Sunday, 25 October 2009

To blog or not to blog

I am not sure how much longer I shall continue to blog. In the last year I have seen many of my blogger friends give up blogging. Whilst I am still here I don't blog anything like as much as I have done in the past. Days and sometimes even weeks go by before it even occurs to me to visit blogs. Now that is not how it was, there was a long time when I was visiting blogs several times a day not only to read new posts but to keep up with the comments too.

I think I have changed in the last few years since I began blogging. whether I realised it or not I used blogging as a kind of validation. friends leaving comments meant that people liked reading what I wrote. That made me feel good inside. But now I don't need other people to make me feel good. I feel more confident more worthy without the validation of others. Therefore I write less frequently, which in turn means that less people bother to read my blog and even fewer bother to leave comments. In the past I would have found this hard, but right now I am feeling good about myself and don't need the validation so much.

However I am glad that I have been blogging for the last 3 or is it 4 years as I have made some good friends and I shall stay in touch with those that I can even without a blog. If I don't have your email address and you would like to stay in touch, if I do give up blogging which is by no means certain at this moment in time please feel free to email me at

In the last six months I have been feeling closer to my sons than I had been for a long time. We have always had a close bond but now I feel even closer to them even those who are not here. OJ turned 19 on Thursday and returned home on friday, his first trip home by train. I collected him from the station and we joined my mother and friend at a rotary club evening. My boys have been to several rotary quizzes and murder mystery evenings, this one was 'call my bluff'. The panel were brilliant, the food was provided by a local Spanish Restaurant (selection of tapas which I have never tried before). Next weekend I am being taken to a Spanish restaurant (I am wondering if it will be the same one) by a friend of the restauranteur.

I had been feeling on top of the world on Friday until about mid afternoon when a niggly pain in my temple started. For me this meant that although I enjoyed the evening I had difficulty keeping my concentration (especially as I had my back to the stage and had to turn right round). I found myself people watching whilst I half listened to the hilarious (but seriously delivered) definitions of the strangest of words. Being a rotary evening as I would expect the average age of those in attendance were 20 or 30 years my senior. I did notice though how much these people were all enjoying not only the entertainment and each other's company but the food and drink (there are always copious amounts of wine drunk at these events). I noticed that these men and women, mostly retired professionals know how to enjoy life (many are still children at heart giggling and telling jokes). Their lives are so very different from mine, but it made me realise that growing older doesn't mean we have to stop enjoying life. The pace of life might slow down a little but it doesn't have to stop. I hope that I am enjoying life like they do in 20 years time.

Sunday, 18 October 2009

All change

I had a visit yesterday lunch time from Plumber. I can't remember the last time I saw him (I would have to check back on here to find out). In the mean time he has been in Spain twice (hes been back a week since his last trip) so he is looking rather tanned. He also looked rather shocked but pleased when he saw me.

Did I mention that I had my hair cut two weeks ago and after wearing it in a bob for a few years then letting it grow quite long I have gone back to wearing it short. Very few people (family aside) who I see frequently these days have seen me with short hair before. Somewhere further down my sidebar there is a photo of the new me taken by LV the day after it was cut. (we had been out for lunch in the New Forest). Apparently the new style makes me look younger. One of my friends from my pre marriage life commented on my new picture on face book that I look no different than I did more than 2 years ago............well she can't see the grey hair and wrinkles in that small picture.

My relationship with Plumber has changed in recent months. When it started we agreed to having a casual relationship ........we were not committed to each other and could see others. All very well but he was very jealous if he thought I was seeing anyone else not that I ever talked about it. I knew he really likes me but wasn't prepared to give me any kind of commitment so I felt justified in seeing others without making a thing of it. He used to tell me that he had growing feelings for me.............but that was as far as it goes. Our friendship has grown and I know that I only have to ask and he will do anything for me (if he has time). I know he would be happy to continue to see me on a casual basis although not very often these days, but I ahve made it clear to him that I am nolonger happy with a casual relationship. For me it has to be a committed relationship so I am now looking for a long term relationship again not casual. (although I am not really looking very hard at the moment but just enjoying life as it is).

Life at the moment involves being more into family life. With the two older boys gone (although not for long enough for us to get used to it) the three of us who are left have been spending more time together actually sitting in our livingroom for hours at a time instead of all being in different rooms. This week ET suddenly got in the mood to tidy their bedroom (I had been saying that it was such a mess with clothes all over the floor that I wouldn't go in there). This led to more change. JA has moved into the box room (formerly DC's room). Tv, stereo, and other such things have been moved around and both boys are now quite happy to have a room of their own. With a dozen bin liners lined up in the livingroom full of rubbish/old clothes, this led to a trip to the amenity tip yesterday.

On Thursday evening ET was complaining that the light in his room isn't very bright. (with bunkbeds and a cabin bed in the one room it is a very dark room). He has the brightest (energy saving) light bulb I had, I figured that having an uplighter shade probably doesn't help. The light shade in JA' new room is all bent and scorched so I took the shade from ET's room and put it on JA's room. Now I need to get a new shade for ET , I found that the light fitting is so old that the part the bulb goes into is very brittle and burnt as I was screwing it back on bits were breaking off. After putting JA's shade up I discovered that I couldn't replace the bulb as the metal housing for the bayonet was broken on one side. OK no problem I would get new fittings for both at the weekend.

This is where it is useful to have a Plumber for a friend. Late on Friday night/early saturday morning he came online after a gig. We chatted and I mentioned the light a flash he offered to come over and do them for me and supply the fittings too. (sorry couldn't help myself). Hence he came to see me on a Saturday lunchtime. (he also had a long chat with ET about RAF and Forces life in general ............he was a weapons engineer in Army before becoming a PT instructor).

Finally Student Finance have got their act together. Having applied online for student grants back in April, sending off my documents in May, (receiving them back in July) now in October I received two 'Urgent' emails telling me that I need to send more documents, only they didn't say what. It took several phone calls to find out that they wanted my P60 for 2007/8 but I had sent my P60 for 2008/9. ................It is beyond me why they couldn't have said this on the comp slip that accompanied my documents when they were returned. Why did it take from May until October to tell me they needed a different P60 and even then only after several phone calls from me. DC posted the correct P60 on Monday 12th October on Friday 16th I had two letters addressed to the boys for them to sign and return so that the monay they are getting can be paid. I now have to post OJ's to him so he can sign it and post it again before the threatened postal strike on Thursday/friday. I saw DC for half an hour yesterday so he has done his. I only hope that next year it is all done much quicker.

Monday, 12 October 2009

Who ate all the cheese?

Well it has now been a couple of weeks since our family dynamic changed. Just when the three of us who have been left behind, were beginning to get used to only being three. They returned.

They didn't take turns at coming home they arrived within minutes of each other. OJ arrived loaded with back pack, wheeled trolley bag and laptop. I barely had time to say hello before I collected DC from the station carrying his one small back pack. I had expected DC to bring home his washing but he didn't. OJ on the other hand brought home not only his laundry to be washed but also some of his crockery to go in the dishwasher. Only my son would do that!!

During the time they have been away we were just starting to get used to having food in the fridge for more than two days. (I'm not saying that either of them eat a lot). The milk lasted all week, we lasted until Thursday before I had to buy more bread. At the time when my sons arrived home we still had more than one carton of orange juice left and 1/3 of the block of cheese that had lasted 2 weeks. The following morning all the juice had gone, only a very small slice of cheese and a small amount of milk remained.

Nobody is owning up but I have my suspicions who ate the cheese.

It was good to see them both and hear how they are getting on in their new lives. It seems that they chat to each other online quite a bit. In fact I only knew that DC was coming home because he told OJ who then told JA (also online).