Friday, 12 September 2008

two very different days I don't want to repeat

All week I have had trouble sleeping with this rotten cough. Each morning I have woken feeling dreadful.

Thursday I knew from the outset was going to be a hard day workwise. It isn't helped by the fact that I have become used to having my early mornings to myself, being up and out before any other member of the family. Every 4 or 5 weeks DC is working the early shift 8am until 4pm, but he still doesn't need to be up and about as early as me as he works closer to home. As from last week JA was back at school which means I must make sure he is up and out of bed before I leave the house. Then at the start of this week ET started college, for the first couple of days he had to catch the 9am train so that wasn't so bad but Thursday and Friday it was the 8am train. Wednesday OJ went back to college, catching the same trains as ET. This has been DC's week to work early. So the last few days have seen all 5 of us getting in each other's way as we get ready for the day ahead. aaaaagggrrrrrrr.

Thursday morning I was sorting myself out when ET got to the shower before me, drat that is going to put me behind schedule. Plus I need to go to the garage on the way to work to get some money. SF was meant to call round on wednesday evening (he even rang to tell me he was bringing me not only the money he had borrowed but the £100 he pays me each month) he didn't turn up. Whilst I was waiting for ET to finish in the shower I heard the travel news a lorry had over turned on the motorway diversions were in place. I text PB in case she hadn't heard it. By the time I had showered and dressed I was later leaving than I had wanted considering the possible traffic problem. At the garage there was only one person serving and a couple of customers taking for ever. Finally setting off I could see as I came down the hill towards the motorway that already the traffic was slowing down even though the overturned lorry was at the far end of the motorway just where it becomes an A road.

I wasn't going to sit in that! I diverted myself to go up over the hill but there was more traffic than normal for that time in the morning going that way. Obviously others had the same idea. As the road crossed the motorway I could see below me 4 lanes of stationary red lights. As the hill road climbed higher I joined the back of the traffic crawling along at 20mph but at least we were moving unlike the traffic below. Because it was still early and the weather dull I could see lines of headlights trying unsucessfully to escape the city, while similar lines of red lights sat waiting to circumnavigate the same city. Turning on my radio I heard that the overturned lorry contained gas canisters, an exclusion zone of 200m was being implemented. Nothing was moving in either direction down there.Meanwhile the traffic on the hill had become stop start as other vehicles tried to join us from the various lanes that criss cross my favourite road. Eventually I arrived at work after an hour (a journey that would normally take me 20 minutes). Every road in the area had become gridlocked. Boss Lady is usually in the office by 7.30 didn't arrive until after 8.30. It didn't matter which direction you came from you had to get caught in the problems.

By the time I arrived at work I was feeling quite poorly, at first I thought I was out of breath but soon realised that even with my cold my breathing was fine but my heart was beating 20 to the dozen. It took me a good half an hour to feel calm, I know this had nothing to do with the chaos on the roads, I was not stressed out about that. I was also in a lot of abdominal pain which I worked out to be trapped wind probably as a result of all the coughing I had been doing over the recent days and nights. A couple of pain killers soon eased that problem.

The office has been strained this week, with NL seemingly oblivious to the unacceptable amount of problems his incompetence has been causing. It has been noted that for one reason or another from the middle of August until the middle of October there is not one day when every member of the sales team are in the office. However it is becoming increasingly evident that NL is more of a hinderance than a help. We cannot carry on this way, something has to change. I have over the last couple of months been alarmed to discover that where I had believed myself to be very patient and enjoy teaching people on a one to one basis, I can in fact be very impatient with this young man. (as a person he is a perfectly nice young man). I try to be friendly towards him, but I CANNOT WORK WITH HIM. If it had been anyone else I could have taken some time off to get myself well again even if it was just a case of leaving a little early, but he cannot be left unsupervised. I dread to think what has occurred today while there was just him and BG(part time) and the boss. NL cannot even be trusted to take a message, it seems to be asking the impossible for him to obtain the name and company plus phone number. (there sure are a lot of "chaps" in his world).

Anyway I finally got home from work and collapsed in a heap on my bed feeling as though I had been fed through a wringer. While I dozed JA took it upon himself to feed all four boys. OJ was very impressed, as of course was I when I heard. SO Thursday was a day I don't want to repeat again in a hurry.

Today Friday was another day I don't want to repeat too soon but for very different reasons. I had sat up chatting to my mentor until gone midnight before being industriuos on my laptop, finally managing to fall asleep around 2am only to wake up at 5am Again!!! (thats every day this week). I was awake when the boys were getting ready for school/college, but too tired to get up. I dozed off again not needing to be at my mum's until later. I arrived at my mum's house in glorious warm sunshine. Managing to squeeze my car onto her drive I left the windows open about 5" to stop my car getting too hot in case DC used my car to transport people to the crematorium (I was going in the Limo).

I had plated up the food for later and was enjoying a cup of tea when my brother D his wife S and R (who I will tell you about another time, it is very complicated)all arrived. As we sat chatting the clouds burst open just then DC and JA arrived running from DC's car, they were soaked. Everyone kept telling me that my car windows were open, tossing my keys to DC he turned and ran back out to close my windows for me. Poor lad when he came back in he was soaked to the skin. My mum tried to dry him off with her hair dryer but that wasn't working so I suggested we iron his shirt, that worked lol. Its a good thing we still had plenty of time. As per usual T and his wife J (Tom and Jerry as D calls them) arrived not long before we the car was due to arrive.

My Grandpa didn't follow any faith so this was not a religious funeral, we started off with some Greek music as he had always loved Greece this was followed by my mum telling the story of her dad's life. Next some quiet reflection time as we listened to some bird song to celebrate his love of the New Forest. Next the part I had been dreading, I stood in front of these people (most of them my family) and read out the memories I had written down from the times my brothers and I had spent with Grandpa as children. I have always had problems with speaking to a group of people, one or two I can manage but more than that I feel my face turning red and my eyes water. But I was prepared to give this a try in the knowledge that if it became too difficult the Funeral Director would take over for me. However I managed to keep reading to the end and apparently read it well and clearly so that even in the back row I was heard. I was complimented even on the way it was written. My memories were followed by the reading of "Death is nothing at all" by canon Henry Scott-Holland. We finished off with a rendition of "The Essex boy" Brass Band music that he loved (especially appropriate for a man born and bred in Essex).

At the end of it all I can say that it was a lovely funeral and the lady from the Nursing home who came along left saying that she wants hers to be like that. But I shall repeat that that this day s not one that I want to do again just yet.

Of the dozen funerals I have now attended this was the second that was more a family celebration of a life than a religious ceremony. Do you all know what kind of funeral you want? Will it be a burial, cremation, a green funeral, will your passing be mourned or your life celebrated? .


Giggle! said...

*HuGS* I think I want to be cremated. And I know what song I want played at my funeral... the rest, I don't mind! xx

Vincent said...

I think about death a lot. Well not death so much as life coming to an end, if you see the difference. My funeral I don't think about other than being grateful I won't have to arrange it.

However I think it is my joyful duty to arrange the rest of my life so as a) not to be a burden b) remain free (from being banged up in a care home, restrained through medication or sense of obligation) c) live in such a way as to ensure that those affected will be glad I remain alive and also see the benefit of me being dead.

For when the time is right, I want to go of my own accord and not be shoved unwillingly off this planet. I don't mean suicide, of course.

But then of course you often hear songs that you think "That would be nice for my funeral." Some of my choices might be a little highbrow or obscure: Morten Lauridsen's Lux Aeterna for example. Or "Farewell" sung by Sandy Denny (Fairport Convention, Liege and Lief, 1969.)

Lately I have been reading Bernard Shaw's Back to Methuselah, a science fiction play in which some individuals live to the age of 300.

The thing I would find unappealing is to cling to life being only a burden (to others and myself). Perhaps if I am falling apart piecemeal, I'll hasten the process by smoking a pipe, drinking much whisky and indulging in other activities deemed unsafe by today's nannies. But not riding a bicycle in traffic. It scares me.

Wild Cat said...

((xx)) big hugs

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