Monday, 22 September 2008

Bloody hell!!

Work was fine today even with NL back, it was a very quiet day which meant that I could get on with catching up with some of the things that have been put to one side for weeks. But whilst I was enjoying my work there were other problems rearing their ugly heads.

First I had a missed call from home while I was away from my desk, this was followed by a text from OJ.

ET needs to get his act together, cos this is 3rd day off out of 11 which is way below the compulsory 85% so dont be suprised if you get called in.

WTF when I left this morning ET was up and getting ready for college so what was OJ on about?

I rang home and ET answered, I asked him why he was home, he had missed the train so didn't go to college as he would have missed his first lesson. He is quitting college and has applied for a job at Co-op. I can't deal with this now so I will talk to him later. When I got home I discussed thi with all the boys, we all agree that ET can't give up college after just 2 weeks. He has agreed to stay at college until half term, then if he still feels that college is not for him he can leave but only on the condition that he has found himself a job that will pay him enough to be able to pay me the money I will lose when he is nolonger in education. So we will have to see what he does.

Then this evening their father phoned asking if he can sleep on my sofa until 10th October, hes very down and if he can't find anywhere that is near enough for him to walk to work (in town) at 4.30am each day then he will get under a rail line. Not sure how he would 'get under a rail line' but he seems to think he will. In other words hes blackmailing me. 'Give me a roof over my head or the boys lose their father'.

I told him 'no' time and time again but he kept begging, in the end I said I would think about it but wasnt making any promises.

I can't have him here and I don't know why he thinks otherwise. He told me that he doesn't mind if I have someone, he wont be any bother. Bloody cheek. As far as I am aware he doesn't know about Romeo and I would like it to stay that way for the moment, not that Romeo seems to be much in evidence at the moment. I wish he was around giving me the moral support I need right now.

Whilst I feel sorry for him I can't allow him into my home, into our lives. How do I stand firm and stop him from wearing me down on this. If he was still being objectionable it would be easy. But as we have been civil for the last year, it has become harder to say no without appearing cold hearted. I just know he is going to lay the guilt on me.

Right now I need Romeo to hold me and tell me that he will stand with me as I stand firm against this man.


MarmiteToasty said...

(((LIR))) hey you, maybe your lad has just got first few weeks nerves?? he need to at least give it a proper try..... my Sam finished his 2 year course in June but has decided NOT to go to uni....sigh...... so is now looking for a job, thinking he might as well of got a job 2 years ago LOL except he had the most amazing 2 years at college and has made lifetime maties....

DO NOT have you X sleeping on your sofa, or even in your house, you pay the mortage, it is YOUR home, not his..... and why on earth aint he got his own house/flat/railway bridge ? LOL.... stay strong girl.... you ARE strong... hugs


cheekydani said...

Holy cow.

Well as you very well know I believe (even more firmly now!) that MEN ARE WEIRD.

My dear, I'm not sure I can give you any advice or help, but I am great at agreeing that you should stick by your guns and do what you feel is right. And I'm great at hugging, so sending you a big virtual hug.


Lady in red said...

marmie he is the 3rd of my sons to go to college I have persuaded him to give it a bit longer before he gives up. I do understand that he wants to be earning money, but if he sticks it out for a year he will get a better job at the end of it.

As for the ex there is no way that I want him here.

Lady in red said...

Dani, thanks all hugs are welcome and yes men are weird

Mel said...

If the ex is down, he might not be able to see other this something you could offer up as help, or will that just continue the cycle of guilt/dependence he's made of the relationship with you?
(just an observation from over here--far removed from the emotional 'stuff' that comes with all of it)
I had an ex that was going to off himself (so he said). I had to remind myself that he had a choice to make and I wasn't responsible for his choices.....and refused to engage. I could care about his life without becoming responsible for it--as can you, yaknow?

And that kiddo just starting out--I know you know what a culture shock it is to walk into a new environment with new playmates and new expectations. Really, it's a culture shock--and was to my kiddo when she went off to college. I think you were mighty wise to support him being responsible, no matter the end result.
It's easy to get into that rescue mode with kiddos....heck, even with adults....LOL

Hang tough and let 'em make decisions and live with the outcomes of those decisions, eh?
Sounds easy! LOL
I KNOW it's not.....

Mei Del said...

weighing in late - been rubbish at blogging the last few days. on the lad front i seriously think that if he wants to work now he can always go back to college later, it's harder but possible and he;ll be much more mature and sure what he really wants to study as well. on the ex front, i would just put my foot down - but i'm hard as nails ... and if it were my ex, i'd tell him to take life insurance out for the boys

Fire Byrd said...

Oh I understand about the college thing.... Like Al walking out after his ASs.So frustrating!

As for ex, don't be blackmailed and don't take responsibility for his choices. They are his threats not yours.

if you remain uncertain you could always talk it over with the boys , and tell them what it will mean for them in terms of disruption to their lives. and tell them what he's threatening.
Nothing like sons scorn to pull someone together!!!

DJ Kirkby said...

Do not let SFB blackmail you or make you worry about seeming cold hearted...what does it matter if he thinks you are cold hearted? As for the college fiasco well...sounds a lot liek the stunt N1S pulled so make usre he gets a job if he quits, don't let him turn into a junior SFB's!

Fat Controller said...

I do sympathise with you on the college thing. We almost had to drag Son through the three years by the scruff of his neck, with truancy and mised deadlines all the way. Fortunately the Principal could see something in him and gave him last chance after last chance and he graduated by the skin of his teeth. He is now in further education, settled, enthusiastic and happier than we've seen him in years.

On the other question: First it'll be a roof over his head for a couple of nights, then the odd tenner borrowed here and there... From a legal point of view, if he does so much as put up a shelf, fix a tap or pay a household bill then it would be very hard to get him out again. Ignore the cruel blackmail and walk away!

Casdok said...

Stay strong. Emotional blackmail is the pits.

nitebyrd said...

Jeez!, you're having a time of it. Like Casdok said - stay strong about allowing the Ex to stay with you. What he said is a miserable thing to say to anyone.

Rae!xx said...

Arghhhhhh, bloody men!

I am sure you will do what you feel is right...xx

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