Scared

My confidence is good
My belief in myself higher than ever before in my life
I know my personality is good
Frequently I am called 'lovely'
I am cheerful
I am humourous

But why am I scared?

I am scared because I dislike my body
Like most women I have never been happy with my body, but as much as I dislike it now, I hated being skinny even more.

When I was playing the field it wasn't such an issue, my sexual partners were using me as much as I was using them but it was only sex. They taught me that not all men only want women with perfect figures. There are many men who like a woman with a fuller figure. But that was fine, we would initially meet for a drink or a meal but after that it was mostly sex and friendship.

But now that I am not and have not been in the market for a relationship based on sex, for a long time, there are a whole new set of fears.

Now that I am in the market for a serious relationship I am scared that my personality won't be enough. I am scared that no matter how much we might get on he might take one look at me and say no.

I know that if I am not happy with my body then need to do something about it. I have been trying to lose weight. I am still trying to follow the diet that I started in the Autumn of 2007 but I am not managing to get to the gym. I keep trying to get to the gym, but working full time then getting home cooking etc I am too tired to go to the gym.

In my heart of hearts I know that any man worth having will accept me as I am. But that doesn't stop me from being scared. I think that is why I am happy to let thing continue to progress slowly with The Man. We continue to exchange emails and text most days, there has been no further talk of meeting although I have no doubt that we will meet soon.