No internet

I have had my phone line restricted because I can't pay the bill until Wednesday when my wages go into the bank so until I have paid my bill we have no internet


If I don't get back online before christmas I hope you all have a very good christmas

all my love to all my lovely friends

Money, ET and SF

I have wrapped most of the presents that I have bought. Not many this year but I know my boys understand I can't afford much, I know they will be dissappointed on christmas day even if they don't say so. I know none of them will complain (or at least not in my hearing) that they didn't get much. We will still have a nice day and as we are going out for our christmas dinner the day will be so different to previous christmas days so that will help.

I have been lying in bed this morning mulling things over. I have a tension headache which is hardly suprising as I think I must have slept with my teeth gritted, I tend to do that when I am worrying. I was just thinking about my colleague telling me that our other colleague has been worring about the kind of christmas I will have. She had asked her if she thought I would be offended if she offered me some money so that my boys could have a good christmas. I am really amazed as she has only known me for a couple of months. But even more so as during the week she told me that she has been offered another job (more money)and might leave after christmas.

While I have been lying here I have been thinking about this. No I wouldn't be offended after all over the years I have learnt that I can't afford to be too proud to accept things that have been offered to me. (there has been a lot of cast offs for the boys particularly school uniforms ). I used to joke that I should be called 'second hand rose' even most of my furniture is second hand. But having said that if she does offer me some money I shall turn it down. Not because I am offended, quite the contrary I would be very touched at her generosity. But being given second hand things is one thing but money is another. I have already blogged a couple of times about the generosity of my colleagues where I used to work. The money they gave me when I was left with nothing after my purse was stolen a few days before christmas three years ago. I still feel bad that I have not been able to finish paying them back yet.

Our christmas is not going to be anything special but we will have each other and my mother will make sure we have enough to eat etc. I have done a lot of thinking about the current situation with the Company I work for and I do believe that this is just a blip partly down to everyone expecting to be paid early as it is December. I don't think our Company is in serious trouble, our directors are not going around seriously stressed, they appear to be in good humour. Believe me when they are stressed we can tell. I also don't think I would have got a bonus at the end of November if things were that bad. We have just had new catalogues and price lists printed, why would they go to that expense if we were going under. So all in all I don't think I am about to lose my job, we are just not getting paid early. If I had known in advance, then I would not have got this damn wii which I really do regret buying. I could have done so much more with that money.

Yesterday I did buy a few cheap presents then bought enough food to last us until monday. I took ET with me to ASDA as he wanted to buy me a christmas present. He realised that he couldn't afford the item he had wanted to buy so I walked him around the clothes, necklaces and music sections pointing out a few things that would be appreciated. He then did his shopping while I did mine. I have no idea what he bought as he has kept it hidden in the bag for life that he kept clutched to himself.

In the last week ET and I have had a lot more one to one time than usual. He tells me that he does miss his friends and he does want to get his social life back. I had thought he had stopped seeing his friends because he wanted to play his PS3 games. But he says it is because he never has any money and his friends always want to do things that cost money. Most of his friends have had part time jobs. He did say he has been invited to a few parties but he didn't want to go as it always means drinking. He doesn't enjoy drinking, this was quite a revelation for me as I have in the past had to collect him from various parties where he has drunk so much he has been sick. He also admitted that not only does he not like drinking but it worries him because he knows what drink can do to you having watched his father being drunk so often.

As each of my sons reach the age where their peers are getting drunk I feel grateful for the only thing SF has done for our sons. DC does drink but only moderately and I don't recall ever seeing him drunk. He has said for years that he knows when hes had enough. I am sure he does get drunk occassionally but thats only when he is staying away from home, he is often driving so doesn't drink. OJ is now legally old enough to drink but won't touch it. We have said that we would get a bottle of wine between DC, OJ myself and Granny, to have with our lunch on xmas day but they have both declined. So for this I am grateful to SF for showing them that they do not want to become heavy drinkers.

On a brighter note I got an honourable mention this week on dj's wordless wednesday.

Not the best of weeks

It hasn't been such a great week. First ET had the let down over the job that this time last week seemed to be the opportunity he needed.

On wednesday I decided to take the afternoon off from work, it was quiet so they could manage without me and I still had one day leave to take before the end of the year, so now it is just half a day. I could have gone off galavanting and had a god time somewhere. I could have gone off christmas shopping. Instead I nipped into asda for a few bits before heading home to bed with a sinus headache. I slept from 2pm until 7pm apart from the regular interruptions of

'what are you doing home? whats for dinner?'

By 7.30pm I was at my mums having agreed a week earlier to help her to count the money from that day's collection outside a local store for the Rotary Club. They had collected over £300 in one day from that particular store so another 3 sessions like that would see a nice big donation for their charities account. For my efforts I was rewarded with a bowl of hot christmas pudding with rum sauce mmmmm very welcome.

Thursday morning I woke feeling fine which was good as I had obviously caught the sinus problem early and headed it off before it became the prolonged problem my colleague had been experiencing. But by lunchtime the headache was back only this time it was down the side of my face instead of the front. By the evening I was feeling sick, so another dose of capsules and an evening sleeping was called for.

I am glad to say that today I have felt fine no sign of sinus pain. However there has been a growing unease at work as news filters through that we can't be paid yet. Our biggest customer is late paying the amount owing for this month. A couple of us looked up how much that company owes and although only a fraction of it is now in arrears in total they have had over £1m worth of stock that is yet to be paid for. Scary stuff. Although I don't think our company is about to go under I am worried about how long I can make the money in my purse last. I have warned DC that he might have to pay for food for the next week and I will pay him back when I finally get paid.

As for my love life watch this space I might have some news before long.

Not a chance

We thought it was going to be the opportunity of a life time.
Monday evening ET was feeling disheartened. He didn't believe he could do it, he felt he was too shy to talk to adults on the phone. We had a long heart to heart, I did my best to build up his confidence, to encourage him to believe in himself, be positive.

Tuesday morning he phoned me to let me know that he had met the guy for a lift into work to be told that they had decided they didn't need an extra person they could manage without him.

He was a little relieved but mostly he was upset.

He didn't have a chance to see if he could get the hang of what they wanted. He is not stupid he is a bright lad, just very shy.

So now we start again

Families past

Driving rain didn't help visisbility on our journey. Mother drove for a little over an hour until she felt she needed a rest then I took over the wheel. I do enjoy driving her car, the freedom of being able to overtake others without worrying that I won't have the time to build up speed. Although speed was not the problem as we followed the convoy of tractors pulling trailers of straw bales. 3 hours after setting out we reached my grandmother's home.

M will be 90 on 28th Dec. She is a game old woman stil living alone in her bungalow. She is steadier on her feet than my mother is and still walks into the village every day and drives short distances to visit friends. She has only recently given up being chairperson of the local embroidery club. I only found out recently that M writes poetry which is why she has a computer (to make writing easier).

It was a very odd experience talking to M as I hadn't seen her for about 18 months (the last time being a week or so before I started working again). My mother has been saying for a few years that she believes M had a minor stroke without realising it. She has been progressively forgetting words and names. It was quite strange having a normal conversation with someone who couldn't remember the names of things or people. But apparently when she is writing the problem disappears.

After lunch M was telling us stories of her youth when she lived with her father after her mother had run off with the chauffeur. It has always been a family joke that M and her sister had so many step mothers they had a ladder. In truth I believe there were only 2 step mothers and 2 step fathers a half sister and 3 half brothers. It was a little difficult to follow the tales of nudists in the woods and wicked step mothers trying to spoil wedding days when everyone is called either her, him or the other one. But I did get the translations later on the journey home as my mother knows all these stories well.

It is interesting to learn that my great grandfather was a land owner who was selling off his land before the start of WWII but my grandmother considers her family not to be in the same league as the family she married into who 'had money'. Of course my grandad's family didn't have money for long as my Great Uncle gambled the family money away.

Oh well looking on the bright side at least I didn't get sent away to boarding school like my father and his sister did. I had the dubious record of being the first child in my father's family not to go to boarding school. (I grew up believing that boarding school had done my father no favours). My father didn't know how to relate to any of his family. However M told me as best she could that I was the apple of my father's eye, he adored me but never had a good word to say about my husband. It's funny because since my father died several people have told me how much he used to enjoy my visits when he had his shop in Highcliffe. He liked to see me and my boys. But he was never able to say or show it to me. I always left feeling as though I had been in the way.

Oh yesssssss

I am pleased to announce that ET starts work on Monday.

He has a week's trial to see how he gets on.

He will be getting a lift to work by one of the two men who interviewed him.

He will get in house training leading to further qualifications

He seems to be quite enthusiastic

I hope this works out for him.

The joys of boys

Tonight DC has made arrangement to visit my mum tomorrow evening. He has decided that he wants to go to University next year. He plans to spend two years studying Comedy writing. He feels that his destiny is to write comedy for radio. He has been putting together his 'Personal Statement'. I was priviledged to be asked to read the notes he had made whilst he was putting it together but now it has been completed he wants my mother's professional eye to look over it.

Apparently in the course of their telephone conversation he suggested possibly taking OJ with him to show her his 'Personal Statement'. OJ has just told me that he has had acknowledgements from two of the Universities he has applied to. Warwick have let him know that they always wait until the last minute to make an offer of a place. Surrey have also said it will be a while before they make offers. The others he has applied to were Bristol, Bath and lastly Southampton, all of which he believes have very good maths departments.

Last night I mentioned to OJ that he will be in charge again on Saturday as I will be driving up to The Cotswolds with my mother to visit my late dad's elderly mother. M who will be 90 over the christmas weekend still lives alone in her own bungalow, still drives short distances and still writes poetry on her computer.

OJ has now confessed that he wasn't here on Saturday night while I was away, he went to an 18th b'day party. A party with a difference, all the boys wore suits. Apparently DC had a hand in dressing OJ up for the occasion 'smartening me up'. OJ is very smart in the intelligence sense of the word but scruffy in apearance most of the time. He has always been one of those boys who no matter what you dress them in they will look a mess within minutes. JA is very much the same (a typical boys boy).

ET has an interview tomorrow yipeeeeeeeeeeeeee, perhaps I will be able to relax instead of worrying about him sitting in his room day in day out playing computer games. He doesn't even see his friends anymore. A year ago he was always going out with friends now he says they never ask him any more. Probably because he went through a stage of wanting to play his damn Call of Duty game endlessly once his study leave began back in May. He has become a virtual recluse, one reason why I insist on him leaving the house at least once a day.

So tomorrow he is meeting my mum after her hairdressers appointment and travelling with her to the other side of town. She is going to her Rotary Christmas Dinner at the Golf Club. ET's interview for an IT Company is in the same Business Centre that has been built in recent years in and around an old Manor house that had fallen into disrepair. The interview is for IT support 37 hours a week at minium wage but at least it will be a paying job and even if he hates it at least it will give him some experience and something else to add to his CV for next time. He is very lucky to get this opportunity so quickly. I really hope that he get the job and starts to get a life again. It worries me that he has lost his friends.

While I was trying to find out more about the Company I received a request to be added to my windows live account
I accepted albeit sceptically. But it was a young man (no more than 20 at best) my immediate thought was here we go again ...............
But he said I bet you are wondering why I contacted you.......I was browsing the net looking for anything about my cousin and I came across your comment.


there is absolutely no such thing as a friendly match in football, if anything they can be dirtier than league or cup matches.

watch out for a little girl at chelsea she is 11 yr old Jodie Brett she will captain her side this coming season.....knocks socks of the boys let alone the girls

this was something I wrote in the comments on a blog in the summer of 2007. It turns out that this lad is Jodie's cousin. Jodie who is in JA's class at school was the best player in JA's football team when he was 8. She later got snapped up by Chelsea and has been woth them for a few years now. Apparently she now also plays for England Under 14 girls.

From Jeans to Macaronni

On friday I nipped into Asda on my way home from work as I needed to get some food in for my tribe of gannets whilst I was away. Whilst there I decided to buy myself a pair of new jeans for travelling in. Now for me buying jeans is not all that easy. For a start I am not your average size 12/14 or even 16. Thankfully I am no longer the size I was a few years ago, but neither am I the svelte 14/16 I was 2 years ago sob sob. So I am very limited to what I can find that is in my waist size. But to make matters worse I am only 5'0" so I can't wear the standard length jeans so I certainly can't wear the long ones. So many times I have looked through the racks and come across standard and or long but not short. But on Friday night I bought two pairs labelled 'short'.

Saturday I wore pair one (dark blue) short!! they were still dragging on the ground as I walked (even in my trainers) Today I wore the light blue bootleg cut pair........still too long, still dragging on the ground......what height do they think "short" is? Oh and to make it even worse my new jeans are so loose they keep slipping down................oooops perhaps that means I am loosing some weight big big smiles.

We had a lovely evening, lovely people, most of who I have met before, obviously as hostess there was the Fabulous Firebyrd, Quintessential Queen Vixen, Talented Trousers, Marvelous Mei Del and a new face for me Wonderful Wake up and smell the Coffee. Some of us took part in a joint experiment. The bubbles flowed (from bottle to glass to lips) very easily. The home made curry was delicious and I even ate some of the rice (I have not eaten rice for many many years so I am proud of myself for that).

On the way home I had a brief stop in London where I was treated to a kiss from a handsome Frenchman...............no don't get excited it was only a polite greeting from Mei's handsome partner.

On arriving home I was pleased to discover it is still in one piece (still untidy but at least I know I am in the right house). But I did start to wonder when my little boy you know the one that turned 13 less than a week ago, decided to cook macaronni cheese (from scratch for himself OJ and ET for dinner). Can you believe it he turns 13 and starts cooking.

meeting up with such lovely people is well worth 10 hours of travelling in two days.

Cinderella is going to The Ball

Cinderella is going to the ball

OK so I am not quite Cinderella but tonight I shall be going to my one and only social event of this party season.

Some of you may be aware that it is becoming tradition for Firebyrd to invite a few select bloggers into her home before christmas.

Tonight is the night so in a little over an hour from now I shall ease myself behind the wheel of my pumpkin (small Toyota Corolla) and set off like the wind towards The Big Smoke, braving the car park known as M25. Hoping that this time I am better prepared and won't require my travelling companion to talk me into landing on the correct runway.

After a brief stop I shall be swapping my single pumpkin for a double (larger Toyota) and together your two heroines will allow themselves to be whisked away on a journey packed with chatting and giggles. Until 3 hours later we arrive at the Palace door greeted by the beautiful Pixie Queen (Firebyrd) along with the equally beautiful Queen Vixen. It is likely that the other guests will have arrived before us so it will be time for the party to begin.

Clawing my way up

I have been giving some thought lately to the journey I have been on in recent years. I am well aware that my financial situation is far from comfortable. However when I look back at my situation in previous years I know I have come a long way.



In 2005 my first autumn/winter as a single parent (although still officially married). With no money to buy christmas food or presents for my children I borrowed £100 from OJ so that I could buy a few things. Within 5 minutes my purse was stolen. My work loaned me £100 to be paid back over the next two months, one friend left me an envelope on my desk with £40 to pay back as and when I was able but not before. (she was semi retired and couldn't really afford it but she wanted my boys to have a christmas of sorts). Another friend had told her husband (who I have never met) on christmas eve she handed me a letter from him. He was reaching out to someone he didn't know with £200 in cash not to be paid back until I could afford it. That christmas we didn't have much but I knew that there are some very special people out there and I am lucky to know them. That winter was a tough one for my family as we struggled to live through the break up of my marriage with my husband still living in the house but contributing nothing towards the household bills. I was only working 5 hrs a day at the time so my wages didn't cover all the bills I needed to pay.

A few months later I had to take some sick leave as the divorce was taking its toll on my health. It was at this point that I lost my job. It took 3 months before I finally started to receive anything from the benefits office. During that time I was very lucky to have a supportive mother. When I lost my job I took the decision to not look for more work straight away. I needed some time to get myself and my children sorted out after everything we had been through. Over the next year money was very very tight especially once DC finished college and was deemed by the powers that be, to be working full time and contributing to the household bills, he was doing neither. So my income was drastically reduced but my out goings were increased. I was reduced to getting up very very early on sunday mornings and selling anything I could at a local bootsale just to earn enough money for electricity or petrol.

My stubborn streak made me do everything I could to manage on my own without having to ask for help unless I had no choice. One of the things I had to do was taking out Provident loans at very high interest rates. I couldn't pay all my bils so I paid those who made the most noise about being paid. Luckily each time one of my creditors was making a lot of noise another debt was coming to an end.

In June 2007 I took on some part time temporary work, I preferred to earn my own money rather than rely on the government or my mother to pay my way. My 3 month contract became 6 months, then I took on a full time permanent contract (my current position). In January 2008 I worked out that if I am careful and just keep plodding along paying each debt as it comes along, I hoped to be free of my debts by the end of the year. By February I had realised that this was unrealistic so amended my goal to be debt free by february/march 2009.

Now in December 2008 I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and believe that I will have paid off my debts by february. So roll on 2009 and getting straight.