I can't help it

You all know how much I have been having fun dating lots of different guys in the last few months.



There has been Karma who is still in the background but not coming forward. I still like him but don't think it will come to anything.



There has been Plumber who I have seen a lot of, we have been out for drinks, meals walks around a rainy Chichester, star gazing from hill tops late at night, boat spotting by starlight, we have even spent a few nights together as well as a night at the cinema. Although he tells me that he has growing feelings for me and he has been good for me, I don't predict this will be a long term relationship.



There has been Golf who I have only met once but still chat to regularly, he is not the most fanciable of men but he gets my adrenalin running (and more).



There is Forest who I spent an enjoyable evening with after not seeing him since Aug 07 when we had our bust up because I wanted to stop playing the field and become a one man woman. He didn't want to be that one man. I am fully aware that it is a sexual relationship nothing more but it was still good and at least now I know that I am completely over him on an emotional level. We can be friends with benefits for as long as it suits us both.



There has been Thomas my delightfully sexy, knight. We hadn't thought we would ever see each other again as it had been more than 2 years but our lust for each other has never diminished so when the chance to spend an hour together came up how could we not take it with both hands.



Now there are other potential men on my menu to be tried to see if they suit my palate.



But when it all comes down to where my heart lies I can't deny it I am still in love. I bet you thought you would never see me saying it again but there is one man who won't leave my heart. I might not mention him very much. I might not be agonising over his loss. I might not be distraught at his absence. But that doesn't mean that I don't think about him all the time. Not a day goes by when I don't think about him. Maybe he is the reason I am finding it difficult to find someone who lives up to him.



One of the oddest things is that whenever I am chatting to or thinking about Golf in my mindseye it isn't Golf I am picturing but my beloved Romeo.

Every single day I consider sending him a text or an email. I spend a fair amount of time thinking about what I want to say to him.



You see I have learnt that yes I can live without him in my life. I can have a good life without him. I can be happy without him but I still love him and given the chance I would go to him at the drop of a hat. This is perhaps part of the reason there has been little progress with Karma. Karma has been hurt several times, he is afraid of being hurt again, I am afraid of hurting him. I am afraid of getting involved with him incase Romeo turns up again. I know that given the choice I would pick Romeo over any other man. I wouldn't want to have it on my conscience that I had been the one to hurt Karma again.



I have not heard from Romeo since December ( a week before Karma came on the scene) but that doesn't stop me wanting him.

I don't want to go

Tonight Plumber's band are doing a gig at the same place where I saw them last month. He has invited me to go along. He can give me a lift even though he is already taking others. When he asked me last week I said I wasn't sure. This week we hadn't talked much until he phoned me last night from the pub. He was with his Aussie friend who arrived on Thursday, one of his old bands was playing. Apparently there were a lot of old friends there from other bands which he had been part of at some point or another. He reminded me about the gig tonight I said I wont go.

This morning he woke me up with a text telling me he was online. We chatted for a while before he went into town. He again invited me to the gig tonight but I said no. He wanted to know why.
so I told him that I don't want to pretend to be 'an aquaintance'.

He is happy to be seen with me but won't tell anyone who I am. I am sorry but if he can't acknowledge who I am then I don't want to be out with him. If he wants to keep me a secret then don't take me to places where his friends are.

Once his mate leaves on Monday we are supposed to be seeing a lot of each other in the next two weeks. I think this will be make or break time. He will have to come clean about what is going on.

Anyway this week I have begun chatting to some other guys (2 of them who I have chatted to on the phone in my lunch breaks have the same name as Plumber). Whatch this space for more news about Wednesday, Max friday, Captain, The Doc, Echo and last but not least Embassy

Motorbike rider

'Silver Toyota T reg x'

'Motorbike red'

This was how we were supposed to find each other at our rendevouz. Unbelievably we had never seen each other's vehicles before.

He had text me this morning saying he could drop by at lunchtime. I didn't get a reply when I asked what time. But when I was out helping my mother to buy a new mobile phone (she also treated me to a new strimmer) he text to say that lunch time had come and gone, not much time at weekend so we would have to meet at airport station at either 4.45pm or 8.45am tomorrow.

'It will have to be 4.45 I'm afraid'

So there I was at 4.40pm parked up waiting, he text to say he had got caught on phone but would be there soon.

I settled down to read a bit more of this book while I waited. Before too long a rider on a red motorbike drove passed me then returned but didn't stop just carried on. It must have been at least 5 minutes before my phone rang.

'where are you?'

'in my car'

'but where?'

'where are you? I'm parked at the back of the platform........when you drive into the carpark pass the station and up ahead'

'when I drove in I passed the taxi rank and round the small roundabout'

'I can see the taxis from here.'

'ok I will come find you'

I saw him drive back past the taxis and disappear back into the other part of the car park. I waited a few more minutes then got out of my car to stand leaning against the bonnet as I continued to read my book' I heard his bike but didn't look up from my book until he stopped next to me.

I moved to stand nearer to him, we spoke briefly as he reached inside his jacket pocket, pulled out a case which he opened up to reveal two pairs of glasses. Looking inside I selected the pair with the pink tinged black frames, put them on my face and we said our goodbyes wishing each other a good holiday weekend.

getting the needle

On Monday morning I had to make a detour on my way to work. I had rung the phone number, written down the details of where to go and when. I checked my map book to find the right road, you see I know the main roads in this place but not the side roads. Driving into the road I found a car park, paid for my ticket and set off in search of my destination. Walking back to the end of the road then finding my way to the high street looking for the Pharmacy. The instructions had said it was behind the pharmacy. Typical, the pharmacy was quite some way down the high street on the corner of another road. I found my destination at the far end of the road where I had parked and what do you know, there was another car park right opposite the entrance.

It was only 7.45am but even so the room was already crowded. I took a number from the modern machine on the wall, took up a position next to the internal door ready to wait. At 8am the first buzzer went, as the numbers on the screen slowly changed and chairs were vacated I managed to find a seat where I sat clutching that important scrap of paper. My ticket was adorned with the number 20 but by the time it was my turn to leave the waiting room the numbers being churned out were in excess of 50.

Walking into the room handing over my form, I confirmed my name, address and date of birth. Sitting in the big black chair with the big sloping arm rests I turned my head away as I chatted to the lady with the needle. I never like to see the point when the needle goes in. When she had withdrawn this evil instrument of torture, applied pressure and a wad of rolled cotton wool, I was again able to give my attention to this woman while she wrote my details on the four narrow phials.

2 days later I phoned my Dr's surgery to arrange an appointment but was told that most of my results were in, but one needed to be retaken. There was of course only one test that it could be, the one that required me to starve for 12 hours again. I need to retake the glucose test.

So tomorrow I have to again face the lady with the needle

answers on a postcard

Ok just to put you out of your misery, nothing has happened. But as Fire Byrd worked out it is to do with Plumber. From the beginning I have had my suspicions, but he has maintained all along that he is seperated from his wife and living with his mother. He tells me that he still pays the mortgage on the marital home and still keeps all his tools there. He comes and goes when his wife is not there and house/cat sits when she is away. From the start I thought this was odd, but as they say



'theres nowt stranger than folk'



Anyway as the weeks have gone by I have given him plenty of opportunities to admit that he isn't seperated, but he still carries on. Last night we had this conversation. He still hasn't said that he is still with his wife but thats my interpretation. He does know that I have been involved with a married man before so why would he not tell me the truth?





when does this start?

what
your house sitting when you are planning to kidnap me
end of the month after the 30th i hope
so end of next week then
i have an aussie mate staying with me next week so i hope he has gone by the sunday
the one that came over for wedding
yep
i was going to have u stay on the sat nite but he wants to come to the gig on the sat


thats ok
I understand
theres only two seats in your van
so i hope he has gone on the sunday if not i think he will go on the monday
if not it wil be tues
no i can take the car i just have to say u are a friend
as he thinks me and her are still together
I am assuming that most people do
and we have not told many people that we are living apart at the moment
apart from your mum
so we are putting on a front at the moment / yes
so when you have mates round it is at the marital home not your mums
yes it is
sad aint i
so do u want to come to that gig
we are playing this friday but other half will be there unfortunatly
I will see not sure at the moment
so don`t want any friction yet but u are very wellcome to come
i have had the third degree from most of the band saying who was that u were chatting to at the last gig LOL!!!!
Lol
i told them u were my brush sales lady LOL!!!
and you said you were helping me with my plumbing?
no with your drainage problem of squirty parts LOL!!!




So what do you think?

Tell me I am wrong

I am having serious doubts that there is a single honest man in this country!!

stood up!!

It was still early evening when he messaged me, but I ignored it for a few minutes, he has picked up that annoying msn virus that keeps sending out messages inviting you to click the link to see sexy pictures or join a great new site. I've told him and Neptune who has the same problem to uninstall msm messenger then install it again neither of them have managed to get rid of it. But luckily I opened the window to make sure instead of just closing it down without checking first as I often do.

We chatted for a while before he asked what I was doing tonight. Deja vue, he was the second man to ask me that within a few hours. I was due to help Harvey with his paperwork problem for an hour or so mid evening. I forget how the conversation went now but it reached a point where I challenged him. Like me he is a night owl, it is not unusual for us to be chatting until 2am so I told him to pick me up at around 11ish and we could go for a coffee and a chat I might even be generous enough to kiss him again. He said that unless he had drunk too much to drive he would pick me up but I must text him to check.

So at around 10.30 I text him just before I jumped into the shower. I had just finished getting dried and dressed when I got a text, but it wasn't from him it was from Karma. A joke which suprised me as it was late for him to be texting (he isn't a night owl). We exchanged a couple more text (he said he had been to twickenham and was shattered.) That was a pity because I was beginning to think I had been stood up, I know he is well known for always being late but it was 11.40 by now and no word. I mentioned to karma that perhas we could have had a coffee as it looks like I have been stood up.

Nothing!!

so that was nothing from either of them.

Even Plumber was giving me the silent treatment after asking me if I had been out...........no I had been busy on another computer thats not online. He then asked me about the music I was listening to then nothing more. Perhaps he doesn't like Lemar.

No more emotional mess

Last night I saw Forest



It had been over a year and a half since I last saw him. We have become friends again during the intervening months. But I didn't think I could ever risk seeing him again. I was afraid that seeing him would undo all the healing I had done. I was afraid that seeing him would bring back all the old feelings I had had for him.



About a month ago Forest suggested meeting up again. I thought about it for a day or two but didn't give him a decision right away after all he might have just said it on the spur of the moment. I figured that perhas he was just feeling horny and wanted to get his leg over thinking he could get this with me. He assured me that this was not the case at all. I waited for him to ask me again a few days later before I agreed to meet up. Over the next few weeks he was texting me on and off but we didn't make any plans to actually meet until last week when it was decided that it would be either sunday or Tuesday evening. By last Friday the decision was made that I would go to his house on Tuesday evening.



I had just arrived home on Tuesday when Forest text me that his son had decided to spend the evening with him. We agreed to postpone our evening until Thursday besides I was not in the best of spirits as that was the day I was feeling really down. Wednesday I was getting more texts



hugs



cuddles



kisses



Thursday morning he text to make sure I was still ok to see him that night. I was looking forward to seeing him again but not sure how I would feel when I did. When I arrived and he greeted me with a kiss before making me a nice cup of tea then leading me into the livingroom where we sat chatting and kissing oblivious to what was going on on the tv (The Devil wears Prada).



Like me he has put on weight since I last saw him (not that I made any comment) and his hair is a little greyer than before. Other than that it was as though it had been only weeks not months. I felt very relaxed with him. To my delight although I still like him and think he is sexy I didn't feel emotional at all. I was even wondering why I had been so besotted with him before. I am sure that now we have spent one evening together there will be more but this time the

emotional mess is absent.



Much to my amusement Forest said he was suprised that I am not blonde anymore. I have never been blonde! I had been colouring my hair with various shades of red and brown which had faded leaving my hair lighter than my natual colour. You can judge for yourselves if I look blonde in this picture taken just weeks before we fell out.

Proud Mother

ET had his interview to join RAF today

He passed!!

What a mess

It has been quite a stressful few days for me. I don't often let life's worries get to me too much but this time it just felt like there is no way I can manage this. Up until now I have believed in my ability to manage but this time the problems felt insurmountable.

First it was the conversation with Plumber. He has had a problem with his vehicle since our canoodling on Friday night. Apparently the evidence that I was highly aroused has been a bit of a problem for him. He declared that he wasn't complaining and I shouldn't worry about it. But although initially I was ok it did start to bother me. That plus the fact that he says I snore softly and my house is not up to his standard (his house is imaculate not a thing out of place). I was beginning to feel depressed.

Add to that receiving my new statement of tax credits for this year. When I applied for my current job I rang the Tax credit office who told me that my increased hours and salary would not affect my Working Tax Credits until April 09, 16 months later I had forgotten that! So now my Credit Award has been reduced. Coinciding with this reduction ET finished his full time Education so I nolonger get Child Tax Credit for him. In addition to these two reductions they have decided that at one point in the past I was over paid so they are now recovering the over payent by reducing my current payments. These three changes mean that I am with immediate effect approximately £350 pm down on my monthly income. Seeing that I was barely managing before I really don't know how I will be able to pay my bills and feed us for the next few months until October when DC and OJ go to Uni.

So is it any wonder that my stress levels were sky high on Tuesday, so much so that I was close to tears for much of the day. I was, as I told my mother 'wallowing' I have to do this occassionally for a couple of days then I pick myself up, dust myself off and get back to normal. Tuesday was not the best day to be wallowing as I had plans to make it a special day (I had been invited to visit someone I have not seen since Aug 07). But first there was my much awaited Drs appointment to discuss such issues as breast reduction options.

My Dr had other ideas. Firstly she advised me that they nolonger provide this service on NHS, it can only be done privately now. She has prescrived me extra strength Ibuprophen for my back pain to allow me to be more active. She is concerned about my recent weight gain even though I have tried to be active and dieting. I am to have blood tests for diabetes. She also wants to work with me on my weight, her concern is not the amount of weight but that it is all in the front (stomach and breasts).

When I had been home a few minutes I got a text apologising but my evening out was cancelled due to unexpected family arriving. (our evening together is now planned for tonight). It was just as well really because although he would have been a tonic for me, I wouldn't have been much company for him. During the early evening I had a conversation with Plumber via IM. I said something about being a lost cause. He then admitted that his feelings for me are growing, I am becoming very special to him. He will do anything he can to help me with anything.

I fell asleep early that night (waking up at midnight thinking I had slept for hours) which I obviously needed. Wednesday saw me almost back to normal. The money worries are still there but I feel better able to cope with things again. At 1pm I got a call from Plumber he was not far from my office so would come to see me at lunch time. We spent an hour sitting in the van he was driving (he does some Agency driving) in Asda car park drinking tea from his flask. So that made a nice change.

In the evening I had a visitor. Harvey had rung me on tuesday wanting my help with something on the computer. I hadn't heard from him for at least 6 months since he moved out of the area. Hes moving back to the area at the weekend. He is back with his ex g/f and wanted me to help him edit his phone bill to remove some calls that she mustn't see. I told him it is a bad idea but he is determined.

Who did they send then?

Last friday I gave instructions to both ET and DC (he was having a few days off work) to make sure they were awake when the plumber arrived to look at our shower that thinks it is on health plan......a couple of minutes of scalding water followed by freezing water before continuing the cycle again and again.

I got a phone call from the contractor saying he was stuck at wholesalers and would arrive around 12 midday.

Aparrently he was a little early and DC was in the bath when he arrived.

I asked DC what the diagnosis was ( Plumber believes it is the solenoid that is the problem).

'he only stayed a couple of minutes.....he said that he would have to get a plumber to look at it as he didn't know what was wrong'

If he wasn't a plumber who the F *** was he ?

Why would the contractors send some out to assess a problem who had no idea what he was looking at?

can you hear them?

Did you hear them?

No what?

The sheep!

No I can't hear anything just you

You can't hear the sheep baaaaing?

No nothing

Now?

No!

Cup your ears like this

Nothing

You really can't hear them?

No..................oh hang on I heard something very faint, yes now I can hear them getting clearer

We were stood on the top of the hill looking out to the horison where we could see the lights from Fawley Power Station then further west Southampton. There were other lights dotted around the landscape before us between the fields and trees. We couldn't see much else in the darkness with only the moon to light our way. The clouds fanning out from the moon in a way that reminded me of sun rays. Craning my neck as I tried to make out the star formations between the clouds. He held me to him as he stood behind me arms around my body as we found The Plough, but unable to clearly make out any other formations even though we knew they were there.

Our evening had started out with us driving aimlessly not knowing where we would end up. First we stopped at the pub famous (in the past) for all the shoes you could see on display there. The shoes were removed by the current owner so I only saw 2 on the mantlepiece (one that must have belonged to a very large man). As we chatted and drank our Australian red wine he regaled me with tales from his time in The Army along with stories of sailing trips with friends. When we left he wanted to show me the view from Old Winchester Hill. Of course at that time of night there wasn't much to see but it was still lovely looking out into the empty night with the only sound being our own voices and those of the sheep in a nearby field (when I finally heard them). After a few minutes cuddling in the open air we drove further along the lane so we could see the lights of Portsmouth and further out Isle of Wight. Before turning back and parking up in a secluded corner of a carpark hidden away from the road for some canoodling.

Unlike Cinderella I wasn't home before midnight but not much later as we were both tired.

wet feet

It has been a busy bank holiday for me. Between clearing the greenery from my garden, that takes me a long long time I have had my hair cut, had a brief unexpected encounter with Karma which was followed a few hours later by 2 hours of text tennis.

I have made several trips to the amenity tip, with many more trips still to go. I was lucky that each visit was timed to perfection in that I didn't have to queue but moments later queues were building.

When my ex husband lived here he was a firm believer or should I say he practiced the religion of 'bodge it and leave it'. One of his bidge its was my litchen floor. The old lino was in poor condition but instead of taking it up and replacing it with a new floor covering of our choice he laid first a rug over the lino, then more cheap thin lino over that. This top layer of lino ripped easily and has been steadily disintegrating.

For sometime now the floor has felt cold under foot. On Saturday JA commented on the floor being wet which it was beside the sink unit. I took this to be a result of enthusiastic washing up. Sunday the floor was still wet. I discovered that there were several patches of wet floor. I mentioned this to Plumber who promised to investigate on Monday evening.

This was enough to get me working hard on nonday to get my litchen looking better than it has for a long time. This included ripping up the top layer of lino. To my horror the now exposed rug was sopping wet so this followed the lino ...........out the door.Now I noticed that everywhere I stepped the now lonely layer of ancient floor covering was wet where my feet had been.

I figured that maybe the washing machine was leaking or the pipes leading to it were. On arrival Plumber checked this out there was no leak there. But when he checked under the sink he discovered the problem. The machine inlet pipes were not properly fitted, they were dripping and probably had been for years. 4/5ths of the floorboards were soaking wet. Plumber using his handy moisture absorbing vacuum sucked up all the surface water, (we had removed the remaining lino). My floor is now drying out, I was lucky that we caught it before it was too late.

Last night I had a long conversation with Plumber about the sorry state of my home. He is going to help me to get everything fixed up but as a bonus he is going to talk to my boys 'you mustn't be there though' to tell them that they must do more to help me instead of expecting me to pick up after them.

I think Plumber is good for me at the moment.

Pros and cons of a bust

Plumber and all the other men who have been in my life to one degree or another have admired and enjoyed my large bust. They probably don't realise how lucky they are that I have this bust.

I was an early developer, by the time most of my friends were starting to develope I was already a size 36c (I don't know how that equates for anyone outside UK). By the time I was 15 I had to get used to comments from biys and men such as ' you don't get many of then to a lb' 'look at those melons'. I didn't like it and whenever a lad asked me out I always worried that it was my bust he was interested in not me. Perhaps being shy didn't help matters there.

By the time I left school and began working I found that it was difficult to find clothes to fit. I was still slim in those days so finding anything that fitted across my bust was too big on my shoulders. But anything that fitted across my shoulders gaped at my bust. I was also exeriencing shooting pains in the underside of my breasts. I visited my Dr who agreed that my bust was too big for my narrow back to cope with. He talked to me about getting my bust reduced on the NHS, there was a long waiting list for this. He told me that part of the operation would involve removing the niples but replacing them at the end of the operation, but they would not be connected to the milk ducts. He went on to assure me that although I would not be able to breast feed any babies I had I wouldn't anyway because I would suffocate them before they could get any milk. My Dr wanted me to have this operation because he felt that my breasts were far too heavy for my back which meant that without a reduction by the time I was 40 I would be hunched over from the weight.

Several trips to the nearest hospital that specialised in plastic surgery, Queen Victoria(East Grinstead, East Sussex)to be examined and accepted for surgery. I was warned that it could be several years before I reached the top of the list (I was 22 at this point). I just got on with my life as best I could.

I met the father of my children and had DC who I managed to breast feed for 6 weeks (not without difficulty but did it). I could ever manage one handed as I needed to use my fre hand to hold the breast away from the baby's face while he suckled on my nipple. 2 1/2 yrs later OJ came along and I managed to breast feed him too which I did until he was 10 weeks old when being a big baby (10lb 2oz at birth) he needed more than just milk. But although he was now starting to have solids I still expressed milk for him. I had so much milk that I could easily have donated spare milk to the maternity hospital if it had been closer. When I had ET 14 months after OJ I again breast fed him 12 weeks this time with the added problem now that my milk was so profuse that each time I fed him I had to place a jug or a bottle under my other breast because each time he suckled on one nipple the other would begin releasing a stream of milk too.

It was when ET was about 5 weeks old that I received the letter advising me that my operation to reduce my bust would be in one week from the date I had received the letter (it had been doing the rounds of my home town until my brother received it and passed it on). I was now 30 and not in a position to be able to go ahead with the surgery. I declined the chance to have a more normal bosom. I have never done anything more about getting it done.

In my younger days I hated my breasts, they were heavy, uncomfortable and attracted more attention than I liked. I got into the habit of walking around with my arms crossed in an effort to diguise my assets. But as I got older and my marriage broke up, I began dating again I found that I enjoy the attention I get because of them. But I still find that they are a problem when it comes to clothes. Bras are very expensive to buy (when can find my size 44g at one time but only 42DD now). Even when I had lost a lot of weight and was wearing size 14/16 skirts/jeans I was still size 20/22 top because of my bust size.

I find even simple tasks like washing up arduous because standing for more than a few minutes gives me back ache. working in the garden as I have been doing for the last few days takes me a long time because I have to keep stopping for a rest. It isn't lack of energy but back pain that makes even simple chores so difficult for me. It has always been this way for me but it has taken me until today to work out why I find everything so much effort. Perhaps if I had had my bust reduced all those years ago my house and garden would have been much easier for me to manage.

Now I think I shall see my current Dr to see where I stand re having a reduction now. Having said that I still don't know if I would go ahead with it, I have kind of grown attached to my bust now but if it is the reason I find everything so difficult it might be just what I have to do.

the expense and the relief

I woke up with a splitting headache, 3rd day in a row I had woken up with a headache but this was by far the worst. I was trying to force myself to get up after taking a couple of tablets. It was no good my head didn't want my body to move let alone stand. I knew that it was going to be a quiet day in the office and I just couldn't face the constant moaning from across the desk so I text my colleague to tell him I had a migrain. I am guessing that he must have got my text as nobody phoned to see where I was. I would normally phone in but at 6.22am when I sent the text I didn't want to wait until 7.45 for there to be anyone in the office.

I settled down to sleep, at 6.45 (I later found out) there was a tapping on my hip, JA asking why I was still in bed. 8.55 more tapping OJ asing if I was going to be very late for work! It was nearly 11am before ET tapped my leg........'are you ill?' So much for sleeing it off!!

So I had managed to sleep until about 11am took a couple more pain killers and had a session on face book, nothing that meant concentrating (that would have taken too much effort). I think it was around 12.30 before I staggered downstairs to grab a cup of tea and a bowl of cereal. Back to bed a bit of blogging before tackling what had probably been the cause of my headaches. Paying a few bills etc.

First things first though I had received my Child tax credit renewal pack in the week and now I have my P60 from work I wasn't going to leave it until the last minute this year like I normally do. I phoned them and gave all the relevant details including informing them that ET completed his college course on 17th April. I also enquired why my weekly payments had gone down by £40 pw since start of April 'because ET has finished his Further Education' hang on I only just informed them of that!!

Next was the council tax, I have had a letter telling me that I was late making my April payment and must pay up within 7 days or face a court summonds. I am still playing catch up from 2008 @ £175 pm there is no way I can pay £120 on top of that!! I phoned the council and explained my situation and offered to pay £60 at the same time informing them that I never received notification of my bill for this year so had no idea how much I had to pay or when the payment date was. Apparently its the 1st of the month so now I already owe May as well! As I only have one more payment to make for 2008 I will then be able to start paying more to the council so will have caught up with my payments by the time DC and OJ go off to University at which time my Council tax will go down because I will be the sole adult in the home. No they won't even make a note of that until September. But anyway this time next year I should be in a position to pay my Council tax on time as I should be straight long before the end of this year's scheduled payments. So thats another worry sorted.

Next I made my penultimate payment on last year's Council tax which is a great relief to know that that is almost finished. So now I could turn my attention to the TV licence. when I was on benefits I had gone onto the weekly cash plan. But for ages now I had been trying to change to monthly direct debit. I had tried to do it online bt couldn't because I didn't know when the renewal date was. There is no phone number on the website grrrrrr. A couple of weeks ago I got a reminder that my licence exired 31st March. so I have now set up a monthly DD. One of the things that have annoyed me about they way we have to pay for our licences now is not just the cost but also that they take the money for the current licence in the first 5 months then you start paying for next year's licence. Talk about greedy. Perhaps I should demand to get the programs for next year early!! Why should I have to pay 6 months in advance for their service. Suposing anything (god forbid) happened to me or even (not likely) I moved in with someone else and didn't need my own licence next year will they pay the money back?

Tomorrow I have to cancel my motor insurance with dialdirect who had failed to collect my direct debits for 6 months then demanded it in one lump 3 days before I got paid. Obviously the DD rejected due to lack of funds so now I have bank charges of £8 and interest for the day the money left my account. I was about to ring them to make the payment (which would leave me seriously short of money this month) but I didn't. DC organised a new policy for me through the company he works for he also added himself as named driver. Next week he is going to see about selling his car (that will save him £100 per month) my new policy which he will pay half of is £35pm. So tomorrow I shall pay some of what I owe to Direct dial. It is their fault they didn't take the money each month so they can have it a bit at a time.............they can't cancel my policy as I am going to do that myself.

By this time I was feeling quite good, so after a salad and a bit more rest I had a bath, dressed and went off to a Rock gig. (my head was pounding again after it though). Plumber was soundman/roady for the band. He came over to my table for a chat during each break. Ithought it was funny that he didn't introduce me to the band (he was going to say I was an 'aquaintance') but it must have been obvious from the attention he was giving me and that I had to wait for him while they were clearing up after the gig that I am not just an aquaintance. A friend of his (chippy) was coming to the gig with his g/f and another couple. They sat at my table, we hardly spoke but thats ok. But when I first saw Chipy he looked familiar but I dismissed it until I heard his mate mention his name. So I checked with Plumber what the chippy's full name was. Yes I did know him. I used to hang around with his ex wife for a couple of years when the kids were little. He didn't recognise me but thats not suprising it must be a at least 12 years since he last saw me and in those days I had very long hair and wore shapeless baggy clothes ie joggers and t-shirts/sweatshirts ( thats how SF wanted me to dress). SF hated me being friends with Chippy's wife.

After the gig I followed Plumber home (until I got bored of doing 65mph and over took him) but he had to go and unload the equipment at the Drummer's house. I went home took some pills and had a bite to eat while I waited. It was 1.44am when I got the call that he was outside in his van. So we had a chat and a few kisses before I came back in at 3.3oam OMG it was that late!!