Friday, 5 September 2008

Feeling like death warmed up

By the time we arrived it was too late grandad had passed away.



I can't help feeling that he would have preferred it that way. He wouldn't have wanted us to be sat there watching for his last breath. Waiting for his last moment. We had said our goodbyes hours earlier. He had not been aware of what was happening for hours, he had had enough. We had been there for him when he was still conscious, that was more important to us and him.



Thursday was a strange day waking up feeling crap (having been awake until 5am) I still cant believe that at one point I told my mum I felt like death 'warmed up'. It was only later I realised what I had said. When I mentioned it to my mum she said she had noticed and had chuckled to herself. But she agreed that she felt as though she had a hangover. The day was a mixture of phone calls and sleeping.



One phone call I hadn't expected was SF, he had tried calling me at work. To give his sympathy?

No he didn't know grandad had gone. He does now and I have said he can attend the funeral (if he doesn't drink first). No he was phoning to ask me to lend him £50 to tide him over until he gets paid next week. I really wish he wouldn't put me in this situation. Most months I find myself just scraping through with no spare money. But I do still have money in the bank not that I want him to know that. I don't want to be lending him money but I feel that if I say no then he might be less willing to help me out next time I need it. (hopefully those days are now over). Equally I don't want to set a precedence for him to keep begging me for money every time he wants beer or cigarettes. I gave him £20. I could have managed more but don't feel it would be helpful to either of us if I did.

12 comments:

DJ Kirkby said...

Can't believe you are working! Give yourself some TLC time off. Oh and do learn how to tell SF to *&^% off would you? You've got enough problems of your own without him sponging off you. xo

Mei Del said...

DJ took the words right out of my mouth - but i guess going about the daily routine, working, helps to stop feeling too much?

take care of yourself xx

Lady in red said...

I didn't work yesterday but I am going in today

Trixie said...

Honey, you shouldn't give him any money. He should be giving YOU money, not the other way round! Does he pay you child maintenance?

Gypsy said...

I'm very sorry to hear about your Grandad. I had to smile to myself when you were describing him in your last post. You could have been describing my Grandad who passed away 2 years ago. He always took us kids on long rambling walks with the dog and gave us mints that he never seemed to run out of.

I hope he is resting in peace now.

Miss Understood said...

I'm glad you took the day off...you needed it. x

I once said "Life's a bitch and then you die" to a woman who'd just lost her husband. Talk about foot in mouth syndrome!

Hope you're doing ok, sweetie. x

cheekydani said...

I'm sorry to hear about your Granddad, he sounded like a special soul. Take care of yourself my dear. x

Ashley Ladd said...

I have an ex-friend that used to ask me for money, not that we have a very easy time either. Then I found out she was using it to have fun going out while we were scraping by.

Mel said...

*Huge hugs and lots of prayers to you and yours*

....thinkin' of you.....

Giggle! said...

Oh dear! Not good at all.

Sorry to hear about Grandad... and I do hope you feel better soon xx

MarmiteToasty said...

Big hugz to you (((LIR)))...

x

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