminded me from time to time that he would like to do with me some of the things I was doing with others. He read my blogs often to keep up to date with what I had been doing when we hadn’t chatted for a while. After months we swapped mobile numbers, he warned me that he doesn’t have his switched on all the time. We began to text occasionally but mostly we still chatted on msn. After a few more months we met. I thought I was meeting a friend. In fact I met a very sexy man who completely bowled me over during our chat and consequent walk in the woods the following day. I think the world of him, he is my friend and lover. But timing has not been good since we first met. Either he has been very busy and not had time to chat on msn or I have not been able to get to the computer to chat. Now I work I am unable to chat with him. I have now discovered that he is not very communicative by phone. We do exchange text messages but not as much as I would like. But I accept that is just the way he is. He lost his phone for a couple of weeks which didn’t help, I was climbing the walls not being able to text him. But as always just when I start to think this is not working he will text me. He might not say much but he is caring and thoughtful. My friends tell me to forget him as he obviously isn’t interested he is just messing me about. But I don’t agree. I think he is just being himself, working hard and not being pushy. But I want him to be pushy, I want him to be masterful. In a way he is, he is the one in control here even if he doesn’t say much. I want to see him very much, my body craves the physical contact with him but more than anything it is my friend I miss when we are apart.
We have not seen each other since I went back to work about 5 weeks ago.

So anyway, there is a vacancy in my bed, maybe my sexy friend will fill it but maybe he won’t.