Removed

Last night I was removed

When I got home from my weird day at work I came online. I had only been there a few minutes when LV wanted to chat. At the end of the conversation he invited me out for dinner on Saturday evening to cheer me up.

I spent Saturday morning writing a fantasy for Paulo which I then emailed to him. Then I wrote to Romeo telling him how hurt I am that he has become so distant. What I could have done was stayed silent myself and just waited to see how long it would take him to notice. But to my mind that is playing games something I vowed never to do in this relationship. I promised him at the start that if there is ever anything I am not happy about then I will tell him. That way I won't be letting little things fester until they become big problems. So now I have told him that I feel hurt. I have told him that I have been getting attention from elsewhere but he is still the only one I want. I have made my position clear. What I have not done is made any ultimatums.

I feel better for telling him how I feel now it is up to him to make an effort.

Later I went into town to buy new school shoes for JA, to my horror he showed me his shoes earlier in the week one of them only has half the sole left. so I bought him two pairs so that should keep him going for a while until the next time his feet have out grown his shoes. I also got myself a new pair of smart black shoes for work. Even though I didn't get into the shopping centre until 4.40 (they close at 5pm) and didn't venture further than the first half dozen shops I still managed to go in three shops and spend about £50.

Back home a quick chat with LV then off to the chip shop a treat for the boys as I was going out. Little did I know that not only was the shop heaving with customers but they were also doing an order for 40 people!!! this is a small family run shop with one girl serving. But she was taking everyone's orders as she waited for the food to be cooked so it ran quite smoothly, I was quite impressed with the way she managed to keep the orders going.

Back home I dumped the food in the kitchen and told the boys to go sort it themselves while I changed out of my wet joggers into my red skirt, red tights and one of my purchases of the day a new cream blouse with flower shaped glass buttons. I just had time to phone Hector to wish him a happy birthday. It has been a while since we chatted so it was good to catch up with him. Hes leaving his job in January after 28 years. Hes going to be setting up a new venture with a friend and will probably be moving down to London so no excuses we will have to meet up when hes down here. Its nice that we have the kind of friendship that we can go for months with no contact then just pick up where we left off the kind of friendship where we will always be mates. Just for once when I call him Hector on here it is also the name I use for him in RL (not his real name but the name I use anyway it started out as a joke and has continued, no one else ever calls him that).

A few minutes later my lift arrived to carry me away for the evening, I was being removed from my computer. LV is very pleasant company and I feel honoured that he wanted to travel in bad weather to take me out for the evening. We went to the pub where I had lunch with my mum a while ago. It has changed a lot since the days when I went there a lot with my husband and small boys. It has been given a more upmarket ake over but I think it has lost a lot of the character.

The food was ok but not brilliant but we were given the wrong steaks. I had asked for well done but got rare, the first bite was ok a bit pink but when I got to the bit that still had blood in it no thanks that just isn't my cup of tea, so we swapped. When we were asked if everything was ok

LV told the waitress that we had been given the wrong steaks and that the food was tough but he wasn't after a refund of fresh food etc. When the next waitress came to clear away our plates she wanted us to have desserts free of charge but we were both full so declined.

LV wanted to visit my favourite view so we went up onto the hill, with the wind and the rain we couldn't see much, we could see all the lights of the city below but it wasn't easy to pick out anything. After chatting for a while LV drove me back home. There was a surreal moment as we were sat at traffic lights and I was thinking about Romeo, out of the blue LV says 'Do you know where Romeo is now?' We had both noticed a jag drive passed and it had made us both think of Romeo.

When I got in I went up to bed, as I lay there listening to the rain I fired up my laptop which took so long to load that I had just opened an email when I fell asleep. This morning I had too messages saying 'your up late' and 'what are you doing up at this time?' The second one left at 2.23am was from Neptune who I have not spoken to for a few months although I have seen him come and go on msn a few times.

Impatient

Boy do I wish I had been less impatient.

I had not long gone online this evening when I received an email from Romeo telling me how much he desires me. Without thinking I sent him January Heat aka I love my kids but (without the first part). I did check it over before sending it. But I was checking for spelling and grammatical mistakes. After I had sent it I saw Pixie's comment on my last post and realised what I had done. I then took the time to really read my story for the first time in ages. I can't believe that
a) I dreampt that up,
b) actually wrote it and
c) actually was foolish enough to send it.

I have tried a spot of damage limitation.
first I text him to let him know that I ahd just taken the time to read my story and couldn't believe I had dreampt it up let alone written it.
Secondly I have now emailed him asking him not to read it until I am with him and could perhaps read it to him. At FC's suggestion I have now sent him 'You' but first deleted the very last line. suggeting that this would give hima better picture of how my mind works. Fingers crossed that he will respect my wishes and not read January Heat yet. I trust him enough to believe that if I have asked him not to read it then he won't unless it was already too late. If he has read it then I hope he finds it very erotic and doesn't take it to heart. I hadn't realised until now just how obvious it is that this story was written with a particular lover in mind.

I just hope it doesn't put him off which was my reason for not telling him about my stories in the first place.










UPDATE

we have chatted online, he has not yet read the story I was panicking about but loves 'You'. We have talked about 'January Heat' so I think everything is fine. Damn!! he was reading it as we were chatting.

'I have read your banned story as we have been talking, wow, some imagination but also a profound insight into male female sexuality'

aww he is being so lovely and not the slightest bit judgemental just very encouraging.

unexpected dilema

Ok guys I need your help.

During a delightful phonecall with Romeo this evening I made a confession.
He has known from the start that I write. Well if he hadn't figured that out by now from my emails he must be asleep. Anway I have been keeping my sexuality underwraps. I didn't want to scare him off. But the last few nights we have been very intimate in our texts, IMs and tonight's phone call. I confided that I write erotica...........possibly a stupid thing to do but we are both being honest we are both allowing each other behind the walls that we had both built up. Considering the subject of our conversation I felt it would be wrong to keep secrets and it was just a natural thing to tell him. So now my dilema.

He wants me to send him a small selection of my stories so that he can see how my mind works and what my secret fantasies are. He wants me to send him an early one and a later one plus one other. This is where you guys have to help me. He doesn't want me to give too much thought to what I want him to read. I mustn't sensor what he reads. So if you have any favourites from the ones that are found here in the side bar please let me know. If you have not read them before my stories are under the title ................Probably fantasy but can you be sure.

At the moment I am thinking perhaps working late, but I am not sure what else, should I let him read the very first one I love my kids but (otherwise known as January heat)

The more I chat to Romeo the more I like him. He is very different to other men I know, he is not only romantic but respectful too. He is away again at the moment and had been hoping to see me at the end of this week but things have gone pear shaped again. However he has made a note of my birthday and will do his very best to see me on that day if not before.