hypnotised?

Whatever can be done with me?

Tonight I am meant to be meeting Golf (he has promised to look over a financial agreement for me before I make any decision about it).

On Thursday I have a date with Echo, dear sweet echo I fear I might be too wanton for him if he only knew how passionate I can be.

Forest keeps asking me when I will be ready to see him again. I still find him sexy but I am enjoying keeping him dangling this time around. (not that that is the reason I have delayed.....more a case of a lack of energy and petrol).

Plumber I know he wants me ...............he tells me he has growing feelings for me, he calls me his 'sweet one'. But I have not seen him for a couple of weeks, we have only chatted online a couple of times (probably because one or other of us hs fallen asleeep first). But he seems to have forgotten how to use his phone. I am not really bothered except that he has promised me a new shower and I am not one to be pushy I will make do with baths until he has the time.

But even with these men around me I am not happy. Karma is still in the background, he still keeps giving me mixed messages so I don't know if he is just too scared of getting hurt again or he really isn't interested. In all these months I have remained friendly but not pushed him in anyway, but now I have reached a point where I need to know if he is still interested or not. So I text him asking if hes busy next weekend, which he is as hes going away with family. So I text back saying that I just wondered if he had had enough time yet to decide whether he still wanted to see me again or did he need more time, I didn't want him to miss my 'sell by date'. 3.5 hrs later still no reply (first reply was within 20 minutes) so I am guessing I have my answer now.

I also sent an email to Romeo this morning, not that I am expecting anything to come of it but I need closure at least with him. I told him that the logicl side of me realises that its over but a part of me still hopes. I also told him that early on he had said that I shouldn't think hes lost interest when I don't hear from him and until december he always did get in contact just when I was becoming distraught thinking he had gone. I always believed that he would tell me if he didn't want me anymore. I never believed he would just stop contacting me. I don't know the reason that happened. I don't feel distressed at his loss, but I think about him every single day.

Although I have these other men in my life I would rather have a relationship with Karma than any of the others and if Romeo came back into my life I would go to him like a shot (but he would have to do some serious grovelling before I forgave him). I have told him about my new challenge and my problems with testing my blood, I have asked him if he has any wise words or mantras he could offer me. Don't laugh, I have never told you before but he has all the skills of Paul McKenna. (I don't think he ever hypnotised me but he has the ability) but that is only part of his work. I really do miss him every day which probably sounds stupid seeing as I only met him once last July. I know he doesn't deserve me and I deserve better but we don't chose who we fall in love with. If we did I would have chosen someone much more available.

Looking Forward

I have not been feeling like blogging much in the last couple of weeks. I have had things to say but neither the inclination or energy to write anything. I am afraid I have not been reading other blogs much either and those I have read I haven't been commenting much so I apologise for my bad behaviour.

But I thought I would let you all know I am still here, my world is not totally centered around my health.

Tomorrow night I have an excuse to get all dressed up as I am going to a Rotary Dinner (that will be interesting my first meal out since this started).

Sunday evening I am meeting up with Golf.
Thursday evening I am seeing Echo
Both Plumber and Forest are around but nothing has been arranged with either of them although Forest does seem to be very keen to see me again when I am ready.

OJ has now finished his A'levels and thinks he has the whole summer to laze around before he goes off to Uni in early Oct. (His mother has other ideas).

DC is finally selling his car on Saturday!! He is furiously making arrangements for his month long trip to USA (3 of them are driving from west coast to East). Before he goes off to Uni late September.

ET is still trying to build his muscles and get fitter for his big adventure with the RAF (we still don't know when).

JA is just being a typical 13 yr old but has come into his own in the school cricket team (5 wickets and 54 runs not out yesterday). We are trying to prepare ourselves for the mass evacuation leaving the two of us alone together.

Behaving badly

If you think you are going to read about my naughty behaviour you will be disappointed although my doctor might say I am.

It is a part of me that is behaving badly, a part I can't live without even if I wish I could.

If you have read the two posts before the last one you will be aware that I have been diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes. I started taking my metformin tablets last Friday evening . I have been trying very hard to be good with my diet. Some evenings I have felt off colour but I put this down to adjusting to the new medication and regime. I have spent far more time looking at food labels than usual. I never really noticed just how much sugar there is in most food we buy (normally I would be concentrating on the fat/calorie content).

I have noticed that I have been getting very sleepy earlier than usual too. Even though I often have a nap when I get home from work.

On Friday I had an appointment with the Diabetic Nurse. She explained everything to me (much of it I knew from being married to a diabetic). She gave me my own personal torture kit. My husband had one so I am familiar with them.

When the time came to take the first test before lunch I got everything out on my desk set the time and date and worked myself up to do the deed. I depressed the needle dispenser.....nothing, I tried a bit harder, still nothing. Pressing it as hard as I could still it would not budge any further. By now I was becoming agitated so I gave up and had my lunch.

In the evening I tried again before my dinner, again I couldn't get it to work. I had my dinner and waited the 2 hours before the next attempt. this time I persauded DC to hel me, he couldn't operate it either at first then realised we were doing it wrong. Now he had figured it out he managed to get the needle to stab me. But although my finger bled it was only a tiny drop, not enough for a reading. Second and third attempts still not enough blood for a reading. I gave up yet again. I understand the importance of taking these tests but I also know how stressed out I was becoming with all these failed attempts.

Ever since I was pregnant with DC I have experienced intermittent problems with giving blood samples. There were times when it took several nurses to obtain a blood sample from me. I have 'sluggish blood'. One thing is for sure I am never likely to bleed to death.

This morning before breakfast I had another attempt at doing it myself. Again very little blood came out, I had failed again! An hour after breakfast I fell asleep again for an hour and a half. It was too late for my next blood test so I waited for my pre lunch test. This time I just couldn't get the needle to work, so another failed attempt. I tried again 2 hours later but this time I just could not force myself to press the button.

Tonight before my dinner I tried one last time on my own before getting any help. I couldn't believe it, this time it actually worked. Not only did I get the needle to work but there was enough blood to get a reading of 5.6 which I believe is just as it should be. Yes it did hurt but not for long so maybe I might just get used to this a little quicker than I had thought providing that my blood behaves.

Just typical!

I got a text from OJ late in the morning.

'exam was delightful'

only my son would send a text like that after his A'level Maths exam (and mean it)

Adjusting

I had a very quiet weekend really just letting my body adjust to my new medication.

I discovered on Friday evening that my tablets, as large as they are, are not difficult to swallow. (says the woman who for years had to have soluble tablets as I could not swallow them any other way). I felt no side effects at all on Friday other than I was ravenous all evening.

Saturday was a bit of a non starter because we had no food in the house that didn't involve cooking. It was early afternoon when I met SF in town s he could give me this month's maintenance money. Still only a meagre £100. Last month I asked him to give me the £60 he owed me from the two previous months when he had short paid me. Oh well at least now I know how to get rid of him when he starts pestering me again. (Saturday was the first time I had heard from him for a month). I nipped in to see my mum as she had taken to using that well used line............I've forgotten what you look like.

It was about 5pm by the time I got to Asda after not eating all day (yes I know I mustn't do that especially now). I treated myself to a chicken wrap before going home. I have decided that while I am on just one tablet a day I will take it after my evening meal as that will make any side effects easier to deal with. This time I felt quite off colour for an hour or so after taking it. I had to have a nap before I started feeling more myself.

Sunday was a lazy day at home starting with a bowl of weetabix with skimmed milk. I spent most of the day messing around with photos on my laptop. The boys went to their father's for a roast dinner so I had salad for my lunch. I was feeling fine all day other than the guilt complex for not going on my planned walk. (Karma sent me a message on facebook asking about my diabetes and saying to let him know if I need anything). I did reply that perhaps he could accompany me on some of my walks. I was prepared for feeling off after my dinner of jacket potato and curry but I felt absolutely fine.

Working is going to be my challenge. After my breakfast of 2 weetabix at 6.30am it was too long to last until my salad at 1.30pm with just a few red grapes to snack on during the morning. By the time I took my lunchbreak I was feeling light headed and had a slight cold sweat. After my lunch I had ten minutes to spare so went for a walk around the block in the sunshine. I shall try to do that every day although I am not sure I will have the will power in the rain. With only a few more grapes during the afternoon I had a quick snack of wholemeal bread with marmite when I got home. (I had been trying to avoid bread for a few weeks). It was about 7.15pm by the time I sat down with my jacket potato and salad with a small piece of ham and leek quiche. Again I didn' feel quite myself for a time during the evening.

Now I understand why I am on 1 tablet a day for 4 weeks before having 2 per day after that. My body is adjusting to my medication. It is going to be trial and error for a while. I think I will kep a food diary to help me work out what works for me and what doesn't. I have also been reading the diabetic cookbook that SF left behind when he moved out. I hadn't realised how many scrumptious recipes it contains. Added to this I have been reading up on the internet about the different foods that are good or bad etc.

When the Dr says 'I have bad news'

This morning I went to see my gp for the results of my recent blood tests.

As soon as I walked in she said ..........I am afraid I have to tell you something that I don't want to tell you.

Tests show that I am Diabetic

sniff sniff sob sob................my life has ended

Not really!!

My Dr didn't want to tell me this bad news but I am taking it in my stride just as I did the news that I had cancer. Maybe I am just odd but these things don't reduce me to a heap of tears. My attitude is ok so this is what I have now lets get on with dealing with it. It isn't something I can just pretend isn't there. It isn't something that will go away if I shut my eyes. It isn't a death sentence. I am trying to think of it as a new opportunity.

Being diagnose diabetic means that I now have a reason why I get tired so easily, I have a reason for all the trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I now have my medication which will help my body to cope with the symptoms that had previously gone untreated. Taking my medication, watching what I eat and increasing my exercise should help me to regain a slimmer figure. Plus it means I get free prescriptions and eye tests.

My Dr although worried about giving me the news is quite positive because as she says I am still young, I don't smoke, I am a 'trivial drinker', my blood pressure is good and I am willing to do what I can to keep this under control. My blood test results were also good apart from the glucose. My Cholesterol level is good (that surprised me) but there was one odd result. My thyroid instead of showing a tendency to be underactive was actually slightly overactive. I have to have another thyroid test in two months.

I have collected my tablets from the pharmacy Metformin hydrochloride 500mg once a day for 4 weeks then twice a day. The instructions say 'swallow whole: do not chew' fine I can manage that except I thought that before I saw how flippin big they are..........monster tablets how big do they think my mouth is? Apparently these will give me the runs so I have been advised to have them after rather than with food. As if I didn't have enough problems in that area.

So anyway instead of thinking of this as being the end of my life as I know it I am taking the attitude that this is the start of a new improved life.

I am feeling quite ok about it at the moment.

Meeting Echo

Only I could think about eating a salad where the main ingredient is shredded beetroot for my lunch.

Only I could think of eating a salad of shredded beetroot whilst weating a white blouse.

Only I could think of eating a shredded beetroot salad whilst wearing a white blouse when I have a date with a new man straight after work and I have no spare clothes to change into.

Luckily I only dropped one piece of beetroot.

Luckily the blouse has a low cut neckline, the beetroot landed on my cleavage. The purple stain was the size of a pin head and not easily visible.

Luckily Echo did not notice the stain, or if he did he didn't show it.

We had arranged to meet at a pub, not far from my work, at 5pm. He had said that he would be there at 4.45pm. I was to leave work at 4.30pm for a change although I could do so every day. I fixed my make up and changed into my red heels to go with my red suit and white blouse. I arrived at the pub car park and text him that I had arrived. A minute or two later I saw a car drive passed, I recognised the driver from his photo. Once he had arked I got out of my car and was fiddling with the lock when he came up behind me checking that it was me.

Neither of us had been to this pub before, the bar area was dominated by a very large party of drinkers sat in a big group, probably a works do. Echo ordered two 'random' J2O's for us we both got raspberry. I don't think the young barman understood the concept of 'random'. We made our way to a table in the corner, both of us aiming for the same chair.

We chatted easily, which was good because he told me that he had met a few others and found that the conversation was not great. But for us there were no awkward silences, if anything I talked too much. I wasn't the slightest nervous, I felt totally at ease with Echo. Unfortunately echo couldn't stay long as he was scheduled to play a tennis match later. we did manage an hour before he had to go. We walked out to our cars together and he kissed me lightly on the lips before leaving me.

Later I found a long email from him saying how much he had enjoyed meeting me and he had really wanted to kiss me much more but then he wouldn't have been able to tear himself away.

I am hoping that his work (which is not always regular hours) will soon give us the opportunity to meet again, for longer next time.

He made it after all

After a week of trying to build my boy up. Increasing his food intake (lots of bacon and eggs etc as well as sponge/suet puddings). I even trawled the supermarkets and local chemist for protein shakes. I don't know if he has gained any weight yet. He has been doing lots of muscle building excercises but no running.

Yesterday he got a phone call from the AFCO (Armed Forces Careers Office) telling him that the Doctor who he had seen hadn't realised he is under 18. The minimum weight is less for under 18s so he has passed his medical after all.

He is now waiting for a letter giving him the details of his 3 day pre joining training course which all prospective Gunners have to go through.

He is a smiley boy again unlike JA and OJ who are sad that this means I won't be forking out to buy extra food!

Plumb job

I have continued t spend more time with Plumber.

I didn't see him on Thursday although we did chat on the phone. On Friday evening he phoned to say he was going out with his mate for the evening but would like to see me later if I wanted a chat or some pleasure. I was just running bubble bath at 10.30pm when he phoned, he would call for me at 11.20pm. Armed with a glass of whiskey and lemonade each we cuddled up on the sofa. Or to be more accurate I was snuggled up to him while his cat made himself comfortable on his lap. It was about 2am by the time we snuggled down to sleep so it was nice not to wake up until 7am. I could easily have gone back to sleep if he hadn't made us both a mug of tea. I don't know how it is that after just a few cuddles the clock leapt forward to 9.15am.

Plumber had promised during the week that he would put my dishwasher in for me on Saturday morning so I figured it was time for us to get the day started. Right on cue Plumber received a text from his mate asking if he was coming over to collect the dishwasher. He took me home then went off to get my new prized possession. He didn't return until about 1pm, at which point he discovered that this was not going to be a five minute job. The space that it was going into was not big enough! That isn't quite accurate, the space was big enough but the inlet pipes for the washing machine were in the way. In the end the whole thing became a major operation. Plumber's mate passing him the required instruments when requested. (Not really, I left him to it and got on with other things in other rooms).

Just after 3pm he left saying he would be back at 5.45pm to take me out (oh and dress warm as its going to be cold and might even rain). He arrived at 6.05pm apologising for being late as he had been to a bbq in Grotspot and got stuck in traffic. A mere 12 minutes later we joined the queue of traffic trying to get into the Marines Base where we watched the final dress rehearsal of the Marines Marching Band preparing for The Trooping of The Colour next weekend. Following this very visual event we headed off to Asda to get my shopping as I hadn't been able to go earlier. He left me at home unpacking my groceries while he went home promising to be back in the morning to finish putting in the Dishwasher, but he wouldn't be too early.

He arrived a little after 10.30am asking if I had just woken up............cheeky git, I was having my breakfast, but had been up for a while. He didn't take long to realise this job was going to be even more work than he had thought when he began yesterday. I left him banging, sawing and cursing while I went online to check what was going on in the blogosphere and Facebook land. Don't worry I didn't abandon him completely, I did make him a cup of tea before he turned the water off. Once I had made sure all was well with all my online friends I continued sorting through some old paperwork that was stacked up on my units in my lounge/diner. As 12.30pm approached Plumber told me that he had to go for lunch with his mother as she hadn't seen him all week. '57 and she still treats me like a child'. He said he would put the water back on for me while he was gone. We soon discovered that he didn't and it wasn't easy to get to the stopcock as the washing machine was now in the way.

We were begining to wonder if he would return when he finally came back just as I was about to text him 'water!'. More banging and sawing took place until finally it was time to slide both the washing machine and the dishwasher into their slots. The maiden run took place at 5.45pm and to my delight everything is working brilliantly. I am only sorry that what was supposed to be a simple job turned into a major plumbing job.

All this has made me realise that no matter how independant I am, I still need a man to look after me and my home.

Surprising friends

In the last few days I have gained three new friends on Facebook. All three men are real friends in one way or another.

First, I had a surprise friends request from Mr Green. Mr Green has not been mentioned on my blog for a long time. I have not seen him for ages but he is the friend who gave me advice when I had my interview for the job I have now. We are friends who keep in contact erratically. We go out for a drink and a chat infrequently. I wrote a fantasy for him the summer before last.



He has since emailed me to say he doesn't know why he joined Facebook as he prefers normal emails. I really must reply to him before I forget.



Secondly, after an unexpected exchange of text messages this morning I happened to go onto my facebook and found a friend request from Karma. I was very surprised about this for two reasons. I didn't think he would join Facebook especially as he doesn't even use an instant messenger. Again he prefers good old email. The other reason I was surprised was that I am never really sure where I fit into his life. we are friends but I don't know if he wants more , or even if there are other women in his life. I notice that I am one of just four friends the others being his son and daughter and another male. So I am honoured that he has chosen to ask me to be his facebook friend.



Thirdly, Paulo. This was rather odd, he flashed up on my screen as a possible friend. He has an unusual name so I didn't think there would be many others with his name. It also showed that we had a mutual friend (Having my Cake). I text him asking if he had a friend with this name. He replied that he did, I told him she is a friend of mine.



'Is she as sexy as you?'



'Don't you know?'



'I don't have a clue, I saw her ass and added her for fun x'



'We have been online friends for a couple of years and yes she is a yummy mummy'



So I think now I shall have to be very careful what I write on my facebook

Getting cold

I am worried that I am getting cold!

Earlier in the week I turned down an evening with Forest again. We have chatted but I have been very careful not to give the impression that I am keen to see him. I do want to see him but I am not falling over myself to move mountains to get there. 2 years ago I would have done anything just to spend a few minutes with him.

I have been spending a few evenings with Plumber this week. He provided a dinner of cold chicken and salad on monday evening with cheesecake for dessert (not very nice we donated 3/4 of it to ET's get fat campaign). Followed by tv before an early night of passion. Tuesday evening was bbq in his back garden, tv and an early night falling asleep almost straight away. Wednesday I decided to stay at home with my boys but Plumber had other ideas so I had dinner with him, then home for an early night alone. It has become obvious that he likes me a lot. He even phoned me last night because he hadn't seen me online. Apparently I am his number one.

I have not asked him outright about being married but the evidence of the last few days has been confusing to say the least. One minute I am convince he does still live there then there is proof that he doesn't. Anyway what I was going to say is that I am enjoying the attention and he os good for me but I don't miss him when he is not near. I don't get palpations when I think about him. I like him but there is no spark. Last night he waited until he had spoken to me to see if I was going over to his place before he cooked his dinner. I could have gone over but I chose not to. Instead I stayed home and chatted to Forest without any feelings of guilt.

Urgent help needed

My boy went for his medical today for the RAF and didn't pass. There is nothing mentally or physically wrong with him. He has never had any major illnesses. He has never had asthma or fits or any such thing. He has never broken a bone indeed he has never had to go into hospital for any reason. I don't remember the last time I had to take him to visit the family Doctor.

So why did he not pass?

Because he doesn't weigh enough!!
He has to put on 1.5kg before he can be accepted.

How does a naturally fit but skinny boy (who eats all the wrong foods) put on weight quickly?