A cold reality has been slowly dawning on me and I don't like it not one bit.
I have been struggling with my finances for years and every now and then I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But right now reality is biting hard as it always does at this time of year. It is hard enough struggling for the rest of the year but the lead up to christmas always makes it worse. The realisation that I can't afford to buy any treats for my boys hurts.
Following the recent episode with my bank account I have found that I am several weeks in arrears with my rent. I am also in arrears with my Council Tax and sewerage rates. Every single month is a struggle. Every month I tell myself that next month will be better.
But I have come to the realisation that I simply do not earn enough to cover all my expenses even though I am very careful to keep spending down to a minimum.
I have a choice, I can change my job for one that pays more. That is not going to be easy besides I am one of the lucky few who has a job that I enjoy, working with people I like. Or I can continue with my current job (I have checked and I am earning the average amount for similar work) but take on a second part time job. I get tired easily so that would put an extra strain on me. But it would get me out of the house meeting other people. I could look for bar work a couple of evenings a week but that isn't going to make up the difference of £600pm between my current income and that of a year ago when I was on higher child tax credit and family allowance. Or as a family friend has suggested, a local coach firm are looking for more drivers particularly women. This would give me more money but would the greater number of hours be too much for me.
I have decided to apply for part time work with the coach company for the moment and see what happens.