Money, ET and SF

I have wrapped most of the presents that I have bought. Not many this year but I know my boys understand I can't afford much, I know they will be dissappointed on christmas day even if they don't say so. I know none of them will complain (or at least not in my hearing) that they didn't get much. We will still have a nice day and as we are going out for our christmas dinner the day will be so different to previous christmas days so that will help.

I have been lying in bed this morning mulling things over. I have a tension headache which is hardly suprising as I think I must have slept with my teeth gritted, I tend to do that when I am worrying. I was just thinking about my colleague telling me that our other colleague has been worring about the kind of christmas I will have. She had asked her if she thought I would be offended if she offered me some money so that my boys could have a good christmas. I am really amazed as she has only known me for a couple of months. But even more so as during the week she told me that she has been offered another job (more money)and might leave after christmas.

While I have been lying here I have been thinking about this. No I wouldn't be offended after all over the years I have learnt that I can't afford to be too proud to accept things that have been offered to me. (there has been a lot of cast offs for the boys particularly school uniforms ). I used to joke that I should be called 'second hand rose' even most of my furniture is second hand. But having said that if she does offer me some money I shall turn it down. Not because I am offended, quite the contrary I would be very touched at her generosity. But being given second hand things is one thing but money is another. I have already blogged a couple of times about the generosity of my colleagues where I used to work. The money they gave me when I was left with nothing after my purse was stolen a few days before christmas three years ago. I still feel bad that I have not been able to finish paying them back yet.

Our christmas is not going to be anything special but we will have each other and my mother will make sure we have enough to eat etc. I have done a lot of thinking about the current situation with the Company I work for and I do believe that this is just a blip partly down to everyone expecting to be paid early as it is December. I don't think our Company is in serious trouble, our directors are not going around seriously stressed, they appear to be in good humour. Believe me when they are stressed we can tell. I also don't think I would have got a bonus at the end of November if things were that bad. We have just had new catalogues and price lists printed, why would they go to that expense if we were going under. So all in all I don't think I am about to lose my job, we are just not getting paid early. If I had known in advance, then I would not have got this damn wii which I really do regret buying. I could have done so much more with that money.

Yesterday I did buy a few cheap presents then bought enough food to last us until monday. I took ET with me to ASDA as he wanted to buy me a christmas present. He realised that he couldn't afford the item he had wanted to buy so I walked him around the clothes, necklaces and music sections pointing out a few things that would be appreciated. He then did his shopping while I did mine. I have no idea what he bought as he has kept it hidden in the bag for life that he kept clutched to himself.

In the last week ET and I have had a lot more one to one time than usual. He tells me that he does miss his friends and he does want to get his social life back. I had thought he had stopped seeing his friends because he wanted to play his PS3 games. But he says it is because he never has any money and his friends always want to do things that cost money. Most of his friends have had part time jobs. He did say he has been invited to a few parties but he didn't want to go as it always means drinking. He doesn't enjoy drinking, this was quite a revelation for me as I have in the past had to collect him from various parties where he has drunk so much he has been sick. He also admitted that not only does he not like drinking but it worries him because he knows what drink can do to you having watched his father being drunk so often.

As each of my sons reach the age where their peers are getting drunk I feel grateful for the only thing SF has done for our sons. DC does drink but only moderately and I don't recall ever seeing him drunk. He has said for years that he knows when hes had enough. I am sure he does get drunk occassionally but thats only when he is staying away from home, he is often driving so doesn't drink. OJ is now legally old enough to drink but won't touch it. We have said that we would get a bottle of wine between DC, OJ myself and Granny, to have with our lunch on xmas day but they have both declined. So for this I am grateful to SF for showing them that they do not want to become heavy drinkers.

On a brighter note I got an honourable mention this week on dj's wordless wednesday.