Sunday, 3 January 2010

I am who I am

Relax ....release .....let go!

I read these words on Mel's blog and it reminded me of something that was said to me last summer.

Remember Dylan ? I saw him a few times during the summer. He was a bit of an oddball but he seemed pleasant enough and he liked kissing me, holding hands and cuddling. So because he liked those things I will forgive him for being a total ummm what can I call him ok I will just say a total Dylan.

Anyway Dylan was a qualified alarm bells should have begun ringing straight away. I am not saying there is anything wrong with being a counsellor after all some of my closet friends are also in that line of work.

He had a knack of getting me to open up. He would say something in an email that would open up the flood gates. I would start writing a brief reply and end up pouring out my soul. It was very cleansing for me and he said that he was glad that I had felt able to tell him the things I did. He said that he often seems to have this effect on women. That's good it wasn't just me then.

During our face to face conversations I would be telling anecdotal tales and would mention something about my ex or my illness etc. He told me that I should mentally put my ex into a box tied with ribbon, place it on a river and let it float away. Ok I can see that this could be useful. But I was not about to do this. I can understand that he was trying to help. He wanted me to forget about my past and move on. Yeah I get that really I do. I also get that he saw my ex as my baggage.

I don't know about you other girls and boys who are dating but a lot of people talk about baggage. Either declarations of not having any or not wanting to meet someone with baggage.

Now I figure that some people might perceive me as having a lot of baggage. Personally I don't think I have any baggage.

I have children (young adults really) but they will never be considered baggage by me, why should any child/young adult be given such a label?

I have a past life .............doh so has everyone unless they just suddenly woke up from a deep coma. If you are the real Sleeping Beauty I apologise for being so dismissive.

I can understand that it could be classed as baggage if events in your past make you bitter. But for me and I would assume most normal people my past is just that 'my past' I don't and won't pretend I don't have a past (even if I prefer not to mention some things). I won't pretend that my life has been easy, that the challenges I have been through didn't exist.

Everything in my past (distant or recent) good or bad, are a part of me. It is the past that has made me the person I am today. The things that happen today or in the near future will shape who I am in years to come. If I hadn't gone through the difficult marriage, cancer, difficult divorce, financial problems, rape or any of the other things that have occurred in my life I would not be the person I am now.

I hope that my past has shaped me into a good, caring, happy individual with a zest for life and a willingness to try many things.

Without the traumas of my past I might possibly be a very shy withdrawn person who lives through her children but has no life as a person, no personality, no sparkle just a drab lump of being.

If my past is baggage then I celebrate my baggage.

Dylan's final words were that I told him too much...........if he didn't want to know he shouldn't have encouraged me to open up so much, so thoroughly, so painfully. I know I am very open, but I have never told any one person so much as I did in those emails (replies to his probing). There were times when I made a simple comment and his reaction was far too deep. He needs to learn not to analyse everything anyone says so deeply and just accept that some things need to be taken at face value. It was his probing and constant analysing of everything I said that led to my revelations that were too much for him.

At the end of the day I am who I am whether you call it baggage or not.


Elaine said...

You're right; we all have baggage. But I just want someone elses baggage to be about as big as a seven day knees-up in Majorca, rather than a 28 day trek across the North Pole :)

Seriously, we are who we are and none of us come without complications, do we?

(lighting a fag, necking the wine and deep breathing). xx

Fire Byrd said...

Sounds like he has issues! And he can't have it both ways, getting you to open up and then say he can't hack it. Man's a knob.
And I dread to think what sort of counsellor!

Fire Byrd said...

Sounds like he has issues! And he can't have it both ways, getting you to open up and then say he can't hack it. Man's a knob.
And I dread to think what sort of counsellor!

Rach said...

I was just thinking the same as Byrd, he needs to leave his work at home or he will never build a successful relationship.

I am though guilty of the baggage statement myself but it's not kids that concern me it's ex girlfriends that get cars smashed up I have issues with..xx

Mel said...

Thank you!

The things that happen today or in the near future will shape who I am in years to come.

I hold firm in my belief that I wouldn't be all that I AM had I not experienced everything I experienced. If I harbored resentments about those things, I'd call them baggage--since they're used AS experiences, that's what I refer to them as. I guess, for me, it's all about what one chooses to do with the circumstances that happen in your life. Use 'em to grow, or stay stuck in the muck and the mire.

But I gotta groan at that 'relax, release...let go.....' jazz. LOL Which for me, while the symbolism is GREAT, the act of sticking our 'stuff' in a boat and letting it sail just that--symbolism. Just sayin'.

AND I'll echo what the gals said--seems to me using his inability to take off his 'counselors hat' but pinning it on you 'giving too much' silliness. I understand hazard of the profession--but really.....personal responsibility would have been a more 'professional' thing from the gent.
Just sayin'!!

You just BE who you are, dearheart. MORE than enough!!

Anonymous said...

We all have baggage, whether we like it or not. And I guess Dylan's problem was that whilst he was trained to get people to open up, I guess he, in this case, he kinda broke the golden rule and got emotionally involved.

Just be yourself. You are who you are. He has to come to terms with that, warts and all. No point being the someone that he has of you in mind. It's a sure road of unhappiness, that.

Happy New Year, dear. May your dreams come true in 2010.

tattytiara said...

No, kids aren't baggage. They're free gift with purchase!

I LOVE YOU said...


Miss jane said...


Anonymous said...