I'm not doing it for his sake

Today I invited SF (my ex husband) to sleep on my sofa ............for one night and one night only.

PB thinks I have lost all sense and gone completely mad.

I didn't make the suggestion for his sake although I do feel sorry for him (for today).

He rang me at work...........yet again!!

As soon as he began talking I knew he was distressed but it could have been that he was very drunk.

He said he had phoned OJ and asked him to stay with him tonight at his place..........he didn't say whether OJ had agreed or not.

He then told me that this morning when he got home from his early morning work he found his g/f dead on the sofa.............massive heart attack he said.

That was why he wanted OJ to stay with him to keep him company tonight.

I was not about to make my son spend the night in a room where someone had died just hours earlier.

That is why I said that SF could stay on my sofa for one night and one night only.............so that he could have the company of his sons without them having to stay at his place.

I am doing this for their sake not his.

But I am not such a cold hearted bitch that I would make him stay on his own

But it is for one night only..............he will not be moving in as PB thinks he will............. there is no way in this world I am letting him back.

And while I am feeling strong and imovable I have told Plumber to start being honest...........it will make life easier for him.

mixed basket

A lot of things have been going through my head

Firstly as I drive around at the moment it has been lovely to see all the daffodils waving their yellow and cream heads at us as we pass. I know they are very late this year, I'm not sure exactly but it has to be at least a month if not more. I got to thinking about all the roadsides that are wearing their coat of yellow, we become so accustomed to seeing them year in and year out. But it has never occurred to me before to wonder. Is this a British thing or do other countries have battalions of daffodils on their roadsides and roundabouts like we do.


Secondly I have been thinking about all the people stranded abroad and of course those wanting to go but I think it is worse for those waiting to come home. I know of 3 people who have been abroad and should have come home but are still stuck, one in Spain, one in Holland (I would have thought he could have got a ferry home) and another in Cairo. Every day the airspace shut down is extended by another 7 hours, we are told that this could go on for days maybe even weeks. Not only will this cause chaos for passengers who either can't get back from or get to where ever they need to be. There will be chaos for the air freight business too. I know that the Company I work for has to have good flown in from varios places and that is just the tiniest tip of the iceberg. The bosses of the airlines must be pulling their hair out to have this happen (especially now). They did not have a good start to the year with the snow closing airports across the country. Then earlier this month there were the strikes. One has to wonder if some of the smaller airlines will survive.

I have been poorly again but you don't want to know that. I just figure I must have put my foot in my mouth big style when towards the end of march I told someone that I was very lucky that with all the colds and other bugs going around I had not caught anything for at least a year. Well I have made up for it big time in the last few weeks. I think I have paid my penance now for being so arrogant...............I've had enough now and think illness should leave me alone now and let me get on with life without disruption.

I met an old friend today while I was doing my shopping, she told me that she is going for tests tomorrow to find out if she as breast cancer. She is not coping well at the moment, it didn't help that a so called friend phoned her this morning to tell her that another friend died in the night with breast cancer. At least I was able to balance that out by telling her that on Friday I was told that someone who had been waiting for the results of the same tests had been told hers was non cancerous. I have promised to remind her every day that no matter what the results are she will get through it and to keep laughing.

I know a lot of women including the wonderful firebyrd and my son's g/f's mother who have had breast cancer and survived to tell the tale.

Its my birthday and I'll do what I want to

It's my birthday .....another year closer to 50 eeekk

I woke up late to a quiet house. On my laptop there were some birthday wishes waiting for me on facebook including one from Vi who said my ears should have been burning in my dreas becasue she has been lucky enough to meet nitebyrd and Mulder on her holiday in USA. Now if I had been keeping up with my blog reading I would have known this as both Vi and Nitebyrd had blogged that they would meet. I am so jealous Vi is such a lovely lovely woman who I have had the pleasure of meeting 3 or 4 times. Nitebyrd I would love to meet and Mulder of course during his brief spell of blogging I teased relentlessly and would do now if he was still blogging. Anyway I am glad that they all got to meet and I shall look forward to hearing all about it ...........you guys have got my email address if you don't want to tell me in public.

I was just thinking about running a bath to get ready for meeting my mum for lunch. My phone alert went off it was a birthday greting from Karma.......wow I didn't expect that. We exchanged text a few weeks ago when we had almost bumped into each other at the Dr's carpark. But other wise we had not had contact for months. I didn't even think he knew when my birthday is. I can only assume that he had seen it on facebook (we are friends but I don't think he ever goes on there.......even less than firebyrd). So I text him back thanks and this is a nice suprise.......cheeky man replied didn't I know it was my birthday.

Yesterday when I was chatting online to Golf I had asked him for suggestions about where mum & I could for lunch today.......He suggested a waterside pub that he knows. If I was then free at a reasonable time we could meet up after lunch. It has been a long time since I last saw him and don't now have his phone number. He said he will text me.
Before I set off for lunch with mum I asked Marmie if she would recomend the pub Golf had suggested, but she mentioned another pub within yards of the first one. We followed Marmie's advice but parking was a problem. I had to drop mum off and go off to find somewhere to park (like looking for a needle in the proverbial haystack). I'm sure she was beginning to think she had been abandoned. It was at the pub that mum gave me my birthday card, I did have to laugh, not only is it so right for me but also identical to the one I got from my colleagues at work on Friday.

I have only received 2 cards at the moment and they are the same .........obviously I am predictable.

I was sitting chatting to mum at her dinning table back at her house when I got a text ..........happy birthday.........there was no name just an unknown number. I wasn't sure but I guessed it could be Golf. The next text asked if I had had a good lunch .........now I knew it was Golf. He was in his office in the city but about to go home to pack for a business trip to Egypt, we could meet on his way home. I told him I would be admiring the view of the city from a car park. I didn't say which one.

I drove up onto the hill glancing at the first couple of car parks for his car. He had sent me a further two text by then but my phone was playing up so I couldn't read them. I was just thinking about one of the car parks that had a slightly higher view point than others but decided to go to the car park where we last met last summer. I had just passed the turning when I saw his car coming towards me and turn into the car park I had rejected. I carried on until I could turn. Parking up next to his car I checked my phone again ....still not able to read my messages. He was quite bemused that I had found him as we hadn't agreed a place to meet. We chatted for a while and agreed to meet for a drink once he is back from his trip.

When I got home the boys were all awake (so they should be at 5pm on a sunday) and had cleared the kitchen and the livingroom.....not great but a big improvement. This evening I am going out for a drink with Sailor.

Day time tv

The last week has meant a lot of sleeping. I don't think I have slept this much for years. The last time I felt this ill was whan I had a virus and my Dr thought my cancer had returned.

There has been a lot of tv watching. I have watched a lot of house programs either finding or doing up. I have wat
ched a few CSI programs. There have been old episodes of Top Gear. I have even stooped to watching Jeremy Kyle. There have been panel games and quiz shows.

There have been a fair few chats with a few men I have begun chatting to recently but being ill I have not really been that bothered about chatting a lot. My attention has been limited and have often just trialed off either forgetting they were still there or telling them I need to sleep.

But there has been one man I have chatted to most days on and off. He is having problems with his internet at the moment but BT have promised to have him back online by Tues. Feeling a touch of cabin fever after a week in my sick bed I agreed to go out for a drink with him. He really is a lovely man and fairly local too. I will definately be seeing more of him. (Actually this was not our first date as I met him before I became ill).
For much of the week food has been a big issue. I knew I had to eat to get stronger but eating anything was such a struggle. Hot food was out of the question as it made me gag, even the smell of food being cooked by/for my boys made me feel queasy. Eating anything was a chore, it was taking 5 minutes to eat a biscuit. But little by little I have got there, against his instincts Plumber brought me ice cream, cartons of custard and packets of instant dessert. I needed food that I could swallow without having to chew it. Apart from my boys Plumber was the only person I saw all week. He came round twice in one day although most days he said he would call in. He is an has been very goo for me but I still can't rely on him.

On Friday DC came home for a while and between us we made up a shopping list which he and OJ went off and bought returning 2 hours later......they seem to have bought everything I asked for. There have now been 3 occasions when all 4 of my boys have been in the house at the same time which has been nice. DC has even got himself a part time job (not before time) starting next weekend. OJ has been tutoring a friend's brother in A level maths every day this week for £10 hr. ET has got himself an interview to go back to college in Sept.

Things are beginning to look up.