catching up

Where to start?

Saturday morning I went off to put a deposit on the car DC wanted to buy. Then I had to juggle my money so that there was enough in my current account so that DC could get the insurance set up, he had to pay for two months in advance then pays nothing for two months. This meant that I was left with very little to buy food but that was ok as DC was going to pay me back in cash when he got home. I spent a couple of hours with my mum in the afternoon.

Whilst at my mums she had a phone call, I could only hear her side of it but it was very soon apparent who and what the call was.

'no SF I can't lend you any money.'

'no I am a bit short myself at the moment'

'well I can lend you £20 that I have in my purse'

'I don't want you to come here'

'no don't come here and don't try to see LiR'

'I will give the money to her so she can give it to one of the boys to give you'

'No you will have to arrange to meet one of the boys'

No prizes for working that one out. I phoned OJ who said that his dad had rung him asking if he could lend him any money.

' I told him I don't have any and nor does mum.'

Sunday was another warm sunny day, I drove DC to where his new car was, he signed on the dotted line and paid his money. I drove around the corner and waited for him to follow but he didn't then I saw him in my rear view mirror talking to the guy he had just bought the car from. A few minutes later I got a text from DC

flat battery!

Jump leads and a couple of minutes with the engine running he was ready to go. So now my son has a car that he can afford to run so he shouldn't have any need to borrow mine.

I spent my afternoon at the cinema with my mum. The Duchess was a very moving and interesting film. Kiera Knightley' Duchess was a very powerful character,you could help feel her pain and frustrations.

I ended my day by having a long conversation with Forest. The start of this conversation was quite painful for me. We were not talking about our past, that is in the past now and we have moved on. But he was asking me about Romeo. I have been finding these last few weeks hard to cope with as I had not heard from Romeo for three weeks which is longer than any other time that I have not heard from him. I am and always have been confident that I just have to be patient and he would be back and I know that as soon as I hear from him I shall be fine. But talking to Forest made the whole situation worse for me. The questions he asked (the same questions everyone myself included) put doubts in my mind that I can't afford to have there. In order to survive these absences I need to be strong and patient and have absolute faith and trust in Romeo. When someone sows these seeds of doubt in my mind it hurts me. I had to change the subject.

Oh yes thats when things began to get hot. Among other things the conversation turned to Lotto, I am not saying why or how that subject came up. But to cut a long story short I was telling Forest about my conversation with Lotto last weekend, when he tried to be my master. He was very half hearted about it and caved in to me very easily. This led to me telling Forest that he would be good at being a Master. He is a passive aggressive, or so I thought a couple of times when we were together. Well it was like a light being switched on. Forest went into Dom mode and yes I would say that he has the making of a Dom, now this is a side to him that I never saw before.

Anyway having talked to him last night and following a text I got this morning from Aunty in reply to a text I sent to her on Saturday I was feeling rather depressed and hurt about Romeo. So much so that I was feeling like he was ignoring me. I wanted to send him a text telling him that he was hurting me but I didn't I just got on with my work and plastered a smile on my face everytime I answered the phone. I am not quite sure if I mentioned the other week that another of my customers has been chatting me up. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for his email address meaning his work one but he gave me his personal email address. We have exchanged a couple of emails nothing much.

Today I was given a message to phone him as he wanted to place an order. We must have been chatting for at least half an hour as I was taking his order. During the conversation he insisted on giving me his mobile number. I text him later to let him know that his order had been packed and would be delivered tomorrow. So now he has my mobile number. Perhaps that was a mistake. I really enjoyed chatting to him and our conversation lifted my spirits. So my depression was beginning to lift so I was feeling much happier. I think this guy could be featuring here a bit more so I had better give hima name. Paulo.

To my utter suprise I got a text from Romeo at lunch time telling me he has just returned from a trip to the far east. I guess he will be getting over jet lag for the next few days so I have just replied that I had started to get worried about him. I shall just leave him be now and wait for him to contact me. Although I enjoyed chatting to Forest last night I really wish he hadn't sown the seeds of doubt in my mind.

As for Paulo, I had only been in the house for 10 minutes when he phoned me just because he wanted to hear my voice. Apparently he finds my voice very sexy and I intrigue him. We talked about families (he has been seperated 6 months) homes, he wants to get my shower fixed for me (so he can share it with me tut tut)and we talked about food, dieting and gyms. Again we chatted for a good half an hour. I have had 5 emails from him in the last hour. Ok so he wouldn't keep sending them if I didn't reply. But I do enjoy talking to him.

So now I don't know where I am at. I have such strong feelings for Romeo but I feel hurt by his lack of communications in the last two months. I guess I shall just see how things pan out with Romeo over the next few weeks. If we can't progress in the next month then there is no point in carrying on all it is doing is hurting me. It hurts me that I am beginning to feel this way because I really felt we had something special. Perhaps its just the length of his absence then what Forest was saying last night that I just can't fully shake off.