Over the grumps

I have got over the grumps of yesterday. I think a big part of it was that I had woken up with a sinus headache then discovering that my sweet text was not exclusively mine just sort of tipped me over the edge as it were.

I had a long chat with Dani which resulted in both of us getting back into doing some ground work on our dating sites. In fact I have just replied to a message from a sweet guy not far from Mei. But he often drives down this way. I booked myself a night out at a valentine's disco in a pub in the city where I have been to a few social events before.

I finally dragged myself out for a spot of grocery shopping at about 6pm, leaving my phone at home (something I don't normally do if I can help it). When I returned I found that Kama had text me (his 3rd of the day I hadn't replied to either of his earlier texts). He mentioned the rugby and asked what I was upto. I was already having doubts about going out but I told him I was going into the city later. He then wanted to know where I was going. We exchanged a few text as I described what I was going to wear to the valentines disco. I didn't say where it was or if I was going with anyone. At 9pm he text asking me what time I was going as it was already 9pm (my last text was 8.30!!) so I just didn't reply. Let him think I had already gone.

Instead of going out I stayed in and watched tv and a film with ET cuddled up to me for 4 hours. We also talked about him joining the RAF which to my suprise he has already applied online and received a career opportunities book from them. He's working on getting himself fit following their plan. So instead of my sunday afternoon visit to the gym the two of us are going swimming. Neither of us have been swimming since our disaster of a holiday in Clacton in aug 2006. It is good to see him taking the initiative instead of me having to give him step by step instructions.

This morning I have played agony aunt to not one but two guys online with their vastly different problems. At one point I thought I had written a long bit of advice on one guy's sexual problem to the guy who was having custody issues. But to my relief I hadn't.

I had better get myself organised now and feed my friend's cat then get on and do all the other things I have got planned for today.

Feeling let down

All week I have been feeling happy.

Kama had said he liked me and wanted to see me again. The emails and texts have continued as before. But there has been no mention of when we might see each other again. He had told me during our meal about his busy schedule especially this week with family and friends. His son has been celebrating turning 17 for the last few days and tonight he is taking both his children out for dinner to celebrate both their birthdays as his daughter will be 21 this week. There is also the Rugby 6 nations to watch with friends. But I can be patient!! (I don't feel patient).



Last night when we were texting I sent him a blue peter text. (one I had made earlier). I had sent it to Romeo months ago. It starts off tantalising ..........it was dreaming of being naked together in a sunny room with birdsong coming through the open window.......but then makes you laugh because there is also the drunk across the road making a ruckus.



He replied in kind which I thought was very good. 10/10 for that.



This morning I was woken by his text ...........a picture of hearts with the words have a wonderful day.



I just rolled over and went back to sleep after all it won't hurt him to wait for an answer.



Later when I woke up properly I looked at it again, this was when it hit me. I had scrolled down a little further than before to the bit under the message. This was when I noticed that it showed his number plus who he had sent it to. There below his number was mine. But below my number were 4 others!! Of course it could be his daughter, sister and niece but that still leaves one more.

So who else was he sending this non personal message to?



We have not made a commitment to only see each other, it is early days yet but still I feel let down. He has every right to see others just as I have, but still I feel put out about this. I am not going to challenge him about it, it is his business. But I can't help feeling a little hurt. I have toyed with the idea of sending him a valentine email. I have toyed with the idea of not sending him anything. I thought of doing what he did. I have never tried sending an sms picture from my current phone. I was experimenting in replying to a text from him and inserting a picture. I didn't find the usual pictures only my own photos. Scrolling through these was interesting as I had forgotten about some of them. Then I tried to exit the photos and found that I had inserted one of my photos. I tried to cancel the message but found that it was too late the picture was sending itself to Kama. Damn and blast I didn't mean to do that. I know he will think I have sent it on purpose and he will like it but that wasn't what I was trying to do. I guess it could have been worse, much worse, there are some awful pictures on there and some that would have made no sense at all arriving out of the blue like that with no message. The picture I sent was one of a pair of photos. The other one is the only saucy picture I have sent him.

Although I don't mind that it was this picture I don't want him to think I am trying to win him over with my pictures.

Perhaps I should ask Dani to ask Nigel what I should do now. My instinct is to just go quiet and see what he does next.

After the date

After I got home I lay on my bed and wondered what he really thought about me. I was just starting to write him a brief email to thank him for a lovely evening when he text me.

Thank you LiR for a lovely evening. so glad to put a face to a name behind the emails, txts and phone calls. I was very nervous, sorry if it showed, NN sweet dreams. Kama xx



I emailed him that I thought he was lovely and a nice kisser.



In the morning we exchanged the usual pleasantries by text.



I was pleased that nothing seemed to have changed yet I was concerned. How did he really see me now that we had met. Were we destined to be nothing more than friends? I decided to keep myself busy.



Imagine my suprise late in the evening when I received this email.



and thanks for a lovely evening last night. I was very nervous and apprehensive, I can tell you. What was really nice was that our converstaion never dried up and you are very easy to talk with and that put me at ease. You are a lovely lady and I really enjoyed your company.



I would like to see you again LiR. NN sweet dreams. Kama xx



mwah


...forgot to mention LiR that your kisses were soft and luscious. You too are a good kisser.



We have continued to exchange emails and text messages intermittently each day since our date. I don't yet know when I will see him again but it is definitely on the cards and if I have anything to do with it I won't have to wait for too long.

When it is time to go home

After our meal we continued to chat for a while longer. I needed to visit the cloakroom, whilst I was gone he paid the bill (I am sure Dani will be pleased about this). Shortly after this we each donned our leather jackets and walked back to his car. Again we chatted all the way back as he drove along different roads from our outward journey. These roads were more familiar to me. I can't begin to tell you what we talked about as I honestly can't remember. I do remember a wish not to get home too quickly. I remember willing him to touch me or at least kiss me.



All too soon we had arrived back at my road. He pulled into the layby next to my car. He told me he had had a lovely time and we should do this again.



Dissapointed I am sure that reading between the lines he is saying he would like us to be friends.



Before I open the door he unfastens his seatbelt and leans over to give me a chaste kiss on the lips. Mmmm that was nice but I want so much more. He leans in again for a second slightly longer kiss which I make the most of ensuring that he is not left in any doubt that kissing me was the right thing to do. He has nice soft warm lips, it was a very nice kiss. I am wondering now if things would have been better if I had kissed him on the lips as he greeted me earlier.



We say good night and I climb out of his car, as I do so he tells me that he liked the red and black colour scheme of my outfit....... (of course I knew that as he had told me 2 weeks ago that red and black are his favourite colours).



I began to stumble away from him as the sudden rush of cold air mixed with the amount of red wine that I am not used to, took effect all at once. He leant out of his window asking if I was alright. I was almost tempted to walk over and kiss him through the window. I could also have asked him to escort me along the footpath back to my home. I did neither, telling him I would be fine I set off away from him.

The date

7.30 on the dot I put on my jacket tottered down the stairs and walked down to the road. He was to pick me up on the corner at 7.30pm. I was there before him waiting on the corner. I watched him drive towards me and swing his car into the entrance of the road. He stopped his car and climbed out greeting me with a hug and a kiss. I think I may have put him off though as not wishing to smear red lipstick on his face before we even started I turned my face so that he kissed my cheek.



We both got into his car and he drove off, we talked about the afternoon's rugby match he was astonished that I could compare rugby to american football. What I had actually said was that I have been known to watch rugby but cant claim to be able to follow it any better than american football. We then discussed football followed by cricket. I know not the normal things women discuss on a first date. We were following the same route I had taken Romeo when he visited until we took a turning that was unfamiliar to me. When we had chatted earlier he had suggested we drive into the country and find a pub with a roaring fire. I was somewhat sceptical that even if we found such a pub we would be able to find a table close to the fire. We did find such a pub and we did sit beside the fire. The food was good, the wine was enjoyable, I wonder now why it is that until 18 months ago I would never drink red wine.



Never have I been anywhere that served the food so incredibly quickly (and fresh). Our chatter was non stop covering a wide variety of topics. Although I had sat with my back to the wall so that I had a good view of most of the room (I do enjoy people watching) he kept my attention on him all evening. We both kept our eyes on each other only looking away to read the menu or to eat the food. We laughed and smiled a lot. Until it was time for the drive home.

Red and or black

After a couple of text during the morning Kama aka The Man phoned me at lunch time for a chat. I had woken up with a splitting headache at 4am. I wasn't taking any chances so took one of my migraine tablets and slept it off. So by the time Kama called I was almost headache free. 6 hours to go and I still had no idea what I would wear. His parting words had been 'wrap up warm' so I knew he wasn't expecting me to be wearing anything skimpy hee hee.

I couldn't decide on skirt or trousers the only thing I was sure of was that I wanted to wear my red heels. I wanted to wear red and black I just didn't know what. My jeans are all either too big or too small none are a good fit right now. My black trousers fit well but I have been wearing them for work most days the last couple of months. Besides I would prefer to wear a skirt. Heading into Town I soon had bags containing new dark red nail varnish and lipstick, a new mascarra and blusher. A soft woollen red scarf, black mid calf length skirt and a black scoop necked top and finally some new red flower earrings.

I spent the rest of the afternoon painting my nails I normally do this in a rush and end up smudging them. Left hand perfect! right hand not so perfect. I really thought they had dried completely before I grabbed the towel from the airing cupboard as I prepared to have a leisurely shower. I had finally decided to wear my new black skirt with scarlet tights (I couldn't find any scarlet stockings other than my fishnets). When I put on the new black top it wasn't what I wanted so I opted for black camisole with red cardigan. But when I put the cardigan on with 10 minutes to go, it stank. I had taken it out of the washing machine a couple of hours earlier and part dried it in tumble drier before draping it on my radiator. To me it smelt as though some one had been sick on it, OJ said it smelt like cheese. With such a short time left I quickly swapped camisole for the black lace top I wore at the book launch.

Make up applied, a dash of prada scent, my new earrings and a new red and black bead neacklace all I need now was my red scarf and my leather jacket, I was ready to go out.

Home Safe

I have been out for dinner with Kama.

I am now home safe and happy (perhaps thats the red wine)

Best experience ever

I was at work when I got the text mid morning

How will I get home?

This was the start of a flurry of calls and texts.

It was 12.40 when he told me he had arrived back where he had started from. I told him I would be there around 1pm

I arranged with my colleagues that for a change I would be going out at lunch time and taking at least an hour instead of my normal 1/2 hour at my desk.

When I arrived after driving through sleet to get there he complained bitterly that I had parked in a puddle.

As I drove he told me all about his last few days. Building a sculpture out of snow to represent something that the whole group felt would represent what they wanted out of this week. They made a flight of steps to represent steps to success.

He told me about being sea sick as they rowed canoes down a very cold river.

He told me that he made an omelette for the first time in his life and they didn't use milk.

He told me about the rock climbing, high wires and other things they did.

In short my quiet, shy boy talked all the way home. He told me that he feels more confident, they had learnt how to get over his lack of confidence. He told me that he could see the difference in others as the week progressed.

When I arrived home I watched him walk towards our house with a slight swagger as he carried his bags and his sleeping bag before I turned my car around and drove back to work.

When I got home he was on the pc chatting. Apparently he has put a message after his name on MSN that he has just had the best exerience of his life

For me that says it all. I am glad he has had a good time even though his mother was worried about him in the blizzards doing all these outside activities.

Welcome Home ET

i'm confused

I'm sure I posted on here this morning

Oh silly cow....!!!

its over there!!!!!!!!


Updated

if you want to know more then you need to follow the link

btw The Man now has a name ........................... Kama

Buses and 5 could be 2

Buses seem to be a theme for today.



Earlier I was checking out the photos from DJ & Chopper's book launch. To see them go here. Now I am quite good at convincing myself that I am overweight yes theres no getting away from that but I am not too overweight. Then now and again I catch sight of myself in a mirror or reflected back from a window. I don't like what I see so I move passed quickly, back into my fantasy land where I am just large but not massive. But then there are these cruel people in life who just have to take pictures. Thats fine but sometimes these pictures have me in them. Not much else as that would mean using an extra wide lens.



So what has this got to do with the book launch or with buses, anyone who has read dj's blog this week or her comments on here will know that she has been saying how beautiful I am.......can you see the glow from my red cheeks already? Not only has dj been saying this but casdok has joined forces with her saying I am gorgeous and have an aura about me.......... more girls more, I am even beginning to believe it.



But then I saw the photos of all the lovely people at the launch, dj you and casdok are both gorgeous (there are not enough photos of the beautiful casdok). But then I saw the ones that include this massive blob of lace and velvet. All I could see was the back end of a bus. Now I know you were drinking on monday but you must have been slaughtered to see beauty in this big old crate. I might be able to run away from mirrors and windows but photos are more permanent reminders.



Anyway this morning the flow of text messages between myself and The Man which began yesterday has continued until, that is I stopped to look at the photos mentioned above. This is when I did something naughty...........



Just looking at pics from monday. My friends keep saying how beautiful I am but all I see is back end of a bus! You might want to have second thoughts about meeting! x



Silence ......................obviously I am good at cutting off my nose to spite my face. My reasoning behind what I did was that I have very carefully avoided mentioning my weight problem to him. I had intended to pretend my weight doesn't bother me (yes I know you all know that it does). I figured that he would think I was being a typical woman exaggerating, then if when we do meet he doesn't like what he sees I can say that I had warned him.



2 hours later!! he replied



LiR...! whats that got to do with anything.? Yeah like I' a pin up as well...! Your friends see the beautiful person both inside & out & in those I would trust. We will only eet when 'we' are ready. I for one am looking forward to meeting you LiR. xx



So that has got that one out of the way :-)



I have also been exchanging a few brief emails with dj regarding firstly her new announcement which if you want to know what that was go visit her here. But also the worries of a parent whose 17 yr old son suddenly announces a wish to join up and the resulting fears of him going into conflict. It seems I made them laugh by saying that my brother (who I was very close to at the time) was merely 19 when he was sent to the Faulklands war. He now faces conflict everyday in his role as a Bournemouth Bus driver!!



My personal feeling is that yes I worry about my child being hurt or worse killed, but the reality is that in the battles faced these days the chances of being killed in action are far less than in earlier conflicts. It is tragic that too many of our young men and women are killed in action but the numbers are still less than are killed daily on our roads and other accidents. If anything I would be happier knowing that he had a career mapped out for him with all the benefits that come with being in the Forces especially in these days where jobs are few and far between, than for him to be wandering aimlessly through life not knowing what he wants.


So after more conversations about it all last night, unless they won't have him, later in the year our little family unit could be cut from 5 to just 2 as the three older boys go off into the world within a short space of time.