Just call me Rose

Did I ever tell you that my name is Rose?

Have you ever heard of second hand Rose?

Well thats me. Second Hand Rose

Why am I telling you this now you might ask.

Back at the end of November I was asked if I wanted to change my 3 piece suite. I was being offered my friend PB's parents' suite as they were getting a new one. I was shown a photo of a suite in the same colour scheme as my livingroom. The yellow suite I have had for the last 5 years or so had previously belonged to PB and her then husband. As had the pink suite we had before that. Having 4 sons who were not only football and cricket mad but also into wrestling it didn't take long for these sofas to be ruined. I am glad I have never had new furniture while my boys were intent on climbing and jumping all over it. This time though I am hoping that the two still at home are old enough and mature enough to treat our furniture with more respect.

So today was the day my new suite was delievered by PB and my boss. But before they could deliver it I needed to make room for it. I had decided to keep the 2 seater sofa but throw out the 3 seater. Saturday evening saw me and ET attempting to get it out through the kitchen to our back garden. (I am planning to get a skip sometime soon to get rid of all the rubbish that is still there). Between us we manouvered it to the doorway upended it and began to move it through the gap. Half way through it wedged itself with just a couple of inches on either side I was stuck in the kitchen whilst ET was in the livingroom. It wouldn't move either way, so ET stood on the other sofa to reach the side of the arm cutting away at the fabric and foam covering in the hope that this would make a difference. When he had stripped away as much as he could there was nothing more he could do. Eventually we managed to get it back into the livingroom. It didn't matter which way we turned it, there was noway it was going to fit.

There was nothing else for it but to set about dismantling it. Out came my mallet and a pair of scissors. I excused ET saying I would call him when I need him. I actually enjoy weilding my mallet, seeing something solid reduced to a pile of wood and fabric. Not only does it give me great satisfaction but it is easier to get it outside and eventually into my car to the tip. I managed to break it down enough to get it through the kitchen door swivel it round and out through the back door..............all on my own. Then the clearing up process began. It's no wonder my shoulder has been aching since.

Now that I have a new two seater sofa and two arm chairs I think the old 2 seater will have to go too as there is not enough room otherwise.

This afternoon I took my mum out for a short drive. Nowhere exciting just to get her out of the house as she is feeling the effects of cabin fever now after a month of being stuck inside.

The good, bad and the ugly

There have been some good things this week.

The money I had found last week was given to me mid week as it hadn't been claimed even though every female in the building was asked if they had lost any.

I had a very pleasant evening with a certain friend last Sunday.

I now have my train ticket for my journey home from the trade show next weekend (paid for by the Company).

this is a snippet of a conversation last night............
i know silly its me being happy and stupid
happy and stupid?
at the moment feel very happy cause i am talking to u
aww that's lovely kiss
but would like to try anything that makes u happy

I was invited to join a new social group set up by my friend Fire Byrd. (if you would like to have a look and maybe join then please go here)

There was something bad this week

I received my annual rent review. As from March my rent is being increased by 7% .......as if it wasn't already a struggle!!

That just leaves the ugly

Today I saw a Jaguar drive into the office car park. Now in itself that would be a good thing, I am sure that by now you are aware that I have an obsession with these beautiful cars. But this was just criminal...........this jag was being used as a taxi cab and as such had the taxi cab telephone number and name plastered along the sides and along the top of the windscreen. How could anyone do such a thing to one of these beautiful cars?

not an old boiler

I have just had a good week

Not an exceptional week but a fairly decent one. On Tuesday I had a call from Spark he was placing an order but will only speak to me so instead of calling the office he calls my mobile. Not that I mind much. Because of the nature of his business he tends to collect his orders rather than have them delivered. But this time it was going to be difficult so he asked if I would be able to meet him to deliver his goods. As our journeys home from work took us in opposite directions along the same road.

So on Tuesday after work I drove over the hill to the Gladstonian where I parked next to spark's car. No sooner was I out of the car than he was kissing me. I broke out of his embrace and suggested we transfer the parcels from my car to his. He asked if we could sit in my car for a bit.
After a little more kissing Spark told me that he has thought about me a lot. He asked if I had been thinking about him and did I ever think we might meet up again.

'no not really..............you are not available and I am worth more than a quick fumble in a car'.

I think that suprised him. Although he did agree with me quite emphatically about being worth more. We talked and kissed for a while before going our seperate ways.

On wednesday late afternoon I found some money that someone had dropped. It was quite a bit of money and I could really do with it at this time. It would be really helpful a I don't get paid until next friday. I was telling Plumber about it later and he said

'I hope you kept it......but knowing you, you did the honest thing and handed it in.'

of course he was right, I did hand it in. Although it was very tempting I know I would be devastated if I had lost that amount of money and it didn't get handed in, besides I believe in Karma. It also felt good to be doing the right thing.

During my chat with Plumber I told him that I was meant to be going out on Saturday evening with a friend but I might have to tell her I couldn't afford it. I told him which pub in the city we were going to. I know that the band he roadie's for play there sometimes. But he told me we should go to their gig at a more local pub (in the village where my friend now lives) on friday. He even said he would give me money for drinks.

Work has been good too.....the volume of work coming in is not high but I have been able to make progress with a few of my projects. There is also a trade show at the Birmingham NEC very soon which my boss will be attending with a trade stand for several days. I shall be there on the Sunday which will be good experience for me and good for my networking. I have a choice now....do I drive there and back on the Sunday knowing that I will have to be in the office working on the Monday. Or get a lift there and train home (2 1/2 hrs drive or 3 1/2 hrs by train).

I was telling Forest about going up to the show, he thought I meant this Sunday, which would put paid to his plan to invite me round for some fun this sunday evening. After clearing up that bit of confusion I said I would consider it and let him know.

Friday evening arrived my friend picked me up and took me back to her place from where we walked to the pub which was already buzzing. A double rum and coke or two later when the band had begun playing I turned around and found one of my neighbours stood behind me. We chatted for a few minutes, our sons are friends. It occurred to me that I might be able to get a lift home with him. However he only stayed for the first set so that was no good. In the end I asked Plumber if he knew anyone who could give me a lift otherwise I would have to order a taxi. Plumber said that he could take me but I would have to wait for him to load up the van drive it to the drummer's house not far away and come back with his car.

His mate who has been over from his new home in a warmer european country (staying with him) offered to wait with me. He was very friendly and told me all about the lifestyle where he now lives. He did say 'so you know plumber then'. I was very vague just saying 'yes we are friends'. Fortunately our transport arrived just then. I climbed in the back and Plumber drove me home. On arrival he walked me to my back door (out of sight of his car) where he kissed me, told me that his mate doesn't know he is seperated. Noticed the state of my garden fence (which we had discussed at the time it came down a few months ago). He also said that he hoped I would be able to go to he party they were having on Saturday night.

I was feeling hungry when I got in so made a pasta snack but used too much water so it was too sloppy but at 1am I wasn't going to make anything else. To my suprise when I turned on my laptop Forest was there saying 'hello drunk' . I had warned him earlier that I was going out drinking. ( he isn't a night owl like me). I am afriad I fell asleep chatting to him. when I woke up half an hour later he had said good night so had Plumber who had also tried to chat to me.

Whilst at my mother's on saturday afternoon ET called to say there was a problem with our boiler, he had put more gas on but couldn't get the boiler to fire up. I went home to sort it out only to discover that it has lost pressure and needs to be re-pressurised. Fine! we followed all te instructions, locate flexible filler loop. That was the problem we couldn't find one. We checked online, I called Plumber and LV for help. Plumber was very good spending ages trying to help me on the phone but wasn't available to come round. He was setting up the gear for the night's gig in a village a little way off. (I told him I wasn't going after all as my friend couldn't get a babysitter). If I couldn't get it sorted he would call round on sunday to fix it for me.

I called LV who also spent ages on the phone trying to find the solution. Between all of us we conclude that the 'flexible filling loop' has been hard fitted, but I couldn't get it to do anything. So here I am on sunday morning feeling cold and unwashed. Waiting for a suitable time to request a visit from Plumber.





Plumber has been and took all of a minute to fix the problem :)

Unsung hero's

One thing that impressed me during my hours of snowbound travel was the spirit of the people around me.

At various times people would leave their vehicles in search of news then on returning they would stop and share what news there was with others. When cars were stuck others gave a helping hand with pushing them until they could move without help.

When I reached the village 2.5 hours after leaving work, I got out of my car. The man from the car ahead of me (KFC)was standing around with his large umbrella he offered me shelter from the snow while we both stretched our legs. I had been trying to contact my sons to tell them why I wasn't home, but I couldn't get a signal. He offered me the use of his phone which was on another network.

During another break in our progress he went off to the garage to buy a sandwich. On his return he asked if I needed anything. Later when we were at another junction further on from the garage an elderly gentleman from a couple of cars behind me asked to borrow my mobile (I was using it to listen to local radio and to text my family ). KFC offered him the use of his phone. The elderly man was then able to contact an aquaintance to arrange a bed for the night. He was then assisted to move his car to the side of the road so he could walk off.

The car behind mine had a family including a girl of around 8 or 9 who seemed to be enjoying the adventure and played in the snow a bit. Her father and KFC helped me to find and fit my towing eye. There were people from nearby houses walking along offering hot drinks food and toilets. They also organised somewhere for people to go to if they were not able to go any further. They kept us informed of what was happening further up the hill where a farmer was towing cars with his tractor to the top of the long steep hill.

When it was almost our turn to be towed by the tractor locals gave us a push start to get as far up as we could. While I was being hooked up to the tractor the father from behind tried to give the tractor driver some cash to thank him for his work. But it was refused.

At one point when I was talking to the woman a couple of cars ahead she was very worried about having to walk the last few miles home. KFC lives in the same town, he said he would walk her home before continuing the last few miles himself.

Whilst all this was going on I was listening to the local radio in the hope of hearing anything useful. The entire time the only topic was the snow and the traffic problems. There were lots of tales of people helping motorists. Including a couple who had been not only giving motorist a helping push but hot drinks and toilet stop for some. They even gave a bed to an old lady in her 90's who had got stuck. The wife told how they had lost their son in Afghanistan last year and doing their bit to help in this current crisis had suddenly brought meaning back into her husband's life.

Drivers of 4 x 4's including a family friend were giving care workers lifts to work.

These people made what could have been a miserable experience less painful to endure. It is the way people pull together like this in times of crisis that put the Great back into Britain.

Snow happens

Never in my wildest dreams did I think this would happen here.

Driving to work in the morning I heard on the radio that we were expecting heavy snow by the afternoon rush hour. Yeah right what a laugh ..........we don't get snow here..........even when the surrounding area gets snow it misses this immediate area by the south coast between the Isle of Wight and South downs. On the few occassions that we do get snow it might just cover the ground and be gone again between 12 to 24 hours. (Thats what happened when we had snow a week before christmas).

Heavy snow by the rush hour ............hmmm 4.45 it began to rain .......thats rain not snow not even sleet. Ok so just before we left work at 5 the rain had turned to sleet. Yes sleet but still not snow. Walking out to my car (sorry my mum's car .....I'm using that while shes in hospital), a few lumps of snow were falling. It was my intention to visit my mum at hospital on my way home (but I wouldn't stay long).

Two miles later I knew that this was going to be serious. The snow was laying very quickly, while stuck in very slow moving traffic I phoned mother to say I wouldn't visit. It took me an hour to reach the turn for the road down the hill towards the hospital. I had already seen that each and every turn was blocked with traffic. I could hear on the radio that the motorway was very bad on the stretch between the city and my town. I took the decision (maybe the wrong one) to take the road that goes down the back of the hill rather the south side where the roads off the hill were steeper. (I now know that one of our directors who lies on the south face of the hill skidded into a ditch before walking home.)Within yards of setting off down I was sliding and the brakes were not working. I turned the engine off and steered into a layby at the back of the ship on the hill. there were cars parked along the other side of the road and people milling around, one man asked me if there had been an accident on the top of the hill. I think it was just sheer numbers stuck in the already heavy snow. It had been snowing for about 40 minutes by then. Gradually I made my way down the hill and onto flatter ground where I was able to drive at around 10mph until I joined the queue of traffic trying to get into Wickham.

I had been on the road for 2.5 hours by the time I reached the village. This was when I got out of the car and chatted to the man from the car in front of me. He let me use his phone to call home as I couldn't get through on mine ....................got no answer (obviously too busy playing game on ps3). After several repeats of move a few car lengths then stop for ages we reached the junction beside the garage I had to go use their toilet (damn there was a queue). They must have had their best night ever for food if not fuel. Then it was the slow climb up the hill towards my town.I guess I must have been about a 3rd of the way up the hill when we stopped for what seemed like forever.

There were families from nearby houses out telling people what was happening, offering hot drinks, biscuits etc.....they were organising the community centre for people who needed somewhere to stay. Someone was going along the line of cars that hadn't already been abandoned checking to see if they had a 'towing eye'. I had no idea as it wasn't my car. With the help of the men from the cars around mine we discovered that there was one slotted inside the spare tyre pack. This was fitted to the front of the car. By the time I got a push start up the hill as far as I could go it was 10.30pm. When I ground to a stop about 2/3rds of the way up there were just 3 more cars ahead of me then it was my turn to be hooked up to the tractor with instructions to keep it in 2nd gear and drive normally but if I start catching up with tractor just take foot off excelerator. He pulled me to the top of the hill then told me to stay in high gear with low revs and I should be ok.

I got as far as the edge of town where I reached the steep hill that I just knew I shouldn't even attempt, I could see there were no fresh tyre marks on the hill so pulled over to the side. It didn't matter which route I took I had a steep hill to get to home. I was now stuck in deep snow and couldn't move back or forward. So I had gone as far as I could in the car. It was now time to start the plod home. It was 11pm when I started walking and 11.55 when I walked through the door.

Incredibly I didn't feel cold whilst walking even though I was wearing court shoes with a 1.5" heel and going through snow that was over my ankles. I wasn't even wearing socks just knee high nylons under my thin trousers. It was also extremely light. Walking along the ridge I stopped to take a picture of the motorway below where there was a string of lights from the crawling traffic in both directions as far as could be seen. (you might need to click o the image to see it the lights)

There were places where it was impossible to walk on the pavement as trees were so heavy with snow that they were bowed down in some places to the path below.


This morning after speaking to PB (who left work early yesterday because she was ill) the office is shut ......not that I was going to try getting in. I ventured out to the local garage to get milk and bread......there was no bread!! It had started snowing again so I must have looked like a walking snow woman when I got home. Here are a few photos I took this morning.

I am who I am

Relax ....release .....let go!

I read these words on Mel's blog and it reminded me of something that was said to me last summer.

Remember Dylan ? I saw him a few times during the summer. He was a bit of an oddball but he seemed pleasant enough and he liked kissing me, holding hands and cuddling. So because he liked those things I will forgive him for being a total ummm what can I call him ok I will just say a total Dylan.

Anyway Dylan was a qualified counsellor...........um alarm bells should have begun ringing straight away. I am not saying there is anything wrong with being a counsellor after all some of my closet friends are also in that line of work.

He had a knack of getting me to open up. He would say something in an email that would open up the flood gates. I would start writing a brief reply and end up pouring out my soul. It was very cleansing for me and he said that he was glad that I had felt able to tell him the things I did. He said that he often seems to have this effect on women. That's good it wasn't just me then.

During our face to face conversations I would be telling anecdotal tales and would mention something about my ex or my illness etc. He told me that I should mentally put my ex into a box tied with ribbon, place it on a river and let it float away. Ok I can see that this could be useful. But I was not about to do this. I can understand that he was trying to help. He wanted me to forget about my past and move on. Yeah I get that really I do. I also get that he saw my ex as my baggage.

I don't know about you other girls and boys who are dating but a lot of people talk about baggage. Either declarations of not having any or not wanting to meet someone with baggage.

Now I figure that some people might perceive me as having a lot of baggage. Personally I don't think I have any baggage.

I have children (young adults really) but they will never be considered baggage by me, why should any child/young adult be given such a label?

I have a past life .............doh so has everyone unless they just suddenly woke up from a deep coma. If you are the real Sleeping Beauty I apologise for being so dismissive.

I can understand that it could be classed as baggage if events in your past make you bitter. But for me and I would assume most normal people my past is just that 'my past' I don't and won't pretend I don't have a past (even if I prefer not to mention some things). I won't pretend that my life has been easy, that the challenges I have been through didn't exist.

Everything in my past (distant or recent) good or bad, are a part of me. It is the past that has made me the person I am today. The things that happen today or in the near future will shape who I am in years to come. If I hadn't gone through the difficult marriage, cancer, difficult divorce, financial problems, rape or any of the other things that have occurred in my life I would not be the person I am now.

I hope that my past has shaped me into a good, caring, happy individual with a zest for life and a willingness to try many things.

Without the traumas of my past I might possibly be a very shy withdrawn person who lives through her children but has no life as a person, no personality, no sparkle just a drab lump of being.

If my past is baggage then I celebrate my baggage.

Dylan's final words were that I told him too much...........if he didn't want to know he shouldn't have encouraged me to open up so much, so thoroughly, so painfully. I know I am very open, but I have never told any one person so much as I did in those emails (replies to his probing). There were times when I made a simple comment and his reaction was far too deep. He needs to learn not to analyse everything anyone says so deeply and just accept that some things need to be taken at face value. It was his probing and constant analysing of everything I said that led to my revelations that were too much for him.

At the end of the day I am who I am whether you call it baggage or not.

Just how New Years Day should be

After a late night and no I was not out partying I was at home with one of my sons while the others were all out enjoying themselves.

I slept in, had a very vivid dream about Mr Passionate. In which I had sent him no less than 4 New Year Text messages so of course he just had to come and find me. No it was not a naughty dream ...well ok it was naughty if you count the fact that he is married and in this dream he was surrounded by 3 yes 3 former lovers. but the actual content of the dream was not naughty.

When I finally awoke from my slumbers I figured I should email him to wish him a Happy New Year and hope that all is going well in his life since he moved out of the area. I had purposefully not done so last night, I even half thought I might have deleted him from my contacts during my most recent culling of names I no longer speak to.

This led to some blog writing yes this is my second post on here in two days. I have also written posts on all my other blogs ................get the Dr I must be ill. So much writing in one day, I have not done that in a long time.

By lunch time I had decided that today would be what is known as a pyjama day (for me at least). My sons were going to their father's for dinner or was it lunch (3pm) but first the 3 eldest boys went to visit my mother to help her move furniture around to make life easier for her when she comes home from hospital. She goes in on Monday morning (I have to get her there for 7am) for her latest knee op. DC drove them there and later took them to their dad's so I didn't need to get up as I wasn't going anywhere. Once I had finished writing and reading blogs I ran myself a hot soapy bath and managed to relax among the frothy bubbles for 40 minutes.

I am now dressed, even bothered to put on make up and jewellery, my curry is in the oven and I am about to paint my nails which I have not done for months (probably before the summer). No I am still not going anywhere but who says I can't dress up and look my best just to lounge around indoors with my sons who have now returned home.

Bliss ...............music playing on the radio and a glass of spiced rum and coke at the ready.

And Now its New Year already

Its New Years Eve again ................how did I get here so soon?
I have been off work for a whole week......a whole week I can't believe it. All those plans I had for writing and walking, going into the office for a few hours to get work prepared for the new year. where has the time for all that gone?

Boxing Day I had a few hours of solitude while the offspring were with their other parent. Ideal time to write. I cleared the kitchen did some laundry tried to get some inspiration, resorted to reading my new book of humourous quotes. Nothing! I was just getting my second mince pie of the season when the phone rang......can you pick us up now please.

The rest of the week has been no better. If I wasn't giving ET a lift into work or shopping (yes I have visited asda and sainsburys) I was paying money into the bank (not only mine). Oh I did get myself some new shoes in the M & S sales. Surely you didn't think I would get through the week without some new shoes ..............purple ones to go with all my purple tops. I do like to be colour co-ordinated didn't you know. I have visited my mother several times and done a few errands for her. Including taking her to hospital for her pre op blood test.

Mother did tell me yesterday as I drove her home in her car........you are a good girl doing all this for me. ha ha I do try to be good when I can (I'm not naughty all the time).....I have accepted that I have reached that time in my life when I am still running around after my children but now also my parent (I only have one left). Nobody needs to know of the not so good thoughts I sometimes harbour.

I was just chatting to Forest comparing notes about conversations we have needed to have with our respective eldest child during the festive season. I told him that these are the times I hate being a parent. His reply ..........'these are the times they need us to be parents'. You see this is why I adore Forest not just for his body but he is also great to talk to. Even if he has got wharped ideas at times. Earlier I received a missed call (it rang once) from a very strange number obviously not a British phone number so I googled it. To my suprise I got a result..........a female filipino looking for hotel work. Forest predictably suggested hiring her to earn money for me.

It hasn't all been running around after others I did go out for lunch with Plumber on Tuesday. It was nice to spend a few hours together with no pressure of time or anything else just talking eating and drinking. I amost forgot that I had promised to collect ET from work at 5.30 it was 5.20 when I realised and we were sitting in Plumbers car chatting up on Winchester Hill in the growing dark. We quickly drove off to fetch ET (he only had to wait 10 mins or so). A quick kiss before I ran indoors. I had forgotten what it is like to kiss him. We have agreed not to wait so long before we go out again.

I won't pretend any of us received or gave many presents this year but Christmas day was good and we all appreciated what we did get, but I do want to share one gift with you. It is probably the loveliest gift I have ever been given.



Over the last couple of weeks I have been reminded that I have some wonderful and generous friends too. Which has led me to realise what my New Year resolution must be.

My New Year Resolution is to accept help when it is offered. I did think another resolution might be to actually ask for help but on considering that I realised that to expect that might be asking a little too much.

Here is my favourite photo from Christmas Day. After my mother's first visit to my house in a long time (she can't manage the stairs very easily and our bathroom is upstairs) I took her home we both forgot her basket but our cat Nipper decided to adopt it.

weather and all that

It is no exaggeration to say that I have never seen anything like it.

Setting out at 6.45 am I slid gingerly along my garden path onto the public footpath. It only took 2 steps to realise I would be better off walking along the crisp frozen grass crunching along until I had to cross the pavement to grab hold of a neighbours garden fence. When the fence ran out I had no choice but to launch myself across the back ice topped tarmac down onto the road to where my car was parked. Slowly making my way around the car with scraper in hand, working to remove the ice from the windows. Icy rain making everything colder and wetter. Driving very very slowly skidding at the bottom of the road we crawled to the main road.

Carefully we made our way into town observing that pedestrians were without exception using the road rather than the paths. By the time I got ET to work we were a little late but at least we arrived in one piece. I was about to return home when I decided to pull over and phone my friend/neighbour/colleague PB to warn her what the roads were like. This was a bit of a mistake as I then couldn't get my car moving at first. However perseverance helped and with in a few minutes I was on my way again.

Calling into the local petrol station I found the forecourt being guarded by a man in a high visibilty coat standing next to a large sign proclaiming 'seriously severe ice'. He told me that they were open but be very careful. After filling up and completing my business I returned home passing PB as she was just leaving. Turning my car around I saw another neighbour (who I worked with a few years ago) with container of salt in her hand. She told me that she couldn't open her garage, as she couldn't stay on her feet. She had fallen and hurt herself already. Parking up I again managed to skate from my car to the pavement grabbing hold of my neighbour's fence I hauled myself along until I reached the grass (still crunchy even though it had been raining for some time by then). Once I reached my path I launched myself across the great devide that was formerly the pavement now an ice rink. Hanging on to the fence post geting a faceful of frozen wet leaves from the shrub that overhangs my side of the fence. (thank heavens I had cut it back about a month or so ago).

I left the house again at 8.40am for an audiology appointment at a local health centre. This time it was light and I could actually see the ice. There was not only ice on the road and footpaths but on the fences everything. Everything that was exposed to the elements was coated in solid ice. Never in my life have I seen so much ice everywhere. Again I crunched my way along the grass then holding onto the fence. Skating to my car I could see the frozen footprints where I had earlier stood to scrap the ice off which had now frozen again. Our road was still very icy but the traffic had by now churned the ice up to frozen slush. Even on the main road traffic was moving very gingerly. I didn't have far to go to reach the health centre. I noticed that the few people who were either brave or stupid enough to venture out were avoiding the paths still. As I attempted to turn into the health centre car park I saw that the gates were closed with a sign saying 'car park closed dangerous ice'.

On the one hand I could see the sense in that but on the other hand it was stupid. Perhaps there would be people falling over in the car park which like everything else was dangerously slippery. But where better to have a fall than in a place where there are doctors and nurses. Instead patients were forced to park across the road where there is a small parade of shops. I parked my car in one of the few remaining bays slid across the road running along the parade. Up onto the ornamental paving hanging onto the metal railings that surround the beds of shrubs that decorate the area. I made my way to the gap that led to the outer pavement lining the main road. At this point I had no choice but to let go and free slide to the edge and step into the road. Luckily there was still not much traffic (a mere fraction of normal) and those cars on the road were moving slowly. Reaching the opposite side of the road I joined about 4 others who were gingerly picking their way from gate to door of the health centre.

Once inside I was suprised to see an old friend working as a receptionist. I waited for heer to finish a protracted telephone call before greeting her. To my utter amazement she told me that she is now a granny (twice over), I assumed that this was from her daughter from her first marriage but no both her sons have become fathers. Her sons were school friends of DC and OJ. In years past there were often weekends when I had one of her boys sleeping over while she had one of mine. (in fact I had not long collected OJ from there when he fell out the window ripping open his armpit, about 9 or 10 yrs ago).

Anyway she made a note that I had arrived although it took her a while to find my name on the list as she was looking for LiR not my real name of Lady. (ok so that is not my real name but you get the idea). I then sat in the waiting room reading my book. Mother phoned me to tell me not to go out because it loks very icy, I shouldn't go to work (I would normally have been at work almost an hour by this time). I had to cut the call short when I was called in by the 'trainee scientist'. It was my time for my early christmas present. The young lady who didn't look much older than DC explained that she felt I would benefit from a different type of aid from the one originally planned for me.

I was hooked up to a computer via various wires connected to a machine that made noises at me. After an age during which she fiddled with her computer whilst I sat staring (as instructed) at the speaker emitting noises that would not be out of place on an episode of Dr who, she was satisfied that she had set the appropriate levels for me. This device I shall be wearing from here on in is a clever little thing. Not only has it been set reasonably quietly to give me a chance to get used to the new sounds I shall be able to hear but it gradually increases the volume over several months until it reaches the optimum volume. But I can adjust the volume according to various situations and it will remember those changes and make those adjustments itself next time I am in a similar setting. Armed with my new 'open fit' hearing aid, spare batteries, tips, tubes and leaflets I was now free to get off to work.

Although it was gone 9.30 by now it was still extremely icy outside. How I managed to stay on my feet I really don't know as my feet did slip countless times on my various trips to and from my car. Anyhow I made it safely back across the two road to my car and set off to work. Once I got back to the main road I was ok but I did still see others struggling. I made it to work without incident unlike many others according to my radio. This being our last day before we broke up for christmas I prayed we would be let off early today (in the hope the roads would have thawed and not refrozen). We were in luck, stock take completed we finished at 3 pm. Armed with my christmas cards a bottle of spiced rum and two bottles of shiraz I bade my colleagues christmas wishes and departed.

I didn't go home I collected a few items from a local store and called round to see my mother and collect the turkey. I was just leaving mother when OJ text me asking for a lift home from his soccer match at 6.30pm. That was an hour away, first I collected ET from work. While were were driving home there were flashes of lightning in the sky among the dark clouds. It was drizzling but nothing worse, the ice had eventually melted whilst I was at work. However when I was driving home with OJ the drizzle had become heavy rain that turned to hail. By the time we were half way home (its about 2 miles) the road appeared to be covered with snow. The hail was so thick everything was now covered in a blanket of white at least an inch deep. Hours later this carpet of white was still there. Adding to the excitement of our short journey was the sudden crash of thunder accompanying the sky splitting lightning.

This is one day I shall remember for the weather for a long time yet. How was your day?

Difficult decisions

A cold reality has been slowly dawning on me and I don't like it not one bit.

I have been struggling with my finances for years and every now and then I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But right now reality is biting hard as it always does at this time of year. It is hard enough struggling for the rest of the year but the lead up to christmas always makes it worse. The realisation that I can't afford to buy any treats for my boys hurts.

Following the recent episode with my bank account I have found that I am several weeks in arrears with my rent. I am also in arrears with my Council Tax and sewerage rates. Every single month is a struggle. Every month I tell myself that next month will be better.
But I have come to the realisation that I simply do not earn enough to cover all my expenses even though I am very careful to keep spending down to a minimum.

I have a choice, I can change my job for one that pays more. That is not going to be easy besides I am one of the lucky few who has a job that I enjoy, working with people I like. Or I can continue with my current job (I have checked and I am earning the average amount for similar work) but take on a second part time job. I get tired easily so that would put an extra strain on me. But it would get me out of the house meeting other people. I could look for bar work a couple of evenings a week but that isn't going to make up the difference of £600pm between my current income and that of a year ago when I was on higher child tax credit and family allowance. Or as a family friend has suggested, a local coach firm are looking for more drivers particularly women. This would give me more money but would the greater number of hours be too much for me.

I have decided to apply for part time work with the coach company for the moment and see what happens.