Sunday, 26 October 2008

The trouble I have with phones

For a few years now I have had a contract mobile phone. Back in the days when I was heavily involved in the football club I had a pay as you go phone, but I was constantly having to top up my credit with all the phone calls I had to make both to the team managers and the parents. My husband and I (gawd don't that sound regal)decided that it would be better if I had a contract phone. Together we searched on the internet found one that I liked and at a reasonable rate. Next day as he finished work earlier than me he went online and ordered the phone. (phone #1)Now this is where all the trouble began.

It was fine for a few months, the phone worked well I could make all the calls and send text messages as and when I needed to. But then my husband began to get suspicious, he thought I was having an affair with someone at the club. I was a working mum with four sons who played football, I was at the club nearly every day of the week with one or other of them for training and in those days I had all three of my younger boys with me most of the time whilst their dad was either in the pub or at home asleep. (Perhaps it was my own fault as for years I had joked that I could have an affair and he wouldn't know as he was never there.) I don't know when he thought I had either the time or the energy to have an affair and if I did who was there that I could even fancy and even if I did who was going to fancy a short fat middle aged woman who always looked windswept.

Now when we first got my phone it didn't matter that the bill was addressed to my husband as we had bought it together but it was a phone used soley by me he had his own one. This is where I later became not a little pissed off but very pissed off at 3mobile. They just could not get around the fact that it was his name on the order. They would not even let me change the tarif let alone change the bill into my name. This really became a problem when my husband was going through my phone bill each month cheking who I had phoned/text at what time and were there any patterns. Like the fact that I nearly always phoned or text the manager of OJ's team about an hour after getting in from training. Doh I was the team secretary then later the club secretary. Our conversations were about football, mostly I stayed in the room where my husband was so that he could hear the conversation from my end, if on some occasions I went and sat in the garden it was because it was quieter and I am a little deaf you know.

It soon got to the point where I wouldn't let my phone out of sight, carrying it in my pocket or failing that my waistband or cleavage, just so that he wouldn't go through my messages and call history. I had nothing to hide but he made me feel as though I did. I started sleeping with my phone under my pillow. By this time our marriage was crumbling around us. I decided to buy myself a new phone,(phone #2) one that I could use without his knowledge, and just leave the other one with just family calls. This was fine until about a week later I received a letter from 02 (my new phone provider). There was nothing wrong with the letter except that my husband had opened and read it before I got home from work. This was the final straw that ended our marriage. He was angry that I had bought a new phone (with my own wages), I was angry that he had opened a letter addressed to me.

So now he knew I had another phone he demanded the 3mobile phone as it was in his name, fine I deleted all contacts etc from it and handed it over. We were now going through divorce whilst living under the same roof (not something I would recommend to anyone unless you are a dust bunny and mulder). After a few months I was getting lonely, not that I was missing him, my marriage had been a pretty lonely place for 15 years anyway. He kept trying to make me watch videos on his(my old #1 phone) or playing voice mail messages from women, generally just rubbing my nose in that he was having fun with women. (in his dreams and their nightmares). I decided to investigate internet dating, and the first man I found had a slightly familiar face and turned out to be the ex husband of my very good friend Kez. 10 years later and several stones lighter. Next I came across N (if you have been reading a while you will know that I got involved with N).

Much to my amusement my husband (SF) decided that N was called Mike and was a policeman (oh how funny was that, he even decided which town 'Mike' lived in, and had someone ready to smash up Mikes car). He was wrong in everything he had dreampt up, but what I didn't realise was that each night after chatting on msn, I would go to bed in the box room turn on my radio and continue to chat on the phone. Apparently SF was outside my door listening in. One night he came rushing in and tried to grab my phone which resulted in it being broken. I found an old one of DC's which had been on 02 so I could put my SIM card in that. (oh what a shock I had turning that on, to be greeted by........'CJ is a great fuck' .............ok so now I know my son is nolonger a virgin.) At the weekend I took #2 phone to the shop, it was sent away to be repaired. I didn't like DC's phone so I bought #3 phone a pink motorola as a pay as you go and swapped the SIM over.

Now I was using #3 phone as my main phone and when I got it back #2 was now a reserve phone used only for a few select people. Six months down the line I was nolonger with N, SF had moved out of the house and the divorce was absolute, I began seeing other men. For a long time #2 phone had 5 numbers on it (3 lovers and 2 friends). New years eve came along and my phones (both of them) went mad at 3am. That was when #2 phone died, I never did get to read the message form GB the most imortant of my lovers at that time. Perhas it was just as well as he managed to send what he thought wa a new yr greeting to his employees but actually sent part of one of our conversations......ooops and him a respectable married man!!

So that left me with #3 phone and as a spare for when my contract phone was restricted because I hadn't paid the bill on time I had DC's old phone as pay as you go back up. This worked fine for a long time. Then last december I bought new phones for my boys and upgraded my phone so now I had a nice new shiny black v3 razor motorola (#4 phone) and the pink motorola #3 phone was relegated to be my spare back up phone for that one day each month before I paid my bill. I also used #3 phone as my alarm to wake me each morning. As the months have gone by #3 has stopped holding its charge, I can now only charge it in the car and that doesn't last long. A month or so ago I gave up trying to charge it. But back in the summer when I was on my ebay binge I had bought a samsung similar to my #2 phone but pink. When I got it I found that it is locked to orange and I wanted to use it on 02.

Now if you have not already fallen asleep you will need to pay atention now or you will get lost.

At the start of October checked to see how much I needed to pay 02 for my september bill, I knew I hadn't had to pay anything in august as I had paid two months together. The reply from 02 was that my most recent bill of XX amount was paid. I thought nothing more of it other than thinking I hadn't realised I had already paid september. Tuesday last week my phone was restricted. again I checked my latest bill, the reply was that my latest bill of xxx was paid. I rang 02 from work to ask why my phone wqs restricted but they were saying my bills were paid. I had enough money in my bank account to pay the first bill but not two combined (october is now due). The bar was lifted but I have to check my bank to see if any payments have been made. My bank only shows the last 30 days online, which makes it awkward to see when I last made a payment.

Ok so they lifted the bar on wednesday but on friday evening it was restricted again. I can still receive calls and text but can't make any calls, I can't use my back up phone as it has no charge although it does have £5 credit. So I think I will be clever, remember the samsung from ebay, I shal get it unlocked. So into town at 4.15 giving myself enough time to do the deed but not go off spending money. I need to go to asda anyway. so I find the phone man with his stall, he says yes he can unlock it for £10, fine I leave it with him whilst I go to the bank for some money (good idea that ). When I get back he couldn't find the right cable so has rung his partner to help him, he tells me that he hasn't been able to unlock my phone but if I come back in 15 mins he will do it through his laptop. When I return he hasn't managed to unlock my phone grrrrrrrrrr.

So to recap I have #3 with credit but no charge, #4 phone has charge, can receive but not make calls/text. #5 phone has charge but is locked to orange and I have 02 SIM. So I am stuck unable to make any calls or text. Suposing I get a text from Romeo I won't be able to reply :-(

Now I am feeling a bit stuck because DC has promised to pay me some money. He got paid on Friday (his day off), he went to the bank but didn't transfer money to my account, but said he would do that on saturday). When I got home from Asda DC gave me £200 cash !!!! omg why did he do that. I am glad he gave me money but I would rather it was in my bank. Now I can't pay my phone bill even though I can afford it. I can only get to the bank on Saturdays. I get paid on friday so my phone bill wont get paid until friday.

Today I have a brain wave or two................ouch that hurt, watch out for flying pigs of the spotted variety. Yes that is what I will do I can buy a new cheap phone at asda when I go to do my shopping (yesterday I just got enough food for yesterday as DC hadn't paid me by that time). so I ahve done my shopping and pop into the electrical bit where they sell the TV's phones and cameras. I couldn't find a cheap phone on 02 so I bought #6 a very cheap plastic nokia on virgin (long time since I was a virgin customer) £14 I also noticed that they did SIM packs for £4 so I bought an orange one to see if it would work on #5 phone.

So now I have beside me on my bed
#3 phone £5 credit no charge
#4 phone fully charged but restricted
#5 phone now has working SIM and charged up but needs to have credit
#6 phone works but needs credit

so anyone can phone me but I still can't phone out gggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrr

so guess what I am going to do next

buy some credit lol
then I shall indulge in some text sex just to make up for all this who shall I choose

oh what fun I have been having with a little encouragement not that I needed much from my friend rae


Rae!xx said...

My god you now have more phones then MM and he sells

Lady in red said...

lol does he need any more

cheekydani said...

Sheesh! You dear little nutter you! x

Vincent said...

Lady, this is an unimaginable nightmare. If you were foolish enough to ask my advice I would tell you to immerse all your phones into a bucket of hot soapy water with bleach and leave them there for at least 24 hours before taking them out and flinging them against a wall.

There was a time when you had no mobile and everything was OK, you still had a life.

I have always hated my mobile, even though it is about seven years old now, a cast-off from my daughter. I refuse to change it, because I hate it less as the years go by. I can always put a new battery in it when necessary. It's not for my benefit anyhow. Just needed to keep in touch with two youngest offspring.

these days people use them to say "I am outside your door" just because they cannot be bothered to get out of their car to ring the doorbell.

Whinge whinge moan moan grumpy old man that's me. x x x

Mel said...

Ohhhhhhhh.....I rather like that grumpy old man's theory! LOL

I might haffta try that one out! :-D

Good luck, lady.
Better thee than me. LOL

Mei Del said...

i say throw away all the phones and stick to one - that way you won't over spend and if you can't make calls, people will just have to understand. or drop call them, that's what my friend charlie does and if they want to speak to you they'll call you back. that way you'll also know who your friends really are!


Anonymous said...

i totally agree with mei coz there are alot of hidden costs that comes with each phone. so more phones = more hidden costs. best to just stick with one. easier to control your spending and keep track of your credit limits.

Fire Byrd said...

I stayed awake and was in hoots at the end... great saga
enjoy the phone sex!

Lady in red said...

dani I am so glad you recognise my true character here

Lady in red said...

dani I am so glad you recognise my true character here

Lady in red said...

Vincent I am sure you are right, I do as a general rule only use one phone most of the time. I don't use the landline very often though.

Lady in red said...

mel vincent only pretends to be a grumpy old man

Lady in red said...

mel vincent only pretends to be a grumpy old man

Lady in red said...

mei please explain 'drop call' I have never heard of that.

Lady in red said...

andrea I generally only use one phone for making calls/text on the second one I hadn't used for months other than as an effective alarm clock.

After this week I probably wont need a second phone again for a long time and will probably end up giving the new one away.

Lady in red said...

fire byrd I am glad you enjoyed the saga as that was after all my intention all along.

Giggle! said...


Thats a lot of sex toys! :-P *GiGGLeS* xx

Lady in red said...

lmao at right you are

nitebyrd said...

I had to re-read a few times and then take notes but I did laugh. With you, my Lady, not at you!

So many phones, so little credit!

having my cake said...

My brain hurts!

Anonymous said...