one I made earlier but wasn't sure if I would publish

It’s 8.30am on Wednesday 12/12/07 and I have two days off work. I am feeling good about things. I can hear the workmen outside digging up the footpath. It looks awful out there but I don’t mind because I know it won’t stay like that. I am hoping that I shall hear from BT today to arrange for them to install the new telephone line. It would be good if they could do that either today or tomorrow while I am at home. Then hopefully I can get back online. I have managed to sneak a look at my blog and a couple of others in the last few days. Work has finally begun to slow down a bit in the run up to xmas and the Boss has been away on business for a couple of days. So I have seen the messages you have all been leaving for me. Most of them I did access from my mobile but there were a few I hadn’t seen. I did giggle at most of them and it didn’t take me more than a few messages before I realised what Vi had done. Thanx for that Vi I hope you are enjoying your trip home.

I can’t spend too long writing this as I have to tidy my bedroom. I have a visitor coming this morning. Ha ha that got you thinking. JJ is coming round to see if he can fix my ‘infamous window’ as he referred to it last night. I know he is hoping for more than a coffee as thanx but we will have to see. It seems an absolute age since we met back in April/May. I don’t mention him all that often as we have not been lovers but we are friends and we chat very often either on msn or by text when he isn’t away with his g/f or off enjoying himself wearing stockings and being tied up by his Mistress.

I am hoping to hear in the next couple of days whether I have succeeded in getting the job I have applied for. At the moment I work in a Sales office putting their orders onto the system and taking them down to the warehouse manager to be picked. I work 5hrs 5 days a week. I started this in June as a 3 month temporary job to cover maternity leave, I was then asked to stay for a further 3 months until xmas. Then I was asked a month or so ago if I would continue until March when they would like me to cover maternity leave for the woman who does Credit Control, that would be until the end of 2008.

However there is going to be a change around in the Sales Office after Christmas and my boss has advertised for another full time Sales person. After much contemplation I decided that having worked alongside the two guys who currently do the job I could do that and probably do a better job of it. My youngest child is now at senior school and no longer requires being taken to and from school. So when I was called into the conference room to be told I would be getting a pay rise in January I mentioned that I could be interested in going full time. My boss was really pleased and told me to put in a CV and I would get an interview. Apparently I was having a working interview all last week. (Do they think I am stupid, I knew the questions about how much I know about spread sheets and so on were deliberate). I made sure I took more phone calls than usual so that my boss could see how I get on with the customers. I know that only three of us are having interviews and I have the advantage of already working with the team, I have picked up a lot of things about the job in the last few months and am not afraid of telling the guys when they have made mistakes. I know how the boss works and what she wants from her team. All in all I am pretty confident that I will get the job.

My baby boy (yeah I know he is not a baby at the age of 12 but he will always be my baby) has been having a few problems. He keeps being off school sick. Half the time I don’t know if he is ill or not. I try to get him to school, he either comes back before he gets there or he is ill at school and I have to drive back from work to fetch him. Yesterday was the first day in a week that he had stayed at school for a whole day. I have spoken to one of the pastoral workers in the school about my concerns. It worries me that he is being ill. But I do think it is more an emotional problem than a physical one. On Monday night I got a text on my phone at about 10.45 ‘I want mum’. He should have been asleep but had locked himself in the bathroom. He says he couldn’t stop crying but didn’t know what for. We had a cuddle and a chat. It appears he is missing his dad. He speaks to his dad fairly often on the phone (2 or 3 times a week). He sees him on the doorstep when he brings bags of end of date cakes etc. I think the run up to xmas has made it worse for my son. He has begun saying things like it isn’t fair on daddy that he hasn’t got any of us living with him. I have spoken to SF about seeing them over the xmas period. He said he might be able to have them over for dinner on boxing day. I think that would be good for all of them but the boys are not keen. It isn’t that they don’t want to see him but they don’t like the family he lives with. I have considered inviting him here for tea on either xmas day or boxing day as a good will gesture but he would be breaking the injunction if he came here.

It saddens me that he doesn’t make more effort to see the boys for more than 5 minutes at a time. The older boys are not bothered but my baby obviously is and there is nothing I can do to take away this hurt for him. I hadn’t been looking forward to Christmas but yesterday I made the decision that we are going to have a good time even if we are broke. We put the tree up on Sunday and I am going to buy some new decorations to put up to make the place a bit brighter for my boy. We are going to be happy, we are going to have fun. It doesn’t matter that I shall be spending another year alone. I have my boys and that is what matters.

On the man front it has all gone pear shaped. Skipper is history. He couldn’t show me the respect I deserve. He wanted me to jump into bed with him after he had boasted about having sex elsewhere when he was too busy to see me. I told him I have given up being a doormat. I am not his personal tart for when he can’t get a shag elsewhere. I don’t quite know how he felt about that statement but suffice to say that the relationship ended within minutes. Harvey I will fill you in another time about that story but I have not heard from him since last Tuesday and I really don’t care.

Swinger has promised to buy me a cuppa next time he’s in the country. I have been exchanging text with a couple of new men. (I was bored with no internet). One of them I shall call Owl as he is in Sheffield. He wants me to go to Sheffield this weekend and stay in a hotel with him then if we get on he will come down here and spend Christmas with me and the boys. As if that’s going to happen!!! He seems to have got things the wrong way around. I told him he should make the trip here first. I won’t sleep with him to see if we get on. It should be see if we get on then sleep together the prat. He keeps texting me asking if I am coming up at the weekend. Why am I not answering his text, he still fancies the pants off me. Then there is Airport. Airport is more local but still a fair distance. He seems much nicer and is taking things slowly. He hasn’t talked dirty at all which makes a nice change. However having text all day Saturday until I said I was playing a board game with the boys he said he would text later when we had finished. I didn’t hear from him again until Monday morning. At which time he told me he had left his phone charger at work. But he was having a lie as it was his day off but had nipped into work to get his charger!!!!!!!! Very odd. Anyway he was texting me again after I finished work then nothing until Tues morning. He apologised for not texting the night before but he had fallen asleep on the settee until midnight. Yeah right, he’s had a day off doing nothing but sleeps from 5pm to midnight. I replied……. I was beginning to think you might be one of those single men who are not really single………..strange that I didn’t get a reply until hours later when it was just a thank you. (me thinks I hit the nail on the head).

Men!!! Who needs them?

I have been feeling a new confidence in recent weeks and realise I don’t need a man to make me happy.

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Well that was a bit different. It is now 1.40pm and JJ has just left after a 2 ½ hr visit. He measured up my window as I made him a coffee. Then we chatted and looked at my pictures on my computer. We talked about our broken marriages and his new relationship. The men in my life, JJ has been hearing about my men for over a year now. Then he showed me that he had done just as he had said in a text last week when I had asked if he would be free to look at my window for me. Under his jeans he was wearing stockings and panties. This is the first time I have seen a man in stockings. The elastic was starting to itch so he stripped off in front of me which he later told me was quite nerve wracking for him. (the first naked man in my bedroom since Forest back in June). We were discussing stockings when I showed him the pack of white stockings I had bought from ebay way back at the end of April, still in their pack. I have not had any reason to wear them since I got them.

He suggested that I try them on so I took my jeans off and marvelling at how soft these stockings were pulled them on. I also put on my red sparkly stilettos. He took a couple of photos of me in my stockings and heels with red knickers as I leaned against the wall with my back to him. Next he told me that his girlfriend loves to be fingered so he has had plenty of practice, when I laughed he asked if I would like him to do it to me. I am soon spread eagled across my bed as he got to work. Mmmmm that was nice. But we had to be quick as I believe ET will be home from school soon. JJ has now gone off with the measurements of my window promising to let me know if he can get hold of the right hinges for me. Although I had said that JJ would be hoping for more than a coffee neither of us had thought we would end up naked on my bed. If you are wondering no we did not shag or even have oral. It just was not on the agenda although I do know that in the right circumstances he would not say no.

I told JJ about how I came to finally meet Neptune (he always refers to him as ‘Paper man’). I met Neptune on my way home from Pixie’s party. I had sent him a champagne fuelled text informing him that I would be passing his way on my way home on Sunday would he like to meet. To my amazement he said yes. So I spent Sunday afternoon wandering from one pub to another as the pubs in his town close early on a Sunday. 2 hours and 2 drinks later we parted company with a quick kiss followed later in the evening by texts saying we must meet again. I now know why he doesn’t text very often. Very little credit (£10 per month with no free text like I get).

So who have I missed out? Oh yes my lovely passionate man. A year ago we were managing to see each other virtually every week. This year has been very different. We don’t get to see each other much but when we do, we make up for the times in between. I had hoped I might see him tomorrow while I am home. But as he said, it’s sod’s law that it wasn’t to be. But he has said he wants to book a hotel room for a night so that we can spend some quality time together instead of the usual couple of hours we have managed before. I was very surprised that he was willing to do this. However it seems he wants to spend more time with me to see which of us would run out of steam first. He is the only one of my fuck buddies that I have not been able to bring myself to finish with. We have never talked on IM but do sometimes exchange emails. Every few weeks I will text him at work and we have a steamy text exchange. I just looked at my phones and found that in the last two evenings I have received 40 text from him. Some guys would take months to text that many times.