hypnotised?

Whatever can be done with me?

Tonight I am meant to be meeting Golf (he has promised to look over a financial agreement for me before I make any decision about it).

On Thursday I have a date with Echo, dear sweet echo I fear I might be too wanton for him if he only knew how passionate I can be.

Forest keeps asking me when I will be ready to see him again. I still find him sexy but I am enjoying keeping him dangling this time around. (not that that is the reason I have delayed.....more a case of a lack of energy and petrol).

Plumber I know he wants me ...............he tells me he has growing feelings for me, he calls me his 'sweet one'. But I have not seen him for a couple of weeks, we have only chatted online a couple of times (probably because one or other of us hs fallen asleeep first). But he seems to have forgotten how to use his phone. I am not really bothered except that he has promised me a new shower and I am not one to be pushy I will make do with baths until he has the time.

But even with these men around me I am not happy. Karma is still in the background, he still keeps giving me mixed messages so I don't know if he is just too scared of getting hurt again or he really isn't interested. In all these months I have remained friendly but not pushed him in anyway, but now I have reached a point where I need to know if he is still interested or not. So I text him asking if hes busy next weekend, which he is as hes going away with family. So I text back saying that I just wondered if he had had enough time yet to decide whether he still wanted to see me again or did he need more time, I didn't want him to miss my 'sell by date'. 3.5 hrs later still no reply (first reply was within 20 minutes) so I am guessing I have my answer now.

I also sent an email to Romeo this morning, not that I am expecting anything to come of it but I need closure at least with him. I told him that the logicl side of me realises that its over but a part of me still hopes. I also told him that early on he had said that I shouldn't think hes lost interest when I don't hear from him and until december he always did get in contact just when I was becoming distraught thinking he had gone. I always believed that he would tell me if he didn't want me anymore. I never believed he would just stop contacting me. I don't know the reason that happened. I don't feel distressed at his loss, but I think about him every single day.

Although I have these other men in my life I would rather have a relationship with Karma than any of the others and if Romeo came back into my life I would go to him like a shot (but he would have to do some serious grovelling before I forgave him). I have told him about my new challenge and my problems with testing my blood, I have asked him if he has any wise words or mantras he could offer me. Don't laugh, I have never told you before but he has all the skills of Paul McKenna. (I don't think he ever hypnotised me but he has the ability) but that is only part of his work. I really do miss him every day which probably sounds stupid seeing as I only met him once last July. I know he doesn't deserve me and I deserve better but we don't chose who we fall in love with. If we did I would have chosen someone much more available.