Quiet Lady

Sorry I have been a bad blogger

In the last couple of weeks life has got in the way of blogging. Mostly that has been due to falling asleep but that also includes apathy. Not rushing to my blog to write a post or reply to comments. I think a lot of it is just being very tired all the time. I do read and appreciate the comments left here but just don't have the energy or the words to reply. I have not even been to visit all my favourite blogs, don't ask me why because I don't know the answer.

I am writing this quick post now mainly because I am off out again tonight for another wedding. So that is one funeral and two weddings in 8 days.

I am I guess feeling down because I have not heard from Romeo (his last text sunday before last telling me he was thinking about me). I am not worried or fretting that there is anything wrong between us. I am quite confident on that score. But I miss him so much. I have been through the various stages of being frantic that a day then two passed with no word, the need to be in contact everyday. The anxiety of how often should I text email him when I am getting no response. I am now in the calm space where I just wait th here from him, I am not constantly checking my phone or email. But in the evenings I find myself gazing at his picture willing him to be in contact. I open my phone to send him a text but have nothing to say. There are only so many times/ways of texting 'I miss you' without being like a broken record. I feel sad, alone, unloved, distant. But I know that when he returns he will let me know hes back and it will be as though this distance never was.

I am busy at work and tired at home, I am not just sitting around moping. When I have caught up with sleep and have the energy I am going to crack on with more writing. Anyway, I am still here just being quiet in the corner where I am not intruding on the world. Give me a few days and I shall bounce back all bright and breezy as usual.

I believe love blooms here

A funeral and then a wedding within 48 hours



My Grandpa (thats the name we used) or Grandpa Bill as he wanted us to call him Bill once we became adults but we just couldn't drop the Grandpa bit. He will be cremated on Friday at 3.15, it will only be a small gathering, my mum and me of course, both my brothers and their wives. My Grandpa's late partner G (they never married although they were together for 21 years until she was claimed by Cancer) younger son. My Brother D will be giving him a lift as although in his time he was a professional driver, even chauffeur to the stars (often Alan Titchmarsh) R is now almost completely blind in his early 60s. Possibly Rose (Grandpa had a soft spot for G's hairdresser) she became a close friend of his in the last few years,with her husband.



SF has expressed a wish to be there if I allow him, I have agreed on the proviso that he doesn't drink. My eldest son DC automatically made arrangements to have time off work, no question of not being there. JA my baby has also said he would like to attend. I will have to tell the school to let him out early. There may also be one or two people from the Nursing home, but there won't be anyone else, he has out lived his friends and older family. There is still a cousin who is in his 90s still living in East Anglia, they have not seen each other for many many years.



My mum was meant to be going away for a few days on Thursday, she and her friend Vee were going to Norfolk from Thursday until Sunday morning. Vee's husband M was due to pick me up (not literally but by car) sunday morning so that we could join them at a hotel not far from Norwich. Because at 3.30pm on sunday our mutual friend 'garden fairy' is getting married. We would stay the night in the hotel and make our way home again on monday. I booked the day off from work way back in March. Now that Grandpa has died and his funeral is on Friday mum and Vee have cancelled their short break. Garden fairy has said she would understand if we didn't want to go to the wedding. But we have both said we will be there with bells on. After all didn't I just spend my week's leave searching ebay for suitable clothing to wear for this special occassion.



The reason I call the bride 'garden fairy' is that when I was very ill back in 2001, I was not strong enough to work on my garden. GF would arrive at random times over the weekends and some evenings to tend my garden for me. She worked full time in a senior management post, has suffered for years with back problems, but she wanted to do this for me. She never told us she was there, she never wanted anything for her work. It would only be when someone saw her through the window or went to the door and found her crouched over my flowerbeds that we knew she was there. A few years ago GF and her elderly mother moved back to Norfolk where she had grown up. Not long after she moved she met a lovely semi retired man who has been a breath of fresh air in her life. I have met the groom a couple of times in the last couple of years and know that these two people are so well suited that it shows that even middle aged women can have their fairytales come true. They give me hope and inspire me, with belief that life can be good, you don't have to be young to be happy.



So on sunday we will be setting off early to attend Garden Fairy's wedding. She is such a lovely lady she deserves this happiness. Joking the other day I said to my mum that we have the wedding and the funeral all we need now is a baby. That was when she said, 'did you see the email from AD'? It seems that the one life for another cycle is repeating itself. A few years ago my mum's only brother died suddenly in a road accident in Texas where he had lived for many years. His adopted daughter from his second marriage gave birth to her first child 2 weeks later. Since then she has had 2 more sons, her latest email was to announce that she is expecting her 4th child in a few months. So now we have all three.