sausageless

My mum phoned me early this morning to say that she has been passed able to go home. But as I am at work she will have to wait until this evening to be collected. She has been raving about the food there so I ahve instructed her to not only have her lunch but also her dinner before I collect her. As she has to have someone there to look after her before she is allowed home I shall be staying with her tonight.

I bade my fond farewell to my boys this morning saying I will see them on Saturday. I am not abandoning them to a cold hungry evening at home without me. DC gets paid today and they have all decided to go to the cinema to see a film they are all keen on, this was decided a week or more ago and I was invited to join them but declined as it is not my choice of humour. I believe they are going to the cinema in The City and will probably go for something to eat while they are there.

So mother will be eating at the hospital, boys will be eating out that just leaves me!!
Last night I cooked sausages for all of us that is 12 sausages between 5 of us, JA and ET had 2 each with chips I told DC that there were 3 each for him and OJ, I let them dish up their own but to my horror they had all the remaining sausages and left me with none!!

so last night I was left sausageless sob sob

Souvenir

warning don't read if you are squeamish!

Today was the day, today was written on the calendar in big red letters .......Mum's Knee op.

Today I phoned the hospital to ask if mum was back from theatre.

It was lunchtime so I was sure she would have had her op by now.

I was very suprised when they passed the phone to mum, she hadn't gone down yet and was starving after nothing since midnight apart from 'a gallon of tea at 6.30am'. She asked me to tell her friends not to visit her tonight. Her friend who took her in yesterday was going to visit with another friend. So I rang her to say that mum had not had her op yet so wouldn't be able to see anyone.

I rang the hospital again at about three just to make sure and yes she was in theatre by then. What a relief I know mum would have been so bitterly upset if she had to put up with this pain until another date could be scheduled.

I rang again at about 6pm as I was waiting for my prescription (I have been suffering from eye infections for some time although apart from my eyelids being red they were not bothering me too much. I figured it was down to me rubbing my eyes when our cat gets too close. ) I had finally made a dr's appointment.

To my suprise the phone was again passed to mum. Three hours earlier she was being operated on and now they were handing the phone to her!!! She had not been fully put under for this op, having an epidural, she had been drifting in and out during the op. She could hear lots of hammering and when she heard what sounded like a circular saw she wanted the screen moved so she could watch!!!! ewww how grisley and yes marmie I do remember you taking pics of your op. Anyway as it turned out they didn't need to do a complete replacement of her replacement knee, just replacing the plastic piece in the middle of the joint, also taking away a piece of bone that had grown where it shouldn't have done plus a bit more of a tidy up in there. (this was her 4th op on this knee in 5 years). Only my mum and perhaps marmie too would ask for te bit they removed but it had been thrown away. Can you believe she wanted to keep it as a souvenir. DC says he can't really imagine granny keeping her knee in a jar on the shelf.

On the phone she sounded on the verge of tears but she said she is fine just still feeling the effects of the aneasthetic. She has been bored so can't wait for me to bring her a book tomorrow, she already read one book and half another, but she did say she has been people watching and has lots to tell me about. I can't wait lol.

Tomorrow is OJ's day, my little scholar will be 18. He and DC will be playing five a side football tomorrow night, I have a feeling they will be having a pint afterwards. DC has been waiting for his little brother to be old enough to have a drink with him. He has plans for the two of them to do pub quizzes together.

update on charlie's mum. She is having an MRI scan tomorrow, she has type 2 cancer and is booked in for surgery to have her breast removed next wednesday. DC spent sat evening with the family they had several chats about it and are feeling positive which I know is a good thing. She has several lmps and the largest one has roots rather like an octopus according their description.

Worlds End and back again

On a lovely bright and warm sunny Saturday late morning/early afternoon in October what better way to spend my time than driving along country lanes. Heading north then at the first village taking the left fork now heading north west uphill through a wooded area before plunging back down hill through open fields and several more villages until I reach the one with the abbey ruins. Swinging around the roundabout back towards home. On the drive back I begin my mission. Stopping at numerous pubs and asking the question, each time getting the same answer. Back at the first village turning east now back on the road I can't help remembering holding hands with Romeo as he drove on that hot summer day. But it isn't long before I turn off that road heading north again along lanes travelled with Swinger more than two years ago. Finally my destination, World's End the location of the hostelry where I first met My Knight. This time the answer I was hoping for.

But it is such a lovely day I shall just try a few more, heading south now through places I know the names of but don't know the roads. I just drive going first this way and then that, not knowing where each road will lead me until I find myself driving into the northern end of the borough where I work. I Havant a clue how I managed to get to there, thinking I was further west than I obviously was. Getting my bearings I head west again but this time on roads I know, stopping at the Asquith Arms again receiving a negative answer.

Time is getting on now and I still have things to do so stopping in the town centre gathering up the objects required to make the imminent 18th birthday appreciated, plus some ointment for me from the pharmacy. Walking through the pedestrian area away from the main shopping area to the Golden Pantha again receiving the positive answer I had been seeking. I am now weary and set off back home with my shopping and two menus for christmas lunch on christmas day. both at £49.50 per head that will be £300 for our xmas lunch!!!

But mother (who is currently galavanting in Cardiff prior to her op) says thats ok. It will serve to be a joint celebration, Christmas, OJ's 18th birthday in a few days, DC's 21st in early Feb and also JA has his birthday in December and ET will be 17 in January. Instead of going out to celebrate each of these birthdays we can combine it with Christmas.

At the moment it appears as though my instinct to choose the second candidate for the job seems to be working out. She started on Monday and is getting stuck in.

Oh and on my drive around the countryside today I noticed a garage where unleaded fuel was down to 99.99p per litre the garage across the road from here is down to 102.99p when I alst bought fuel last sunday it was 106.99p so it does look as though prices have come down somewhat. Now let start seeing that reflected in other parts of our economy.

Shock

DC has been seeing his lovely girlfriend Charlie for 4 1/2 years now. Charlie has recently gone off to University to do a degree in fashion. She was lucky enought o get one of just 30 coveted places at Brighton. She has only been there a couple of weeks. Yesterday she sent DC a shocking text.

Her mother (just as lovely) has got breast cancer. It is just a couple of weeks since she found the lump but already has the diagnosis.

I am proud of DC, he phoned L to tell her how sorry he is and offer his help if needed. He also asked if I would be willing to talk to her about it if she wants. Of course I would. He is showing a lot of sensitivity. I think this will probably be the time he talks to me about my cancer as at the time he avoided me as he couldn't cope (he was just 13).

No time

It is looking as though I won't be online much in the next few weeks.

OJ is using my laptop to do masses of homework for college (they dismantled their pc because it wouln't load grrrrrrrrr)

Then after mum has her op next week I shall be running around after her.

Positive moves

This week I have chosen the new person I shall be working with (I assume she hasn't turned it down).



PB and Boss lady have been interviewing for a replacement for the disaster that was NL. On monday they were out of the office for a couple of hours, apparently at the recruitment office to quickly see some interviewees. I guess this is a bit like speed dating only its speed interviewing hee hee. What ever will they think of next.



So on Thursday afternoon they had two interviews lined up. PB tells me to watch out for them and see what I think (her money is in the second one). Before the interviewees arrive I have spoken to Boss lady about, making sure we get someone who can take messages, can read etc. This time after each interview they were brought over and introduced to me so I could tell them about the job and get an idea of what each of them is like. The first one seemed nice, probably a little younger than me, confident, we talked about taking phone messages etc. The second one possibly a little older also seemed nice, we talked about other aspects of the job. After they had gone I was asked my opinion, afterall which ever one they chose will have to work closely with me so we need to be able to get on. I said which one I preferred although being asked outright on the spot without a chance to think about it I wasn't really able to give much of a reason, later I could.



On friday I asked Boss lady if she was still interviewing or has she made a decision,



'I have offered the job to the second one'



So I have got my way, I only hope now that I am right in my instincts as I know nothing about either of them, I just based my choice on a five minute conversation.



Today I spent 6 hours in a classroom. a while a go I mentioned that I wanted to do an evening class but couldn't decide what to do. With my grandfather dying and various other things like a lack of money at the crucial time I didn't enrol on any of the classes. However I did decide to try a few of the weekend taster classes. To my consternation the ones I wanted to do were mostly on the same day and there were only a few days to choose from. I finally came up with a plan to do belly dancing on sat 4th October and NLP on sat 11th. But last week I was in a bit of a state and never got around to doing the belly dancing.



But today I did do the NLP session. There were 11 of us in total mostly women but there were 3 men. during the day we had to work in pairs on various excercises (a new partner each time), not sure how it worked out that way but I worked with all three of the men. Keen Kev the driving instructor who had trouble with most of the excercises. Marvelous Matt the half polish auditor and Prospect Paul the shiatsu master. Most of what we learnt served merely to confirm what I was already aware of. Much of what we were being taught to do to improve our lives were things I began doing last year and some before that even.



One thing that I did discover was that I don't seem to be afraid of speaking out infront of a group any more. I even volunteered a comments a few times, no blushing, no watery eyes or stammering. So different to how I was a year ago in my writing class. I think it is a combination of the confidence I have gained since I began this job and the confidence Romeo gave me as talking with him allowed me to believe in myself.

This one is for Mel

Happy Halloween!! You've been Mooned!!

One rule to this game.... You can NOT get someone who has already gotten you! Now... go out there and get as many people as you can, before they get you! I got you first! and you can't get me back! Nanee - Nanee - NaNa! (hehe) We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. Never Be The First To Get Old!!!!!

For those of you still wondering what I meant about being removed, I was referring to being removed from my computer for the evening. LV is aware that I spend far too much of my time at my computer, so he took me away from it for a few hours.

Some of you may be wanting to know what is happening with Paulo this week. He text me a couple of times whilst I was out to dinner on saturday evening. I didn't hear from him on Sunday, on Monday there was an email when I got home from work which was later followed by a brief chat on msn. Tuesday nothing, I did consider contacting him but decided that if hes interested he can do the chasing. Besides last week when he was constantly texting and phoning I needed that to stop me from brooding over Romeo. This week I am in a better place so I don't need that attention as much (I wouldn't call a stop to it though). Today I thought he would text or phone me during the day, but he didn't until he was about to go home. He rang me at 4.25pm saying ' I wanted to tell you that you have not been forgotten, today has just been jam packed all day.' My work has been busy these last few days also.

On my way home my phone rang, I thought it might be DC as I had just tried to ring him, or it could be Paulo, but to my astonishment it was SF!! A few weeks ago he lost his mobile and borrowed one that he had previously given to ET. Unfortunately when SF tried to phone his 'mum' he phoned ET's 'mum'. Damn that means that he now has my mobile number for the first time in 2.5 years. I just know that he will use that number whenever he wants to talk to me.

Last night I was bored and did a spot of snooping, I was trying to see if there is anything on the internet about Paulo. I didn't find much but thought I would see if his daughter is on facebook (she is 16 afterall). I found only one girl with that distinct name, but to my suprise she has been attending a school in London not the town where I believed he lives. But then I worked out the distance between the school and his work place (20 miles) a couple of times he has phoned me as he drove home and I thought he was driving a long time, now I know why. So it seems that he is a neighbour of Mei's. I found this idea amusing so emailed her last night to tell her this. When I woke up I had a reply from her.

so wha do you want me to do? drive up and down his street to see if a mrs paulo lives there too? your wish is my command as i also like snooping!

don't you just love her?

On the Romeo front he is away again for two weeks. His text on Sunday evening didn't say much but it did put a smile on my face and I have been feeling much happier this week (I have no explanation as to why).

I love you

Next week I have a day off from work,

I wish I could say that the plan is to spend the day with Romeo

I wish I could say that I was going to spend the day shopping

I wish I could say I was just going to relax all day

However

I am glad to say that I shall be spending my day pushing a wheelchair around our local Military (former) Hospital

I am glad to say that my day will be spent supporting my mum as she has x-rays, blood tests etc

I am glad to say that on Monday 20th October my mum will be going back into hospital to have her knee replacement redone.

I would like to say that they can guarantee that this time the operation will be a success.

I can only hope that this time my mum will be on crutches for weeks not months

I can only hope that this time my mum will be free of pain for the first time since her original operation in January 2007

I can only hope that this operation will give my lovely mum her life back.

Today I did something that I don't do as often as I should. I phoned my mum just to tell her that I love her. I frequently tell my sons that I love them but I don't often tell my mum that I love her. So from today I promise to tell her more often. Her reply was that she doesn't tell me she loves me either but she does. It just hasn't been the done thing in the family I grew up in, but I have always told my children that I love them. I believe that the most important thing in a child's life is that they know they are loved. But it is important for everyone young or old to know they are loved.

when was the last time you told someone that you love them and who was it?

Oh and just to prove that this is me and not some alien life form who has taken over my blog. Only I could be this stupid................. sitting in my bath this morning, I had an itch on my shoulder blade just where I couldn't quite reach. so what did I do, I looked around and picked up the only thing I could think to use to scratch my itch......... WARNING if you are squeamish stop reading NOW.......................

Who else would be stupid enough to use a razor !!! yes thats right I used a bloody razor to scratch my itch. The second I touched my back the safety cover flipped off and I succeeded in cutting myself open. Strangely I soon forgot about my itch.

Removed

Last night I was removed

When I got home from my weird day at work I came online. I had only been there a few minutes when LV wanted to chat. At the end of the conversation he invited me out for dinner on Saturday evening to cheer me up.

I spent Saturday morning writing a fantasy for Paulo which I then emailed to him. Then I wrote to Romeo telling him how hurt I am that he has become so distant. What I could have done was stayed silent myself and just waited to see how long it would take him to notice. But to my mind that is playing games something I vowed never to do in this relationship. I promised him at the start that if there is ever anything I am not happy about then I will tell him. That way I won't be letting little things fester until they become big problems. So now I have told him that I feel hurt. I have told him that I have been getting attention from elsewhere but he is still the only one I want. I have made my position clear. What I have not done is made any ultimatums.

I feel better for telling him how I feel now it is up to him to make an effort.

Later I went into town to buy new school shoes for JA, to my horror he showed me his shoes earlier in the week one of them only has half the sole left. so I bought him two pairs so that should keep him going for a while until the next time his feet have out grown his shoes. I also got myself a new pair of smart black shoes for work. Even though I didn't get into the shopping centre until 4.40 (they close at 5pm) and didn't venture further than the first half dozen shops I still managed to go in three shops and spend about £50.

Back home a quick chat with LV then off to the chip shop a treat for the boys as I was going out. Little did I know that not only was the shop heaving with customers but they were also doing an order for 40 people!!! this is a small family run shop with one girl serving. But she was taking everyone's orders as she waited for the food to be cooked so it ran quite smoothly, I was quite impressed with the way she managed to keep the orders going.

Back home I dumped the food in the kitchen and told the boys to go sort it themselves while I changed out of my wet joggers into my red skirt, red tights and one of my purchases of the day a new cream blouse with flower shaped glass buttons. I just had time to phone Hector to wish him a happy birthday. It has been a while since we chatted so it was good to catch up with him. Hes leaving his job in January after 28 years. Hes going to be setting up a new venture with a friend and will probably be moving down to London so no excuses we will have to meet up when hes down here. Its nice that we have the kind of friendship that we can go for months with no contact then just pick up where we left off the kind of friendship where we will always be mates. Just for once when I call him Hector on here it is also the name I use for him in RL (not his real name but the name I use anyway it started out as a joke and has continued, no one else ever calls him that).

A few minutes later my lift arrived to carry me away for the evening, I was being removed from my computer. LV is very pleasant company and I feel honoured that he wanted to travel in bad weather to take me out for the evening. We went to the pub where I had lunch with my mum a while ago. It has changed a lot since the days when I went there a lot with my husband and small boys. It has been given a more upmarket ake over but I think it has lost a lot of the character.

The food was ok but not brilliant but we were given the wrong steaks. I had asked for well done but got rare, the first bite was ok a bit pink but when I got to the bit that still had blood in it no thanks that just isn't my cup of tea, so we swapped. When we were asked if everything was ok

LV told the waitress that we had been given the wrong steaks and that the food was tough but he wasn't after a refund of fresh food etc. When the next waitress came to clear away our plates she wanted us to have desserts free of charge but we were both full so declined.

LV wanted to visit my favourite view so we went up onto the hill, with the wind and the rain we couldn't see much, we could see all the lights of the city below but it wasn't easy to pick out anything. After chatting for a while LV drove me back home. There was a surreal moment as we were sat at traffic lights and I was thinking about Romeo, out of the blue LV says 'Do you know where Romeo is now?' We had both noticed a jag drive passed and it had made us both think of Romeo.

When I got in I went up to bed, as I lay there listening to the rain I fired up my laptop which took so long to load that I had just opened an email when I fell asleep. This morning I had too messages saying 'your up late' and 'what are you doing up at this time?' The second one left at 2.23am was from Neptune who I have not spoken to for a few months although I have seen him come and go on msn a few times.

Some days are just weird

Having jumped back into bed for that last 15 minutes snuggled under my duvet before the alarm went off, I really shouldn't be suprised that I slept through the alarm. Finally emerging from my slumber my eyes focussed on the clock that was telling me it was almost 7am. OMG I overslept again, quickly trying to gauge the weather, working out what to wear to the office today. Whilst I am rushing o get myself ready the teens pass my door asking why I didn't wake them they are now having to rush to get to the train......simple I didn't wake them because I hadn't woken myself and how come they expected me to wake them I only wake the baby monster, it just so happens that the teens share a room with the monster.

Travelling to work it is as though everyne is on a go slow today. Most annoying I seem to always get stuck behind the obstinate driver who won't go faster than slow but won't move over to the slow lane either. I get stuck in a queue of traffic doing 40mph on the slip road to exit the dual carriageway. I am normally doing nearer to 80 on that stretch.

Work is strange today. I really should have stayed in bed. First off Bob's compuer won't turn on so he is going to sit opposite me as there is a spare computer now that NL is nolonger with us. That computer takes an age to loadup. Mine is also taking forever (nothing unusual there it takes a good 10 to 12 minutes each morning). But I keep getting error messages, I reboot, but still get nowhere it seems that my computer is not connected to the server. We are playing a game of find the computer tht works. One of the ones in accounts has recently been repaired but doesn't yet have the company database reloaded. This week I have had 3 different people use the computer opposite me. It has been like musical chairs.

So we turn my computer off and I dive under my desk on my hands and knees checking that everything under the desk is plugged in and or conneced properly. I don't find anything that is loose but I seem to have done the trick as now my computer is working. considering I start at 8am I didn't get my computer system running properly until 8.35am grrrrr all that wasted time.

Add to this the agravation of a printer that has been getting increasingly troublesome. Printing the orders off becomes a night mare as the pges become creased and then the ink become smeared finally resulting in the paper concertina'd. We managed to redirect to another printer but it still took a while to reprint what had already been done.

Having recovered from these computer/printer problems my morning then gets disturbed by a glazier arriving to replace sealed units in the windows. He starts with the window just behind my head. He has to struggle to get the original units out as they are stuck fast. He talks of it being easier to take a hammer to the pannels. My first reaction is that he must warn me if he is going to do that so I can move out of the way. I then remember that my car is parked below my window. It doesn't come to that in the end, but his banging on the windows causes the spanish guy next door ( I forget what name I gave him) starts banging on the wall because the noise is disturbing him. By the way I have to say that although we are one person short work feels so much more relaxed this week now that the stress of having NL there has been lifted. Or perhaps that is down to the flirting that has been going on between me and Paulo. I spoke to him a couple of times today and exchanged a few hot text too.

The funniest thing was when he phoned me just before he shut up shop for the day. He apparently closes early on a Friday allowing his staff to go home at 3.30pm. He was telling me what he was doing to me in his imagination, just at that moment Bob was stood right by my desk as he was moving the desks into the middle of the room, (we have decorators in over the weekend). Being mischevious I told Paulo that I had his call on speaker phone. How bad would that have been not just because of what he was saying but he has a distinctive voice so anyone in sales who heard it would have known who it was, he is popular among the sales team.

Thinking of strange things, when Paulo was chatting to me the other afternoon as I drove home his phone battery was about to run out, he got cut off but then rang me back, oddly his battery was showing as fully charged when he rang back and he had no more problems with it. This morning he tried to pay his takings into an ATM but they were all out of order. when he got to his shop there was no power, he was trying to find out what was wrong (he doesn't know what he was doing as he doesn't have a clue about electricity.) Suddenly the electricity came back on, but he discovered that the whole area had lost its power and his shop was the only place with power back on at that time 7.30am. It was when he said it was 7.30 that I remembered that that was the time I got a 'good morning sexy x ' text. He said yes he had given up on the power and text me then the power came back on. How weird is that?

After the furniture had been moved and all that wasn't being used was covered by dust sheets it did look odd trying to work from the middle of the room surrounded by plastic sheeting, the vertical blinds were removed from the windows. This meant that I had the sun shining directly on not just my back making me very hot but also right across my monitor so I couldn't see anything on the screen. My cue to leave earlier than normal.

As far as Paulo goes I have decided that I am enjoying the flirting but thats as far as it will go, he is lovely and I am more than a little flattered but he is not for me and to do any more than flirt would be out of the question for me. My heart is with Romeo and to do more than flirt with Paulo is not worth the heartache it would cause me. Even if I thought I could get away with having a fling and Romeo wouldn't know, I couldn't do it. I trust Romeo to be faithful to me so I need to stay faithful to him. I am enjoying what is going on with Paulo but at the end of the day it is still Romeo that I want. I have to keep faith in him. Things might not be quite as I would wish with him right now but you can't choose who to fall in love with.