Queen of Gullible

One reason I have not blogged much recently is that most of my blogging has been about my love life, family and work. I try not to blog about work very much but occasionally I just have to or at least mention it in passing.



I decided a while ago that I was going to try to avoid blogging about my love life (or lack of) as writing about it seems to have an adverse effect. That leaves my family, I think I have blogged so much about DC & OJ going off to Uni and ET 's attempt to join the RAF there is little else to write and they deserve a break as do my readers.



Having just said I was trying to avoid it, I am now going to write about my love life. It could be that every man who ever comes near me, reads my blog and as soon as they are mentioned they cut loose. Now I know this is not the case, besides, very few people read my blog these days. I have even been keeping quiet on Face book. But last week I posted on Face book that I have been invited to the England v Australia Rugby International at Twickenham. (I should be on my way there now). Surely the curse wouldn't be activated by such a simple thing as saying I had been invited. I didn't say who had invited me. But obviously the curse even reaches my face book.



Perhaps you would like a little back ground information here. Why am I suddenly blogging about going to Twickenham when clearly I am not. Who was I going to be going with. What is all this nonsense about a curse. Or perhaps you are just wondering if I have finally lost all my marbles (it has been on the cards for 40+ years).



Why the curse?

Back in the early part of the summer out of the blue I saw Oxo again after 2 years. He told me that he had thought we had a good thing going before, when I went off and left him. (I wanted a proper relationship, he didn't). He agreed to try having a relationship even though he feels he isn't good at relationships. A couple of days later I mentioned him to PB (friend/neighbour/colleague) that I was seeing him again. It must have been less than 30 mins later that I received a text from Oxo saying that he was sorry but he would not be in touch again. To say I was shocked would be an understatement, but as shocked as I was, I wasn't upset just bewildered.



Then, there was a new guy in my life fairly quickly after that (I have forgotten what I called him). He tells me that he is a trained councellor, he works with people who are terminally ill. He scolded me about my humour, I thought he was eccentric, but to cut a long story short, after weeks of emails we had a long chat on the phone which resulted in us agreeing to meet for a drink. That mid week drink led to an afternoon/evening the following sunday talking, holding hands and dare I say it, kissing. A few days later an another evening together and promises to go to a party together after my imminent holiday. Before we had met he had got me to open up to him about various issues. The flood gates had opened and I ended up telling him so much more than most people ever know about me. (he said he was honoured that I had told him). I mentioned this promising new man on my blog.



When I returned from my family holiday he didn't go to the party, or answer any of my emails or text messages. Eventually he confessed that he nolonger wanted to see me. He said I had told him too much plus he feels that I have more than my share of health issues!!! He couldn't cope with me being a diabetic, cancer survivor, but the last straw was my headaches (I get fewer now than in previous years). Ok his loss, I was not upset about losing him so soon but it was the way he went about it that got my goat.



But moving on within a week I met Spark, he had not been intended to be a love interest, he was a customer from work. We met for lunch which went too well, he asked to see me again the next evening. After many comments from a colleague at work about the big grin on my face I mentioned to her that I had seen one of our customers. Next day he told me that he didn't want to mess me about, he has a girlfriend and although it may not last he felt guilty about me.



I decided to give dating a break when I got a message out of the blue from a new man from a dating site that I don't set much store by, but have had a profile on for years. The message was different to most.......it was neither a 'hi fancy a chat' or a 'lets have some fun'. Neither of which instill me with much confidence. But this man got my interest, I have to be honest and say that just looking at his photo (which I quite possibly had done several times) I would not have looked any further. I replied by chatting about something on his profile. Soon the messages going back and forth became emails, phone numbers were exchanged (but not used.....that first conversation on the phone is difficult when you both have children who seem to congregate when you want a private conversation). Our emails became a daily ritual. We agreed to meet for a meal 3 weeks down the line. But then we both realised that it would be halloween weekend and he needed to see what his children were doing. (they are younger than mine).The day of our meal was fast approaching and no decision made whether our date would be this coming weekend or the following one (today).

Twickenham

On Friday morning he emailed me. He has tickets for England v Australia @ Twickenham (today) would I like to go with him and have a meal after. Now this is when I wrote my question on Face Book saying that I had been invited should I accept. Of course I did want to go but I had one small reservation in that it would be a very long day to be with someone I had never met, if it turned out that we didn't get on. (thats me trying to be sensible for a change). Before I left work I rushed off a quick reply (I would be out all evening) saying that it sounds good but mentioned my reservation about us not having met. Also would this be as well or instead of our meal the next day. Saturday came and went so did Sunday......nothing. I wrote to him saying that it would have been nice to be told that Saturday was definitely off as I could then ahve made other plans for my evening. It wasn't a nasty email, if anything it was apologetic in case I had missed something and he had already told me. But I have had enough of being treated badly so I was standing up for myself, expressing my right to be treated with respect. Monday and Tuesday came and went, still no word. By wednesday evening I was getting jittery about today. I sent a brief email saying he is obviously busy but could he please tell me what the plan was for today.

It is now Saturday lunch time the match is about to begin and I am still at home not having had a single word from him since he issued the invitation 8 days ago. Now I wonder if it is the curse of having mentioned his invitation even though I didn't mention him. Or is it that he is a jerk just like all the other men who have come and gone in my life. Perhaps he is one of the many 'time wasters' who lurk on dating sites, they like to email and chat but never actually meet. (He wouldn't be the first to make arrangements to meet me but then vanish when the day arrives). During a chat conversation last night I was asked if he is now History. As much as I know you want me to say yes, I can't.

Marles lost?

You see I have done a fair bit of thinking about this. On the face of it, he is just another one who has messed me about and for whatever reason, having reached this far has decided to just cut me off. There is always of course the simple explanation that he has not been near his computer or there is something wrong with it. But I have dismissed that idea for two reasons, he could phone me if that was the case. Plus his business is internet based so he would need his computer for his work......he wouldn't therefore go a whole week without it. So it is obvious isn't it, he has messed me about and now he doesn't want to know.

But maybe it isn't as simple as that, maybe he has a perfectly good explanantion and I will find out what that is when he eventualy gets in touch again. Maybe he is ill, (Swine flu is still rife). I don't know what the explanation is, but I think that if I am patient I will soon find out. You see from what he has told me about himself and his family I don't think he would just stop speaking to me, especially when his last email was to invite me out. Perhaps my email asking for a little respect upset him, I don't think so. It certainly wasn't a spitting my dummy out, type of email and even if it had been, I don't think it would have scared him. From what he has hinted at he has led quite a dare devil life in the past. A few words from me are not going to have him quaking in his boots. Besides I rather think that if he hadn't liked what I had said, he would have told me that, not just gone silent. Unless everything he has told me about himself is a complete and utter lie then I don't think he is the kind of person who would do any of this intentionally. It seem so out of character to me. But then again we all know that I am the queen of gullible.

Nothing!!

Reading a post on nitebyrd’s blog at the weekend reminded me that I never did tell you what happened to Coach who was going to be the big romance back in January. He was a fairly local divorced man my age. He had worked as a manager at the very big factory/distribution place next door to my workplace, but this had been demolished and relocated further down the coast a few years ago so we were in fact passing each other on the motorway each morning. He seemed to be a genuinely caring man and what we found we had in common was the time we have both spent following our son’s football teams. He also coaches in another sport in his spare time. Yes you guessed it, that’s where he got his name from.

I was playing it real cool, taking my time to reply to his emails and text messages, none of which had any sexual overtones. It was refreshing to talk to a man who didn’t seem to be ruled by sex. We had lots to talk about without that. He rang me a few times and seemed nice. We arranged to meet for a drink after work on a Tuesday evening. However before that he rang me on the Sunday inviting me for an impromptu drink at a hotel mid way between our homes.

We had a very nice drink and chat, after a while he began to touch my hand in a nice gentle understanding way. Until eventually he just took a hold of my hand. As described here we then went back to his house. As we were drinking our tea he became very amorous which I hadn’t expected. This was after all the man who had never been the slightest bit sexual in any of our exchanges. I was enjoying his kisses but when his hand wandered to my zip and into my jeans I started to resist even saying no a few times but he wore down my resistance, besides what did it matter if I gave in now as this was the start of something really good. Hadn’t he just mentioned treating people as you want them to treat you, hadn’t he been asking how soon we should think about meeting each other’s children. This was not some seedy one night(day) stand. So, when he took my hand and led me to his bedroom. I just followed secure in the knowledge that this was only the first of many times.

In his bed he was having trouble keeping hard so I took things into my own hands and of course my mouth. Soon he was very ready for action, I was careful not to show off just how wonderful I am and just kept things nice and simple. He suggested trying a different position but I just stuck to the tried and tested good old faithful missionary. Out of nowhere he asked…………

Do you do this often?

I ignored his question. Later we were dressed and back downstairs snuggled together on his sofa and he asked me if I would still be ok for Tuesday as he really wanted to see me again soon. He took me back to my car and we kissed goodbye.

Later I emailed him to say thanks for a very nice time but that I was concerned that he seemed to think I did this often. I didn’t get a reply. I figured he was busy with his children. Monday came and went, nothing! I sent him a text that just a simple x.
Tuesday, the day we were due to meet again, still nothing. Two and a half months later I have still heard nothing from him. I decided not to send any further text or emails. He was obviously not the charming man I had thought. He was obviously a cold calculating good for nothing low life.

I could have let this and my earlier experience with Skipper make me cynical about all men. I didn’t, I became wary but not too cynical. Yes I know I should still be careful. Things are going very well with Romeo other than that we still have not met yet due to his work keeping him out of the country. I trust him 95% but I still keep one eye and ear watching out for any clues that he may not be who and what he says. If it turns out that I got it wrong yet again then so be it I shall just shrug my shoulders and move on again. Life is too short to be afraid to live it. I am taking a giant leap of faith with Romeo but I trust him not to let me down. We talk for hours every night now. He is as hooked on me as I am on him. I know it won’t be too long now before we are together. Having said that after all these weeks it seems impossible to think that it will ever be any other way for us. Anyway I must post this now as Romeo will be online soon and I don’t want to waste any time that we have.