Forest I don't know what tomorrow holds for any of us.
While you have been away my life has been carrying on, nothing stays still for long. I had hoped that once you got back from your vacation it would be just a few days until my temporary contract ended so maybe we could get back to the easy friendship we used to have. I was hoping we could chat on msn again the way we used to do. We might even manage to spend some time together. but while you were away I was offered an extention to my contract until xmas. I would be stupid to turn it down so I accepted. this means my situation is slightly better for me and the boys. But it does mean that I wont be able to chat to you on msn while you work, as we did before. you won't be able to visit me at my home while the boys are at school/college unless I have a pre booked day off from work which is not out of the question. I don't know where we will be tomorrow or tomorrow's tomorrow. I am not looking for a fully committed relationship just more than we have had. I don't want to spend too many tomorrows wondering when or if I will see you. I am not asking for much although sometimes it might seem that I am. The biggest commitment I ask for is communication. The key to every kind of relationship (even friendship) is communication, which is something we seem to be having trouble with, which is sad as we used to be good at it.
Friday 31 August 2007
Monday 27 August 2007
changing my mind
why had I changed my mind you asked me
I didnt exactly change my mind, that would mean I had decided never to meet you. I had never made that decision. though I was happy having you as my friend. If Im going to be totally honest your picture is not a good one so it didn't make me feel I had to meet you urgently. But I try to keep an open mind so that would not have stopped me from meeting you. Besides I have found that mostly the men I have the best chemistry with are not the best looking. But why was I not getting around to meeting you? This is going to be difficult to put into words that make any sense to anyone but me.
I enjoyed chatting to you. I felt I could tell you anything, you didn't judge me, you enjoyed my adventures, you helped me to work out how I felt about people, events etc. you laughed at my humour, you encouraged me when I was feeling either low or in a strange mood. Sometimes when I described something I had done or wanted to try you would tell me you would like to try those things with me. I let those comments pass. I didn't grab hold of them and turn them into an opportunity as I could have done. You asked me if I wanted your mobile number but I let that chance slide by without comment. I don't know how you felt when I did that. It wasn't that I didn't want your number, there were times I wished I did have it.
There were times when I thought about what it would be like if I met you. Part of me wanted to meet this man who I had become very fond of. A bigger part of me was scared. Now I understand why I was scared and I understand that I am still scared. Another reason we didn't meet sooner is that you passed comments about wanting to do things with me but you never once asked to meet me. If you had asked me out right to meet up I would have agreed but you didn't. You still don't ask to see me, you either accept or decline when I mention it. You told me very little about yourself, oh I knew about you doing work on your house, your cats and that you have 4 children. eventually you told me that you see a woman sometimes, you have a good time with her. but you dont get together as often as you would like. The more I learnt about you the more I knew that if we met I would like you. I was coming to the stage of not wanting to play the field anymore. I wanted a more steady relationship in my life. I didn't and still don't think I am ready for a full on
relationship but I wanted someone who I could go out and do things with sometimes. Someone i could sometimes wake up with instead of always waking up alone. I thought from our conversations that you knew this. We even talked about me needing to find a single man who could give me more time than just the occasional tumble in the bedroom. sometimes I wondered if you were telling me to read between the lines and
accept that you are single and would like to be that person. But I was never sure if I was imagining this.
As the months passed and we didn't meet but I was becoming more fond of you the more scared I became of meeting you. I didn't want to meet you and find that I really liked you but it wasn't reciprocated. when we did meet I knew I liked you. I am not going to say that it was love at first sight it wasn't. but during that first time as we sat drinking our glasses of cola I found myself warming to you, you are much better looking than your picture shows. But it wasn't your looks that got me it was you, your manner, your quiet confidence tinged with a little uncertainty. As you know I was mesmerised by your lovely eyes, I could just gaze into those pastel blue eyes of yours for hours. There is nothing brash about you, you are trully a
gentle man. when your hand brushed my knee it felt so good. When you kissed me goodbye with your hand on my waist it felt so good I can still feel that touch now all these months later.
But it was the next day when we met for a walk that you really caught me. I can't pin point the moment, was it when you took hold of my hand as we walked, was it when we stopped to kiss that first time. I could have stood there by that pond forever but reaching up to you was hurting my neck a little and it can't have been too good for you, being so much taller than me. was it when we wandered off through the trees. I know that by the time your hands were roaming over my body as we stood amongst the trees you had me hooked. My body gave me away even if my words didn't. I still can't believe I was so arouse just by being with you that my juice was running down my legs even before your hand found the hem of my skirt.
If my behaviour since then has been irratic, sometimes my mood has been good sometimes frantic it is only because you confuse me so much. I don't understand what it is that makes me feel the way I do. But more than that I have no idea how you feel, are you glad we met or do you regret it. Do you like me for me or do you just want the sex we have. If we could talk more like we used to I would feel better but in the absence of your words my mind fills in the blanks and that can be pretty horrendous at times.I really am scared of my feelings and the implications they bring.
I didnt exactly change my mind, that would mean I had decided never to meet you. I had never made that decision. though I was happy having you as my friend. If Im going to be totally honest your picture is not a good one so it didn't make me feel I had to meet you urgently. But I try to keep an open mind so that would not have stopped me from meeting you. Besides I have found that mostly the men I have the best chemistry with are not the best looking. But why was I not getting around to meeting you? This is going to be difficult to put into words that make any sense to anyone but me.
I enjoyed chatting to you. I felt I could tell you anything, you didn't judge me, you enjoyed my adventures, you helped me to work out how I felt about people, events etc. you laughed at my humour, you encouraged me when I was feeling either low or in a strange mood. Sometimes when I described something I had done or wanted to try you would tell me you would like to try those things with me. I let those comments pass. I didn't grab hold of them and turn them into an opportunity as I could have done. You asked me if I wanted your mobile number but I let that chance slide by without comment. I don't know how you felt when I did that. It wasn't that I didn't want your number, there were times I wished I did have it.
There were times when I thought about what it would be like if I met you. Part of me wanted to meet this man who I had become very fond of. A bigger part of me was scared. Now I understand why I was scared and I understand that I am still scared. Another reason we didn't meet sooner is that you passed comments about wanting to do things with me but you never once asked to meet me. If you had asked me out right to meet up I would have agreed but you didn't. You still don't ask to see me, you either accept or decline when I mention it. You told me very little about yourself, oh I knew about you doing work on your house, your cats and that you have 4 children. eventually you told me that you see a woman sometimes, you have a good time with her. but you dont get together as often as you would like. The more I learnt about you the more I knew that if we met I would like you. I was coming to the stage of not wanting to play the field anymore. I wanted a more steady relationship in my life. I didn't and still don't think I am ready for a full on
relationship but I wanted someone who I could go out and do things with sometimes. Someone i could sometimes wake up with instead of always waking up alone. I thought from our conversations that you knew this. We even talked about me needing to find a single man who could give me more time than just the occasional tumble in the bedroom. sometimes I wondered if you were telling me to read between the lines and
accept that you are single and would like to be that person. But I was never sure if I was imagining this.
As the months passed and we didn't meet but I was becoming more fond of you the more scared I became of meeting you. I didn't want to meet you and find that I really liked you but it wasn't reciprocated. when we did meet I knew I liked you. I am not going to say that it was love at first sight it wasn't. but during that first time as we sat drinking our glasses of cola I found myself warming to you, you are much better looking than your picture shows. But it wasn't your looks that got me it was you, your manner, your quiet confidence tinged with a little uncertainty. As you know I was mesmerised by your lovely eyes, I could just gaze into those pastel blue eyes of yours for hours. There is nothing brash about you, you are trully a
gentle man. when your hand brushed my knee it felt so good. When you kissed me goodbye with your hand on my waist it felt so good I can still feel that touch now all these months later.
But it was the next day when we met for a walk that you really caught me. I can't pin point the moment, was it when you took hold of my hand as we walked, was it when we stopped to kiss that first time. I could have stood there by that pond forever but reaching up to you was hurting my neck a little and it can't have been too good for you, being so much taller than me. was it when we wandered off through the trees. I know that by the time your hands were roaming over my body as we stood amongst the trees you had me hooked. My body gave me away even if my words didn't. I still can't believe I was so arouse just by being with you that my juice was running down my legs even before your hand found the hem of my skirt.
If my behaviour since then has been irratic, sometimes my mood has been good sometimes frantic it is only because you confuse me so much. I don't understand what it is that makes me feel the way I do. But more than that I have no idea how you feel, are you glad we met or do you regret it. Do you like me for me or do you just want the sex we have. If we could talk more like we used to I would feel better but in the absence of your words my mind fills in the blanks and that can be pretty horrendous at times.I really am scared of my feelings and the implications they bring.
Friday 24 August 2007
I dont know where I am............ but thats ok
I have tried unsuccessfully not to think about forest too much while he is away.
I have tried to occupy myself
I have tried to remove him from my mind
I have tried searching dating sites for someone to replace him
I have chatted on msn
I have had text conversations
I have exchanged emails
I have not been frantic
I have not been in a panic
I have not been throwing myself at every available man
I have not been totally good
I have not been terribly naughty either
I have not kept Forest from my mind
In the past week I have had offers
Oxo asked me to visit him and stay over I declined
Fireman Sam has hinted and I said maybe
Fireman Sam has even asked me to play with him I declined
Rusty has teased me with his text
Rusty has requested a repeat of our previous meeting I can't decide
Do these men think that I am avoiding them personally
I want to keep occupied
I dont want to think
yet I feel disinclined to accept these offers
it isn't that I have gone off sex
It isn't that I am saving myself
I just don't feel in a space where sex is everything
I feel as though these offers are something I can take or leave
I am choosing to leave for the moment and just be here
I leave my boys while I indulge in pleasure often enough
for the moment I shall just be here with them
I am not feeling the peaks and troughs that go with passion
I am feeling serene and calm
no need to rock the boat
I am happy just chatting, texting and emailing
I am connecting with friends old and new
just being me
I am trying to work out what I want
I am trying to work out what I dont want
I am lost without emotion
but that is ok
I have tried to occupy myself
I have tried to remove him from my mind
I have tried searching dating sites for someone to replace him
I have chatted on msn
I have had text conversations
I have exchanged emails
I have not been frantic
I have not been in a panic
I have not been throwing myself at every available man
I have not been totally good
I have not been terribly naughty either
I have not kept Forest from my mind
In the past week I have had offers
Oxo asked me to visit him and stay over I declined
Fireman Sam has hinted and I said maybe
Fireman Sam has even asked me to play with him I declined
Rusty has teased me with his text
Rusty has requested a repeat of our previous meeting I can't decide
Do these men think that I am avoiding them personally
I want to keep occupied
I dont want to think
yet I feel disinclined to accept these offers
it isn't that I have gone off sex
It isn't that I am saving myself
I just don't feel in a space where sex is everything
I feel as though these offers are something I can take or leave
I am choosing to leave for the moment and just be here
I leave my boys while I indulge in pleasure often enough
for the moment I shall just be here with them
I am not feeling the peaks and troughs that go with passion
I am feeling serene and calm
no need to rock the boat
I am happy just chatting, texting and emailing
I am connecting with friends old and new
just being me
I am trying to work out what I want
I am trying to work out what I dont want
I am lost without emotion
but that is ok
Monday 20 August 2007
crashing waves
wipers slicing through the spray
peering at the cars through the mist
idiots without lights hard to see
stop start stop start
where have they all come from
why are so many going my way
an hour no more it should have taken
its nearer two by the time I arrive
hi its me I have arrived
waiting for him to show me the way
to this flat 3 storeys up
with a view straight out to sea
grey sky grey water merge in the distance
white crests of waves crash so close
to where I stand
from the window staring out
he stands behind me this man
so tall and tanned
blonde a god of a man
his smile and twinkly eyes
why should he be interested
in me so short and cuddly
he longs to squeeze me to him
as together we sit with
football results scrolling across the screen
he leans into me and kisses my lips
mmm very nice I can't not respond
soon he has led me into the small bedroom where
he has to stoop with such a low ceiling
he presses himself to me kissing and caressing
clothes discarded on the floor
I gaze upon this body so lean
taught and golden flesh
in stark contrast to my own
white and lumpy rolls that are mine
he is good this god like man
he makes me squirm and exclaim
in pure delight
yes he is good and I want him inside me
thrusting and making me his
i lose count of the times
my name is whispered on his lips
he lays back loving the feel
of my hands my tongue upon his
body as he stands proud
some time later he recovers from cramp
as we dress ready again
for the outside world
time for another look from his window at
the crashing waves, waves that are in tune
with the crashing thuds inside my head
he is a lovely sight to behold this man
so straight and secure in his beauty
his smile so friendly
but I am not his
it saddens me to know
I am here and not some place else
we smile we kiss goodbye as I leave for the return journey
on my way a decision has to be made
the road forks one way to where forest lives
I take the other road as there is no point
Forest is not there
peering at the cars through the mist
idiots without lights hard to see
stop start stop start
where have they all come from
why are so many going my way
an hour no more it should have taken
its nearer two by the time I arrive
hi its me I have arrived
waiting for him to show me the way
to this flat 3 storeys up
with a view straight out to sea
grey sky grey water merge in the distance
white crests of waves crash so close
to where I stand
from the window staring out
he stands behind me this man
so tall and tanned
blonde a god of a man
his smile and twinkly eyes
why should he be interested
in me so short and cuddly
he longs to squeeze me to him
as together we sit with
football results scrolling across the screen
he leans into me and kisses my lips
mmm very nice I can't not respond
soon he has led me into the small bedroom where
he has to stoop with such a low ceiling
he presses himself to me kissing and caressing
clothes discarded on the floor
I gaze upon this body so lean
taught and golden flesh
in stark contrast to my own
white and lumpy rolls that are mine
he is good this god like man
he makes me squirm and exclaim
in pure delight
yes he is good and I want him inside me
thrusting and making me his
i lose count of the times
my name is whispered on his lips
he lays back loving the feel
of my hands my tongue upon his
body as he stands proud
some time later he recovers from cramp
as we dress ready again
for the outside world
time for another look from his window at
the crashing waves, waves that are in tune
with the crashing thuds inside my head
he is a lovely sight to behold this man
so straight and secure in his beauty
his smile so friendly
but I am not his
it saddens me to know
I am here and not some place else
we smile we kiss goodbye as I leave for the return journey
on my way a decision has to be made
the road forks one way to where forest lives
I take the other road as there is no point
Forest is not there
Friday 17 August 2007
each night
why is it that no matter where I have been
no matter what I have been doing
no matter who I have been talking to
each night as I climb into my bed
it is you who is in my mind
no matter what I have been doing
no matter who I have been talking to
each night as I climb into my bed
it is you who is in my mind
The sign is there
I just found a comment from Innocent in response to my post gonna fuck forest again. He says I will as the sign is there. I know exactly what he is talking about.
Yes the sign is there and has been for a few weeks now. When I drive home from work I have to use a junction where there have been ongoing road works for sometime. A few weeks ago a six foot approx sign suddenly appeared. It is on the edge of the road works just by where I have to stop at lights before exiting the junction. It appears to be a road sign that has been propped up about 4 or 5 foot off the ground only it has been turned so that you can only see the back of it and scrawled on it in large painted letters the word..........Forest
It appears to have no purpose yet it seems to have been placed there deliberately.
I have no idea why it is there or what it means but I cannot avoid seeing it.
Yes the sign is there and has been for a few weeks now. When I drive home from work I have to use a junction where there have been ongoing road works for sometime. A few weeks ago a six foot approx sign suddenly appeared. It is on the edge of the road works just by where I have to stop at lights before exiting the junction. It appears to be a road sign that has been propped up about 4 or 5 foot off the ground only it has been turned so that you can only see the back of it and scrawled on it in large painted letters the word..........Forest
It appears to have no purpose yet it seems to have been placed there deliberately.
I have no idea why it is there or what it means but I cannot avoid seeing it.
gonna fuck forest again
tonight a fellow blogger who I was chatting to on IM asked me
gonna fuck forest again?
i think you will....but i think maybe.......you shouldn't....and move on.........after all...its the journey towards selfhood you're after
it will depend on what he has to say when he gets back
and how long it takes him to get in contact
sure.....and nothing about what you say ?
you have a voice ?
in the meantime im not sitting around moping
sure....
oh I know but I will make my decision on what he does or doesnt do and whether i think he deserves me
hmmm.....that assumes he has the power to do this....... some people might observe that maybe........you're a bit vulnerable here...
in the end I can decide whether i want to still see him or not if i decide not there is nothing he can do but for now he will get the benefit of the doubt.
I have a time limit in my head that if theres no improvement the door closes
keep the faith if you can.....people rely on you |;)
such as?
me.....to provide a sparring partner...
ok just give me time to prep my jousting stick
gonna fuck forest again?
i think you will....but i think maybe.......you shouldn't....and move on.........after all...its the journey towards selfhood you're after
it will depend on what he has to say when he gets back
and how long it takes him to get in contact
sure.....and nothing about what you say ?
you have a voice ?
in the meantime im not sitting around moping
sure....
oh I know but I will make my decision on what he does or doesnt do and whether i think he deserves me
hmmm.....that assumes he has the power to do this....... some people might observe that maybe........you're a bit vulnerable here...
in the end I can decide whether i want to still see him or not if i decide not there is nothing he can do but for now he will get the benefit of the doubt.
I have a time limit in my head that if theres no improvement the door closes
keep the faith if you can.....people rely on you |;)
such as?
me.....to provide a sparring partner...
ok just give me time to prep my jousting stick
breaking records
George has asked me if I would still be setting out to break sexual records during the next three weeks if forest had told me earlier about his holiday.
I would like to clarify that I am not setting out to break any records. If he had told me before the last minute I would have felt happier about the situation between us. This would have perhaps made me less inclined to accept as many of the opportunities which have suddenly presented themselves. I am not setting out to see as many men as I can while he is away. Opportunities to see others who I have previously met and one or two that I hadn't until now have been presenting themselves. I see no reason to turn them down. He has made it clear that he expects me to see other men. I see no reason to sit at home moping while he is enjoying himself somewhere unknown. but probably I wouldn't have bothered to meet anyone new unless they were extra special. I will however definitely meet up with Thomas if he can arrange to be in my area when I am not working.
I would like to clarify that I am not setting out to break any records. If he had told me before the last minute I would have felt happier about the situation between us. This would have perhaps made me less inclined to accept as many of the opportunities which have suddenly presented themselves. I am not setting out to see as many men as I can while he is away. Opportunities to see others who I have previously met and one or two that I hadn't until now have been presenting themselves. I see no reason to turn them down. He has made it clear that he expects me to see other men. I see no reason to sit at home moping while he is enjoying himself somewhere unknown. but probably I wouldn't have bothered to meet anyone new unless they were extra special. I will however definitely meet up with Thomas if he can arrange to be in my area when I am not working.
while the cat is away.........
George has asked me if it will be a long three weeks while Forest is away. I have to say that there is the potential for it to be very long. After all I was climbing the walls when I couldn't contact him for 2 weeks. Now I know he is away for 3 weeks it did hurt when I found his message. Not because he is away, I don't begrudge him a holiday, he is very hard working not just in his work but in his private life too. I am assuming that he has taken his children away with him, I could never wish him not to spend time with his children who he cares for very much, this is so obvious when he talks about them. What hurt was the way he told me, but more than anything that he left it until the last minute to tell me. He probably did this for one of two reasons, either it didn't occur to him until the last minute to tell me, then realised that I would go crazy if I didn't hear from him for that length of time without knowing the reason. Or he didn't want to tell me before as he was worried about how I would react to the news that he would be away. I would have reacted much better if he had told me before. I would have like to ask him where he was going what it is like there etc. Now I am wondering if it will occur to him to send me a postcard he had better not say he couldn't as he doesn't know my address. He has been here a few times, I had to give him my address for him to find my house.
Anyway onto the subject of the next three weeks for me.
Ronjazz has told me that I only need to be true to myself not anyone else. He is right and I have to say that my decision to behave myself and nor see others was because that was how I wanted it not because any man had asked me not to see anyone else. All the men I see including Forest are happy for me to see others (or at least thats what they say).So for a few months I saw forest then gradually began to see Oxo again. Then Mr Passionate crept back into bed with me last week. You know that thing the more you have the more you want. Well in the last week I have seen 2 men that I hadn't seen before, I am making plans to see Thomas again. I am due to see another man Rusty this week also. Although we have not met already we began chatting last year and did arrange to meet at one point but his business meeting over ran and we just never got around to rearranging the date until now. So far from crying myself asleep every night I think maybe I shall be too busy to worry too much about what was his name again?
Dark master has plans to have me spanked when his sex slave comes over from Canada. He has spoken to her about it and they want to make my fantasy story 'her suprise' come true. Rusty has plans for me to be tied and teased. I am sure that in the next few weeks I shall see both Oxo and Fireman Sam my fuck buddies. Thomas is organising time to see me, we have agreed that the fantasy of the knight and his lady is over. This is now an illicit affair between two real people. He is concerned that as he is as good as married I will give him the bums rush (that is not what I have planned for his bum). So I think while the cat is away this mouse will be playing hard and may even be too knackered to see him on his return.
Anyway onto the subject of the next three weeks for me.
Ronjazz has told me that I only need to be true to myself not anyone else. He is right and I have to say that my decision to behave myself and nor see others was because that was how I wanted it not because any man had asked me not to see anyone else. All the men I see including Forest are happy for me to see others (or at least thats what they say).So for a few months I saw forest then gradually began to see Oxo again. Then Mr Passionate crept back into bed with me last week. You know that thing the more you have the more you want. Well in the last week I have seen 2 men that I hadn't seen before, I am making plans to see Thomas again. I am due to see another man Rusty this week also. Although we have not met already we began chatting last year and did arrange to meet at one point but his business meeting over ran and we just never got around to rearranging the date until now. So far from crying myself asleep every night I think maybe I shall be too busy to worry too much about what was his name again?
Dark master has plans to have me spanked when his sex slave comes over from Canada. He has spoken to her about it and they want to make my fantasy story 'her suprise' come true. Rusty has plans for me to be tied and teased. I am sure that in the next few weeks I shall see both Oxo and Fireman Sam my fuck buddies. Thomas is organising time to see me, we have agreed that the fantasy of the knight and his lady is over. This is now an illicit affair between two real people. He is concerned that as he is as good as married I will give him the bums rush (that is not what I have planned for his bum). So I think while the cat is away this mouse will be playing hard and may even be too knackered to see him on his return.
Sunday 12 August 2007
Male harem
Is there a word that equals harem when attached to men as opposed to women?
I have just been chatting to Thomas formally known as my knight. we were discussing the men in my life. I described them as the male equivalent to a harem. In the past I have talked of my stable of men.
I had thought that sometimes men runaway from me. they enjoy being with me but suddenly bolt like frightened cats. This I put down to them not really liking me as much as they could. But I am beginning to realise now that I was wrong. They run because they do like me. It isn't me that frightens them but their own feelings towards me. Thomas has just promised that he wont do it again. He hadn't realised that I had noticed that was what he had done.
which best describes what I have harem or stable or is there a better way to collectively describe my men.
I have just been chatting to Thomas formally known as my knight. we were discussing the men in my life. I described them as the male equivalent to a harem. In the past I have talked of my stable of men.
I had thought that sometimes men runaway from me. they enjoy being with me but suddenly bolt like frightened cats. This I put down to them not really liking me as much as they could. But I am beginning to realise now that I was wrong. They run because they do like me. It isn't me that frightens them but their own feelings towards me. Thomas has just promised that he wont do it again. He hadn't realised that I had noticed that was what he had done.
which best describes what I have harem or stable or is there a better way to collectively describe my men.
Thursday 9 August 2007
These three men
He is very quiet but seems self assured if a little shy. he takes me in his arms and kisses me. he holds me against his chest. He strokes me gently with his soothing hands and lovely tongue. He brings many smiles to my face even if he can't see them as he is otherwise occupied. I feel safe in his arms. His body covers mine, I feel secure and cared or. I am above him I feel exposed but wanting his gaze upon my face, my chest, he caresses my heart, soul and body with his fingers and eyes.
He is full of energy even at this hour, he is vocal about his passion for me. His kisses urgent, there is much making up to do as we make out. he says fuck!! I say thats the idea! He takes me every which way, we both soak up the others presence. He makes me feel wanted and sexy. He wrings every ounce of passion from my body as he thrusts into me and my body strives to respond with as much vigour as he has.
He is my friend, he greets me with a friendly kiss. He takes control although neither of us can be completely serious, even with the pain he inflicts we laugh and giggle. He is constantly aware of my feelings and immediately senses when I am ready to stop even as the thoughts reach my own brain. We are comfortable together, so much so he falls asleep for a few seconds. His biggest concerns this afternoon are
for my well being. He is my friend indeed.
He is full of energy even at this hour, he is vocal about his passion for me. His kisses urgent, there is much making up to do as we make out. he says fuck!! I say thats the idea! He takes me every which way, we both soak up the others presence. He makes me feel wanted and sexy. He wrings every ounce of passion from my body as he thrusts into me and my body strives to respond with as much vigour as he has.
He is my friend, he greets me with a friendly kiss. He takes control although neither of us can be completely serious, even with the pain he inflicts we laugh and giggle. He is constantly aware of my feelings and immediately senses when I am ready to stop even as the thoughts reach my own brain. We are comfortable together, so much so he falls asleep for a few seconds. His biggest concerns this afternoon are
for my well being. He is my friend indeed.
He tells me
He tells me I am a gorgeous kisser
he says he wants me and wants me and wants me
He tells me I am a great kisser and very sexy, we do have great sex together
He tells me I am perfect, he loves my sexy voice, the only thing wrong with me is that I have kids
He tells me I am the sweetest person he knows
He tells me I am a sweet girl
He tells me nothing just holds me close, kisses me and makes me feel happy
he says he wants me and wants me and wants me
He tells me I am a great kisser and very sexy, we do have great sex together
He tells me I am perfect, he loves my sexy voice, the only thing wrong with me is that I have kids
He tells me I am the sweetest person he knows
He tells me I am a sweet girl
He tells me nothing just holds me close, kisses me and makes me feel happy
Wednesday 8 August 2007
I am just a jealous girl
I was going to comment on Curvaceous Dee’s post Green eyes. I even began to write a comment but it was getting too long so figured that to give proper attention to the subject I should write my own post.
During the past year I have had a number of married lovers. At no time have I felt any jealousy towards their wives. Yet when I joined forces with SL to be a couple swinging together I did feel pangs of jealousy when he was interacting with another woman. I wanted him to be touching me not her. Yet I never asked him if he felt the same way when he saw me being touched by another man. But it didn’t bother me that he went home to his wife. I had no other problems with jealousy as far as swinging with SL went. We were close but not emotionally involved and when he told me about his bisexual experiences the only pangs of jealousy I felt were that he was getting more cock than I was. He was going off and enjoying himself on his own when we were meant to be a partnership. But I understood that many of the men he was meeting were gay as opposed to heterosexual or even bi. I knew that he saw other women but as I didn’t know who or when that didn’t bother me although I suspect it might have done if I had known the who, when and where side of it.
We began talking to a woman (Andie) who lives near me and is slightly younger, he wanted her to join us on some of our encounters with others. This didn’t happen, but after we had not spoken for a while we chatted one day and he told me he had gone off the whole scene it was getting too samey. I later learnt that he had teamed up with Andie but not told me. I was not and am still not jealous of her. (she and I were chatting for ages last night and plan to meet up for a drink.). I was not happy that he had replaced me with a younger model without telling me. I have now learnt he has moved onto a younger woman but Andie doesn’t seem to know. I don’t feel any jealousy, more annoyance but also relief as I realise that he was not good for me. He is a far greater player than I had realised.
I did feel jealous of the other women that Mr Passionate was seeing when I first met him. Chatting with another woman one day we were comparing the men on our profiles and those we both knew. When we got to Mr Passionate I told her hands off he’s mine, I was only joking but a part of me did feel that way. I told him what I had said to her he wasn’t pleased as he can see who he likes. I did make light of it saying I had been joking. He had already had one woman get in a strop with him when I had left a testimonial on his profile, she threw a fit and wouldn’t speak to him. Not long after that he decided that he just doesn’t have time to see other women. I was devastated that I was losing him but he said he will always have time for me ;-).
So now he only has two women in his life, his wife and me. Although I had felt jealous of his other women I don’t feel jealous of his wife. There have been times when she has rung or text him while he has been in my bed, but he waits until he has left before he replies. We talk about the other men in my life but he never shows any sign of jealousy, his only worry was that he thought I was going all moral on him and he wouldn’t see me anymore after I made my decision to give up married men.
Now I am seeing Forest but not often enough so I sometimes see Oxo both of them are single. Oxo knows that I have someone I really like but he’s happy being my fuck buddy. Before we met Forest knew that I was seeing other men and expects me to continue doing so. He was seeing another woman from time to time. I have no idea if he has seen her since we met. I don’t want to know as I know I would feel jealous. Not so much that he has seen her but that he has spent time with someone else when he could have been with me. When I told Forest that I had been dropped by SL he wondered if we could swing together as a couple. That was after all how we began chatting in the first place. Some days I feel I would love to swing with him as the idea excites me but other days I recoil from the idea. How could I even contemplate sharing this man I crave so much with anyone else? I just know that if the two of us swing together then the green eyed monster will surely rear its ugly head. I get confused when I think of him and jealousy. I see Oxo and rub it in his face because he is not with me himself, I don’t care if that makes him jealous, I hope it does as he has driven me into the arms of Oxo by his infuriating attitude. He actively encourages me to see other men yet I don’t want to see others, only him.
This is part of a comment by Temptress which Curvaceous Dee was answering.
How is it that you're ok with sharing? Try as I may, even though the thought of it turns me on, I can't really say I would be ok with it. And it makes me feel dreadfully selfish.
Now this I can fully relate to as it is how I feel about swinging with Forest. The thought of swinging with him does turn me on, it is incredibly tempting but then I battle with the jealousy I know I would feel at sharing him, but why should I feel jealous, what right do I have to feel jealous when since before I even began talking to him I was seeing multiple men.
Curvaceous Dee was also addressing a question posed by Z part of which was this
I still can't stop the pangs at times. And then it's worse, because I hate myself for my mean-spiritedness.
Again this is a feeling that I can identify with. I try to rationalise my feelings of jealousy. I tell myself that we don’t own each other we are free to see whom ever we wish. If I can have sex with others I can’t complain about him having sex with others.
Finally I must finish by quoting Curvaceous Dee.
For me, a lot of my jealous feelings boil down to my sense of self-worth. As my self-worth increases, my fears of abandonment recede (that, and I have the knowledge that even were I to be abandoned by everyone I love, I would still cope, for I have that strength)
I think this is a lesson I have been learning over the past year.
During the past year I have had a number of married lovers. At no time have I felt any jealousy towards their wives. Yet when I joined forces with SL to be a couple swinging together I did feel pangs of jealousy when he was interacting with another woman. I wanted him to be touching me not her. Yet I never asked him if he felt the same way when he saw me being touched by another man. But it didn’t bother me that he went home to his wife. I had no other problems with jealousy as far as swinging with SL went. We were close but not emotionally involved and when he told me about his bisexual experiences the only pangs of jealousy I felt were that he was getting more cock than I was. He was going off and enjoying himself on his own when we were meant to be a partnership. But I understood that many of the men he was meeting were gay as opposed to heterosexual or even bi. I knew that he saw other women but as I didn’t know who or when that didn’t bother me although I suspect it might have done if I had known the who, when and where side of it.
We began talking to a woman (Andie) who lives near me and is slightly younger, he wanted her to join us on some of our encounters with others. This didn’t happen, but after we had not spoken for a while we chatted one day and he told me he had gone off the whole scene it was getting too samey. I later learnt that he had teamed up with Andie but not told me. I was not and am still not jealous of her. (she and I were chatting for ages last night and plan to meet up for a drink.). I was not happy that he had replaced me with a younger model without telling me. I have now learnt he has moved onto a younger woman but Andie doesn’t seem to know. I don’t feel any jealousy, more annoyance but also relief as I realise that he was not good for me. He is a far greater player than I had realised.
I did feel jealous of the other women that Mr Passionate was seeing when I first met him. Chatting with another woman one day we were comparing the men on our profiles and those we both knew. When we got to Mr Passionate I told her hands off he’s mine, I was only joking but a part of me did feel that way. I told him what I had said to her he wasn’t pleased as he can see who he likes. I did make light of it saying I had been joking. He had already had one woman get in a strop with him when I had left a testimonial on his profile, she threw a fit and wouldn’t speak to him. Not long after that he decided that he just doesn’t have time to see other women. I was devastated that I was losing him but he said he will always have time for me ;-).
So now he only has two women in his life, his wife and me. Although I had felt jealous of his other women I don’t feel jealous of his wife. There have been times when she has rung or text him while he has been in my bed, but he waits until he has left before he replies. We talk about the other men in my life but he never shows any sign of jealousy, his only worry was that he thought I was going all moral on him and he wouldn’t see me anymore after I made my decision to give up married men.
Now I am seeing Forest but not often enough so I sometimes see Oxo both of them are single. Oxo knows that I have someone I really like but he’s happy being my fuck buddy. Before we met Forest knew that I was seeing other men and expects me to continue doing so. He was seeing another woman from time to time. I have no idea if he has seen her since we met. I don’t want to know as I know I would feel jealous. Not so much that he has seen her but that he has spent time with someone else when he could have been with me. When I told Forest that I had been dropped by SL he wondered if we could swing together as a couple. That was after all how we began chatting in the first place. Some days I feel I would love to swing with him as the idea excites me but other days I recoil from the idea. How could I even contemplate sharing this man I crave so much with anyone else? I just know that if the two of us swing together then the green eyed monster will surely rear its ugly head. I get confused when I think of him and jealousy. I see Oxo and rub it in his face because he is not with me himself, I don’t care if that makes him jealous, I hope it does as he has driven me into the arms of Oxo by his infuriating attitude. He actively encourages me to see other men yet I don’t want to see others, only him.
This is part of a comment by Temptress which Curvaceous Dee was answering.
How is it that you're ok with sharing? Try as I may, even though the thought of it turns me on, I can't really say I would be ok with it. And it makes me feel dreadfully selfish.
Now this I can fully relate to as it is how I feel about swinging with Forest. The thought of swinging with him does turn me on, it is incredibly tempting but then I battle with the jealousy I know I would feel at sharing him, but why should I feel jealous, what right do I have to feel jealous when since before I even began talking to him I was seeing multiple men.
Curvaceous Dee was also addressing a question posed by Z part of which was this
I still can't stop the pangs at times. And then it's worse, because I hate myself for my mean-spiritedness.
Again this is a feeling that I can identify with. I try to rationalise my feelings of jealousy. I tell myself that we don’t own each other we are free to see whom ever we wish. If I can have sex with others I can’t complain about him having sex with others.
Finally I must finish by quoting Curvaceous Dee.
For me, a lot of my jealous feelings boil down to my sense of self-worth. As my self-worth increases, my fears of abandonment recede (that, and I have the knowledge that even were I to be abandoned by everyone I love, I would still cope, for I have that strength)
I think this is a lesson I have been learning over the past year.
Interview by Prada Pixie
Prada Pixie was interviewed by Trousers and asked for volunteers, and not being one to skip a challenge I decided to have a go. If you want to be subjected to my questions about you, follow the rules and I'll get back to you.
Directions for the interview meme:
1. Leave a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. Please make sure I have your email address.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment, asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
1.You have sons, what life lessons have you taught them, to help them cope with what gets thrown at them?
I hope that I have taught them that you are more likey to get along in life if you treat others with respect. I have taught them honesty and kindness.
2.Since you have had to deal with having had cancer how have you changed, if at all, as a person?
I guess that as a person I have not changed all that much, but I have learnt not to let my life slip by without getting in there and doing things. I am much more willing to try things now before deciding whether I like it. I discovered that life is for living not just for trying to get to the end of the journey in one piece.
3.Outside of having had children, what are you most proud of having achieved in your life?
Now this is a difficult one as I don't feel that apart from my children and related activities I have actually 'acheived' a great deal but I am on the way to achieving my qualification in IT skills for commerce. I am proud of my ability to use words in such a way that it gives pleasure to others which leads to my ambition of writing a book someday..........research is in progress. I shall begin a writer's workshop course in september.
4.Where would you like to visit in the world that you haven't yet?
As I have been to very few places I would love to go anywhere at all...sad I know but so true oh well when the boys have all left home and I have more time and money I shall start to travel
5.Describe your most romantic date ever.
my most romantic date will sound silly and it was only recent and very brief. It was back in april of this year when I received a text from a man I had met for a drink for the first time the previous day. he wanted to see me again but we both knew that I had the school run to do which wouldn't leave us much time. we met at a beauty spot fairly local to me. Although I had timed my arrival to the length of time it would take him to get there he was there before me. we walked through the woods holding hands as we chatted, stopping by the ponds to kiss. we only had an hour and we didnt do much but for me that was the most romantic date I can think of.
Directions for the interview meme:
1. Leave a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. Please make sure I have your email address.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment, asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
1.You have sons, what life lessons have you taught them, to help them cope with what gets thrown at them?
I hope that I have taught them that you are more likey to get along in life if you treat others with respect. I have taught them honesty and kindness.
2.Since you have had to deal with having had cancer how have you changed, if at all, as a person?
I guess that as a person I have not changed all that much, but I have learnt not to let my life slip by without getting in there and doing things. I am much more willing to try things now before deciding whether I like it. I discovered that life is for living not just for trying to get to the end of the journey in one piece.
3.Outside of having had children, what are you most proud of having achieved in your life?
Now this is a difficult one as I don't feel that apart from my children and related activities I have actually 'acheived' a great deal but I am on the way to achieving my qualification in IT skills for commerce. I am proud of my ability to use words in such a way that it gives pleasure to others which leads to my ambition of writing a book someday..........research is in progress. I shall begin a writer's workshop course in september.
4.Where would you like to visit in the world that you haven't yet?
As I have been to very few places I would love to go anywhere at all...sad I know but so true oh well when the boys have all left home and I have more time and money I shall start to travel
5.Describe your most romantic date ever.
my most romantic date will sound silly and it was only recent and very brief. It was back in april of this year when I received a text from a man I had met for a drink for the first time the previous day. he wanted to see me again but we both knew that I had the school run to do which wouldn't leave us much time. we met at a beauty spot fairly local to me. Although I had timed my arrival to the length of time it would take him to get there he was there before me. we walked through the woods holding hands as we chatted, stopping by the ponds to kiss. we only had an hour and we didnt do much but for me that was the most romantic date I can think of.
Sunday 5 August 2007
Heaven is a place
his touch as light as a feather
kisses upon my cheeks
tracing the lines made by the other
his tongue, his fingers
upon my arse
where earlier had been
first a heavy hand
kissing the marks left
by the leather paddle
his fingers follow the lines
from the caning
I had received
every second of pain worth it
to have him here
making me swoon with pleasure
as his fingers delve and his tongue licks so lightly
with his fingers still inside
he leans over my back
to kiss my hungry lips
I am trapped upon this bed
under this man I crave
the words in my head
sing out loud
Heaven is a place in room 205
does he think me crazy
for this thing I have done
no he knows it is just
me being me
all too soon he has gone
leaving me to remember how
he had held me close
his laugh in reply as I
declare how nice he smells
his smile as I admit
I have missed you
there is a space now
beside me lying here
with a sadness that
he couldn't stay
with heavy eyes I
begin to drift away
to the land of dreams
was this all in my mind
no I have the marks
on my skin and the
shadows on my heart
where they have been
good night and
sweet dreams
to you both
kisses upon my cheeks
tracing the lines made by the other
his tongue, his fingers
upon my arse
where earlier had been
first a heavy hand
kissing the marks left
by the leather paddle
his fingers follow the lines
from the caning
I had received
every second of pain worth it
to have him here
making me swoon with pleasure
as his fingers delve and his tongue licks so lightly
with his fingers still inside
he leans over my back
to kiss my hungry lips
I am trapped upon this bed
under this man I crave
the words in my head
sing out loud
Heaven is a place in room 205
does he think me crazy
for this thing I have done
no he knows it is just
me being me
all too soon he has gone
leaving me to remember how
he had held me close
his laugh in reply as I
declare how nice he smells
his smile as I admit
I have missed you
there is a space now
beside me lying here
with a sadness that
he couldn't stay
with heavy eyes I
begin to drift away
to the land of dreams
was this all in my mind
no I have the marks
on my skin and the
shadows on my heart
where they have been
good night and
sweet dreams
to you both
Friday 3 August 2007
secrets
I won't be posting on friday as I shall be out and wont be back until I am good and ready.
lucky lucky forest will get to spend some time with me
tomorrow will be a day for secrets
some of these secrets will be revealed at the right time
none of the people who I have secrets with know all my secrets
there will be sex there will be photos there will be ............
Saturday I shall be sleeping!!
lucky lucky forest will get to spend some time with me
tomorrow will be a day for secrets
some of these secrets will be revealed at the right time
none of the people who I have secrets with know all my secrets
there will be sex there will be photos there will be ............
Saturday I shall be sleeping!!
Thursday 2 August 2007
how many ?
how many men can a girl see in a week without being greedy
I have been good for months now, ok ok maybe not as pure as driven snow but still I have only seen Forest and thats only been about once a month. so what is a girl to do when she gets lonely and there is a nice guy who adores her. Of course every few weeks she takes comfort not only in his arms but in his bed too. so thats Forest and Oxo. there is no one else or is there.
At work today two of the girls asked me if I had a nice date last night and without thinking I said which one. Oooops I had to say that I had a drink with one man then later visited another. I didnt say that I stayed over night. They asked me which is the one you really like then? Oh well thats someone else. So I made a quick retreat back to my desk before the questions got going, they were already saying so you are seeing more than one man then, my reply was 2. well I am only 'seeing' 2. the other men in my life are friends aren't they ?
I was exchanging emails with OG the otherday and she was saying she gets confused about all my men so maybe I should list them on here as I did for her.
my men = 1) Forest mmmmmmmmmmmm friend turned lover
2) Oxo fuck buddy seen him 4 times
3) Mr Passionate (was PL) married lover from last autumn not seen since feb but we both want to when we get chance ......the one married man I couldnt give up
4) Damien = my spanking master
5) JJ is poss Dom, wants to tie me up spank me and then get sexual. there is talk of me having a session with both of these two. see 'Shock' on kindred
6) N ex boyfriend now trying to get me back again (no chance)
there are no other players in my life at the moment. although there may be someone new on the horizon soon. (been chatting to one or two new guys ......
does this help...............in last 4 months have only had 5 shags (4 oxo and 1 forest)
sorry that should now be 5 oxo
In the last few days I have managed to chat to Forest online a few times, I have now (today) told him that I am to be spanked. He says I am a naughty girl and probably deserve to be spanked.
I need to get showered now and prepare myself for my date with a new man who I shall call Chip. I have been chatting online with chip on and off since last summer. We got as far as arranging to meet once months ago. I can't remember now whether it was me or him who cancelled. We have not chatted for ages. On monday he began chatting again and by the end of the chat we had agreed to ahve the date we didn't have before.
So within a week I will have seen Damien, Oxo, Forest, FF and Chip........is this being greedy?
update
I doubt whether I shall hear from chip again, although a nice enough man there was nothing there and my face now hurts after over an hour of benign smiling!! Any one who knows me knows that when I get going I can talk and talk. In the whole time I was with chip I may have spoken for a minute possible 1 1/2 at a stretch.
I have been good for months now, ok ok maybe not as pure as driven snow but still I have only seen Forest and thats only been about once a month. so what is a girl to do when she gets lonely and there is a nice guy who adores her. Of course every few weeks she takes comfort not only in his arms but in his bed too. so thats Forest and Oxo. there is no one else or is there.
At work today two of the girls asked me if I had a nice date last night and without thinking I said which one. Oooops I had to say that I had a drink with one man then later visited another. I didnt say that I stayed over night. They asked me which is the one you really like then? Oh well thats someone else. So I made a quick retreat back to my desk before the questions got going, they were already saying so you are seeing more than one man then, my reply was 2. well I am only 'seeing' 2. the other men in my life are friends aren't they ?
I was exchanging emails with OG the otherday and she was saying she gets confused about all my men so maybe I should list them on here as I did for her.
my men = 1) Forest mmmmmmmmmmmm friend turned lover
2) Oxo fuck buddy seen him 4 times
3) Mr Passionate (was PL) married lover from last autumn not seen since feb but we both want to when we get chance ......the one married man I couldnt give up
4) Damien = my spanking master
5) JJ is poss Dom, wants to tie me up spank me and then get sexual. there is talk of me having a session with both of these two. see 'Shock' on kindred
6) N ex boyfriend now trying to get me back again (no chance)
there are no other players in my life at the moment. although there may be someone new on the horizon soon. (been chatting to one or two new guys ......
does this help...............in last 4 months have only had 5 shags (4 oxo and 1 forest)
sorry that should now be 5 oxo
In the last few days I have managed to chat to Forest online a few times, I have now (today) told him that I am to be spanked. He says I am a naughty girl and probably deserve to be spanked.
I need to get showered now and prepare myself for my date with a new man who I shall call Chip. I have been chatting online with chip on and off since last summer. We got as far as arranging to meet once months ago. I can't remember now whether it was me or him who cancelled. We have not chatted for ages. On monday he began chatting again and by the end of the chat we had agreed to ahve the date we didn't have before.
So within a week I will have seen Damien, Oxo, Forest, FF and Chip........is this being greedy?
update
I doubt whether I shall hear from chip again, although a nice enough man there was nothing there and my face now hurts after over an hour of benign smiling!! Any one who knows me knows that when I get going I can talk and talk. In the whole time I was with chip I may have spoken for a minute possible 1 1/2 at a stretch.
all or nothing
weeks of nothing then all of a sudden!!
I have a date on tues eve
I have a date on wed eve
thursday will be busy but im not saying what I have planned until afterwards
friday not only will I be busy but also hoping to see Forest
I wonder if next week will be an all or nothing week?
I have a date on tues eve
I have a date on wed eve
thursday will be busy but im not saying what I have planned until afterwards
friday not only will I be busy but also hoping to see Forest
I wonder if next week will be an all or nothing week?
life is good at the moment
I got paid today, so I paid my phone bill, filled up my car with petrol (now I stink of the stuffand it was hard to breathe without swallowing some). topped up the electricity key. managed to block my phone that I had just paid the bill for. (I forgot I changed the sim pin and turned the thing off by mistake!!) my sunglasses broke just when we get some sun!!
went out for a drink with married male friend. had text from Forest looking forward to our rendevous.
Now I'm off to spend night with Oxo ;-)
went out for a drink with married male friend. had text from Forest looking forward to our rendevous.
Now I'm off to spend night with Oxo ;-)
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