Sunday, 1 February 2009

Buses and 5 could be 2

Buses seem to be a theme for today.

Earlier I was checking out the photos from DJ & Chopper's book launch. To see them go here. Now I am quite good at convincing myself that I am overweight yes theres no getting away from that but I am not too overweight. Then now and again I catch sight of myself in a mirror or reflected back from a window. I don't like what I see so I move passed quickly, back into my fantasy land where I am just large but not massive. But then there are these cruel people in life who just have to take pictures. Thats fine but sometimes these pictures have me in them. Not much else as that would mean using an extra wide lens.

So what has this got to do with the book launch or with buses, anyone who has read dj's blog this week or her comments on here will know that she has been saying how beautiful I am.......can you see the glow from my red cheeks already? Not only has dj been saying this but casdok has joined forces with her saying I am gorgeous and have an aura about me.......... more girls more, I am even beginning to believe it.

But then I saw the photos of all the lovely people at the launch, dj you and casdok are both gorgeous (there are not enough photos of the beautiful casdok). But then I saw the ones that include this massive blob of lace and velvet. All I could see was the back end of a bus. Now I know you were drinking on monday but you must have been slaughtered to see beauty in this big old crate. I might be able to run away from mirrors and windows but photos are more permanent reminders.

Anyway this morning the flow of text messages between myself and The Man which began yesterday has continued until, that is I stopped to look at the photos mentioned above. This is when I did something naughty...........

Just looking at pics from monday. My friends keep saying how beautiful I am but all I see is back end of a bus! You might want to have second thoughts about meeting! x

Silence ......................obviously I am good at cutting off my nose to spite my face. My reasoning behind what I did was that I have very carefully avoided mentioning my weight problem to him. I had intended to pretend my weight doesn't bother me (yes I know you all know that it does). I figured that he would think I was being a typical woman exaggerating, then if when we do meet he doesn't like what he sees I can say that I had warned him.

2 hours later!! he replied

LiR...! whats that got to do with anything.? Yeah like I' a pin up as well...! Your friends see the beautiful person both inside & out & in those I would trust. We will only eet when 'we' are ready. I for one am looking forward to meeting you LiR. xx

So that has got that one out of the way :-)

I have also been exchanging a few brief emails with dj regarding firstly her new announcement which if you want to know what that was go visit her here. But also the worries of a parent whose 17 yr old son suddenly announces a wish to join up and the resulting fears of him going into conflict. It seems I made them laugh by saying that my brother (who I was very close to at the time) was merely 19 when he was sent to the Faulklands war. He now faces conflict everyday in his role as a Bournemouth Bus driver!!

My personal feeling is that yes I worry about my child being hurt or worse killed, but the reality is that in the battles faced these days the chances of being killed in action are far less than in earlier conflicts. It is tragic that too many of our young men and women are killed in action but the numbers are still less than are killed daily on our roads and other accidents. If anything I would be happier knowing that he had a career mapped out for him with all the benefits that come with being in the Forces especially in these days where jobs are few and far between, than for him to be wandering aimlessly through life not knowing what he wants.

So after more conversations about it all last night, unless they won't have him, later in the year our little family unit could be cut from 5 to just 2 as the three older boys go off into the world within a short space of time.


Dark Side said...

All I see is a happy lady with a lovely smile both inside and out....xx

DJ Kirkby said...

I can't sa it enough, photos of you do not do you justice. You are very beautiful, very striking to look at in person!

Fire Byrd said...

I know it makes no difference what others tell us,we have to live with ourselves.
I know you don't like your body, and that you're doing something about it.
It's just as well you don't want to change your personality, cause that bit is fab.

Trixie said...

Cameras never do ANYONE justice my sweet. Ones I post of myself, 10 are thrown away first, cause I don't like the way I look in most of them. I'm glad the man said that to you my sweet!

Mel said...

Oh what great fun was had by all!

And what a treat to be a part of it....lucky you!

Yaknow, we spend a lifetime grumbling about the body G-d puts our precious souls in....

nitebyrd said...

I always see "Moby Dick" when I look at pictures of myself. We're our own worse critics.

You ARE beautiful. The Man sounds very wise, indeed.

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