I can't help it

You all know how much I have been having fun dating lots of different guys in the last few months.



There has been Karma who is still in the background but not coming forward. I still like him but don't think it will come to anything.



There has been Plumber who I have seen a lot of, we have been out for drinks, meals walks around a rainy Chichester, star gazing from hill tops late at night, boat spotting by starlight, we have even spent a few nights together as well as a night at the cinema. Although he tells me that he has growing feelings for me and he has been good for me, I don't predict this will be a long term relationship.



There has been Golf who I have only met once but still chat to regularly, he is not the most fanciable of men but he gets my adrenalin running (and more).



There is Forest who I spent an enjoyable evening with after not seeing him since Aug 07 when we had our bust up because I wanted to stop playing the field and become a one man woman. He didn't want to be that one man. I am fully aware that it is a sexual relationship nothing more but it was still good and at least now I know that I am completely over him on an emotional level. We can be friends with benefits for as long as it suits us both.



There has been Thomas my delightfully sexy, knight. We hadn't thought we would ever see each other again as it had been more than 2 years but our lust for each other has never diminished so when the chance to spend an hour together came up how could we not take it with both hands.



Now there are other potential men on my menu to be tried to see if they suit my palate.



But when it all comes down to where my heart lies I can't deny it I am still in love. I bet you thought you would never see me saying it again but there is one man who won't leave my heart. I might not mention him very much. I might not be agonising over his loss. I might not be distraught at his absence. But that doesn't mean that I don't think about him all the time. Not a day goes by when I don't think about him. Maybe he is the reason I am finding it difficult to find someone who lives up to him.



One of the oddest things is that whenever I am chatting to or thinking about Golf in my mindseye it isn't Golf I am picturing but my beloved Romeo.

Every single day I consider sending him a text or an email. I spend a fair amount of time thinking about what I want to say to him.



You see I have learnt that yes I can live without him in my life. I can have a good life without him. I can be happy without him but I still love him and given the chance I would go to him at the drop of a hat. This is perhaps part of the reason there has been little progress with Karma. Karma has been hurt several times, he is afraid of being hurt again, I am afraid of hurting him. I am afraid of getting involved with him incase Romeo turns up again. I know that given the choice I would pick Romeo over any other man. I wouldn't want to have it on my conscience that I had been the one to hurt Karma again.



I have not heard from Romeo since December ( a week before Karma came on the scene) but that doesn't stop me wanting him.